Naraku's Angels
by Lavender Valentine
Summary: COMPLETE Something is amiss at a (very unusual) beauty pageant and Naraku's Angels are on the case. AUPresent time parody. IYKago, MS, SKagura and an entire cast of XO characters!
1. Three Different Girls

****** Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. I don't even own the Angel sitting on top of my Christmas tree (his name is Clarence and he says he's still waiting for his wings).  
  
******  
  
Once upon a time there were three different little girls.....who grew up to be three very different women....with three things in common...they're bright...they're beautiful....and they work for me...my name is Naraku.  
  
RING  
  
The liquid had reached boiling point. Kagome carefully lifted the beaker and poured the noxious combination into a test tube.  
  
RING  
  
She added three drops of acid to the test tube. The liquid turned a murky green. This was the critical part.  
  
"You have reached the Higurashi residence. I can't come to the phone right now because I've fallen down a well and can't get out. Unless you're Lassie, please leave a message at the tone." BEEP  
  
"Kagome, this is Myoga. Get over to the agency, we have a job."  
  
Kagome's hand jolted at the sound of Myoga's voice, causing her to shake the test tube. A small cloud of smoke puffed from the tube. Shit. Another three days worth of work ruined. She tore her safety glasses from her face and threw them at the wall in anger.  
  
RING  
  
She yanked the phone receiver from its cradle. "I'm leaving right now, okay?" she yelled.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry, Kagome. Would you like me to call back later?" The voice of Hojo came over the line.  
  
"Oh, Hojo!" Kagome apologized. "I'm sorry, I was thinking you were someone else!"  
  
"That's okay," he reassured her. "I was just calling to see if you wanted to go see a movie or something this Saturday."  
  
Kagome hesitated. She wasn't sure if she was that interested in dating Hojo, but he was such a nice guy. He was also the only guy asking her for dates lately - something about her odd working hours made the others quit calling.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hojo. I have, uh, a business trip I have to take this week. Can I call you when I get back?"  
  
"Of course! I'll be waiting to hear from you!"  
  
Kagome hung up the phone and grabbed her suitcase from the closet. She always kept it packed these days; a girl never knew where Naraku would send her next. Stopping only to shut off the heating ring, she left the apartment and hailed the first taxi that could take her downtown.  
  
*******  
  
In an entire lifetime of dates with losers, freaks and mama's boys, this one beat them all. Kagura mentally started counting the minutes until she could end the dinner and go home - by herself. Unfortunately, they had only just served the appetizer and Tatewaki Kuno appeared to be just warming up.  
  
"Such beauty," he said suddenly, causing her to flinch. "Surely Aphrodite herself would feel jealousy in your presence." He reached across the table to grasp her neatly manicured hand in his and clutch it to his chest.  
  
"Thanks," Kagura said shortly. Two minutes down, an eternity to go. Why had she agreed to this date? He's rich, she reminded herself. Filthy rich. Filthy, stinking rich. Do you want to work for Naraku the rest of your life? Remember, you have an expensive jewelry habit to support!  
  
She gently tried to remove her hand from Kuno's death grip. Kuno clung tightly to it, and his face took on a feverish look.  
  
"Goddess! Ice Maiden, you have captured my heart with your icy stares and cold embrace! I must have your love!" His voice was rising, and Kagura darted a glance around the room.  
  
"Shhhh!" she said, frantically trying to hush him. "You're causing a scene!" she hissed. Kuno left his seat and got down on one knee before her, weeping. "What can I do to win your heart?" he sobbed. Horrified, Kagura realized he was getting tears on her dress. The silk would be ruined!  
  
From her purse came the distinctive sound of her cell phone. Gasping in relief, she flipped it open and prayed silently that it wasn't a wrong number. For once, her prayers were answered.  
  
"Kagura? Myoga here. We need you downtown."  
  
"I'll be right there!" Kagura quickly muttered an apology to the still crying Kuno and ran out of the restaurant as quickly as her genuine Italian leather sandals would carry her.  
  
*******  
  
This one was certainly a smooth operator. Sango checked him over from the corner of her eye as she eyed the ball with her pool cue. His handsome looks had every woman in the bar going into heat. Every woman except her, that is. Sango had grown up on the meanest streets in the city and wasn't about to be impressed by a pretty face. She'd seen too many of his kind; hopping from bed to bed and not caring whose heart was broken in the process.  
  
She watched him work the room, stopping to chat with a few. He apparently knew many of the regulars, judging by their friendly greetings. Ugh. The girls were all over him! He eventually sauntered over to Sango's table and watched her knock the ball into the corner pocket. Sango ignored him. She wasn't interested in being the next notch on his bedpost.  
  
"You're very good," he commented after a few moments of silent observation. Sango glanced at him and said nothing as she continued to clear the pool table. Apparently he was the persistent type, because he ignored her silence and remained watching. Sango was inexplicably annoyed. He seemed so damn smug, just standing there with his hands jammed into the pockets of his blue jeans. She slid a look over to him again and regretted it. No man had a right to be so good looking, especially in a pair of jeans.  
  
"Play?" he asked her as she sank the last ball. Against her better instincts, she nodded in agreement. "My name's Miroku," he told her as he made the first break. When she didn't answer, he continued, "do you have a name, or should I simply call you 'Belle'?"  
  
He missed the next shot and Sango snorted. 'Belle?' As in 'Beauty'? Puh- lease, there had to be a better line than that. "I'd prefer you didn't call me at all," she told him as she sent the next two balls whizzing home. "But my name is Sango." Her shot stopped short of the pocket and she stepped back as he moved to her side of the table.  
  
"Sango, hmm?" he said as he lined up his cue. "I wonder, lovely Sango, if you have a kind heart?"  
  
She looked at him in confusion. "A kind heart? I don't have an evil one, if that's what you're asking. What kind of a question is that?" She ground chalk into her cue in preparation for her turn.  
  
"Oh, I was just wondering. You see, I'm looking for a woman with a kind heart," he said casually.  
  
So that's where this was headed. Sango rolled her eyes and bent over the table to eye her shot. "Well, I doubt I'm the woman you're looking for - oh!" Her cue dug into the surface of the table, scratching the green felt.  
  
She grabbed his hand away from where he had rubbed her butt and pushed him against the wall. "Just what are you trying to pull, pretty boy?" she snapped, holding her pool cue across his throat. His only response was a lecherous grin. "Try that again and I'll break your hand," she threatened.  
  
"So you do have a kind heart," Miroku smiled, rubbing his throat as she released him. "Perhaps you would do me a great favor?"  
  
"What?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Sango," he held both her hands in his. "Will you bear my child?"  
  
"That's one I've never heard before, pervert!" She whacked her cue across his head, knocking him to the ground. Where were all the bouncers when you needed them? She was about to raise the stick to hit him again when the bartender signaled her over.  
  
"Call," he pointed to the phone.  
  
Sango picked it up knowing who was on the other end. There was only one person who would call her at this joint. "I'll be right over!" She slammed the receiver down on the spluttering Myoga and strode from the bar. Some local biker-gang wannabes hanging around her Harley moved away quickly when they saw her approach. Nobody messed with Sango unless they had a death wish.  
  
*******  
  
Author's Notes: This chapter is a bit long because I wanted to introduce the Angels properly. This is alternate universe/present time, but I am trying to keep everyone somewhat true to character. I did make Kagome older and the entire story has an American flavor to it. I can't help myself; the parody seems to work out better that way.  
  
Oh, and this is actually a collaboration with Sophie-chan. The Charlie's Angels parody idea and the writing itself are mine, but she has been contributing a lot of ideas. Be on the lookout for a LOT of crossover characters, 'cause we plan on having fun with this! :D - Lavender 


	2. The Nanny

********************************* Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. I do, however, own a 1976 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale that's as big as a tank. Santa's using it for his sleigh this year.  
  
**********************************  
  
By the time Sango arrived at the Naraku Hellsent Detective Agency, the others were already waiting impatiently. Not bothering to remove her jacket, Sango threw herself into the nearest chair and slung her feet over the side. She pointedly ignored Myoga's muttered protests about her combat boots scuffing the leather.  
  
Kagura wrinkled her nose at Sango. "You've been hanging out in the bars again," she sniffed. "You reek of cheap cigarettes and beer."  
  
Sango good-naturedly flipped her the bird. "Bet I had a better time than you did," she replied, "or you wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get here. Wasn't rich boy Kuno everything you hoped he would be?"  
  
Kagura ignored her and started drumming her long nails against the end table. "Myoga, when's Naraku going to call?"  
  
Myoga glanced at his watch. "He's in a conference with our client, but he'll be contacting us any minute now. Kagome, if you will just - Kagome? Kagome?"  
  
Sango gently nudged Kagome with her boot. "Hey, space case!"  
  
Kagome snapped out of her daydream. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I was thinking about that formula I've been working on. What did you want?"  
  
"I was just asking you to switch the speaker on so Naraku can hear our conversation when he's finished," Myoga told her. "Now," he continued, "have any of you heard of Vicious Dragon?"  
  
Sango and Kagura gave him blank looks, but Kagome stood up at attention. "You mean the assassin?" she exclaimed. Myoga nodded and continued speaking.  
  
"Our client has come to us with the information that his next target is a big-time counterfeiter who goes by the codename 'Lazy Panda'. Our client wants Vicious Dragon, or 'VD' as he is more commonly known, stopped."  
  
"This sounds like a job for law enforcement," Kagura stated. "Why are we involved?"  
  
"Because," a smooth voice came over the speaker, "our client is none other than the Lazy Panda himself."  
  
"Since when do we work for criminals?" Kagome sputtered.  
  
"When they haven't been convicted yet and they pay us large amounts of cash up front," Naraku replied.  
  
"That explains the Thunder Brothers," Sango grimaced, remembering their last case. "Hey Naraku, maybe you should stop advertising at the local prisons."  
  
"That's where I found you, Sango, and I'll thank you not to forget that. Back to the case: Lazy Panda believes VD will strike at a beauty pageant in Hawaii. Lazy Panda's corporation is one of the primary sponsors, so he will be there as one of the guest judges. VD won't be able to resist striking at a large public gathering; this character seems to get a thrill from an audience."  
  
"Why haven't they been able to catch this assassin yet?" Kagura asked.  
  
"No one knows what VD looks like, not even the people who hire him, and he never kills his target the same way twice. We do know VD is a man because he left a DNA sample behind on his last murder weapon."  
  
Kagome started pacing the room. "We're going to get this slime, Naraku. What's our cover? Is one of us going to pose as a pageant contestant?"  
  
"After that FBI farce at the Miss Universe Pageant in San Antonio, that's the last disguise I'd use. Anyway, this pageant is a little different than most."  
  
The girls looked uncertainly at each other. "So," said Sango, "Just exactly what will we be doing?"  
  
Naraku gave a low chuckle. "Don't worry, Sango, I have the perfect job lined up for you. You will be in charge of operational security for the pageant. All the security assigned will report directly to you. Because of your position, you will be able to keep a close eye on all the contestants and judges." Sango nodded in agreement.  
  
"Kagome," Naraku's voice continued, "You will oversee the technical crew managing communications, including the computer systems. This will allow you to actively monitor all incoming and outgoing communications." Kagome gave a satisfied smile.  
  
"What about me, Naraku?" Kagura interjected.  
  
"Well, Kagura," Naraku hesitated. "We had a little trouble finding a spot for someone with your, shall we say, unique abilities. But we did eventually manage to locate a position that will be perfect for obtaining inside information from the contestants."  
  
"And just what position would that be, Naraku?" Kagura asked suspiciously.  
  
"You will be an au pair to one of the contestants."  
  
"Au pair? Isn't that a BABY SITTER? And isn't it unusual for one of the contestants to have a child?"  
  
"I told you this was no traditional beauty pageant," Naraku explained patiently. "These contestants range in age from 18 to 42, and many are in some kind of relationship. You will be staying in the same residence with a couple and a child. The child's father is one of our primary suspects."  
  
"Naraku, how in the hell am I supposed to do detective work while I'm BABY SITTING?" screeched Kagura. "I don't even LIKE the little ankle biters!"  
  
"I'm sure you'll find a way, my dear Kagura. Now, Myoga will brief you on the suspects and travel plans. Have a pleasant trip, girls. I know you'll come through for me." With that parting statement, the speaker went silent.  
  
*********  
  
I am the luckiest bastard on the planet Earth, Miroku thought joyfully as he danced out of Kaede's office. He had almost kissed his editor's grizzled old face when she handed him the job. Covering a beauty pageant in Hawaii! This made up for all the years he'd spent at the magazine covering boring tycoons and embezzling corporate officers. He grabbed his laptop and camera and entered the elevator singing "Miss America".  
  
Back in Kaede's office, her assistant editor was looking worried. "Don't you think you should have told him what kind of a pageant he's covering?" Koharu asked nervously.  
  
"He'll figure it out soon enough," was Kaede's only reply.  
  
********* Author Notes: I realized today that this parody is going to take longer to develop than I originally thought. Great. Now I'm working on two completely different stories at the same time. I'm getting soooo confused! Sophie-chan, this is all your fault! (throws the laptop at Sophie-chan)  
  
tsunami-chan, thanks for the review, but I'm not going to tell you who the bad guy will be, you'll just have to read on bwahahaha :P Lavender 


	3. Somebody looks Fabulous!

********************************* Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. I might ask Santa to put Koga under my tree, however :D  
  
**********************************  
  
Kagome stirred restlessly in her seat as the plane soared over the Pacific Ocean. She normally liked flying, but this flight was taking forever and her legs were starting to cramp. She looked over at her companions. Sango was asleep, her long legs sprawled into the aisle. Next to her Kagura was sitting with her hands clenched together, looking like she wanted to throw up.  
  
"Kagura?" she whispered. "Are you going to be all right?"  
  
"I hate flying, I hate kids, I hate Naraku, and I hate my life."  
  
"Oh Kagura," Kagome tried to think of something to say. "Try to think of something else. Myoga," she turned to the small man beside her. "What did Naraku mean when he said this wasn't a traditional pageant?"  
  
Myoga shifted uncomfortably. "It's a sort of beauty pageant for men," he said at last, clearing his throat.  
  
Kagura showed some signs of life. "Men? Good looking men? This can't be too bad, then. Not that I'll have any time to look at them," she added glumly.  
  
"Well, yes, they are considered to be very good looking men. But this pageant isn't just for any man."  
  
"It's for - " prompted Kagome.  
  
"It's for men who like to wear women's clothing," said Myoga.  
  
********  
  
I could stay here forever, thought Sesshomaru as he relaxed and allowed the gentle wind to ruffle his hair. He stretched and rolled onto his stomach, trying not to smear his carefully applied makeup in the process. The sun was feeling warm on his skin, pale from working too many night shifts as a special agent for the FBI. He was going to fry like a tourist if he wasn't careful. His attention turned to the young girl digging a hole nearby.  
  
"Rin. Come over here, I need to put more sunscreen on you," he called gently. He'd learned to soften his voice when speaking to Rin. A harsh word from him absolutely crushed her. Rin jumped up from her digging and beamed as she ran towards him. Sesshomaru was amazed at how her smile still enchanted him. He'd never wanted to be a father until he'd found Rin, and now he couldn't imagine life without her in it.  
  
"You decide, Littlebit," he said, digging around in his pack. "Is it going to be the pink sunscreen or the blue?" He held them out for her to inspect.  
  
"Pink," she said. "I like pink."  
  
It was her longest sentence in two days, Sesshomaru thought as he slathered the pink goo onto her shoulders and back. He'd have to buy something pink for her to wear. He sighed. He never knew what to expect from her. Some days she would act like a normal child, but then the next day she would retreat into her private world again. She was starting to warm up to other adults, though. Yesterday she had surprised him by saying hello to the clerk at the hotel.  
  
Rin grabbed the bottle from him and squirted a big glob onto her sandy palm. "Now you," she informed him, reaching up to his face.  
  
Sesshomaru dodged the gritty paste before she could rub it into his eyes. "Just put some on my nose, okay?" Rin complied by smooshing it into his face.  
  
"Somebody looks FABULOUS!" a voice sang out.  
  
Sesshomaru finished spitting sand and sunscreen out of his mouth and turned at the sound of Koga's laughter. He grimaced at the sight of his rookie partner standing there in board shorts and t-shirt with an obscene message printed on it. He fervently hoped Rin wasn't reading it.  
  
"Turn that shirt inside out when you're around Rin," he growled at his partner, "and if you mention what I'm wearing one more time - " he threatened.  
  
Koga plopped down beside him and dug his feet into the sand. "All right, keep your bra on." He dodged the fist Sesshomaru swung towards him. "The background checks on all the other contestants have come in. Some of these guys are living really, uh, interesting lives."  
  
"I still don't see why I'm the one that has to be the contestant," Sesshomaru complained. "I've been wearing a skirt and heels for two days now and I think Rin's getting confused. She's probably going to need years of therapy."  
  
"Aw, just tell her Daddy likes to play dress up," Koga mumbled through his shirt as he pulled it over his head. "Anyway, I came to tell you one of the sponsors located an au pair for Rin. Her name's Kagura and she has pristine references and years of experience, according to Mr. Ailuropoda."  
  
Sesshomaru nodded. He had agreed to this case only on the condition that Rin accompany him to Honolulu. He didn't like leaving her with strangers and her nanny was taking a well deserved vacation to visit family. Rin made a good cover, he thought, adding a special touch to their 'family'. No one would suspect a cross-dresser with a small child to be anything other than normal, right? He groaned silently and was once again thankful he hadn't run into anyone he recognized.  
  
"Koga," he warned, "if you ever, ever, EVER tell anybody about this case, I'm going to kill you. Slowly. In fact, death will be too good for you. You will just wish for death. You will pray for death. You will - "  
  
Koga interrupted him. "I get it, Sesshomaru. You don't have to keep threatening me. You think I want to tell anyone I spent a two week vacation at a Honolulu resort with some guy wearing a dress? No one ever tells you about this kind of stuff when they interview you," he added disgustedly. "I thought I'd be having exciting adventures, not pulling a surveillance job on a bunch of drag queens."  
  
"Lazy Panda's counterfeiting operations have got to be stopped," Sesshomaru reminded him. "We keep catching the small fry and the Treasury Department wants the big fish. If we keep our eyes open at this event, we ought to be able to finally pin something on this guy. Do we have any new information?"  
  
"No more than we had to begin with," Koga told him. "Although things should get livelier today; the rest of the contestants will be arriving as well the technical crews. Let's get back to the rooms and set up for tonight." He stood up and began to gather up the beach towels.  
  
Sesshomaru walked down to the water's edge to rinse the sand from Rin's feet. He stood for moment looking at his distorted reflection. Underneath the floppy straw hat, his long silver hair was pulled into a braid with a ribbon running through it. The beach outfit did a good job of softening the male lines of his body and filling out curves, but his fake breasts were too big, he decided. Better to go for the understated look.  
  
"Hey, Koga?" he smiled wickedly. "Do you think this outfit makes me look fat?"  
  
Koga rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna need therapy myself if you keep this up." He snorted and walked away.  
  
Rin looked up at Sesshomaru. "You're pretty," she whispered.  
  
What had he gotten himself into? 


	4. A Well Deserved 'Sit'

********************************* Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. The only thing I own is an Inu-Yasha video game - Thanks, Santa! :D  
  
**********************************  
  
"I'm looking for some chick named Kagome Higurashi - you know where I can find her?" A snide voice pierced into the dimly lit room. "And please don't tell me I've just missed her again. I've been looking for this twit for over an hour! Why can't she stay in one spot?"  
  
"If you're looking for some 'person' named Kagome Higurashi, you've found her," Kagome said coolly, not bothering to look up from where she was hunched over a monitor in the corner of the room.  
  
"Whatever," was his obnoxious reply. He walked over to her workstation and leaned against the table. When she continued to ignore him, he flipped on the overhead lighting.  
  
Kagome blinked and turned her attention to this new pest. Couldn't anyone in her crew handle a problem without her involvement? She struggled to place him. She thought she'd been introduced to everyone, but she would have remembered this jerk.  
  
He leaned over her shoulder to see what room she'd been observing. "Spying, huh?" he said. "What's the matter, you afraid two guys will show up wearing the same dress at tonight's banquet?"  
  
Kagome stiffened. "Is there something I can help you with, Mr. - ?" she asked him.  
  
His amber eyes seemed to look right through her as if she had said something amusing. "I'm Inu-Yasha, the computer systems technician you asked for. Didn't they tell you I was on the way over?"  
  
Kagome tried unsuccessfully to mask her surprise. She'd heard the dress standards for the workplace were different in Hawaii, but she hadn't expected them to be this relaxed. Wearing brightly colored board shorts and a muscle shirt, this Inu-Yasha looked as if he'd just left the beach. His long silver hair hung loose about his shoulders and he was wearing some choker around his neck that looked like it was made of teeth. Her gaze landed on his feet. He wasn't wearing any shoes. And was that a tattoo of a dog above his ankle?  
  
"Like what you see?" his caustic voice interrupted her observation. Who peed in his cornflakes? Kagome wondered. She straightened angrily.  
  
"I called your office ages ago! What did you do, hit the surf on the way over?" Kagome asked disgustedly. She pointed to the equipment in the corner of the room. "The server supporting the resort computer network keeps crashing and has to be fixed in less than," she looked at her watch, "two hours. The staff needs it operating before the majority of the event staff and attendees begin arriving."  
  
Inu-Yasha ambled over to the equipment in question. "Get out," he ordered her. "You'll just be in my way." He opened the backpack he'd brought with him and starting pulling out diagnostic equipment.  
  
"You can't order me to leave!" Kagome said, enraged. "I have work to do here!"  
  
"Stupid girl, you want this fixed or not? Get out of my face or your server stays down."  
  
This guy couldn't be for real, Kagome thought. She fumed silently for a moment, then walked over and stood directly behind him. "You're so right," she said in a syrupy sweet voice. "I would only complicate things with my stupidity." She grabbed a rolling chair from a nearby workstation. "But before I leave, I have a great idea! I'm going to make you more comfortable! You shouldn't have to work standing up," she told him, "you should SIT!" She slammed the chair into the back of his knees and thoroughly enjoyed his yelp as he lost his balance and landed squarely on his rear. His curses followed her as she left the room.  
  
*******  
  
"Pardon me, beautiful girl, but I was told to come here for a security badge."  
  
Sango looked up in surprise from the reservations listing she was studying. "You!" she said to the familiar figure. "What the hell are you doing here? Did you come back for another beating?"  
  
Miroku smiled at her nervously. "Um, I'm here covering the pageant," he mumbled, showing his press credentials. Sango noticed he maintained a safe distance from her. Good. It was too early in the day to be breaking someone's hand.  
  
Sango handed him a copy of the event itinerary and a map of the resort. "You'll have to stop by my office again later for the badge," she told him. "Stupid computer's giving us fits. Someone was supposed to come by and fix it, but - " she broke off as Kagome stormed into the office.  
  
"Can I help you with something, Ms. Higurashi?" Sango asked, her eyes warning Kagome to keep silent in front of Miroku. Kagome pulled herself up short.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing," Kagome smiled through clenched teeth. "I've been temporarily evicted from the operations center and thought I'd go back to my room for a bit to catch up on paperwork. I just wanted to inform you of my whereabouts in case anyone asks for me."  
  
"I'll make a note of that, Ms. Higurashi," Sango replied smoothly. As she watched Kagome leave, she wondered why the girl looked so murderous. She hadn't been this angry since the time Sango had fallen asleep with a lit cigarette in her hand and set fire to Kagome's lab notes.  
  
Meanwhile, Miroku had edged in closer to her desk. The man apparently had a high tolerance for pain. She willed away a traitorous urge to let the man have his fun. Why'd he have to be so handsome?  
  
"It's a terrible inconvenience to return later for the security badge," Miroku was telling her. "Of course, it will mean I'll have the opportunity to see your lovely face again," he leered.  
  
Sango was spared the necessity of a response by the arrival in her office of their primary suspect. She'd been introduced to Sesshomaru almost immediately because he was an early arrival. He and his boyfriend and daughter were making a family vacation of the event - what better cover for an assassin?  
  
"Dear Ms. Sango," his soft low voice welcomed her. He moved gracefully into her office and placed himself in a chair near her desk. The guy looks better in a dress than I do, Sango thought to herself. It was so not fair.  
  
"How can I assist you, Ms. Fluffy?" she asked, using the name he'd insisted upon as a greeting.  
  
"My daughter's au pair will be arriving shortly," Sesshomaru said as he delicately crossed his ankles. "As she will need unrestricted access to the events, my sweet Koga suggested that we make certain her security paperwork was in order."  
  
Sango smiled. "She stopped in here this morning, Ms. Fluffy. Fortunately, our computer was up and running and we were able to generate her badge without any trouble. I believe she said something to me about having some small personal affairs to settle before she began work." And Kagura was putting off having to do this job as long as possible, she added silently.  
  
"Oh!" Sesshomaru put a beautifully manicured finger to his lip. "I had no idea she would arrive so quickly, or I would have been there to welcome her. Well, I won't take any more of your time, dear. I know you must be so terribly busy!" Sesshomaru stood up. "Thank you so much for taking care of things for us. This truly sets my mind at east." He gently squeezed Sango's hand and left the office.  
  
Sango turned to Miroku, who had watched the entire scene with his mouth open. "Lovely, isn't he?" she said with a mischievous smile. "I wonder who does his hair."  
  
"So that is a man," Miroku said wonderingly. "Pretty convincing. Do you get many guests from that, um, walk of life?"  
  
Sango raised an eyebrow. Surely he knew? "Perhaps more guests this time than we normally do," she said slowly. "With the pageant?" she prompted. Miroku gave her a confused look.  
  
"You did say you were here to cover the pageant, right?" Sango asked him. He nodded. "And you are aware what kind of pageant this is?" she continued.  
  
"A beauty pageant, right?" Miroku asked uncertainly.  
  
Oh dear. She was going to have to spell it out for him, Sango realized. She would try not to enjoy the look on his face too much.  
  
******** A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! This one is so much fun to write. I'm trying not to abuse Sesshy too badly, but he really lends himself to this role. Like Sango, I've often wondered who does his hair.  
  
Likewise, I'm sorry it took so long to introduce grumpy puppy. It's hard to keep the plot from dragging when you have so many characters involved - and I haven't even brought in the other contestants yet. :P 


	5. Round Up the Usual Suspects

********************************* Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. I do own a twisted sense of humor. Sorry 'bout that.  
  
**********************************  
  
"Kagura, you look like hell."  
  
Kagura put her elbows on Sango's desk and rested her head in her hands. "I feel like it, too," she mumbled sleepily. "That brat's kept me running non- stop for the last two days. Do you know Rin wakes up at least five times a night screaming?"  
  
"Ugh. What's wrong with her?" Sango asked curiously. "I don't think I've ever heard her speak, come to think of it."  
  
"Consider yourself fortunate, because she never shuts up when I'm around. Sesshomaru says she's troubled, but he doesn't say why." Kagura groaned. "I don't suppose you know how to get blue marker off a silk blouse?"  
  
"Um, no. Why don't you wear more kid-friendly clothing? And since when did 'Ms. Fluffy' become 'Sesshomaru'?" Sango asked.  
  
"Since I can't bring myself to call him 'Ms. Fluffy' without having a giggle fit. I can't help it; Fluffy was the name of my neighbor's dog," Kagura told her. "And with that long silver hair of his, well, the mental picture I form is just awful."  
  
"Mmm, speaking of silver hair, have you seen Kagome's new pet?" Sango laughed. Kagura gave her a questioning look and she went on to explain. "The computer tech guy or whatever he's called, I call him Kagome's pet because he's constantly underfoot. The pageant organizer decided Kagome didn't have enough help with the resort's antiquated computer system and hired this Inu-Yasha's services for the duration."  
  
"Computer problems, huh? I wouldn't know. The most high tech thing I've done in the last two days is replace the batteries in Rin's toys," Kagura said bitterly. "The only time I get to myself is during breakfast, because Sesshomaru has declared that to be 'private family time.' Do you know this child insists that I read 'Go Dog, Go!' to her at bedtime every night? I don't get it; she's perfectly capable of reading the stupid book herself. I know she can read because she told me that her Uncle Koga got in trouble for wearing a naughty t-shirt around her and then she proceeded to tell me exactly what that t-shirt said."  
  
"Maybe she just likes having your undivided attention, Kagura." Kagome had walked into the office in time to overhear the last part of the conversation. "The poor girl probably gets lonely."  
  
Kagura screwed up her mouth and pouted. "I don't see why you couldn't be the one to handle this, Kagome; you actually like children! I hardly know what to do with the girl, and she seems to realize it. She keeps giving me this look, and I can tell she's wondering what the hell I'm doing as a Nanny."  
  
"I've got my own overgrown child to deal with right now," Kagome informed her. "I swear Inu-Yasha thinks of new ways to torment me in his sleep! I'm tempted to wring his neck and then place the blame on Vicious Dragon."  
  
"Glad you mentioned him, Kagome," Sango interrupted before the other two dissolved into a full-blown pity party. "While the two of you have been breaking computers and torturing small children, I've actually had the chance to check out the pageant contestants. Let me tell you, we have some really interesting individuals on our hands." She opened her laptop and started flashing pictures across the screen. She stopped when she reached a young brunette.  
  
"This is Jakotsu. He's a regular on the drag circuit; this is probably his sixth pageant this year. Jakotsu's wildly popular and has his own fan club, but he's probably best known for his unusual look. Note the stripe on his face. What isn't widely known about him is the prison time he served for being an accessory to murder. He was released from prison two years ago, but he keeps in regular contact with his friends still on the inside."  
  
Sango moved the slide show to another figure, this time a slender redhead. "This is Kuranma. He appeared out of practically nowhere last year and was an overnight success as a model, but this is his first pageant. He hangs out with three other guys, and get a load of this: his occupation is listed as 'poltergeist detective'."  
  
"He's a Ghostbuster?" Kagome hooted. "You mean there's people who really believe in that stuff?"  
  
"Enough people that he seems to be making a decent living at it. Thing is, some really weird events have happened in connection with this particular group. People turning up dead, buildings collapsing - nothing is ever tied directly to them though. A lot of law enforcement agencies are wondering if they're a front for organized crime." Sango continued to her next photo.  
  
"This purple-haired beauty is called Xelloss. He's one we can't get much background on at all. He travels with a group that doesn't seem to stay in one place for very long. Most of the members of this group have police records, usually for theft of rare manuscripts. This is only his third pageant, and he's here with one Lina Inverse. Records show that Lina is a woman, but you'd never know it to look at her."  
  
"This is our final suspect," Sango flipped to a photo of a petite, busty redhead.  
  
"That's a girl!" Kagura exclaimed.  
  
"Nope. That's a world-famous cross dresser, Ranma Saotome. He has never participated in a pageant before, but he's well known in martial arts circles. Ranma's future father-in-law runs a dojo, and Ranma himself is heir to the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling. Our Ranma is quite the ladies' man as well. He's reportedly engaged to three different women, and there are a host of others he's just stringing along."  
  
"What's the attraction?" Kagura wondered.  
  
"Maybe they borrow each other's clothes," Kagome said dryly.  
  
"Ranma's also in hot water with the animal rights activists. The local humane society had him arrested for animal abuse. He was caught beating a giant panda and punching a small black pig. There's been complaints he was mistreating a nearsighted duck as well."  
  
"Eeeew! That is so twisted!" Kagome said. "I'll bet he's our assassin. Anyone who would beat up a cute fuzzy panda has got to have something wrong."  
  
"That's our list of suspects," Sango said, "other than Ms. Fluffy himself. Kagura, what have you learned on that front?"  
  
"Not much," replied Kagura. "He and Koga are actually a pretty boring couple. They attend all the events and are friendly toward everyone, but they aren't part of the party crowd. I do get the impression Koga would cut loose if Sesshomaru weren't keeping such a tight hand on his leash," she added. "It might be worthwhile to try and separate him from Sesshomaru for awhile."  
  
"What about when they're back in the rooms? Any fighting or disagreements between the two?" Kagome asked.  
  
Kagura thought for a moment. "They aren't an openly affectionate couple, but you can tell they get along all right. Sesshomaru is the breadwinner, but he's pretty vague about what he does to earn a living. Apparently Koga's perpetually unemployed, but it doesn't seem to bother Sesshomaru."  
  
"Do you think it's possible for Koga and Rin to just be a cover for Sesshomaru?" Sango asked.  
  
Kagura shook her head emphatically. "No. You can tell when two people have known each other for awhile, because they give it away with the little things. For instance, Koga automatically passed the salt to Rin the other night without being asked because he knew Rin liked to salt her green beans. Sesshomaru pours Koga's coffee and adds six packets of creamer to it because he knows that's how Koga drinks it. And as for Rin," Kagura continued, "she is simply incapable of deception. Her face is so open and vulnerable, she couldn't tell a lie if she wanted to. And if you have any question about Sesshomaru being her father, well you should have heard the warning he gave me my first day."  
  
"Oh? What did he say to you?"  
  
"He all but cornered me against the wall and said his daughter was his whole world and if anything were to happen to her I would wish myself dead. The man was positively scary; he could probably give Naraku himself lessons on the Art of the Effective Threat." Kagura shivered. "I pity his enemies."  
  
"All right then ladies," Sango said closing her laptop again, "let's get down to some serious work. One of these suspects has got to be our man - so to speak."  
  
*******  
  
"Koga, do you have Jakotsu in sight?" Sesshomaru spoke in a low undertone to his microphone. Surveillance was easier now that he could blend into the crowd, but it also made tailing a suspect tricky work. It was too easy for the suspect to blend into the same crowd.  
  
"Koga? Koga, are you there?" No answer. "Where are you?"  
  
"Right behind you," Koga's voice in his ear made him jump.  
  
"What's up? Why aren't you answering me?" Sesshomaru asked.  
  
"I think your wire has broken," Koga told him. "Your voice cut out all of a sudden."  
  
Sesshomaru looked around for a nearby restroom and finding none, he edged into a corner of the hallway. "It's this damn bra microphone. It keeps coming loose," he said in a disgusted tone.  
  
"Here, let me adjust it," Koga said, joining him in the corner. He popped open the front of the dress and started pulling the tiny wire. "Shit, you've really got this tangled, you know?"  
  
"I don't think the bra sits just right. It keeps twisting on its own."  
  
Koga fished around the front closure of the bra. "It's these smaller boobs; I told you they would be trouble. You need to go back to the 'C' cup so the bra will stay where it's supposed to."  
  
"Just shut up and untangle it. No, here, let me do it myself."  
  
"No way, your long fingernails are getting in the way. Hold still and stop squirming!"  
  
"Koga," said Sesshomaru, "I really think we should find someplace more private for this, don't you? Somebody might walk along here and see - " He started to say something more but stopped with a horrified gasp.  
  
Koga looked up from his partner's bra. Sesshomaru was standing there with his mouth compressed into a thin line and staring at something behind Koga. Koga turned to see a silver-haired young man dressed like a beach bum had come into the hallway behind them and was looking shocked.  
  
"Oh," Koga giggled at him, trying to decide if their cover was blown. "Please excuse us. We get carried away sometimes." He batted his eyelashes at Sesshomaru and pressed against him. Their interloper gaped at them a moment longer then turned on his heel and walked away without making a sound.  
  
His partner still hadn't said a word. "Sesshomaru? What is it?" he asked him. The guy was standing frozen like an ice sculpture. Koga looked back at the hallway where the young man had been. "You recognize him or something?" he asked Sesshomaru.  
  
Sesshomaru swallowed air a couple of times, then spoke. "That was my younger brother."  
  
********  
  
A/N: Okay, so this chapter isn't very lively. I had to finish out my characters, and this was the only way I could think of doing it without dragging it out too long. Thanks so much for all of the reviews! I'm so happy you are enjoying this! *blushes*  
  
Sophie-chan: I'm sorry I threw the laptop at you in an earlier chapter. You aren't too badly hurt, are you? *grabs first aid kit*  
  
Lady Milana: Of COURSE Ranma has to be in here! After all, he IS the most famous cross-dresser we know and love haha :P 


	6. Overboard

************* Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels. I may have failed to remind you I also do not own Kurama, Xellous or Botan. Have I missed anyone? (That's the problem with Xover, she mutters to herself)  
  
*************  
  
Inu-Yasha didn't remember how he managed to walk over to the operations center unassisted. Everything around him seemed surreal somehow, and he kept stopping to touch things and make sure he wasn't dreaming. Had he really seen what he thought he saw? That couldn't be his brother, his brother wouldn't - he wasn't - hell.  
  
Kagome looked up at him with a wary eye as he entered. Inu-Yasha couldn't blame her; he'd spent the last couple of days going out of his way to annoy her. He couldn't explain why he enjoyed pushing her buttons so much. Perhaps it was the excitement of seeing her plot to get even. She had fire and spirit, and when he was around her he felt himself come alive like he hadn't since Kikyo's death.  
  
Kikyo. He hadn't thought of her in ages. They had told him this would happen, that eventually time would soften the searing pain in his heart. They had told him that the time would come when he would go through an entire day without thinking of her. Inu-Yasha hadn't believed them back then, but he realized now all those well-meaning people were right. Two years later, Kikyo was still lodged someplace in his heart but it no longer hurt to think of her.  
  
He heard a cough, and noticed Miss Fire and Spirit herself was staring at him. Had Kagome been speaking to him? He slumped into a chair and tried to focus.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, did you hear a single word I said? What's wrong with you?" Kagome asked him. She narrowed her eyes. "Have you been drinking?"  
  
Inu-Yasha stared at the floor. "Nothing's wrong," he admitted. "Except I just saw the brother I haven't seen in years wearing a dress and there was this other guy with him and they were -" he broke off, horrified at what he had just told her.  
  
He felt the gentle touch of Kagome's hand on his. He didn't want to meet her eyes. What if they held disgust, or even worse, pity? "Inu-Yasha, look at me," she ordered. When he didn't raise his head she reached out and lifted his chin, forcing him to face her.  
  
Kagome's eyes held nothing but concern, to his relief. "Inu-Yasha, I don't know what to say," she told him. "This is obviously a huge shock to you. You didn't know your brother would be here?"  
  
"Not only did I not know Sesshomaru would be here, I certainly didn't expect him to be here in drag with his hands all over his boyfriend!"  
  
"You haven't seen your brother in a while, I take it?"  
  
"Not since I was sixteen," Inu-Yasha replied. "He was my guardian after our parents died, but we never got along. I couldn't stand it any longer so I ran away from home and eventually made my way here." Why was he telling her any of this?  
  
"So when you were growing up, he wasn't - " Kagome's voice trailed off. She had released his chin but was now clasping his hand. Inu-Yasha found it strangely comforting and allowed his hand to remain within hers.  
  
Aw, what the hell. He sat up and shook his head to clear it. "Hey, I'll be all right. It's his life, not mine. It was just the sudden shock of it all, I guess."  
  
Kagome squeezed his hand. "You should go and talk to him," she advised. "You were just a kid when you left home. He's your only family, right? Don't you think you should end this estrangement?"  
  
Inu-Yasha studied her face for a moment. "Is that what you would do in my situation?" he finally asked her. "Throw away all the problems from the past and act like everything was just normal?"  
  
Kagome snickered. "Look," she told him, "I have a younger brother who's in high school right now. Sota's walking around with bleached-blond spiky hair and multiple body piercings. He constantly skips class to hang out with his skateboarding buddies and smoke pot. Needless to say," she went on, "I'm disappointed with his choices. I don't approve of his friends or his lifestyle. But he's still my brother, and I refuse to disown him. Now," she continued, "I'm not telling you to act like nothing ever happened between you and Sesshomaru. I just think you should talk to him and let him know the door is open if he wants a family member back in his life."  
  
Picturing himself at Sota's age made Inu-Yasha smile. He'd given his older brother a lot of trouble, and yet Sesshomaru had been surprisingly patient. At the time, Inu-Yasha had just assumed Sesshomaru didn't give a shit what happened to him. Was it possible that Sesshomaru had just been doing the best he could in an impossible situation? Inu-Yasha wondered if he would have done any better a job if their roles had been reversed.  
  
"Thanks, Kagome." He reluctantly released her hand and stood up. "I guess I'll try to look him up and talk to later."  
  
Kagome smiled and turned back to her work. "Hey, Inu-Yasha?" she asked after a few minutes.  
  
"Hmmm?" he was already half-absorbed in the debugging operation he was performing.  
  
"You said his name was Sesshomaru, right?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied, wondering where she was going with this.  
  
"When you see your brother, could you ask him who does his hair?"  
  
*******  
  
"Miss Kagura, look at the birds! Why are they trying to land on the water? Can they swim? Daddy already taught me how to swim. Miss Kagura, do you swim? If you don't, Daddy can teach you."  
  
Kagura slumped over the railing on the boat and ignored Rin's chatter. She was going to die out here on the ocean. She would never see land again. Never - oh no, she was going to throw up again.  
  
"Miss Kagura, does your tummy hurt? When my tummy hurts Daddy gives me medicine. Do you want medicine?"  
  
"Rin," Kagura croaked, "I just want to get back to shore so I can die in peace. Could you go and ask Miss Botan how long before we hit dry land?"  
  
"Okay!" Rin bounced happily toward the helm. Kagura silently uttered a prayer of thanks that Rin had taken a liking to Miss Botan, the boating tour guide. It was really embarrassing to be hurling in front of the kid. Kagura pulled herself up to a standing position and clenched the railing. The dry heaves seemed to have abated for a moment. Naraku owed her one hell of a bonus when this case was over.  
  
"Get back here, Pop! (Hiyaa!) I know you're up to something, so it's no good running away! (crash) Tell me what's going on! I said (ooof) get back here!"  
  
Kagura turned to see who was causing the commotion and found herself knocked over the railing and into the ocean by a redheaded girl and - a panda?  
  
*********  
  
Sesshomaru surveyed the pale, sand-plastered woman standing in the kitchen dripping water on the tile. "Do I want to hear this story?" he asked Kagura, arching a delicate eyebrow.  
  
"Daddy, Miss Kagura fell into the ocean!" Rin said excitedly. "Did you know she can swim really, really good? I thought the shark was going to eat her, but the pretty red-haired lady hit it between the eyes and it went away. Then the lady told Miss Kagura she was really sorry and helped her out of the water, and then Miss Kagura's boyfriend Kuno kissed her and said he would make it all better!"  
  
"Kuno is NOT my boyfriend," Kagura howled at Rin. "He's just some guy I know!"  
  
"How come he was kissing the lady with the red hair, Miss Kagura? Does he like her? And how come she started hitting him? Didn't she want to be kissed? That other girl was hitting him too. Is she his girlfriend? Daddy, did you know Miss Kagura got sick on the boat? Miss Botan said Miss Kagura was seasick. Do you get seasick?"  
  
"Rin," Sesshomaru took pity on the wan-looking Kagura, "why don't you go ask Uncle Koga to help you find a video to watch. Miss Kagura, come here please." He led her into the large master bathroom. "You're soaked through," he observed. "Get out of those clothes before you catch cold." He started running the bath and then noticed she was still standing there shivering. "Well? What are you waiting for?"  
  
Were those tears running down her face? Shocked, he reached over and brushed them from her cheek. He'd never seen Kagura lose her composure, not even when Rin had thrown up on her after spinning too long on the playground equipment.  
  
Kagura began to cry even harder. Sesshomaru hesitantly put his arms around her, pulling her damp body close. "Shhh," he said as she buried her face in his neck and sobbed. "It'll be okay." He gently patted her back, trying to comfort her. After a minute or two, Kagura's crying slowed to a few hiccuping sobs and some sniffles. "Come on, get in the bath and warm up," Sesshomaru said as he removed his arms from around her. She continued to sniffle, but sat down on the edge of the tub and removed her sodden leather shoes. A small clump of seaweed dropped from her hair onto the floor.  
  
Sesshomaru watched her struggle with the buttons on her blouse. Her hands were shaking so badly she could hardly lift them. "Here," he said, pulling them away. "You're going to have to let me help you." He helped her remove her blouse and shorts, then turned her around in order to unfasten her bra.  
  
By the time he'd helped her into the bath, Sesshomaru's own hands were shaking. His offer to help her undress was pure; he had only intended to help. So much for pure intentions. He left the bathroom in a hurry, hoping she hadn't noticed the unbridled lust coursing through him. Kagura was beautiful, damn beautiful. Her skin had been so soft and her curves were so sweet, and he wanted nothing more than to climb in the bath with her and - and -  
  
Aaaauuugh! Sesshomaru hit his fist against the wall repeatedly. If this assignment didn't end quickly he was going to go over the edge, lipstick and all.  
  
******** A/N: I'm going to have to take up a collection to get therapy for poor Sesshy.  
  
Thanks for the kind reviews! I'm glad y'all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it! 


	7. Breakfast In Paradise

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own Lina Inverse, Xellous or the rights to the Ranma ½ Theme Song.  I own *sniff* nothing.

*************

"Hello, Sesshomaru."

His brother spoke so quietly that Sesshomaru almost hadn't heard him.  He'd been sitting at a table outside the coffee shop, enjoying the morning breezes and the roar of the ocean.  Koga was with him, nursing a hangover and trying to run surveillance on the couple sitting two tables over.  Kagura and Rin were wading on the shoreline, looking at the broken pieces of shells washed ashore.

"Good morning, Inu-Yasha."  Sesshomaru looked uneasily at his younger brother.  The change in him was remarkable, even when taking in the shorts and bare feet.  His face and body had matured; he was clearly a man now and not a child.  _Why had he pictured Inu-Yasha as still being sixteen after all these years?_

"Have a seat," Sesshomaru offered.  He introduced Koga as his partner, thankful that at least that he wasn't lying in that respect.  He simply failed to mention what _kind of partner Koga was.  "The young girl over there is my daughter, Rin."  He pointed to the shoreline.  "The woman with her who just tripped and fell into the water is her au pair, Miss Kagura."_

"The Nanny from Hell," Koga muttered as he stood up.  "I'd better go make sure she isn't drowning.  Pleasure to meet you, Inu-Yasha."  He squeezed Sesshomaru on the shoulder and ran to assist Kagura, who kept losing her footing in the rough surf.

An uneasy silence fell between them after Koga left.  Sesshomaru wondered what, if anything, his brother wanted.  Explanations?  He sincerely hoped not.  Not that he _could explain any of this, even if he wanted to.  _Of all the places to run into his brother, why did it have to be here?  What had he ever done to deserve this kind of humiliation?__

"Um, I've been thinking," Inu-Yasha finally spoke.  "I was, uh, surprised when I ran into you yesterday."  He started playing with a lock of his hair, a nervous habit Sesshomaru remembered he'd had since childhood.  "So I just thought, that we could maybe, you know…talk things over?"

Sesshomaru's eyebrows shot up.  "What would you like to discuss, Inu-Yasha?" he asked in a freezing tone.  He sat back in his chair and waited for the expected verbal blow.  Surely his brother wasn't going to pass up this opportunity?

"Well, what I mean is, I didn't even know you had a daughter, or a, er, a partner or - "

"Or that I felt really comfortable in women's clothes?" Sesshomaru interjected, resisting the overwhelming temptation to put his head in his arms and start sobbing.  _He'd lived a decent life.  He'd tried hard to help his fellow man.  He'd adopted a troubled orphan, for crying out loud!  Why was he being humiliated like this?_

"So maybe we could, you know, try acting like we're adults or something?"  Inu-Yasha continued, "Because enough years have passed for me to realize that you and I were in a rough situation, and we were both just trying to figure shit out.  We've both changed – a lot" he gulped, looking at Sesshomaru's flower print dress, "since those days.  I guess I'm just saying I still want to be your brother, no matter how you, um, live your life."

Inu-Yasha's statement stunned Sesshomaru.  His brother was asking to be a part of his life?  He wasn't going to make fun of the shoes and matching purse?  He was going to admit they were related?  Reeling from the shock, Sesshomaru gave a rare smile to the brother who had aggravated him so much when he was younger.  "Thank you, Inu-Yasha," he said as he arose from the table unsteadily.  "In fact, why don't you come with me; I'd like Rin to meet her uncle."  

*********

"I am so glad they left," Lina Inverse said through a mouth full of food.  "That Ms. Fluffy just creeps me out."  She smacked her lips and tossed back the contents of her coffee cup.  "And I swear that Koga guy keeps watching us."

"Mmm, do you think he's interested?" Xellous perked.  "I can see why Ms. Fluffy keeps him around.  He's gorgeous in that rough and tumble kind of way.  I always think of some wild animal when I look at him, like a wolf."  He gave a delighted shiver.

Lina slammed her fist on the table.  "Xellous, we don't have time for this!" she warned him as she shoveled the rest of her breakfast into her mouth.  "We're supposed to be finding out if this Lazy Panda guy has a genuine copy of the Claire Bible!  It's bad enough you have to spend all this time at the different events.  Why do these pageants have to be so over-scheduled?" she grumped.  "Anyway, give up any ideas about Koga.  He's clearly on a short leash with Ms. Gives Me the Willies."

"Are you sure you're not just jealous, Lina?" teased Xellous.  "After all, Ms. Fluffy is very beautiful!  And so well-mannered and ladylike," he simpered.  "I just love listening to that cultured voice!"  He rested his chin in his hand thoughtfully.  "Where do you suppose he gets his hair done?"

**********

"Will you _please_ stop singing that ridiculous tune?" Miroku begged Sango.

She looked at him in surprise.  "What tune?"

"That 'ya pa pa, ya pa pa' thing.  It's driving me nuts!"

Sango blushed.  "Sorry, it's a bad habit.  I always sing when I'm nervous.  Are you sure you know what you're doing?"  She looked hesitantly at the view outside the Land Rover.  The cliffs hadn't looked this tall from the highway and the narrow winding roads were wrecking her nerves.  Why had she agreed to come here?

_Because it's your only time off and you want some memory of __Hawaii__ other than a resort bedroom and an office.  And because Miroku is hot, really, really hot.  "Hey Monk," she asked, "how much further?"_

"Monk?" Miroku laughed.  "Why are you calling me that?"

"You're just so darn handy with the ladies, I decided it's all an act.  You're secretly a virgin living a life dedicated to celibacy.  Therefore, you are now known as Monk.  Hey – watch what you're doing!" she yelped as he jerked the steering wheel to avoid a large rock in the road.  "Ya pa pa, ya pa pa, you're gonna get us killed…" Sango started singing.

"Monk."  Miroku shook his head in disbelief.  He gave her a sideways grin.  "You're so right, my lovely Sango.  I have no experience in the matters between men and women whatsoever.  I need a kind-hearted girl such as yourself to, mmm, guide me.  Won't you have some pity and help me out?"  His hand inched towards her thigh.

"Both hands on the wheel, or I start singing The Song That Never Ends," she threatened.

Miroku's hand retreated to safety.  Sango tilted her head at him and gave a small smile before placing her own hand on his knee.  "Why don't you relax and be yourself for awhile?" she asked him.  "You don't always have to try so hard.  I actually enjoy your company, you know."

He looked at her quickly.  "You do?"

She laughed softly.  "Don't sound so surprised.  I'm spending my only free time with you today, aren't I?  I – look out!" she screamed as something crossed into the path of the Land Rover.  Miroku slammed on the brakes, bringing the vehicle into a skid before coming to rest against the side of the cliffs.  A shower of pebbles and dirt flew into the air and rained down upon the pair.

Miroku switched off the ignition and Sango jumped out.  "Did you hit them?" she yelled, looking around the road frantically.  There was no sign of anyone.

"I didn't even see, I was too busy handling the skid," Miroku answered breathlessly.  He clambered from the vehicle and stood next to Sango.  "What was that, anyway?"

Sango looked around in confusion.  "It was…this red-haired girl…and a…panda."

*********

A/N:  I'm going to go ahead and offer my apologies right now to those of you who will be stuck on the Ranma ½ Theme Song for the rest of the day/week/month.  Catchy, innit?

Thanks for the reviews, I love them! *hugs her computer*  Cyber chocolate to all of you!


	8. Witnesses

*************

 Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  *Sigh*

*************

"Koga, are you sure that thing is fixed?" Sesshomaru asked in exasperation.  "I don't want the microphone shorting out during the interviews.  People look at me strange when my bra starts making crackling noises."  He peered out the window sash with the binoculars, scanning the open courtyard for the red-haired girl they'd been watching earlier.

"I'm working on it, all right?" Koga finished winding the small device through the lace.  "You're too hard on the equipment, you know that?  You keep ripping the wires with those stupid nails of yours."  He held the finished bra up for inspection.

"I keep ripping my pantyhose with these nails as well," Sesshomaru complained.  "How do women do this stuff every single day?  I'm surprised there aren't angry mobs with torches surrounding the manufacturer's houses every night."

"At least you're getting quicker at dressing in the morning," Koga pointed out.

"Oh, that's a really useful skill," Sesshomaru said sarcastically.  "What did you do when you worked for the FBI, Daddy?" he squeaked in a high voice.  "Well, I learned how to shave my legs and put on a pair of pantyhose in less than five minutes," he responded to himself in a deeper voice.

Koga laughed.  "There is no way I'm ever gonna tell my kids about any of this.  That is, if I ever have kids.  Or a wife.  Sheesh, when am I ever going to have time to date, let alone reproduce?"

"Why do you think so many agents are single or divorced?  The Job isn't easy on relationships, Rookie."  Sesshomaru suddenly spotted their quarry.  "Okay, I have Ranma in view, Koga.  Who's that he's with, though?"  He peered through the lens for a closer view.  "Shit, it's that Kuno.  He's all over Ranma, too.  Is there anyone here he hasn't hit on yet?"

"Me," said Koga.  "But only because I'm not wearing makeup.  He seems pretty clueless; I don't think he realizes it's a bunch of men he's chasing.  I can totally understand the confusion with Ranma, though.  That guy makes a really convincing girl.  Have you seen his tits?" Koga gazed off into space.  "They look so real!  I wonder if they're implants…"

"Well, Ranma just knocked him out cold.  It's a shame Kagura isn't here to witness this.  According to Rin, every time Kuno sees our beloved Nanny he throws himself around her and starts crying for his 'Ice Maiden'."  Sesshomaru made gagging noises.  "Shoot me if I ever get that stupid over someone, Koga."

"Give the poor saphead a break.  Kagura's a hottie.  You ever noticed those eyes of hers?  They're such a deep brown that they almost look red sometimes.  And those legs…boy, if I wasn't undercover, I'd-"

"You'd keep your damn hands off my daughter's nanny," Sesshomaru snarled, surprised at the violence of his response.  The thought of Kagura and Koga together made him want to retch.  

"Geez, you don't have to bite my head off, Sesshomaru.  I didn't realize you liked her."

"Who said anything about me liking her?  I just don't want you seducing the hired help," Sesshomaru huffed.

"Uh, yeah," Koga responded.  "So if you don't like her, why have you been daydreaming about that gigantic heart-shaped tattoo on her ass?"

"It isn't a gigantic heart shape, it's a tiny little spider," Sesshomaru said without thinking.

"So you _have_ been checking out the goods!"  Koga sniggered as Sesshomaru turned bright red.

"Get. Out. Now." Sesshomaru ordered angrily.  "We have work to do, Rookie!"  Koga left, still laughing.  Sesshomaru shook himself angrily and attempted to erase his fantasies.  He had to stop thinking about that tattoo.  And those pouty lips of hers.  And those long legs…Sesshomaru heaved a sigh and returned to his surveillance.

*********

"Inu-Yasha?  Is that really you?"

Inu-Yasha froze in his tracks, horrified.  That voice.  It couldn't be!  He slowly turned around, praying he was wrong.

His prayers were in vain.  "Inu-Yasha!  I had no idea you would be here!  Have you come here to Honolulu to watch _me_?"  Jakotsu was staring at him with a thrilled look in his eyes.

The hair on the back of Inu-Yasha's neck stood up on end.  "Uh, Jakotsu!" Inu-Yasha sputtered, inching away from the man.  "What a surprise.  Weren't you in, um, prison?"

"Oh yes," sighed Jakotsu.  "It was just awful, Inu-Yasha!  They make you wear the ugliest outfits."  He moved in closer to Inu-Yasha.  "Did you miss me?" he cooed.  He kept moving until Inu-Yasha was backed up against a palm tree in the courtyard.

"Yeah, I missed you Jakotsu – but my aim is improving," Inu-Yasha said disgustedly, then gave a muffled yelp as Jakotsu kissed him full on the lips.

"Aaaaack!  What are you doing, you crazy son of a bitch?" Inu-Yasha gasped.

Jakotsu winked.  "Just giving you something to think about," he trilled.  "You know you want me."  He released Inu-Yasha from his embrace and pranced away.

Inu-Yasha desperately scrubbed his lips and shuddered.  That lunatic Jakotsu, why wasn't he still behind bars?  He looked around the courtyard, hoping there were no witnesses to his humiliation.

The courtyard remained empty.  He stalked off in search of someplace far away from freaky men with striped faces, cursing all early-release programs.  Prison reform was definitely becoming a voting issue for him this year.  

*******

Kagome willed herself to keep staring at the monitor in front of her.  She was _not going to cry, dammit!  A sniffle escaped her.  She wished she'd never gone looking for Inu-Yasha, never walked into the courtyard, never seen him locked in a passionate embrace with Jakotsu…_

How could she have misread Inu-Yasha's signals so badly?  He had taken her out to dinner last night and she had enjoyed it so much.  She had thought he was interested in her, but she must have been mistaken.  _The guy just wanted some company, that's all.  He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends._

Kagome had read so much more into that dinner.  And even worse, she had kissed him when he dropped her off!  She blushed at the thought of how she'd grabbed him by the hair and pulled his mouth down to hers.  Here she was thinking he was just hesitant or shy, when in reality he'd probably been disgusted!

Choking back unshed tears, Kagome started to work.

*******

A subdued Inu-Yasha walked into the operations room and fell into his chair.  What next? he wondered.  Could he stand any more shocks to his system this week?  Jakotsu's appearance was traumatic all by itself, no need to include Sesshomaru's revelations.  The only bright spot in his life this week was Kagome.  He looked over at her in relief.

"Hey," he said softly.  She seemed absorbed by her work.  "Kagome, can't you at least tell me hello?" he teased.

No answer.  "Kagome?"  He heard her sniffle.  She wasn't crying, was she?  Frowning, he stood up and walked over to her.

"Kagome?" he asked again, placing a hand on her shoulder.  

She turned to him with a too-bright smile.  "Good morning, Inu-Yasha.  How are you feeling today?"

"Um, fine."  Inu-Yasha dropped his hand.  She seemed so – strange.  Was she regretting that kiss last night?  "And you?" he questioned.

"I'm great!" she told him.  Standing up, she gathered her paperwork and walked towards the door.  "Well, gotta run to this meeting!  I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

Inu-Yasha stared at her departing figure in confusion.  What the hell was wrong with her?

*******

Sesshomaru had retreated from his surveillance position, unable to watch the pair of lovers in the courtyard any longer.  He hadn't wanted to watch them at all when he realized who they were.  He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and willed the oncoming migraine to leave.  This case was getting messier by the second.

Inu-Yasha and Jakotsu?  He hadn't realized his brother was interested in men…he suddenly remembered their conversation this morning and shook his head.  No wonder Inu-Yasha had acted so understanding.  Groaning, Sesshomaru headed out to the kitchen in search of a strong painkiller.  That whirring sound he was hearing must be his father spinning in his grave.

*******

A/N:  Oh my, now I'm abusing Inu-Yasha as well as his brother.  Poor boys…at least Sesshy got to see Kagura's tattoo.  That might be important later *drops hint*  :D Lavender

Some Responses:

Cassidy Jewell:  Thanks for thwapping Ranma, he deserves it.  And please don't strike me with Toukijin!  I won't use that song again, I promise! *crosses fingers behind back*

ChristyKay:  Congrats on finishing your first fic!  *applause* You are such an encouragement to me!

tsunami-chan():  I hereby dedicate that scene with Koga, Sesshy and the bra to you – would you like Sesshy to give the bra to you when he's done with the case, or should he burn it with the rest of his clothes?

Barbie Doll Slayer19:  Hmmm.  I went back and read Chap 3 again and you're right, thanks!  I could have made Sesshomaru's orientation clearer.  I tried to emphasize it a bit more in this chapter (and just out of curiosity, why do you slay the poor little Barbies?)


	9. Over the Mountain and Into the Ocean

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own property in Hawaii, but I am willing to accept some as an early birthday present.  Anyone?  Anyone?

*************

"Ready to head back?" Miroku smiled over at Sango.

"Nope."  Sango finished her ham sandwich and washed it down with the last of the pineapple juice, then effortlessly crushed the can with her fist.  She stretched her long legs out over the side of the tree house they were sitting in.  "You sure your friend won't mind us being on his property when he's not here?"

"Shippo and I have been friends since we were kids.  I know he doesn't mind," Miroku reassured her.  "I just wish he was here; I'd have liked to introduce you two."

"Mmmm," Sango sighed as she stretched out on her stomach in idle bliss.  The panoramic view from the tree house was the perfect place to watch the slowly lowering sun shoot rays of purple and red through the scattered clouds in the evening sky.  The lush greenery surrounding her seemed to fill each of her senses.  "Being in a place like this makes me wish I never had to go back to work," she commented.

"Me too," was Miroku's content reply.  He placed his hands behind his head and lay on his back staring up at the top of the tree.  "Of course, this is one work assignment I'll never regret.  Kaede actually did me a favor this time; covering a drag queen beauty pageant is definitely more interesting than covering political debates.  Especially," he grinned at her, "when the non-contestants are so beautiful themselves."

Sango hid her flushing cheeks by gazing at the grounds.  She sat up as something caught her eye.  "Hey Miroku," she asked, "are you sure the Land Rover is safe where it's parked?  It looks kind of unstable from here."

Miroku raised his head slightly to look at the vehicle.  "The edge of the driveway does seem to slope more from this angle, but it should be fine," he said.  "I, however, am going to fall out of this tree if you don't give me some more room."  He rolled onto his side and scooted a little closer to Sango.  She pretended not to notice.

A large flock of birds skimmed overhead, winging their way deeper into the mountain forest.  "This is so cool," Sango sighed.  "I never got to see stuff like this growing up in the city.  The only birds I ever saw were the mosquitoes flying over the open sewage drains during the summer."

Miroku laughed.  "Those were some bad-ass mosquitoes in your neighborhood, huh?"

"Everything was big, bad and ugly where I lived," Sango said in a matter of fact tone.  "If you weren't tough, you didn't survive."

"You survived, though, so you must be pretty tough."  Miroku absently picked up her hand and started playing with it.  She shivered a little as he gently rubbed his thumb over a sensitive spot on her palm.  "So, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being incarcerated in the state penitentiary and 10 being paid to sit and watch this sunset, where does working for Naraku rank?" he asked casually.

Sango froze, her dreamy world suddenly taking on nightmare hues.  How did he know?  Sure, there were a lot of people around her neighborhood who knew about her prison time.  That was no big deal; most of them had some kind of criminal record as well.  But she had never told anyone who her current employer was.  Anyone who looked at Sango's pay stub would be under the impression she worked for a construction firm.

"Sango," Miroku's voice broke through her fear.  His tone was soft and reassuring.  "I'm a reporter.  I check things out, and I know a lot of people who can tell me things they probably shouldn't be telling anybody.  I'm not here to blow your cover, if that's what you're worried about."

"You – you checked me out?" whispered Sango.  "Why?"

"Remember that night at the bar?  I'd heard a lot of rumors around that neighborhood about how scrappy you were, and it made me curious enough to want to see you for myself."  He shifted, settling himself against her more comfortably.  "What I saw made me want to know everything about you.  I even wanted to know what kind of ice cream you like and what toothpaste you use.  Boy," he reflected, "that makes me sound like some kind of stalker, doesn't it?  You just enchanted me, Sango."

"Before or after I gave you the concussion with that pool cue?" Sango asked warily.

"Before you hit me, you were absolutely desirable," Miroku told her as he brought her hand to rest against his cheek and then slowly kissed the inside of her wrist.  Her pulse raced beneath his touch.

"And after I clobbered you?" she breathed.  Every nerve in her body felt connected to the place where his mouth rested against her smooth arm.

"Then you became absolutely irresistible," Miroku told her as he gathered her to him.

Miroku's lips were warm and gentle as he captured her mouth, kissing her so tenderly it brought a film of tears to Sango's eyes.  She'd never been kissed like this, like she was a delicate flower that would bruise if not handled with the utmost care.  His kiss deepened, and she drank in the taste of him, savoring the sweet feeling that unfurled within her and nestled near her heart.  Sango gasped softly as Miroku released her lips and cradled her face with a loving hand.  "You're so beautiful," he said in awe as he traced a light pattern around her mouth with his fingertip and she nipped his finger lightly in response.

This was all she needed, Sango thought, and she could die a happy woman.  To lie in a tree house in paradise with a handsome man holding you in his arms, soft kisses and birds singing their evening song in the trees, the sound of something sliding slowly across dirt and rocks…

Sango jumped up as her brain finally registered the noise.  "Miroku!" she grabbed him by the shirt, "the Land Rover!"  She pointed to the gravel driveway, where the vehicle had started moving of its own accord.  They bolted from the tree and ran to the driveway just in time to watch the heavy Rover as it slid down the steep path and over the side of the mountain.

********

Inu-Yasha walked along the beach, kicking the sand in frustration.  Kagome had acted weird all day, like she was trying to keep him at arm's length or something.  What was wrong with the girl?  Last night she'd been all over him…

No point in thinking too much about last night, it apparently never happened as far as Kagome was concerned.  Her kiss at the end of the date had been great, though.  Bold and spicy and sweet and he'd felt it all the way to his toes.  He'd been so surprised by it he'd hardly been able to say goodnight.

Had Kikyo ever kissed him like that, with that much joy and passion?  Inu-Yasha frowned as he tried to remember.  It seemed like she'd always been sad and troubled.  He'd tried to make her happy, but he wasn't able to.  In the end, nobody had been able to help her.  The only time he'd ever seen her face look peaceful was when she was lying in her casket.

The warm night breeze picked up a few stray locks of silver hair and blew them into his face.  The moon shone full and bright on the rough surface of the water.  Inu-Yasha looked out into the ocean, then startled, looked a second time.  His keen eyesight had picked out a small boat rowing away from shore towards the deep currents.  It stopped; then a figure of a young woman was visible in the moonlight.  She turned to look at the shore, and Inu-Yasha saw her face.

Kagome?  It couldn't be her, why would she be out on the water like this at night?  He shouted and waved to her.  She looked at him again before throwing herself from the boat into the water.  Shocked, Inu-Yasha shouted her name.

She didn't surface.  He threw himself into the surf and started swimming toward the boat, desperately hoping to see her head rise above the water again.  Please no, his mind cried, not again.  This couldn't be happening to him again.

********

Kagome felt as if her lungs were going to explode.  She forced herself to push down further into the water, trying to see through the inky blackness.  There, she could see something.  She reached out a hand to grab it and missed.  Pulling together her last bit of energy, she made another reach for it.  Almost there, almost there – 

Something grabbed her dress from behind and yanked her forcefully backwards.  Kagome let out an involuntary gasp and started to choke as her lungs filled with water.  She began to kick, fighting to get away from whatever had her in its grasp.  Her head broke the surface of the water and she sputtered and coughed as her lungs tried to expel their contents.  The hold around her dress tightened and she began her struggles anew, scratching and clawing as hard as she could.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" she screamed, grinding her heel into the thing holding her.  An arm went around her neck and she pinched it, hard.  "Get away from me!"

"Hold still, dammit!" a voice yelled in her ear.  "If you keep struggling I'm going to have to knock you out!"  Strong hands lifted her out of the water and threw her into the rowboat.

"Hey!  Put me back!" Kagome struggled to rise.  "I have to do this!"  She tried to climb back out of the boat and slipped, knocking her chin against the edge.  Ignoring the pain in her jaw, she threw herself halfway out of the wildly rocking rowboat.

"No!  I won't let you die like this, Kagome!  You can't do this!"

The familiar voice stabbed through her.  "Inu-Yasha?" she screeched as she finished pushing herself out of the boat and plopped into the water.  "What the hell do you think you're doing, idiot?"

He had grabbed hold of her and was trying to put her back in the rowboat again.  "I'm trying to keep you alive!  Whatever it is, it's not worth killing yourself over!"

"Inu-Yasha, you are so stupid!  There's someone drowning down there!  Help me get her out!"

He stopped at her words.  "Shit!"  He let go of her and they both dove back into the depths.  Kagome searched frantically for the figure she had seen before.  There!  She touched Inu-Yasha's arm and pointed.

Inu-Yasha reached out and pulled her and the girl back to the surface.  Wheezing with exhaustion, Kagome allowed him to drag her back into the rowboat, where she immediately started checking for signs of life in the young woman they had rescued.  The girl's face was pallid, but to Kagome's relief she immediately coughed and started breathing.

"What happened?"  Inu-Yasha asked as he rapidly started rowing the boat back to the beach.  "I saw you rowing the boat out there and then you stopped and – and – you didn't come back up again…"he trailed off speaking and Kagome looked at him sharply.

"I saw her swimming out here by herself, and then I saw this motorboat scream through here really fast," Kagome explained to him.  "After the boat went by, I noticed the girl wasn't on the surface anymore.  I ran to the dock and grabbed this rowboat.  You must have come along right after that."

Inu-Yasha continued rowing in silence.  He didn't seem to want to look at her.  Kagome reached for the bailing pan and threw cold water in his face.  "What was that for?" he sputtered.

"Now at least you're looking at me," Kagome said triumphantly.  "Why on earth would you think I was trying to kill myself?  Sheesh, I was upset about this morning, but I'm not going to end it all over that!"

"Over what?" asked Inu-Yasha.  "What's got you so upset, anyway?  You wouldn't even talk to me this morning!"

"Look, Inu-Yasha, I don't think now is the time to discuss this.  Let's get this poor girl taken care of first, okay?  She's got a huge lump on her head where the boat must have hit her."

"Do you know who she is?"  They were almost to shore, and Inu-Yasha climbed out to drag the boat in.  "She looks kind of familiar to me."

Kagome studied the girl's face and red hair as Inu-Yasha lifted her from the boat.  He had already started carrying her up the beach to the resort when Kagome's eyes rounded wide with recognition.  "Inu-Yasha, this is Ranma Saotome!  And _he_," she emphasized, "is one of the pageant contestants!"

"No way is this a man," Inu-Yasha gasped.  "I felt these breasts when I was pulling her out of the water!  These things are real, not implants!"  He squeezed Ranma's chest.

Kagome gave him a ringing slap.  "You pervert!  Leave his breasts alone!"

********

A/N:  Poor grumpy puppy!  I promise things will improve in his near future, but these misunderstandings do happen....


	10. Shoes

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I don't own a Land Rover, either.  

*************

"I can't believe you don't have some kind of way to contact your friends," Miroku said disgustedly.  His foot struck a rock in the path and he cursed roundly.  "I thought you were supposed to have all this high tech equipment.  You don't even have a cell phone?"

"I had one, but I dropped it in the toilet last week and I couldn't afford to replace it right away," Sango told him sadly.  "Naraku won't pay for stuff like that.  I don't even want to think about the Land Rover!"

"Cheap bastard," was Miroku's comment.

"You have no idea," Sango told him.  "He docks our paychecks if we forget to turn the lights off when we leave the agency."

"Well, at least it isn't too far of a hike into town," Miroku sighed.  "Someone there ought to be able to help us.  And I'm certainly glad," he looked down at Sango's combat boots, "that you wore decent walking shoes."

A low growl came from the bushes lining the road.  Sango grabbed Miroku's hand nervously.  "Did you hear that?" she asked in a shaking voice.

"Yes."  He moved closer.  "What do you think it is?"

"Some kind of animal," she whispered as they sped up their walking pace.  The growl came again, only louder.

"It almost sounds like a bear," said Miroku.  "But there's no – aaaiiiiiii!"

A large panda stepped out of the bushes and roared at them.  Sango and Miroku took one horrified look before tearing down the road, Sango's long legs easily giving her the lead.

********

_"Little girl," the disembodied voice floated through the darkness.  "Why aren't you wearing any shoes?  It's cold outside."_

_The little girl turned to the faceless apparition.  "I don't want to wear shoes."_

_The mist swirled around her.  "You mean you don't have any shoes.  You have no shoes!  You have no shoes!"  The voice changed into that of a taunting child._

_"Go away!  I do too have shoes!  I have lots of them, look!"  She flung open the door of the closet that suddenly appeared to her right.  "See? Oh no!"_

_The closet was bare, except for the empty shoe racks.  The voice cackled.  "You dirty little street rat!  Why don't you go running home to your Mommy and ask her to buy you some shoes!"_

_She turned to run and saw nothing but ocean in front of her.  The surf was climbing higher and higher to the shore.  She screamed as a large wave broke over her, drenching her completely._

"Aaaaaaggggghhhhhh!" Kagura screamed as she bolted upright in her bed.

"Noooooo!" Rin screamed back at her.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!  Please don't hurt me Miss Kagura!"  Rin burst into tears and curled into a ball on the floor.  "I just wanted to bring you a drink of water, Miss Kagura!" she sobbed.  "I just wanted to bring you a drink and I tripped!"

Kagura shook the water from her hair and tried to comprehend what was happening.  A nightmare, she'd had a nightmare.  She looked at her wet pillow and the hysterical girl lying on her bedroom floor.  Rin had dumped a glass of water on her head?

"Rin," Kagura said softly as she climbed from the bed.  "Rin, it's okay.  Stop crying."  Rin only sobbed harder.  Kagura sat next to her on the floor and scooped the frightened girl into her arms.  "Rin," Kagura made soothing noises, "I'm not angry, sweetheart.  I was having a scary dream and you woke me up."

"But I got you all wet," Rin cried.  "I didn't mean to!" she shrieked.

"Yeah, well, I probably needed the bath," Kagura smiled at her as she patted the child's back.  She stroked the girl's soft brown hair.  "Rin, I'm here to help take care of you.  I'd never hurt you," Kagura said as she tenderly kissed Rin's forehead.

Rin's heavy sobs had reduced to small whimpers and she clung tightly to Kagura.  "Uncle Koga says you're not good at taking care of children," she told Kagura.  "He says he can't figure out why you're doing this."

"Your Uncle Koga doesn't know what he's talking about," Kagura harrumphed.  "Okay," she admitted to Rin, "I'm not the greatest Nanny in the world.  And maybe I don't know a lot about taking care of children - but at least I'm trying to learn."  She reached up to the nightstand and grabbed a tissue.  "Blow," she ordered the sniffling Rin.

Kagura stood up and carried Rin into her bedroom.  "It's too late for all of this.  Come on, let's go back to sleep," she said as she climbed under the covers with the child.

Rin snuggled next to her.  "How come you're sleeping in my bed?" she whispered to Kagura.

"Because my pillow is sopping wet," Kagura answered with a smile.  "Why were you getting me a drink, anyway?"

"You were crying and talking, so I thought you couldn't sleep.  Daddy always brings me a glass of water when I can't sleep.  I didn't know you were having scary dreams.  Were there monsters?"

"Not really," Kagura said sleepily.  "I dreamt I was a little girl like you, and I didn't have any shoes."

"You have lots of pretty shoes, Miss Kagura," Rin said.  "I like it when you let me try them on."

"I didn't have any shoes when I was your age," Kagura told her hesitantly.  "So I was dreaming that all my pretty shoes were gone again."

"Miss Kagura, how come you didn't have any shoes?  Did your mommy take them away and hit you 'cause she was mad all the time?"

The revelation in Rin's statement sent a wave of fury through Kagura.  That someone would hurt such a sweet little girl…no wonder Sesshomaru was so protective of her.  "No sweetie," she hugged Rin closer.  "I was just really, really poor and couldn't buy any shoes."

"But now you can buy lots of shoes!" Rin pointed out happily.

"Yes," Kagura agreed, "now I can buy lots of shoes.  In fact, why don't we go out and buy a pair for each of us tomorrow?  But first we have to get some sleep," she told the wriggling girl.  "So lie still and close your eyes."

"Okay," Rin complied, shutting her eyes and relaxing against the pillow.

Kagura lay awake in the darkness for awhile, gently brushing the hair away from the sleeping girl's cheek.  She'd kill whoever hurt this child, she realized.  She would tear them apart with her bare hands.

*******

"Why are we stopping at your rooms?" Ranma asked weakly.

Kagome looked with concern at the young man leaning on Inu-Yasha.  He could hardly walk.  "The doctor said you had a concussion," she reminded him.  "You can't stay by yourself – what if you fell asleep and didn't wake up?"  Kagome unlocked the door to her rooms and motioned the two men inside.

"Go take a hot bath right now," she ordered the staggering Ranma.  "There's a clean robe hanging on the hook behind the door, and I've got some clothes you can borrow when you're finished."  Kagome gave him a gentle push towards the bathroom.

"Thanks," Ranma mumbled as he closed the door behind him.

Inu-Yasha was smirking.  "Won't your clothes be a little tight across the chest for Ranma?"

Kagome resisted the impulse to slap him again.  He still had a red mark across his cheek where she'd hit him earlier.  He looked terrible, come to think of it.  The salt-water had plastered his hair to his head at various angles and Kagome could see several deep scratches covering his arms.  She hadn't realized she'd gouged him so badly while fighting him in the water.

So if he looked so bad, why did she still want to kiss him?

Kagome turned without a word and walked into the kitchen, looking for something warm to drink.  Inu-Yasha followed her and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, his face resting on his folded arms.  "Hell of a day," he commented wearily.  "Why didn't I just go back to bed after that weirdo grabbed me in the courtyard?  I should have known things would go downhill from there."

Weirdo?  Kagome jerked, splashing herself with the hot coffee she was pouring into a mug.  "Inu-Yasha, um, what are you talking about?" she asked hesitantly as she ran cold water over her burned hand.

"One of the contestants is a real head case, his name's Jakotsu.  He's been chasing after me for years and he grabbed me this morning in the courtyard."  Inu-Yasha shuddered.  "He and those blood-thirsty criminals he ran around with went to prison a few years back, but apparently they let Jakotsu out."

"Oh," said Kagome in a small voice, "so his attentions aren't…welcome?  Because I saw the two of you this morning and I thought…I thought…" she trailed off miserably.

Inu-Yasha straightened up and stared at her.  "No," he said flatly.  "I like women.  One woman in particular – although it appears she can jump to some really stupid conclusions sometimes."  He reached for Kagome, pulling her into his lap and kissing her.

He tasted like a salt lick, Kagome thought, nuzzling his neck.  "And what other stupid conclusions have I jumped to?" she whispered into his ear as she hugged him tightly.

Inu-Yasha smoothed his hands over Kagome's ebony hair hanging down her back, picking out a stray piece of kelp.  "Let's see," he said thoughtfully, "you assumed I hated you the first time we met, you assumed I spent all my free time surfing, you assumed I don't own a single pair of shoes…"

"I have yet to see this supposed pair of shoes," she reminded him.  "Have you ever taken them out of the box from the store?"  Kagome kissed the tip of his nose.

"Oh," Inu-Yasha continued, "and let's not forget your assumption that Ranma is a man.  'Cause I'm telling you, there is no way those breasts are fake – hey, don't hit me again!" He caught her hand before she could deliver another slap.

"There's only one chest you'd better be groping," Kagome warned him.  "And I still say Ranma is a guy!"

"Ranma is a girl!" Inu-Yasha insisted.  "I think I held her long enough to tell the difference, and she is definitely a wo-" he broke off mid-sentence.  Kagome shifted in his lap to see what he was staring at.

A handsome, dark-haired young man stood in the kitchen entrance wearing Kagome's flowered bathrobe.  The robe lay open, showing a muscular chest and stomach.  "Ooops," he said, "didn't mean to interrupt."  He disappeared into the living room.

"That was…" Inu-Yasha whispered in disbelief.

"Ranma Saotome," Kagome answered in awe.  "He really _is the world's greatest cross-dresser."_

*******

A/N:  See, I told you things would get better for poor IY.  They seem to be getting worse for Sango and Miroku, though.  Getting chased by a panda can't be too much fun…a couple of you have mentioned Sango being so far OOC.  She is, but this was the role I saw her in.  Someone had to be the 'tough' angel, and I had already placed Kagura as the 'sexy angel'.

Looking back, I'm regretting having so many different story and character lines running at once.  It's getting harder for me to keep track of who is doing what and where.  Please let me know if I've left holes in the story that are large enough to drive a truck through.  I do promise this will all tie together in the end.

Asteria:  I don't know I managed to leave Tsubasa out - when Sophie-chan and I were making the list of cross-dressers, we definitely had him on the list!  He'll have to make an appearance later.

Super big hugs and thanks to all my reviewers!  You're such an inspiration to me!


	11. The Time Before That

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own any water taken from Jusenkyo Springs, which is probably a good thing.

*************

"Is it gone?" a shivering Sango whispered.  "Is the panda gone?"

"I don't hear it anymore," Miroku whispered back.

"The sun's starting to come up.  Maybe it's gone to sleep somewhere or something," Sango said.  She stood up and looked around.  "Hey Miroku, I think I see a village down there."

"Thank heavens, I thought we were going to be wandering around forever," said Miroku fervently.  "I have no - what was that?" he jumped.

A rustling, crunching sound was coming towards them.  Sango yelped and clung to Miroku.  "The panda from hell is back!" she cried.

The sound kept moving in their direction from the bushes.  Sango and Miroku were just about to start running again when through the clearing stepped a dark-haired young man.  He was wearing a printed bandana around his head and carrying a backpack with an umbrella across it.  

"_Now_ where am I?" the young man muttered.  Sango and Miroku stared at him, dumbstruck.

"Hey," the stranger asked them.  "Is this China?"

********

The morning sun was too bright, forcing Sesshomaru to pause and rummage through his handbag.  Where were those damn sunglasses?  Stupid purses, had to carry too much stuff just to look halfway decent out in public…

"Ms. Fluffy?  You haven't seen Ms. Sango by any chance, have you?

Sesshomaru looked up at the sound of the worried voice and tried to place the young woman speaking to him.  Long ebony hair, huge liquid eyes and a bikini that was just short of…oh yes, the girl working in the pageant operations center with Inu-Yasha.  He often ran into her in Ms. Sango's office during the morning break periods.  He frowned, trying to remember her name.  Hakashi?  No.  Higurashi – that was it.

"No Ms. Higurashi, not lately," Sesshomaru told her.  "Should I have?"

"Well, no, it's just that I see you in her office talking to her a lot and I thought maybe the two of you had become friends or something…" she trailed off uncertainly and clutched at her beach towel.

Sesshomaru felt a moment of panic.  This young woman was entirely too observant – what else had she noticed?  He cursed his carelessness in being seen around Ms. Sango's office too much.  He had chosen it as an easy place to do surveillance because the entire world seemed to troop through her doors during the day.  Contestants, guests and staff alike treated the security building as a public gathering place and provided a steady stream of coffee and gossip.

He supposed he should have alternated the surveillance duties with Koga, but the junior agent was better at canvassing the pageant guests than subtly observing the interactions of others.  Koga's rough demeanor combined with smoldering sex appeal caused all kinds of people to share the problems of their troubled hearts with him.  Sesshomaru smiled.  Troubled hearts produced great inside information.  How many times had the big break on an assignment come from some criminal's lover who suddenly decided the water was getting too deep and too hot?

He needed to find out just exactly how much Ms. Higurashi had noticed, Sesshomaru realized.  This girl could be his quick ticket inside the pageant staff affairs, and possibly a lead to Lazy Panda.  Also, she was friends with his brother and might be able to tell him about Inu-Yasha's activities.

"Going my way?" Sesshomaru indicated the path towards the beach.

"Sure," the girl said vaguely.  She was clearly lost in her own thoughts, Sesshomaru observed as they walked in silence to the beach.  He laid his own items next to hers on the sand and began to apply the sunscreen.

"Ms. Higurashi, is something the matter?"  The girl was just sitting on her towel and staring into space.  He placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.  "I realize it's none of my business, dear, but you seem particularly worried this morning.  Is it something I could possibly help you with?"

He could see her visibly unbend at his offer.  "Call me Kagome, please," she requested.  "I shouldn't be worried, but it's just…Ms. Sango hasn't arrived back from her trip yesterday," she confessed.  "She was supposed to be back last night and I'm kind of starting to worry."

 "Sunscreen?" Sesshomaru asked her.  Kagome nodded her assent and stretched out on her stomach.  "Did she take this trip by herself, Ms. Kagome?" Sesshomaru asked as he began to smooth the lotion on her back.  "You don't have a way to contact her?"

"I tried her cell phone, but it's out of service.  She left with this reporter she met; Miroku's his name.  Apparently they were going to visit a friend of his."  Her voice grew quiet with embarrassment.  "I, um, checked her room this morning and she didn't sleep there last night, so I checked Miroku's rooms just in case and they, uh, hadn't stayed there either."

Sesshomaru finished rubbing the lotion and looked at Kagome with growing unease.  "She left by herself yesterday with someone she just met this week?  Ms. Kagome, I would have thought Ms. Sango had more concern for her own safety.  Please tell me she gave you the address of this 'friend' they were going to visit."

A film of moisture sprung to the girl's eyes.  "I know, I know, it all sounds terrible now…but Miroku seemed so nice and Sango's really tough and can handle herself in just about any situation.  I don't know whether to blow this off as two people having fun or to start calling the police."

"The police don't usually trouble themselves over consenting adults who don't come home when they should," Sesshomaru noted.  He wiped his hands on the towel and took a long drink from his water bottle.  "Tell me, Ms. Kagome," Sesshomaru continued a moment later in a low voice.  "You seem to know Ms. Sango rather well.  Have the pair of you worked together before this?"

"Yes," she answered.  He caught the hesitation in her tone.  "We've worked together on projects like this before and became friends."

Harsh breathing and heavy footsteps sounded, and Sesshomaru looked over to see Koga jogging through the waves on the shoreline.  Kagome had tensed and stopped speaking at the approach of his partner, and Sesshomaru decided to let the matter drop for the moment.  He delivered a freezing look to Koga as he approached.  As usual, Koga ignored it.

"You're going to get fat sitting on the beach all day," Koga panted, dropping beside him.

"Better than falling face first into the surf from a heart attack while jogging," Sesshomaru replied.  "Besides, the salt water's too harsh on my skin."

Uh oh.  Koga had caught sight of the bikini-clad Kagome and was looking like a starving wolf ready to pounce on a new lamb.  Sesshomaru cleared his throat lightly.  "Kagome, this is my _partner Koga."  He glared at the offending agent.  "Have the two of you been introduced?"_

"Hu-high," Koga stammered.  Kagome smiled and responded.

A blush was creeping up Koga's cheeks, Sesshomaru noted with dismay.  Apparently Koga hadn't _completely forgotten the part he was playing, but Sesshomaru could tell his mind wasn't fully on it.  Shit.  If this suddenly love-struck idiot blew their cover he was going to strangle him with a pair of pantyhose._

******

"Miroku, I really like you," said Sango, "but you'll have to forgive me because I never want to go anywhere with you again."  She groaned as she climbed from the taxi and tipped the driver.

"Don't worry about it," Miroku replied wearily.  "After this trip, _I never want to go anywhere again."  He turned to the young man standing next to them.  "Well Ryoga, here's the resort.  Granted, it's a long way from this Jusenkyo Springs you were trying to get to, but you might find someone to direct you from here."_

******

"What do you mean, you _lost_ Sango?" Myoga was yelling at Kagura.  "How did this happen?"

"Keep your mustache on," Kagura said.  "Look, she took the day off yesterday and she probably missed a ferry or something.  I don't think we should panic just yet."

"She took the day off?  We're on a case; she can't take the day off!" Myoga spluttered.

"And just when are we supposed to get free time?" Kagura demanded.  "Naraku has given us back to back assignments for the last six months!  I don't blame Sango a bit; in fact, I'm taking some time off today myself to go shopping."  She stood up and brushed a crease from her linen sundress.  "Rin and I are going to buy some pretty shoes," she told him, smiling.

"You can't do this!" Myoga howled.  "Naraku wants status reports, what am I supposed to tell him?"

"Myoga," said Kagura as she stood in the doorway, "have the Angels ever let you down?"

Myoga just looked at her.

"Okay," responded Kagura, "what about the time before that?"

*******

A/N:  I really don't stay up late thinking of new ways to torture IY and Company (I think of these things earlier, during the day).  Anyway, thanks for the reviews! * blows kisses* unless you're uncomfortable with that sort of thing in which case *sincerely shakes hands*  :D Lavender


	12. Itsy Bitsy Spider

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own the music or lyrics to Schoolhouse Rock's "Conjunction Junction", so if you get stuck on it all day it's your own darn fault :D

*************

 "Ranma?"

Inu-Yasha knocked gently on the door of Kagome's bedroom and opened it.  Ranma was sitting upright on the edge of the bed, looking groggy.  Inu-Yasha noticed he'd managed to change into his dress.  Ranma's hair was red again, and the curvy chest was back as well.  Amazing, thought Inu-Yasha.  The guy had talent beyond compare.

"You've been awake long enough," Inu-Yasha said.  "You should be able to go back to your rooms and sleep now.  How do you feel?"

"You know that goop you scrape off the bottom of your shoes?" asked Ranma.  "If I felt like that, it'd be an improvement."  He stood up shakily.  "Tell Kagome I said thanks for everything.  She even washed my clothes."

"Actually, she made me do the laundry," Inu-Yasha admitted sheepishly.  "Sorry I turned your underwear pink.  I'm not very good at this stuff."

"S'okay," mumbled Ranma.  "It's nothing Akane hasn't done to me before."  He took a few steps and staggered, leaning against the wall for support.

"Let me give you a hand," Inu-Yasha said in exasperation.  "You're never going to make it to your rooms on your own."  He placed a supporting arm around Ranma and helped him outside.

*******

"Of all the stupid, incompetent, rookie mistakes!" Sesshomaru growled under his breath at Koga.  "Could you _possibly have acted any more _obvious_?"  He stormed angrily towards their rooms with Koga on his heels._

"Relax, Sesshomaru.  So I flirted a bit with Kagome - what's the harm?" Koga asked.

"You're supposed to gay, dammit!  It's not like I'm enjoying this assignment either, you know!"

"Could have fooled me," Koga muttered.

"What did you say?" Sesshomaru spun around angrily.

Koga smirked.  "You've been enjoying Kagura's company every chance you get.  How convenient she's staying under the same roof."

"My feelings towards her are strictly professional!  She's my daughter's au pair!"

"Yeah, so how come I saw you tucking her in bed last night?"

Sesshomaru flushed.  "When we came home I went to check on my daughter and found Kagura and Rin both sleeping in the same bed.  She was probably up late with Rin's nightmares again.  All I did was tuck the blanket around her so she wouldn't be cold."

"You kissed her too, you liar.  I didn't see your hands, so I don't know if you were feeling her up as well-" Koga was silenced by a hand over his mouth as Sesshomaru pulled him behind a column in the walkway.

"What's going on?" Koga whispered.

Sesshomaru motioned for silence.  "That's Inu-Yasha coming out of that room over there."  He gestured towards a suite.  "He's with Ranma Saotome!"

They watched in silence as Inu-Yasha placed an arm around the shoulders of the redhead and walked off.  Ranma was leaning against Inu-Yasha, his head on Inu-Yasha's shoulder.

"That's the second one of our suspects you've seen your brother with," stated Koga.  "Hell, Sesshomaru, you don't think he's connected to Lazy Panda, do you?" 

"I never thought I'd say this," was Sesshomaru's heartfelt response, "but I really hope my brother's just out getting some action…even if it is with a bunch of cross-dressers."

*******

"Conjunction Junction, what's your function…"

"Rin, could you stop singing for a moment, please?" Kagura begged.  "I'm trying to remember something."

I've definitely seen that guy somewhere before, thought Kagura.  She had spotted the man with Mr. Ailuropoda, the pageant's primary sponsor, as they were walking through the central shopping district.  Kagura probably wouldn't have paid any attention to the pair if she hadn't heard the phrase 'Lazy Panda' being spoken quietly as they walked past them.

"Miss Kagura, why are you staring at that strange man?  Is he your boyfriend too?  Miss Kagura-"

Kagura placed a finger to Rin's lips and hushed the child.  "Let's play a game for a minute, okay?" she told the girl.  "It's called The Watching Game.  We're going to watch that man across the street without letting him know we're watching him.  We have to be really quiet and pretend to look in this store window."

"Okay," Rin whispered with wide eyes.  She peered into the store window.  "Miss Kagura, how do we look at the window and the man at the same time?  I can't see anything but the window."

"Look in the window's reflection," Kagura whispered back.  "It's like a mirror, see?"

Ryukossei.  His name was Ryukossei, Kagura remembered.  She frowned.  Mr. Ryukossei was an antiques dealer who specialized in ancient weapons and clothing.  Why was he here in Hawaii hanging out with the sponsor of a cross-dressing beauty pageant?

Maybe she was mistaken.  Kagura had been in Ryukossei's shop only once, dragged inside by a wealthy boyfriend with a passion for old swords.  Nothing in the store interested Kagura until she had spotted the fan.  Simply designed in red and white with feathers, it appeared to have lain in a dusty corner unnoticed by the regular customers for years.  Kagura had fallen in love with it immediately, and left the store with a tissue wrapped package and a considerably lightened bank account.  She had carried the fan everywhere with her since that day.

The two men had entered a restaurant across the street.  "Okay, game's over.  Let's get some lunch!"  Kagura grabbed Rin's hand and followed her quarry.  She automatically gave a good luck pat to the fan resting in her purse.  "Now we're going to play a new game, Rin!  It's called The Listening Game, and you have to try to hear what someone at a nearby table is saying…"

*******

"Did Ranma make it back to his rooms all right?"

"Sort of.  I practically had to carry him the last few feet.  I wish he'd go see a real doctor and not just that acupuncturist Tofu.  He's got to have at least three broken ribs."  Inu-Yasha opened the carry-out lunch bag and passed one of the boxes to Kagome.  Sitting down at the nearby table, he flipped open his laptop and started to check his email while eating his sandwich.

"Yo.  You're getting crumbs in your keyboard," Kagome flicked a piece of lettuce at him and grinned as it hit his laptop screen.

"That's what these little pressurized cans of air are for, wench."  Inu-Yasha grabbed one and spritzed air on the nape of her neck, watching her giggle.  Her laughter delighted him, spreading a warm glow from his heart.  He wanted to catch her to him and never let go, and the realization struck him to the core.  How had she become so important to him in such a short amount of time?

"Sango finally showed up," Kagome was telling him.  "She stopped by a few minutes ago to tell me she was back."

"Is everything okay?" Inu-Yasha asked.  "You were pretty worried about her this morning."  He finished his lunch and threw his crumpled napkin towards the wastebasket.

Kagome laughed as his shot missed by three feet.  "Sango didn't have time to tell me what happened, but she said they'd had a few misadventures."  She grabbed the napkin from the floor and banked the shot perfectly.

"Misadventures?" Inu-Yasha snorted.  "I've never heard it called _that before.  What, did Miroku forget to pay for the drinks?"_

"Inu-Yasha," Kagome scolded, "if they were up to any hanky panky they could have stayed here and done it in their own rooms.  Besides, you don't know Sango like I do.  Trouble follows her like a lost puppy."

Inu-Yasha frowned as a question occurred to him.  "How do you know her so well, anyway?" he asked.  "Have you worked with each other before?"

"Yes, we've worked on projects like this together before," Kagome answered him quickly.

Inu-Yasha's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at her.  She looked…uncomfortable, like she was trying to hide something.  Inu-Yasha was all too familiar with that look – Kikyo had used it constantly.  Of course, Kikyo had been hiding drug use and Kagome would never…would she?  He cursed the uncertainty and suspicion entering his mind.  Kagome was _not Kikyo; she was completely different._

*******

His migraine was back, with sharp teeth this time.  Sesshomaru grunted and started rummaging through his bags.  Where had he put that prescription?  _I need a new job.  A job that doesn't require me to spy on my own brother and possibly send him to prison._

Finding the bottle, he popped a couple of pills and waited for them to take effect.  He could deal with the pain, but the tunnel vision and nausea were terrible.  He curled into a fetal position on the bed, searching for a dark place under his pillow.  _Maybe it's time to quit, The Job is killing me._

Sesshomaru allowed himself to fantasize about a normal life, one where he didn't have to work nutty hours and wear strange outfits.  He would walk in the door every evening, and Rin would squeal excitedly and jump into his arms.  The smell of something wonderful would be coming from the kitchen, where he'd find Kagura cooking dinner.  He'd wrap his arms around her and nuzzle her neck.  The baby would be jabbering in the highchair and the other children would cling to his legs, begging to be picked up as well…

What the hell?  When did his fantasies start becoming so - domestic?  Sesshomaru groaned and sat up.  The nausea on his periphery was starting to take center stage.  He stumbled into the bathroom.

When he'd finished heaving, Sesshomaru rested his head on the cool rim of the bathtub.  He couldn't look at the tub without seeing Kagura sitting so forlorn and ragged.  She'd looked terrible, with sand and salt and seaweed all over her.  His thoughts drifted to her beautiful curves and the spider tattoo on her backside.

Something about that tattoo pricked his memory.  He tried to catch the thought, in spite of the effort it took to concentrate through his headache.  It was something from this morning, something to do with Kagome…

Sesshomaru blinked.  No, it couldn't be, Kagome couldn't possibly have the same spider tattoo as Kagura.  But he'd rubbed sunscreen on her back this morning at the beach, and her barely-there bikini had moved, showing the small tattoo.  He hadn't paid attention at the time; so many young girls had tattoos these days.  It had to be a coincidence, he told himself as he doubled over the toilet again.

_Quit lying to yourself, Sesshomaru.  You know they both have the same damn tattoo._  And he was suddenly willing to bet his last tube of mascara that Sango had the same tattoo.  Who were these women?

*******

A/N:  Okay, time to stop torturing them so much and move the plot along a little.  I certainly am slandering Kikyo, though.  Poor girl…

CassidyJewell:  Sorry, Rin can't have the piggy.  I have other plans for him bwahahahaha

Thanks to all my reviewers!  You're the greatest!  :D  Lavender


	13. A Pig and A Poke in the eye

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own Martina (Slayers Next) or Kurama (YuYuHakasho), for which I am exceedingly grateful.

*************

"Another drink?"  The bar's waitress batted her long eyelashes at him.

Koga checked her out.  Long legs, beautiful curling hair, big eyes…his gaze traveled lower.  _Those were definitely the real deal.  "Only if you join me," he grinned wolfishly._

"Can't," she smiled, leaning across the bar so he could better see down her blouse.  "I'm still on duty.  Of course, it's really slow right now and no one would care if I just stood here and chatted with a customer," she winked.  "My name's Martina."

"Martina, hmm?"  Koga leaned closer to her.  "That's a beautiful name.  So, Martina, are you a native of this lovely paradise?"

"No," she sighed.  "Actually, I'm a princess.  My kingdom was overthrown, so now I just work as a waitress."

Stunned, Koga stared at her.  She was serious._  Great - a head case._  "Ah gee, that's really too bad," Koga swallowed nervously.  "Oh my, look at the time.  Gotta run!"  He threw the money on the bar and left as quickly as he could.

******

"Blue-eyed Princess!  I have longed to see your countenance grace my humble presence.  For even as the rose shows its gentle blossoms but for a short time, so our love-"

"Hello, Kuno," Kagome sighed.  Did the man never quit?  He would be laughable if he wasn't so annoying.  She looked around for someone, anyone she might know.  She spotted Koga leaving the bar and signaled frantically with her eyes.

Koga seemed only too eager to come to her rescue.  "Kuno!"  Koga walked up to the young man and slapped him on the back – hard.  "Just the person I wanted to see!"  He looked around conspiratorially and lowered his voice.  "I know where you can find your Pig-Tailed Goddess.  She's out on the beach sunbathing," Koga paused, "topless."

The statement had the expected effect on Kuno.  The young man gulped and stammered a bit about innocence and purity.  Then, pausing only to press Kagome's hands to his heart, Kuno left them and ran towards the direction of the beach.

Kagome rolled her eyes.  "That was too easy, Koga.  You should be worried that you can read him that well – oh!"  Her foot caught on a rock and she stumbled.  "Thanks," she said to Koga as he caught her from falling.

He didn't release her immediately.  Instead, he held her closely to him, pressing her face against his broad shoulder.  "Kagome," he breathed.  "Beautiful, lovely Kagome, are you all right?  Let me protect you."  He caught her chin with his hand and drew her mouth upwards to kiss her.

Kagome stood frozen.  This was completely unexpected.  Koga was – was – 

She never finished the thought.  From out of nowhere, a small black piglet charged past them, chased by four men.  Kagome recognized the slender red-haired man leading the pack.  It was Kurama, and he was shouting something about an exorcism.

"Hey!" Kagome yelled, going after them.  She broke into a run.  "Stop chasing that pig, you big bullies!"

******

"Miroku, are you sure it was a panda?  They don't exactly live around here, you know," Inu-Yasha snorted.  "Just how much did you and Sango have to drink, anyway?"

"I'm telling you, we saw a panda.  We got a pretty good look at it, considering it was chasing us," Miroku replied.  "And the only thing we had to drink was pineapple juice," he sighed heavily.  "This little day trip didn't go at all like I had planned."

"Yeah, I'll just bet it didn't," Inu-Yasha said derisively as he drained his glass.  "I don't even want to know what your original plans were.  What do you think, Ranma?"  He turned to the curvaceous redhead sitting at the table with them.  "Are there pandas in Hawaii?"

Ranma wiggled a bit in his chair.  "Oh, all kinds of strange things have been known to happen," he said vaguely.  "Maybe it escaped from a zoo or something."

Inu-Yasha placed his head in his hands.  "I need another drink," he stated.  "Between pandas running amok and seeing my brother in a dress, I don't know how much more I can take."  He looked heavenward.  "I am just so happy my father isn't alive to see this.  And to consider that I used to think _he_ was weird."

"Don't all kids think that?" Ranma asked.  "I've been convinced my old man is crazy for years.  Hauling me off to China for training, getting me engaged to a bunch of different women…"

"What does your father think of this?" Miroku pointed to Ranma's dress.  "Or does he know about it?"

"Oh, he knows all right.  He doesn't like it, but he's learned to deal with it," Ranma said.  "So what made you think your dad was strange?" he asked Inu-Yasha.

"Well, he was a veterinarian," said Inu-Yasha.

"Sounds normal enough," interjected Miroku.

"Yeah, on the surface it sounds okay.  But you should have seen the animals he treated.  Really strange animals; Sesshomaru and I were afraid to go near them half the time.  I think they were the product of basement laboratory experiments.  And he had this fetish for old swords.  He collected them, and sometimes at night I'd come downstairs and see him playing with them.  You know, like fighting mock battles and stuff.  It was kind of creepy," Inu-Yasha shuddered.  "And in the end, it was the swords he loved so much that killed him."

"Accident?" asked Ranma.

"No.  The maid found him downstairs one morning, run through with his favorite sword.  Some crackpot murderer left a note saying "Vicious Dragon claims this life." 

"Ugh," said Miroku.  "That tops my story.  My dad died chasing a tornado for the local newspaper.  His funeral was interesting, though.  No less than forty-two women showed up claiming to be his lover."

Inu-Yasha had stopped listening.  He was looking out the window; his attention focused on something outside.  "That son of a bitch!" he growled, jumping up from the table and running outside.  Miroku and Ranma looked at each other in confusion and followed.

They caught up with Inu-Yasha in time to see him grab Koga and hit him in the face.  "Inu-Yasha!" yelled Miroku.  "What do you think you're doing?"

Inu-Yasha held Koga by his shirt collar, ignoring the blood running from the other man's nose.  "You sorry, flea-bitten, mangy piece of trash!"  He shook Koga violently.  "I've had about enough of this!  It's bad enough that you're hitting on Kagome, but have you thought about how you're hurting Sesshomaru?  Do you - have – any – idea," he accompanied each word with another shake, "of how much my brother has sacrificed for you?  And every time I turn around, you're making the moves on someone else!  Man or woman, it doesn't even matter to you, does it?"

"Inu-Yasha, let him go!" Miroku and Ranma grabbed him, pulling him off of Koga.  "This isn't the time or place for this!"  A crowd was beginning to gather.

"I mean it Koga!" Inu-Yasha yelled as they dragged him away.  "You'd better watch your step, or I'm telling my brother just exactly what kind of scum you are!  And keep your filthy hands off Kagome or I'll black your other eye!"

*******

"Sesshomaru?  Koga?"

There was no response.  Kagura threw her purse and the shopping bags on the couch and shifted the sleeping Rin's weight to her other hip.  The suite seemed strangely quiet.  Kagura walked into Rin's room and placed her gently on the bed.  She smiled as she ran a finger across the little girl's face and smoothed her bangs back.  Rin's face was flushed and rosy with sleep, and Kagura could see traces of chocolate on her mouth.  The chocolate ice cream was a reward for playing The Listening Game, she had told Rin.

Kagura shook her head, grimacing.  Surely she was going to burn in hell for involving an innocent child in espionage.  Tucking the blanket around Rin's shoulders, she kissed her on the forehead and left the bedroom.

As she entered the living room, her eyes fell upon Sesshomaru's purse.  It was lying open, its contents dumped all over the coffee table.  Concerned, she called his name again, and again received no answer.  Where was he?  Kagura couldn't see him going anywhere without his handbag.  The kitchen was empty; he wasn't in the other rooms…she arrived at the door to the master bedroom and hesitated.  What if he was just taking a nap?  She listened at the door, hoping to hear him snoring or moving around.

Silence.  Kagura rapped softly on the door.  "Sesshomaru?  Sesshomaru?"  She knocked harder.  Still no answer.  Turning the knob, she opened the door slightly and peered in.  There was no one lying in the bed.  She started to close the door and leave when she heard a faint moan.  Entering the room, Kagura gasped as she noticed a pair of legs lying in the doorway leading to the master bath.  It was there she found Sesshomaru curled up on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

Sesshomaru had clearly just left the shower; his flowing silver hair was damp and droplets of water dotted his skin.  He appeared conscious, but when Kagura spoke his name he only whimpered and curled himself into a tighter ball.  His eyes were squeezed shut and he kept trying to bury his head into his arms.

Kagura kneeled on the cold tile and checked him carefully.  His pulse was beating slow and steady, and he didn't seem to be having trouble breathing.  She looked around the bathroom, searching for answers to Sesshomaru's strange condition.  Everything seemed in order...she spotted something on the floor by the sink.  It was a prescription bottle with Sesshomaru's name on it.  She grabbed her cell phone from her pocket and punched in Kagome's number.

"It's Kagura," she said when Kagome answered.  "What is that noise?  It sounds like a pig or something."

"It is," Kagome sighed.  "Long story, I'll tell you later.  What's up?"

"I just found Sesshomaru lying on the floor in here.  This bottle was nearby, tell me what it is."  She read the prescription label aloud.

"It's used to treat a number of ailments," Kagome told her.  "But it's most common usage is to treat migraine headaches."

"Migraines?" asked Kagura in disbelief.  "They get this bad?  Sesshomaru is curled up in the fetal position!"

"Poor guy," Kagome said sympathetically.  "My mom gets these every now and then.  She says they're not fatal, but she sometimes wishes they were."

"So what am I supposed to do?" asked Kagura.  "I can't just leave him here on the bathroom floor!"

Kagome chuckled.  "Just put him to bed in a dark room, Kagura.  He'll be all right eventually.  Oh, and Kagura?" she said before she hung up the phone.

"What?"

"Don't let him fall asleep with his makeup on.  His face will break out," she giggled.

Kagura gave the phone a withering look.  "That is so not funny, Kagome."

*******

A/N:  Gasp!  New reviewers, I'm so excited!  *jumps up and down*  Thank you all for your comments and ideas!  I'm stealing them *ahem*  I mean I'm taking them into consideration as much as possible! :D Lavender


	14. Money Talks

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels.  I also don't own any money, so it would do no good to sue me.

*************

_"Oh, Sesshomaru," Kagura whispered in his ear.  "That was wonderful, darling."  She moved her soft body beneath him, sending out waves of renewed pleasure he could feel all the way to his toes.  "I want to stay here with you forever," she sighed._

_He felt his body yearning for her again, wanting only to touch and taste and hold her.  He kissed her deeply, stroking her delicate curves and reveling in her tiny gasps of pleasure.  She was his, the missing piece of his soul.  Her fingers ran through his hair, tugging gently as he lowered his mouth to her –_

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Sesshomaru's eyes yanked open as he heard Koga's yell from the other room.  He looked at the other side of the bed, half-expecting to see Kagura.  Damn – it had just been a dream.  He groaned and buried his face back in his pillow.

Pillow?  The last thing he remembered was lying on the bathroom floor.  How had he wound up in his bed?

He could hear Kagura and Koga screeching at each other from another room.  Koga was calling her names, and Kagura was screaming at him to be quiet.  A horrible smell passed his nose.  Something burning?  He jumped out of bed, grabbing his robe as he left the room.  The smell was decidedly worse as he approached the kitchen.  Gagging, he stumbled into the smoke-filled room and threw open the window.  A cloud of steam and smoke was pouring from the sink where Koga was running cold water over a blackened mass.  Kagura was yelling at Koga and throwing spoons at him.

"Kagura," Sesshomaru caught her hand before she could throw the plate now in her hand.  She had apparently run out of spoons.  "Calm down and stop throwing things.  Koga's face looks bad enough as it is.  You didn't black his eye, did you?"  She shook her head.  "Well, I'm sure he'll tell me about it later."  He turned to his partner.  "Koga, is the fire completely out?"

Koga nodded, glaring at Kagura.  "That stupid bitch," Koga pointed at Kagura, "tried to cook ramen in a plastic container on top of the stove!  She's an incompetent idiot who's going to wind up killing us in our sleep!"

Kagura glared at him.  "So I can't cook!" she hissed.  "I never claimed I could!  That's no reason to come in here yelling at me like I set fire to the kitchen on purpose!"

"So if you can't cook, why were you even in here?" Koga yelled back.

Kagura's face crumpled.  "Rin was hungry and she asked me to make some ramen," she mumbled, looking at the floor.  "Sesshomaru was sleeping off that migraine so I thought I'd help out.  I was just trying to make Rin happy."  She sounded close to crying.

"Go," Sesshomaru said quietly to Koga as he pointed to the door.  "See if you can find Rin.  She's probably hiding in her closet from the shouting.  I'll handle this," he waved towards the charred debris.

Kagura was still staring at her shoes, blinking back tears.  Sesshomaru placed an arm around her shoulder.  "It appears you've fallen victim to the worst habit anyone can have," he told her, handing her a tissue from a nearby box.

"What's that?" Kagura sniffled.

"Trying to make Rin happy.  I'm warning you, it's very addictive," he smiled.  "Next thing you know, you'll find yourself paying outrageous amounts of money for hair bows and stuffed animals.  I'm thinking of entering a recovery program, myself."

Sesshomaru could see Kagura trying to hide her grin.  "I bought her three pairs of shoes today," she admitted, "and a book about puppies."

His mouth twitched.  "It's probably too late for you, then."  He grabbed the congealed lump of plastic and threw it in the trash.  "If Her Highness desires ramen, then ramen is what she will have," Sesshomaru said as he put a pot of water on to boil.  He pulled a chair from the table to seat Kagura and then joined her.  "By the way, I forgot to say thank you."

"For what?" Kagura asked.

"I don't remember anything beyond the bathroom floor.  I figure you must have put me to bed," Sesshomaru answered.  "I'm grateful; that floor is a pretty hard place to sleep."

"Oh, it was nothing."  She fidgeted.  "Um, that's a really pretty robe you're wearing," Kagura said, looking away in obvious embarrassment.

Sesshomaru looked down at the cherry-blossom covered silk.  He had fallen so far out of his role that he'd sat down at the table like a man, and the opened robe left very little to the imagination.  "Ooops," he said, drawing it back in place.  "Sorry about that."

His cell phone lying on the counter started to hum.  Sesshomaru recognized the number as he picked it up.  Jaken at headquarters was checking in.  Sesshomaru excused himself from the kitchen and took the call to his room.

********

"Inu-Yasha, are you in there?"

Kagome was pounding on his door.  Inu-Yasha yanked it open, catching her as she stumbled inside.  "Now my day's finally improving," he said, kissing her.  "I was beginning to think – ow!"

"P-chan, no!" Kagome was scolding the small black pig she held.  The pig wriggled in her arms and squealed at Inu-Yasha.  "Isn't he just the cutest thing?" Kagome asked Inu-Yasha.  She hugged the pig and kissed the tip of his nose.

Inu-Yasha scowled at the interloper.  "P-chan?" he asked.  "Where'd you get this thing?"  He picked the pig up and looked at it.  "Figures," he snorted.  "It's a male."

"He was being chased by Kurama and his posse," Kagome told him.  "They were trying to perform some kind of exorcism on him or something.  I couldn't let the poor helpless animal get hurt!"  Kagome set the squealing pig down and let him run around Inu-Yasha's rooms.  "He's wearing a scarf with a locket tied to it that says P-chan," she continued.  "I need to find his owner."

"Feh," Inu-Yasha said.  "He's probably supposed to be the main attraction at tonight's dinner.  The restaurant will be calling as we speak."  He leaned down and spoke to the pig.  "Are you going to be turned into _Gee Yok Beng_ or _Cha Siu Bao?"  The pig squealed loudly and bit Inu-Yasha's finger._

"Oh, the poor little thing's scared to death," Kagome said.  "Inu-Yasha, would you watch him for me while I go to the security briefing?"

"Babysit a pig?  Are you crazy?"

"Please, Inu-Yasha?  I won't be very long and he can just stay here in your rooms."  Kagome put her arms around his neck and drew him to her.  "Please, for me?"  She kissed him slowly, running her hands down his back.

"Well, since you're asking so nicely…" he grumbled, reluctantly parting from her as the pig charged them.

*******

_I hate Naraku.  He's the one that gets me into these situations.  He can just find someone else to torture, because when this job is over, I'm quitting for good._

Kagura emptied the ramen into a bowl for Rin and silently handed it to the child.  Rin looked at her fearfully; as if she was afraid Kagura would walk out the door and leave forever.  _Which is exactly what I will be doing at the end of this assignment, no matter how much it hurts Rin.__  I hate myself._

"Miss Kagura?" Rin asked.  "Are you still mad at Uncle Koga?  I'm sorry I wanted ramen," she added miserably.

"Oh Rin," Kagura hugged her.  "It's not your fault I can't cook.  And it certainly isn't your fault Uncle Koga and I have terrible tempers."  She cupped the girl's face in her hands.  "Rin, grownups get in fights sometimes; just like kids do.  It doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen, it just means we need to apologize to each other.  And I'll tell Uncle Koga I'm sorry, okay?"

Rin nodded happily and started slurping her ramen.  Kagura ruffled her hair, wondering how in the world she was ever going to be able to leave this child wrapped so tightly around her heartstrings.  Maybe Sesshomaru could use an au pair on a regular basis…

She blanched.  She'd never be able to stay around Sesshomaru; in fact, she needed to get away from him as soon as possible.  When he was around, all she could think about was his calm, smooth voice and his gorgeous hair and tightly muscled body.  She'd realized he was strong, but seeing him lying on the floor wearing nothing but that skimpy towel this afternoon had placed an entirely different picture of him in her mind.  He had seemed so fierce and hard and _male_, and when that towel slipped while she was helping him into bed – her cheeks stained red at the memory and she swallowed.  He was absolutely beautiful.  It had taken every bit of willpower she possessed not to climb right in that bed with him.

Kagura allowed herself to fantasize about a normal life, one where she didn't have to work nutty hours and spy on cross dressers.  She would walk in the door every evening, and Rin would squeal excitedly and jump into her arms.  The smell of something wonderful would be coming from the kitchen, where she'd find Sesshomaru cooking dinner.  She'd wrap her arms around him and nuzzle his neck.  The baby would be jabbering in the highchair and the other children would cling to her legs, begging to be picked up as well…

What the hell?  When did her fantasies start becoming so - domestic?  She groaned.  A more likely scenario was one where Koga was coming home to Sesshomaru, who would look gorgeous in a red evening dress with matching heels and purse.  Meanwhile, she would be working for the Hellsent Detective Agency until she either married someone like Kuno or killed her boss, whichever came first.

******

"Miroku, are you sure about this?" Sango asked.  She leaned back against him and turned off the movie they were watching.  Her long legs draped over the end of the couch.

Miroku played with a strand of her hair.  "I checked with my own sources after hearing Inu-Yasha's story.  He told the truth – their father was found murdered with his own sword, just like Inu-Yasha said.  The authorities blamed the death on Vicious Dragon."

"Then that would mean Sesshomaru is out as one of the suspects," Sango said thoughtfully.  "I've never wanted to think of him as a criminal anyway.  It's hard to picture an assassin with such a sweet little girl."

Miroku frowned.  "I hate to bring this to your attention Sango, but you'd better not put him out of the picture yet."

"But Miroku, why?"

"He was supposed to be at a business conference in another city when the murder happened, but my source says he never showed.  He also has a passion for collecting old weapons."

"So what does that prove?" asked Sango.  "That doesn't sound like incentive to kill his own father."

"It proves nothing," admitted Miroku.  "But did you know he inherited every bit of his father's fortune?  Inu-Yasha was completely excluded from the will.  And money…"

"Money talks," finished Sango.

******

A/N:  Okay, if anyone started having a heart attack at the opening chapter sequence, I apologize.  Let me know if you think it exceeds a PG-13 rating and I'll change it. (The rating, not the scene.  Do you know how hard I had to work on that little bit of smut?)

CJ:  Migraines do suck.  I wrote that piece straight from experience *blechhh*  I might work in your suggestion if I can find a place for it.

Sandalwoods:  I'm glad that scene reminds you of old time novels, 'cause I love 'em.  Georgette Heyer = my hero.

Kakera No Yume:  Sesshy took that many pills because migraines really suck.  See above reference :D

Asteria:  Koga is definitely a rookie agent.  If he keeps this up, he'll be investigating new career options.

Thanks again to all my reviewers!  Big hugs!


	15. Information, Please

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels or Yu Yu Hakasho.  Also, if I owned any illegal weapons, I wouldn't be foolish enough to leave them around where someone else could see them.

*************

"Sesshomaru, those three girls are working for Naraku," Agent Jaken's voice crackled over the cell phone.  "The Hellsent Detective Agency is the front for the entire operation.  We've been checking into this, and it looks like there's a tie-in to murder as well as counterfeiting."

"Who's Naraku?" Sesshomaru asked.  He tried to concentrate on what his fellow agent was telling him, but his blood was rushing past his ears.  _Kagura…murder?___

"Naraku is a slippery customer involved in all kinds of criminal activities.  Problem is, we've never been able to pin anything onto him.  Of course, you might recognize him by another name.  He's also called Onigumo."

_Onigumo_.  Sesshomaru gripped the phone tightly in his suddenly sweating palms.  "If you know he's Onigumo, then why don't you have him in custody?" he bit out angrily.  "Or doesn't disappearing from the scene of a crime count as grounds for arrest?"

"Sesshomaru, the guys working on your father's case don't think Onigumo is the murderer.  They're hoping that if they back off and watch this Naraku for a while he'll lead them to Vicious Dragon," Jaken said patiently.  "They're giving Naraku just enough rope to hang himself with."

"So you think Vicious Dragon is the mastermind, and Naraku and Lazy Panda are just puppets?" he asked Jaken.

"More like criminal associates.  They don't seem to be working _for VD as much as __with him.  Remember the Thunder Brothers?  Naraku was up to his ears in that case, and walked away from it with quite a bit of cash."_

"What about the girls, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked heavily.  "Are they just petty criminals themselves, or are they something more?"

"We're not quite sure.  The girl Sango does have a criminal record; she and her younger brother Kohaku both served time for aggravated assault and battery.  They were involved as juveniles in a clash with a rival gang.  Both were originally charged with murder but plead guilty to the lesser charge in exchange for information on the gang leaders."

Sesshomaru heard Jaken shuffling some papers in the background.  "Kagome doesn't have a criminal record, but she's been investigated for jewel theft.  Some necklace called the Shikon no Tama disappeared from a shrine a few years ago, and Kagome was last one seen in the vicinity.  When questioned, she admitted she was near the shrine when the theft occurred, but get this – she claims she spent the entire time at the bottom of a dry old well on the grounds.  Said she'd fallen into it and couldn't climb out."

"And Kagura?" Sesshomaru asked reluctantly.

"She's the one we've really got our eye on.  She used to work for a strip club owned by none other than Naraku.  She's been arrested twice for prostitution, but was released both times because of lack of evidence," Jaken responded.  "According to reports, Kagura seems to have an insatiable desire for money and will stop at nothing to get it.  What really brought her to our attention was her artistic talent.  Apparently, she's a skilled engraver and can copy just about anything after seeing it only once."

"That would make her an attractive addition to a group of counterfeiters," Sesshomaru noted.  A sick feeling was rising in the pit of his stomach.  "Jaken, are you sure this information is correct?  I've dealt with all three women, and not a single one acts anything like your description."

"Sesshomaru," Jaken warned him, "these three girls are very smart.  They also have a _lot of experience with undercover deception.  For all we know, they could be working for Vicious Dragon themselves and double-crossing Naraku.  If that's the case, then they won't hesitate to dispose of anyone in their way.  Be careful and whatever you do, don't underestimate them!"_

"Got it.  Thanks, Jaken."  Sesshomaru slowly turned off his cell phone and dropped it on the floor.  Closing his eyes, he slumped against the bedroom wall, his head thrown back.  He cursed his blind stupidity as rage slowly unfolded inside him.  _She's a lying, traitorous bitch.  He pulled out his automatic pistol and checked it.  It was time to put her out of the way, even if it meant tipping off Lazy Panda._

He could forgive her involvement with anything, even his father's murderers.  But he'd never forgive her for endangering Rin.

And if anything happened to his daughter, he'd never forgive himself.

******

"Inu-Yasha, can I borrow your shower?"

Inu-Yasha stared at Ranma suspiciously.  "Why?" he asked the beautiful redhead.

"I have to get ready for the interview portion of the pageant tonight and, well, I've kind of got trouble hanging around my door."

Inu-Yasha raised his eyebrows.  "Trouble meaning…"

Ranma rolled his eyes.  "There's Kuno, his sister Kodachi, my un-cute fiancée, my cute fiancée, my Amazon fiancée and her mummified grandmother, my father and his best friend (who happens to be the father of my un-cute fiancée) and my father's crazed sensei," he said, ticking them off on his fingers.  "They're all wandering around near my rooms.  Hell, all I need is for Mousse and Ryoga to show up to make this stupidity complete."

Inu-Yasha gaped in wonderment.  "Your life," he stated, "makes mine look so…stable and serene.  Step inside," he opened the door and then halted as he noticed Ranma was carrying several suitcases.

"Whoa, what's with the luggage?" Inu-Yasha asked.  Ranma's true intentions dawned on him.  "Oh, no, you're not staying here permanently!" he protested.

"Please," Ranma begged him.  "You have no idea what it's like, Inu-Yasha.  I can't get a minute's peace!  I'll stay out of your way, I promise!"  Giant tears formed in his eyes.

"Hey now, stop that!  Don't cry!  I can't stand to see a girl – er, a guy who looks like a girl – er-" Inu-Yasha pleaded.

Ranma only sobbed harder.  "I've been so worried about my Pop," he wailed.  "I know he's in some kind of trouble.  And all of these people are constantly trying to pick fights with me…and…and…"

"All right, all right! You can stay here!" Inu-Yasha said exasperatedly.  "Just stop the waterworks, okay?"

Ranma's tears instantly dried.  "Thanks!  You're a real pal, Inu-Yasha."  He slapped Inu-Yasha on the back and smiled as he threw the suitcases in a corner of the living room.

"I'm a real saphead," muttered Inu-Yasha.  "Look Ranma, I have to go out for a little while.  My office downtown just called and needs me to check on something.  If Kagome stops by, will you tell her where I went?"

"Sure!"  Ranma was humming happily while gathering his things for the bath.  "And I'll be sure to stay out of the way if you two want to be alone.  You won't even know I'm here!"

"Right," said Inu-Yasha as he left.

He'd retrieved his car and driven halfway to his office when a stray thought crossed his brain.  _I w_onder if I should have told Ranma about that pig sleeping in the bathtub…__

*******

"The pig's gotta be around here somewhere, Yuseke," Kuwabara said as he and the rest of the group trudged through the palmettos and brush.

"Kurama, are you sure we're chasing a demon?" Hiei asked.  "That girl seemed pretty certain it was someone's pet.  And you did have a lot to drink last night," he added.

Kurama lifted his skirts and stepped gracefully over a fallen palm tree.  "I know what I saw, Hiei.  The pig changed into a man.  We are clearly dealing with a shape-shifting demon."

"Hey Kurama, you lost your boob again."  Kuwabara stopped and picked up the prosthetic.  "Let me brush the sand off," he offered.

"Good idea Kuwabara, seeing how that's the closest you'll be getting to any breasts in your lifetime," Hiei taunted.  Kuwabara threw the object at him.

"Cut it out, you two," said Yuseke, catching the false breast and handing it to Kurama.  "Can we concentrate on the matter at hand?  We've been here for days and we still haven't figured out who's sending those threatening letters to Tsubasa Kurenai."

"If we have a demon pig that can take human form, then he's my suspect," said Kurama.

A rustling sound came from the brush.  "The demon!" exclaimed Kuwabara.  The group readied for the fight.

"I'm going in after it!" Yuseke yelled.  "Cover me, guys!"

The sound of a fight ensued from the brush.  Suddenly, Yuseke came tearing out with a look of horror on his face.  The others barely had time to react before a growling panda leaped out at them.  Yelling, the group turned and ran back towards the resort.

*******

Kagura sank into the hot water with a sigh of relief.  Her hair and clothes reeked of burned plastic, and Rin had accidentally splattered her with the half empty ramen bowl.  She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift.  She was lying in Sesshomaru's bed, wrapped tightly in his arms.  The soft breeze was blowing through the open window, and the gentle sunlight glinted off the steel –

_Steel?_  She frowned at the interruption to her fantasy, trying to remember what had jarred her memory.  It was something she'd spotted when she'd helped Sesshomaru into his bed that afternoon, something lying with his crumpled clothes on the floor of the bedroom.

No.  It couldn't be the type of weapon she thought it was; could it?  Those knives were illegal - she'd dated that weapons fanatic long enough to learn all about the dark underworld of collectors.  So why would Sesshomaru have one of those?  And why carry such a valuable knife around with him?  It was definitely an antique…she scrubbed the shampoo into her hair, perplexed.

Time to consult with Kagome and Sango, she decided.  Things were getting too confusing for her scrambled brain.  She rinsed her hair and wrung the excess water from it.  Wrapping herself in a towel, she climbed from the tub and stood in front of the bathroom mirror.  Her reflection looked tired and worn, even through the fogged glass.  She saw the bathroom door open behind her.

"Rin," she sighed.  The girl had a bad habit of walking in on her without knocking.

Kagura froze at the sound of metal clicking on metal.  Someone had just released the safety on a handgun.  She didn't have to turn around to know the gun was being pointed at her.

"Who-?" she breathed the question.

"Enough," said Sesshomaru in a voice that seemed to come from the depths of the Arctic Circle.  "It's time to end this charade.  Turn around slowly, Kagura, and I might allow you to live."

*******

A/N:  Bwa ha ha ha, a cliff-hanger. *ducks rotten tomatoes*  :P Lavender

animegoddes-25 and drkdragnmistress:  Thanks for reading!  Maybe Naraku is a good guy, and maybe he isn't (evil grin).  Because this is alternate universe (AU), all characters are at the bidding of your author (dance, my puppets, dance!) and her twisted imagination.

CassidyJewell and Sandalwoods:  Thanks for your prompt reviews; apparently you stay up as late at night as I do :D  Now get back to updating your stories *cracks whip*  Just kidding, I love you guys!

Thanks to all of you who review, or even just take the time to read.  I really, really, really appreciate it! *hugs computer*


	16. Ms Understood

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own the rights to Charlie's Angels or Yu Yu Hakasho.  If this Hawaiian resort was real, I would own the bar.  Business would be brisk at a place like this.

*************

_He's Vicious Dragon?  How could I have let him fool me like this?_

Kagura's thoughts whirled through her in a storm of confusion and hurt.  The assassin had been in front of her all along; she just hadn't wanted to see it.  She hadn't wanted to see anything horrible in a man who loved his daughter so much, in a man who could be so sympathetic and tender underneath an air of formality.

Kagura slowly turned around to face Sesshomaru.  She didn't recognize the man who stood before her.  The soft-spoken, cultured and gentle man from this afternoon was completely absent, leaving behind a cold, angry person who looked at her through bitter eyes filled with hatred.  The look in his eyes made her blood chill.

_He's going to kill me._

Sesshomaru's hand holding the gun was perfectly steady.  If she so much as breathed too loudly he would shoot her; she was sure of that.  Kagura closed her eyes, unwilling to face this frozen stranger any longer.  Maybe if she kept her eyes closed, she would wake up from this nightmare.

"Miss Kagura!"  Rin's voice came from the other side of the door.  "Can I come in?"  She banged her tiny fist against the door.

Kagura's eyes flew open, and she nervously awaited Sesshomaru's reaction.  Would he kill her in front of his daughter?  Did he even care about the child, or was Rin just a pawn to cover his movements?  Sesshomaru quickly flipped the lock on the door he had closed behind him and silently motioned for her to answer Rin.  "Not right now, sweetie," Kagura said, her voice cracking with the effort.  "I'm in the bathtub."

"Miss Kagura, are you washing your hair?  I can help you rinse all the soap out.  You'll have to shut your eyes tight or you'll get soap in them and it stings.  Do you want me to help?" Rin's muffled voice came through the door.

Rin, precious little Rin, what was she going to do?  She had to protect her.  "No Littlebit, I'm almost done," Kagura somehow managed to tell the little girl.  "Go get in bed and someone…" she started to break down, "someone will be along to read you a story in a minute."  _It won't be me who reads her the story.  Help me._

"Don't call her that."

Sesshomaru's hoarse whisper surprised Kagura.  He was looking at her as though he would tear her apart.  What kind of a psychopath was she dealing with?

"Don't call her 'Littlebit'," Sesshomaru repeated, his whisper growing angrier.  "Don't call her by her nickname!  You sadistic bitch, how dare you come into my daughter's life and cause such pain and destruction?"  He advanced toward her and with one quick motion flipped a pair of handcuffs on her wrists, pinning her arms behind her back.

Tears formed in Kagura's eyes and ran down her cheeks as Sesshomaru shoved her down on her knees to the cold floor.  He stood over her and pressed the gun to her head.  She felt the metal touching her temple and began to shake uncontrollably.  Sesshomaru was going to kill her right here in the bathroom, with his daughter waiting in the next bedroom thinking someone would come in and read her a story.  Would she hear the gunshot and begin to scream?

In desperation, she found her voice.  "Don't, Sesshomaru," Kagura said, her voice so strained that she knew he could hardly hear her.  "If you truly love that child in the next room, then don't do this.  Don't shed blood in her presence."

He squeezed her throat painfully and slammed her head against the wall.  "What do you care?" he growled.  "Don't try to convince me she means something to you!"  He pressed the gun more tightly to her head.

_He loves Rin as much as I do._  The realization gave her hope, and for the first time, Kagura met his icy stare.  "I love that little girl like she was mine, and you damn well know it," she told him steadily.  "I would never harm her.  Will you?"

The gun pulled away from her temple slightly, and Kagura decided to press her advantage.  "If you think I'm too dangerous to keep alive, there's nothing I can do about it," she pointed out.  "But don't do this to Rin.  Take me away from here where she can't witness this."

Sesshomaru's cold eyes seemed to thaw slightly.  He yanked Kagura to her feet and unlocked the door.  "Keep your mouth shut," he ordered her.  Checking to see that Rin was out of sight, he pulled Kagura through the other rooms and into the master suite.

*******

"Inu-Yasha?  Inu-Yasha, where are you?" asked Kagome.  She had let herself in when Inu-Yasha had failed to answer her knock.  She spied a note on the coffee table and picked it up.

_Inu-Yasha went to downtown office, but will be back soon.  Please excuse the mess – Ranma._

Kagome surveyed the room.  Mess?  It looked like a Category 5 hurricane had swept through.  Clothing was scattered everywhere and the furniture had been shoved into awkward angles.  The pictures on the walls were hanging crookedly and the end tables were knocked over.  She frowned at an indentation in the wall.  It looked like someone's fist or head had been slammed into it.

The front door opened and shut behind her.  "Hey Kagome, it looks like you beat me back.  Did Ranma -"  Inu-Yasha broke off as he noticed the chaos.  "What happened here?" he asked Kagome in disbelief.  "It looks like a sumo match was held in my living room!"

Kagome handed him Ranma's note.  "I'm sure he has a wonderful explanation waiting for us," she said sarcastically.  "Why was Ranma here in the first place?"

"He conned me into letting him stay so he could hide from his not-so-nearest-and-dearest."  Inu-Yasha picked up a broken lamp and pulled a face.  "If this kind of trouble follows him around, it's no wonder so many people are after him.  Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked Kagome.

"Where's P-chan, Inu-Yasha?" Kagome was looking at him accusingly.  "Did you take him with you and leave him downtown?"

"The pig?  No, I left him here with Ranma, why?  Oh…" he stopped speaking and started looking around.  "I'm sure he's around here somewhere, Kagome.  He's probably hiding under something."

Kagome was tossing clothing around and searching under furniture.  "P-chan!  P-chan, where are you?" she cried.  "Inu-Yasha, I can't believe you left him with Ranma, of all people!  He's been reported for animal cruelty!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that?" Inu-Yasha demanded irritably.  "Ranma doesn't seem the type to abuse animals.  He's got enough problems of his own to take care of, trust me!  Anyone who'd take on _three_ women…" he muttered.

"What is it?" he asked Kagome as she gave a sudden yelp and put her hands to her face.

 "Nothing.  I just bumped my nose and it's bleeding," she mumbled through her hands.  Inu-Yasha passed her his handkerchief and she pressed it to her nose.

"Inu-Yasha, you don't suppose Ranma was fighting with P-chan, do you?" Kagome asked as the horrifying thought came to her.  The thought of P-chan bravely defending himself against a crazed cross-dresser made her start crying and her nose bled faster.  "P-chan's probably lying somewhere hurt, or-or-even dead!" she wailed.  "Inu-Yasha, do something!"  She flung herself into his arms.

"Wh-what am I supposed to do?" he stammered.  "Resurrect the walking pork chop?"  Kagome wailed even louder.  Fists began pounding on his door.  He edged over to answer, still holding Kagome, who was sobbing and bleeding into his shirt.  The pounding grew louder and he yanked open the door to see his brother's boyfriend.

"What do you want?" he snarled at Koga.

"I heard Kagome crying!  What's going on?"  Koga pulled Kagome away from Inu-Yasha.  "What did you do to her, you bastard?" he howled as he saw Kagome's nose.

"I didn't do anything!" Inu-Yasha yelled, grabbing Kagome and pulling her back to him.

"Don't lie to me!  I can see you've been beating her!  Just look at this place, did you throw her around the room?"  Koga yanked Kagome back to his side.

"You lame-brained idiot!  I didn't touch her!  She did that to herself with her own stupid clumsiness!"

They were interrupted by the sound of pounding feet and a squealing pig running past the room.  "P-chan!" Kagome screamed, dashing outside.  "Hey!  I thought I told you guys to leave – him – alone!" she yelled at the four men chasing the black pig.  "I'll have you disqualified from the pageant, Kurama!  I mean it!"  She ran into the dark night after the group.

A young woman wearing a karate gi dashed up to Inu-Yasha and Koga.  "Did you see a small black pig run this way?" she asked breathlessly.  They nodded, pointing.  "P-chan!" the girl yelled.  "P-chan, I'm coming!"  She ran after the others.

Kuno rushed into view, brandishing a wooden sword.  "Akane!" he shouted.  "Like the angels themselves, your winged feet cannot outrun my love forever!  Return to me!"  He chased the girl into the darkness.

Inu-Yasha and Koga watched in growing amazement as Kuno was followed by a girl wearing a leotard and throwing black rose petals.  Behind her ran another girl carrying an okonomiyaki spatula and a cat wearing several bracelets and hair jewelry.

"Is that…a panda?" Koga asked Inu-Yasha, pointing at another figure looming in the distance.

"Yep."

"I was afraid you were going to say that.  I need a drink.  Join me?"

"I'll buy," answered Inu-Yasha.  They headed for the bar in silence.

*******

A/N:  Ah, and it just gets crazier *stirs the plot* Will Sesshy and Kagura ever get things right?  Will Akane and Kagome come to blows over P-chan?  And what are Sango and Miroku doing while all this is happening?  (don't ask)

Sandalwood:  Haggis is made from the parts of a sheep that *normal* people throw away (crazy Scots, she mumbles, hiding her tartan).  It tastes about like you would imagine.  I haven't tasted or smelled fermented fish (are they anything like kippers or sardines?), but it's probably comparable as far as the gross-out factor goes.  Since pocky contains *chocolate*, I'd be adventurous enough to try it :P

Thanks again to all of you for reading!  Lavender


	17. Handcuffs

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels, Martina (Slayers Next) or a pair of handcuffs.

*************

"In there."  Sesshomaru motioned to the master bathroom and gave Kagura a push.  He felt a twinge of guilt as she stumbled and cracked her shin on the door.  He didn't mean to be so hard on her, he thought guiltily.  He'd never so much as slapped a woman before.

The only thing keeping him calm right now was Kagura's love for Rin.  That, at least, appeared to be genuine.  It was a shame the woman his daughter adored was going to prison for the rest of her life, he thought grimly.  Maybe he'd allow Rin to see her on visiting days.

They would enter through the secured gates and be led to the visitors section, where Kagura would be waiting for them.  They would face each other through the plexiglass partition; Kagura's face pale and wan against her orange prison jumpsuit.  Tears would form in her eyes at the sight of them, and Sesshomaru would place his hand against hers through the partition, trying to feel her touch…_Damn her to Hell!  She's making me lose whatever mind I have left!_

Sesshomaru kept the gun digging into her back while he freed one of her hands from the cuffs.  "Kneel here," he gestured to the floor by the toilet.  Closing the lid to the commode, he forced her to lay her upper body across the seat and wrap her arms around the pedestal of the toilet.  When she had done so, he handcuffed her wrists together again.

"What are you doing?" Kagura gasped.

"I've got to get to the pageant events.  Tonight's the interview portion," Sesshomaru informed her.  "I'm just making sure you'll still be here when I return."

"What are you going to list as your objective if you win the crown?" Kagura called from the bathroom as he hurriedly dressed.  "World domination?"

"Stricter punishments for manufacturers of cheap pantyhose," he replied as he squeezed into his corset.  Kagura was back to her usual feisty self, he realized with a grin.  He'd scared the shit out of her earlier, making her think he was going to kill her.  Of course, he _had_ been angry enough to kill her, but that was before Rin had interrupted them.  Before he had seen her concern that Rin would somehow be harmed…a thought prickled against the back of his mind that perhaps something was terribly wrong with this picture.

"Couldn't you at least give me back the towel I was wearing?" Kagura was complaining.

"Cold?"  He walked to the bathroom vanity and began to apply his makeup.  He closed an eye and applied the mascara, looking at her reflection in the mirror as he did so.  The view of her from the vanity was incredible.  "Sorry, but the towel stays off.  I'm not giving up any advantages."  He drew on his eyeliner and contoured his cheeks with the rouge.

Kagura glared at him in response and uttered several unladylike oaths, most questioning his parent's ancestry.  "Hmm, I can't have you making a lot of noise, can I?" Sesshomaru continued.  He grabbed the adhesive tape from the first aid kit in the cabinet and ripped several strips to place over her mouth.

"It's a shame to cover up such a pretty pair of lips."  He patted the tape into place, ignoring her muffled curses.  Her eyes shot pure angry daggers at him.  _Why not?  I've already crossed the brink of insanity…Sesshomaru grasped her chin and kissed her soundly through the tape before walking out and closing the bathroom door behind him.  _Never thought I'd be grateful for smudge-proof lipstick before.__

"Rin?" he poked his head into his daughter's bedroom.  She was propped up against the pillows, reading her favorite dog book.  "Miss Kagura's sleeping.  She's really tired, so promise me you won't go in her room and wake her up.  Uncle Koga will be here in just a minute to read you a story."  _And someday please forgive me for telling you such horrible lies._

Rin nodded her agreement and reached her arms up to him for a kiss goodnight.  "Okay!  You look really pretty tonight, Daddy.  Can I have a pink dress like yours?"

******

"Miroku, stop that!" Sango giggled and slapped his hands playfully.  "People can see us!"

Miroku drew her back into the palm trees.  "Okay, we'll just leave the path.  I'm sure there's some secluded spots."  He gave her a lecherous look and tugged her against him.  She tripped over his feet and they both fell to the ground laughing.

The feel of Sango lying on top of him sent all kinds of thoughts spiraling through Miroku's brain, none of them having to do with investigating assassins.  Why wasn't he bored with her yet?  One day in a woman's company usually had him longing to search out new horizons, but Sango entranced him.  Her hair, the subtle scent she wore, her deep, sad eyes, all of these permanently clung to his memories so that even when they were apart she seemed to be a part of him.  His hand inched down her backside.

She arrested his hand before it could reach his intended target.  "Do you hear that?" Sango asked him, scrambling to her feet.  "It sounds like a baby crying or something."

Miroku stood up and listened intently.  Sango was right; there was some sort of sound piercing the dark.  The couple was quietly moving towards the crying sound when something jumped from the tree next to them, startling Miroku and sending him sprawling headfirst into the dirt.

"Oh Miroku, look at it!" Sango exclaimed, picking up a cat.  "The poor thing's soaking wet!"  The cat sneezed in response and continued with its peculiar cry.

"She isn't wearing any tags," Miroku said as he checked the cat over.  "Probably just some stray hanging around the resort."

"But Miroku, look at these pretty bangles she's wearing," said Sango.  "And she looks too well-cared for to be a stray.  This has to be someone's pet.  Give me your shirt; she's shaking with cold."

"I have to give up my shirt for a cat?" Miroku muttered.  "The things I do for love!"  He removed his shirt and handed it to Sango.

"Do you really?" Sango asked as she wrapped up the shivering cat.  "Love me, I mean?  Or were you just saying that?"

Miroku touched her face with a gentle hand.  "Maybe using the word 'love' is rushing things between us," he told her, "but I do care about you, Sango.  Why does that surprise you so much?"

Sango stared at the toes of her combat boots.  "I'm not used to having people care," she murmured sadly, "especially people who know everything about me."

He gently brushed her cheek with a kiss.  "I think you're the most amazing woman ever to clobber me with a pool cue," Miroku told her.  "And if you weren't holding this sharp-clawed evil kitty, I'd show you just how great I think you are."  He dodged a swipe of a paw.

"We have to find her owner," Sango reminded him.  They headed back to the rooms.  "What are we going to call her in the meantime?" she continued.  "We can't just go around calling her 'cat'."

"How about 'Mouse-Breath'?" Miroku suggested.  The cat yowled and took another swipe at him with her paw.

Sango groaned.  "I'll just call her Kirara."

******

_"Our next pageant contestant is Ranma Saotome, representing __Furinkan__High School__.  Ranma, tell us a little bit about yourself.  It says here," the pageant host tapped his note card, "that you are a martial artist.  Which form do you practice?"_

_"I use the __Saotome__School__ of Indiscriminate Grappling style of martial arts.  I've been training since I was little."_

_"You're certainly our youngest contestant.  When did you begin wearing women's fashions?"_

_"Since I came back from that trip to the Jusenkyo Springs training grounds in __China__.__  I'll get you for this, Pop!"  Ranma jumped up and started shaking his fist at the camera, knocking aside the security personnel attempting to return him to his seat.  "You can't hide forever, you know!  You're around here somewhere, and when I find you I'm going to sell you to the nearest animal sanctuary, you overgrown zoo exhibit!"_

Koga looked at Inu-Yasha through bleary eyes.  "He's an interesting one."  He gestured towards the stage.  "Little excitable, wouldn't you say?"  He motioned the waitress for another drink.

Inu-Yasha didn't reply; he seemed to be busy trying to hold onto the table.  Koga gave a derisive snort at the other man's inability to hold his alcohol then grabbed Inu-Yasha's hand as he recognized the waitress approaching their table.  "Shit, it's that Martina woman!  She's completely off her nut.  Pretend we're together."  He pulled Inu-Yasha over to him.

"No way!" Inu-Yasha said in disgust as he struggled to move away from Koga.  "Get your hands off of me!  What if my brother sees us?"

"Trust me, he won't care," Koga told him as Inu-Yasha lurched drunkenly in his seat.  "We don't have an…um…exclusive relationship."

"So it's like that, huh?" Inu-Yasha stated.  "Well, you still better keep your hands to yourself.  And stay away from Kagome, too!  You…you…you wolf."  He tried to tap Koga with his pointed finger and missed, hitting the table instead.  Inu-Yasha made another grab for Koga and this time got a hold of his shirt.

"May I ask just what you're doing, little brother?" a cold voice spoke in Inu-Yasha's ear.

Inu-Yasha gazed at the blurred outlines of the woman standing next to Koga and tapping her foot impatiently.  "I didn't know I had a sister," he hiccupped.  "You know," he cocked his head to the side, "you look a lot like Sesshomaru.  Are you twins?"

"You idiot, I _am_ Sesshomaru.  Now be a good little boy and let go of Koga's shirt.  You're embarrassing me."

"You're the one wearing a dress, and _I'm embarrassing _you_?"  Inu-Yasha reluctantly let go and clumsily tried to straighten Koga's wrinkled collar.  "There," he patted it into place.  "Now you look much better."_

"Inu-Yasha, go and sleep this off," Sesshomaru ordered him.  "I'm up next in the interviews and I need to talk to Koga.  Leave!"

"Don' wanna," Inu-Yasha told him.  "Gotta be here for your interview and support you and stuff.  Family, you know."

Sesshomaru saw the producer frantically signaling him from the curtain wings.  "Koga, I need you to get back to our rooms," he told his partner.  "Quickly.  Rin needs someone to watch her."

"Where's Demon-Nanny?" Koga asked.

Sesshomaru glanced at his younger brother, who was slowly sliding beneath the table.  "Ook-lay in our athroom-bay," he ground out while keeping an eye on Inu-Yasha.  "Just get back there, now!"  Sesshomaru sprinted towards the stage then ran back to the inebriated pair.  "Oh.  One more thing.  Read Rin a story, she's waiting for one."  He dashed off.

"I am _not_ reading that puppy book again," Koga said stubbornly.  He hoisted Inu-Yasha to his feet.  "Come on, Inu-Yasha.  We have to leave."

"Where we going?" Inu-Yasha said in a dazed voice.

"Back to the rooms.  You have to read a bedtime story to Rin."

*******

A/N:  In case you're wondering if someone could actually be handcuffed to the toilet like Kagura, the answer is 'yes'.  The tank is against the wall, see, and…oh never mind.  Sophie-chan and I were just trying to think of the worst place to be handcuffed and came up with this one.  Poor Kagura, we are soooo mean to her.

*hugs her reviewers and throws rose petals at their feet*  Lavender


	18. Dogs and Cats

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I do own Golden Books' _The Poky Little Puppy, a book I think Rin would enjoy._

*************

"Uncle, are you going to read my bedtime story?"

Inu-Yasha swayed a bit as he walked over to Rin.  "Sure," he said as he sat down heavily beside her bed.  "What book?"

She handed him a battered and much-read volume.  "It's my favorite!" Rin informed him.  "I like the puppy!  Do you like puppies, Uncle?"

Inu-Yasha silently held his tattooed ankle up for her inspection.  "You have a picture of a dog on your leg!" Rin exclaimed joyfully.  "I want one!  Do you think Daddy will let me get a picture on my leg?"

"Wait until you're sixteen and do it when he's not looking," Inu-Yasha said conspiratorially.  "Trust me, he deserves it."  Rin looked at him with wide eyes.  "Just kidding," he finished lamely.  "Let's read this book, okay?"

One good look at the cover was enough to sober him up.  The book was very familiar to Inu-Yasha; he didn't even need to look at the pages to tell the story.  He knew every word by heart.  How many times had his own mother read this book to him?  And when his mother had become too ill to even talk, Sesshomaru had read it.  Every night, no matter how many times Inu-Yasha asked, his brother Sesshomaru had read the book aloud to him.

And he had forgotten all about it, he realized.  Somewhere through the years, after his mother had died and his father had been murdered and Sesshomaru had been left with more responsibility than any young man his age should have to carry, Inu-Yasha had forgotten his brother could be kind.  Too self-absorbed and focused on his own inner pain, he'd failed to recognize that his brother had also suffered from the loss of their parents.

He opened the book and wasn't surprised to see his mother's inscription inside the cover.  His hands trembled as he traced her words.  "To my wonderful sons, may you always have someone to give you a puppy nose," Inu-Yasha read aloud.

"What's a puppy nose?" asked Rin.  Inu-Yasha started, he'd forgotten where he was.  "It was kind of a family joke," he explained to the child.  "If your Daddy and I were upset, my mother would give us a puppy nose.  She would tweak our noses like this," he demonstrated, catching the tip of her nose with the tips of two fingers and gently tugging it.  Rin giggled in response.  "I don't know why she called it a puppy nose.  Just one of those funny things families do, I guess," he told her.

"I'm glad your Daddy hung on to this," Inu-Yasha added.  "I always figured I'd be reading this to my own kids some day."  And he would read it to them a million times, Inu-Yasha decided.  Visions of children with silver hair and Kagome's beautiful eyes appeared in his mind.  He would have to purchase another copy of this book to read to his children, though, because this copy was staying with Sesshomaru.  His brother clearly possessed a hidden sentimental streak.

********

_There's a naked woman in the master bath._

Koga sat down on the bed, trying to arrange his thoughts.  _Maybe I didn't really see that.  I've had a lot to drink.  Yeah, I'll open the bathroom door and there won't be a naked woman handcuffed to the toilet.  Yeah._

He opened the door and was disappointed yet again.  Not only was the naked woman still handcuffed to the commode, she was also Kagura, the Nanny from Hell.  What was his partner up to?  This was completely out of character for Sesshomaru, the senior FBI agent famous for never, ever, losing control.

Kagura was trying to talk through the tape covering her mouth.  Koga ripped it off, then immediately regretted his mistake.  Kagura was angry – no, make that extremely pissed off - and she didn't hesitate to let Koga know her feelings.  He slapped the tape back over her mouth in mid-curse.

"When you calm down, I'll remove it again," he told the furious woman.  He sat on the edge of the tub and made an effort to get his alcohol-fuzzed brain functioning again.  Unless Sesshomaru and Kagura were playing really kinky games, the only explanation for all of this was that something had gone terribly wrong with their surveillance operation.  Had Kagura seen something she shouldn't have and threatened to blow their cover?

The woman in question had calmed down and was looking at him with pleading eyes.  Koga removed the tape and she mumbled her gratitude.  He noticed Kagura was shivering from kneeling on the cold floor.  Taking pity, he grabbed Sesshomaru's robe from its hook and draped it about her shoulders, then waited in silence for Kagura to start talking.  He didn't have a clue as to what was going on, but he wasn't going to let _her know that._

Kagura finally spoke.  "So you're in this as well?" she asked quietly.  "You don't strike me as the type."

Koga raised his eyebrows at her.

"How can you be involved with this stuff and still sleep at night?  Doesn't your conscience bother you at all?" she asked, her temper clearly rising.  "I can't believe you guys are taking this deception to such lengths!  Talk about bringing your work home with you!"

She _had_ broken their cover.  No wonder Sesshomaru had locked her up, her big mouth was a hazard to everything they had worked so hard to achieve.  They'd have to try to keep her on ice until the operation was complete.  Maybe she could be convinced to cooperate and stay quiet about all of this…

"Aw, all this isn't so bad," Koga responded conversationally as he watched her attempt to stay under the slippery silk robe.  "I'll admit it's been hard to pretend I'm gay, but at least I don't have to dress up like Sesshomaru.  Of course, I haven't been doing this for very long," he told her.  "Sesshomaru's the one with all the experience."

Kagura's face paled and she looked like she was going to throw up.  "He-he is?" she whispered.

Why was she looking so horrified?  Working for the FBI wasn't _that bad a career decision.  "Yeah," answered Koga.  "He's been doing this for years and he's one of the best.  No one, and I mean no one, escapes Sesshomaru when he gets his teeth in them," he told her proudly.  "Take Rin's cold-hearted bitch of a mother, for instance.  She'd been hiding out for over eleven years, but Sesshomaru was able to track her down in just three months."_

Kagura's pupils dilated.  "Track her down?  You mean hunt her like some-some animal?"

"Well, yeah," Koga said.  "I guess you could compare it to hunting.  Of course, Sesshomaru had no idea he would wind up with Rin when he did all this.  It just kind of worked out that way.  Someone had to take care of the charming brat once her mother was out of the picture."

"You know, you should be really happy with yourself," Koga continued.  "Sesshomaru's a genius with the masquerade stuff.  You're the first one to ever poke a hole through his cover, so that's no small accomplishment.  You must be really observant," he smiled at her.

"Sesshomaru doesn't seem to be very happy about it," Kagura croaked.

Koga laughed.  "You've dealt Sesshomaru a major blow to his professional pride.  His thong panties were definitely tied in a knot when he showed up at the pageant.  That's good for him, though," he reassured Kagura.  "He needs to remember he can't be perfect all of the time.  Of course, I'm sure he'll think up some way to salve his wounded ego."

Her pale face had now turned an unpleasant shade of grayish-green.  "Koga," she rasped, "please uncuff my hands.  I'm going to be sick."  Tears were streaking down her face.

He grabbed his spare key and sprung the lock in time for Kagura to raise the lid of the toilet seat and empty her stomach.  Koga held her shuddering shoulders and handed her a washcloth for her face when she finished.  She was sobbing uncontrollably now, her breath coming in shortened gasps.

Kagura leaned against him, clinging to his shirt front.  "Koga, don't let him go through with this," she begged.  "Can't you see how wrong this is?"

"Well, I admit I feel guilty about all of this sometimes.  It's hard to be constantly deceiving people, especially when they're nice to you."  Koga gave her a rueful grin.  "Oh well, that comes with the territory, right?  When you're paid to do a job, you just hold your nose and do it."  He gently disengaged her hands.  "Sit back down now, because Sesshomaru's going to be back any minute and I know he'll want to deal with you personally."

Kagura let out a terrified cry and began to crumple to the floor.  Koga reached out to catch her falling form and was greeted with a sharp pain in his forehead.  The last thing he saw before his world went black was Kagura.  Her eyes were full of fear, but her body was crouched in the fighting stance of a martial artist.

*******

Miroku stretched out more fully in the bath and felt the warm water loosen his tense muscles.  What an assignment.  He couldn't write about half of what had happened; no one would believe a word of it.  Of course, if the only high point of this junket was Sango, then the trip was worth it.

He could hear Sango finish her conversation on the phone in his bedroom.  She had called the operations center and discovered Kagome in the throes of some crisis involving a pig.  Miroku had immediately headed for the bath when he heard the news.  It was bad enough having to deal with a cat, he wasn't about to get suckered into pig-sitting.

He'd better send some copy to Kaede, he mused.  His editor would be calling him at any moment, wanting progress reports on the pageant and pictures as well.  Miroku grimaced.  Some of these guys looked pretty damn good in a dress.  He shook his head, trying to clear the mental images.  

A whiskered nose nudged the bathroom door open, and Miroku watched casually as the cat strolled in.  He had to admit, 'Kirara' certainly had all the appearances of someone's pampered darling.  She was too well-fed and pretty to be some alley stray.  The cat jumped onto the lip of the bathtub and started grooming herself, staring at Miroku the entire time.

Miroku sank deeper into the water, ignoring the ring of the telephone.  It could only be Kaede, and he didn't feel like leaving the warm bath to argue with his editor.  He heard Sango's boots thump across the floor and the ringing stopped.

The cat was starting to give him the creeps.  If he didn't know better, he'd swear the cat was checking him out.  She was following his every movement, making Miroku keenly aware that not a single part of his body was hidden from her view.  'Kirara' walked daintily along the edge of the bath and then, with a single splash, jumped into the warm water.  Miroku sat up, startled.

Sango banged through the open door.  "Miroku, it's your editor Kaede on the phone-" she stopped speaking and gasped.

A curved figure had wrapped herself around Miroku, her long hair flowing loose to her waist.  "You so handsome!" the beautiful young woman squealed.  "You date Shampoo?"

"You slimy, sneaking, low-life, two-timing bastard!" Sango screeched at him.  "I take my eyes off you for five minutes and you're already with another woman!"  She threw the phone at him, connecting with his eye.

"No!" Miroku protested, trying to rise from the bath.  Shampoo was locked around his torso, dragging him back down into the water.  "Sango, it's not what you think!  I swear!" he hollered at her retreating form.  He pushed himself away from the clinging girl and jumped from the tub to run after Sango.

His foot connected with a wet spot on the floor and he went skidding into the opposite wall.  As he lay on the hard floor trying to make the buzzing noise in his head stop, Miroku noticed that in his haste he had pressed the handle of the shower faucet and cold water was dousing the entire bathroom.  He crawled back to the faucet and shut if off, then lay on his back as the room spun around him.

A thoroughly drenched 'Kirara' pranced up to him and sat on his chest.  Miroku looked at the purring animal through his painfully swollen eye.  The cat appeared to be smiling.

*******

A/N:  Oh my, poor Kagura and Sesshy are at a complete misunderstanding, and Koga's running mouth certainly isn't helping matters.  And we certainly can't blame Shampoo for thinking Miroku's a hottie, now can we?  I've always thought Shampoo must get tired of Ranma running away from her all the time…

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!  I've noticed most of you keep very late hours, so here's some No-Doze *rummages through desk*  Darn, I seem to be all out.  Okay, here's some chocolate instead :D Lavender


	19. Understanding

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I used to own a shower curtain, but it's now missing.

*************

_I don't want to do this._

Sesshomaru hesitated before the bathroom door, not wanting to enter.

_I'll go in there and tell her I have to turn her in to the authorities.  And that I'll visit her in prison – No!  I'll tell her that if she cooperates we can probably work out some kind of plea bargain and maybe they'll release her into my custody – Shit!  Okay, I'll go in there and unlock the handcuffs and just let her walk out free because she's probably just some pawn in all this, even though she's far too intelligent to be somebody's pawn so she's probably really up to her neck and maybe even committed some of the murders herself but that would be a waste of her counterfeiting skills – Dammit, dammit, dammit!_

Sesshomaru took a deep breath to steady his nerves and opened the door.

He fully expected to see Kagura handcuffed to the toilet.  After all, that's how he'd left the woman.  Instead, Sesshomaru viewed the shower curtain rod, which had been torn from the wall and was lying across the sink.  The curtain was missing.  The wastebasket had been overturned and propped against the wall, where it had obviously been used as a stepping stool to reach the bathroom window.  The most unforgettable sight - the sight that would be burned into his brain for the rest of his life - was the sight of his unconscious partner, Koga, slumped over the toilet.  The toilet seat had been ripped off and was dangling from his neck, and Kagura hadn't neglected to use the handcuffs.

And just to be certain he never forgot this moment, Sesshomaru grabbed the digital camera.  This was definitely one for posterity.

*******

"Kagura?"

Kagome looked in astonishment at the woman standing before her.  No designer clothing, no Prada handbag, no Gucci shoes – Kagura was wearing nothing but a shower curtain.

"Don't ask," Kagura choked.  "Just lock the door and don't let anyone in!"

Kagome led the shaking woman to a nearby chair.  "What happened to you?" she asked Kagura.  "Are you hurt?"

"No," Kagura burst into tears.  "But he's going to kill me.  Oh shit, Kagome, what am I going to do?  He'll hunt me down – he never gives up!"

"Who?" Kagome asked her.  "Who's going to kill you?"

"Sesshomaru," whispered Kagura.  "He's Vicious Dragon!  Damn, I'm going to be sick again!"  She ran into Kagome's bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

Sesshomaru was Vicious Dragon?  Kagome snorted.  The thought was laughable.  Kagome had eliminated him from the suspect list days ago, right after Inu-Yasha had inadvertently given him an alibi for the time of their father's death.  She shook her head sadly.  _Overwork.  Naraku's finally pushed poor Kagura over the edge.  _

*******

"Wake up, Inu-Yasha!"  His brother's voice was loud in his ear.

"Five more minutes," Inu-Yasha grumbled.  "It can't be time for school already."

He felt a light kick to his backside and swatted at the foot.  "Cut that out, Sesshomaru!  Who cares if I miss my first class?"  _Stupid bastard, doesn't he know I need more sleep than he does?_

An ice-cold splash of water fell over him, and Inu-Yasha jumped up.  "Dammit Sesshomaru, what the hell was that for?" he shouted.  "Get out of my room!"

"I need you to tell me what happened to Kagura!" his brother was yelling.

Inu-Yasha blinked.  He wasn't back in his old home, he wasn't in high school…he must have fallen asleep on Rin's bedroom floor.  He looked over at the bed where Rin was lying asleep with the puppy book tucked in her arms.  Inu-Yasha couldn't believe she was sleeping through the noise.

"Calm down, Sesshomaru," Koga was saying.  "Inu-Yasha was snoring off that booze.  Twelve monkeys could have come through here dressed in tights and dancing the Lambada and he wouldn't have noticed.  Quit trying to get him to give you answers he doesn't have."

"Kagura has escaped and you're telling me to calm down?" Sesshomaru shouted.  "I want her found!"

"You want me to get out there and start looking for her?" Koga asked Sesshomaru.

"If you find her, is she going to give you another concussion?" Sesshomaru asked him.  Koga winced in embarrassment.

Inu-Yasha looked at the two with interest.  "What did you do to piss her off?  And what do you mean 'Kagura's escaped'?  Escaped from where?" he asked.

"Inu-Yasha," his brother interjected wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "you have absolutely no idea what's going on with Kagura, so I suggest you stay out of this if you can't tell me where she's gone."

"Is this about the detective stuff?" asked Inu-Yasha.  The two men swiveled their heads toward him.

"How do you know about that?" Koga sputtered.

Inu-Yasha flushed.  "Well, Kagome sort of told me some things," he mumbled.  "She kind of had to explain what was going on when I caught her planting a microphone in the reception area."

"Inu-Yasha, why didn't you say something about this to me?" his brother inquired angrily.  "Don't you think I would have liked to have known my au pair was actually a detective?"

Inu-Yasha shrugged.  "Sesshomaru, her case has absolutely nothing to do with you, and she'd never let anything interfere with taking care of Rin.  All she's doing is keeping an eye out for someone.  Kagome and Sango are taking care of the heavy work."

He yawned and stretched sleepily before continuing.  "Anyway, Kagura isn't exactly qualified to do a lot for this case.  Her skills are more in the 'aren't-I-sexy-why-don't-you-give-me-information' department, which is pretty useless around a bunch of cross-dressers.  The only other choice was to have her tending bar."

"Kagura has bartending experience?"  Sesshomaru was having trouble following Inu-Yasha's conversation.

"Yeah, she worked as a bartender in a strip club Naraku used to own.  When he opened the detective agency she was the first one he hired."

"Why would he hire a bartender to do detective work?" Koga wondered.

"Because Kagura has a photographic memory and she can draw anything she sees from memory.  That's a skill you can't find just anywhere," Inu-Yasha answered.  "Do you realize how valuable that is for identifying people?"

Sesshomaru cursed and hit his hand against the wall.  "I work with a bunch of fools," he said to no one in particular.  "Stay here in this room and don't leave until I get back," he ordered Koga.  "And don't let Inu-Yasha leave either.  I'm going to find Kagura."

"What should I say if Jaken calls?" Koga wanted to know.

"Tell him he's fired."  Sesshomaru stalked out of the room.

Koga smirked at Inu-Yasha.  "He doesn't have the authority to fire Jaken.  Sesshomaru might go ahead and kill him, though."  He sat down on the floor next to Inu-Yasha and closed his eyes.  "Now there's a great fantasy…Jaken…dead…mmm."

*******

He had to find her.  Where would she run wearing nothing but a shower curtain?  He'd pounded on Sango's door, but there was no answer.  Time to try Kagome's place.  To his surprise, not only was Kagome there, but she opened her door and let him in before he'd even knocked.  "Do you always bring strange men in your room at night without question?" Sesshomaru asked her.

"Only if they look really cute in a dress," she assured him.  "Seriously, I was expecting you.  Kagura showed up a while ago in complete hysterics.  What did you do to her, Ms. Fluffy?"

"I know you work for Naraku, so you can drop the Ms. Fluffy bit," Sesshomaru told her.  Kagome looked surprised, but didn't answer.  "Where did you say Kagura was?" Sesshomaru prompted.

"In the shower.  I figured it was appropriate, considering what she was wearing when she arrived.  You've scared her pretty badly, you know that?" Kagome asked him.

"Believe me, it's a complete misunderstanding.  I'll explain it when she gets out - "

Sesshomaru was cut short by several screams coming from the bathroom.  "What the hell?" he shouted as he ran to the bathroom door and yanked on the handle.  The door was locked.  As he tried to break the door down, he could hear Kagura swearing and what sounded like someone being kicked.

The door suddenly gave way and Sesshomaru burst into the bathroom.  Kagura was yelling and pointing to the closed shower door.  "There's a naked pervert in the shower!" she screamed.  "Get him!"

Sesshomaru yanked opened the shower door and looked inside the small tiled enclosure.  "There's no man in here, Kagura," he said as he turned off the running water, which by this time had turned freezing.  "There's just a little black pig wearing a scarf around his neck.  Geez, what did you do to it?  The pig's out cold."

Kagura was now sitting huddled on the floor, curled into a tight ball.  "No more," she whimpered.  "I just can't take any more."

Sesshomaru knelt beside her and scooped the overwrought woman into his arms, holding her tightly.  "It's okay, it's going to be okay," he murmured, stroking her hair as he tried to calm her down.  "Everything's all right.  No one is going to hurt you, I won't let them."  He gently kissed her face and wiped the tears flowing down her cheeks.

"You're not going to – to kill me?" Kagura sniffed.  "But you're Vicious Dragon!  You always find your target!"

Sesshomaru pulled her closer to him.  "Somewhere during this insane night, you and I have had some severe misunderstandings.  So let's get some items clear between us:  I am not an assassin; you are not an assassin.  I am not gay; you are not a former stripper.  I am not a cross-dresser and you are not a counterfeiter.  You're not even an au pair, you are a detective.  You, Sango and Kagome work for Naraku; Koga and I work for the FBI.  Did I leave anything out?"

Kagura shook her head.

Sesshomaru didn't know how much time they passed sitting on the bathroom floor, nor did he care.  He was holding the woman of his dreams and telling her how much he loved her.  Kagura, beautiful Kagura, was pressing her body against him and winding her fingers through his hair.

The fact that Sesshomaru was doing all of this while wearing a pink dress and silk stockings didn't seem to bother Kagura too much.  She was removing his hairpins and tossing them behind her.  Somewhere, in a place far away, he was sure his father was looking down at him and watching – and laughing himself sick.

"You really work for the FBI?" Kagura asked, kissing him.

"Sure," Sesshomaru said as he kicked off his stiletto heels.  "Want to see my badge?  It's a big one."

"Like I haven't heard that line before," Kagura rolled her eyes.

******

A/N:  Okay, it's a long chapter, but I was getting death threats from Sophie-chan for not bringing Kagura and Sess to some kind of understanding.  It's a shame, because I think I could have tortured them for at least three more chapters.

I also apologize for the somewhat serious overtones in the last couple of chapters, but I do have to put in a plot (sort of).  I promise there will be plenty of insanity ahead, as I have yet to get to the chapter with the talent/swimsuit competition.  Please direct any complaints about said competition to Sophie-chan, this was her idea :P

Now, a short note from my fellow conspirator:

_Sophie-chan: Thank you, I –_

Told you it was short - *snickers at angry Sophie-chan* - that's what you get for drinking my last Coke! *Sophie-chan throws empty can at Lav*

Thanks so much to all my reviewers!  There's actually too many of you to name *gasps in amazement* but it means so much to me to know you are reading this!  An especially big hug to my regular reviewers – you know who you are and I loff you!  :) Lavender


	20. Hi Bob!

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I will also not leave directions as to how to play 'Hi Bob' lest I be accused of encouraging senseless alcohol consumption.

*************

Sango groaned as the early morning light pierced through her closed eyelids.  _Too early, it's way too early to get up.  My head is killing me.  She snuggled closer to the sleeping man beside her.  __Mmm, so warm and cuddly, just like a big puppy dog._  I'll just sleep awhile longer; they don't need me over at the operations center until later…__

Her eyes snapped open and she let out an involuntary gasp.  Sleeping man?  Sango sat up and looked around.  She was in a room, in a bed, and it wasn't hers.  She was also very, very undressed.  She closed her eyes again, praying desperately to wake up and find this was a dream.

_Okay… I found Miroku in the bathtub with another woman, I left his rooms, and then - then what did I do?  Oh yeah, I went to the bar and starting watching old reruns on the television in there.  Then I started playing that game, what was it?  'Hi Bob'.  I was playing 'Hi Bob' and then I was going to find Kagura and see if she wanted to play 'Hi Bob'…_

Her recollection after that point was pretty vague, Sango realized.  She was pretty sure she'd stumbled along to Sesshomaru and Koga's rooms looking for Kagura, but she didn't remember finding Kagura.  She remembered finding Inu-Yasha and Koga muttering something about the whole world gone crazy and Kagura escaping.  Then they'd gone into Kagura's room and started playing 'Hi Bob', but Koga didn't want to play…_Inu Yasha? Oh please, no._

Sango carefully pulled back the covers from around the shoulders of the slumbering form beside her.  Silver hair, dog tooth necklace and muscled chest greeted her eyes.  _Shit.  _This wasn't a weird dream; it was a horrible nightmare.  Sango hurriedly threw on some clothing from Kagura's closet and snuck quietly out of the room.  Taking one last look at the sleeping Inu-Yasha, Sango had to admit he was easy on the eyes first thing in the morning.  Too bad it was going to be the last thing she ever saw, because Kagome was going to kill her.

*******

Inu-Yasha awakened shivering with cold.  He'd been so warm a few minutes ago, what happened?  As he tried to make some sense of his surroundings, he discovered he couldn't open his eyes.  They seemed to be glued together with some tacky substance, and someone had substituted a wad of cotton where his tongue used to be.

When he was finally able to pry his eyes open, Inu-Yasha immediately regretted it.  Someone had turned on the sunshine to maximum wattage, and it burned through his brain.  He moaned and pulled the pillow over his head. _I am one hungover sonofabitch, he thought.  This is all that damn Koga's fault.  And Kagura's.  She should have been the one playing stupid drinking games with Sango last night, not me._

Sesshomaru hadn't been gone for five minutes when Sango showed up.  Inu-Yasha had tried to tell her that Kagura wasn't there, but Sango couldn't seem to comprehend any of it.  Come to think of it, Inu-Yasha wasn't sure _he_ understood what was going on.  Kagura had escaped?  He still didn't know what that was all about.  Sesshomaru had been blathering on about someone named Jaken and asking a bunch of questions about Kagura's detective work, and Koga (as usual) hadn't made any sense at all.

Inu-Yasha rolled onto his stomach and nudged his nose into the crook of his arm, trying to better shut out the hated sunlight.  He vaguely wondered if Kagome would be mad at him for telling Sesshomaru about the girls working for Naraku.  Sesshomaru hadn't seemed to mind too much; apparently he was just pissed because he hadn't known about it.

The thought of Sesshomaru not knowing something made Inu-Yasha smile.  If there was anything his brother hated, it was being left out of the loop.  Lack of knowledge was terrifying to Mr. Control Freak.  Inu-Yasha wondered how his brother and Koga had even become a couple, considering how absolutely unpredictable the younger man was.  Oh well, he decided, it was good for Sesshomaru to have someone bring a little insanity into his well-ordered life.

He'd awakened when Sango left the bed, Inu-Yasha realized.  What a mess _that had been last night.  Sango spent half the night crying and the other half threatening to emasculate Miroku with her bare hands.  Meanwhile, she'd been banging shots of whiskey the entire time and raging on about some cat she'd found.  She'd finally passed out, leaving Inu-Yasha no choice but to throw her in Kagura's bed to sleep it off.  He couldn't carry her home; he was too drunk himself by that time and that idiot Koga wouldn't let him leave anyway because Sesshomaru had ordered him to stay._

After a while, Inu-Yasha found he could actually open his eyes without dying.  He slowly pulled himself from the bed while silently thanking the absent Kagura; otherwise he'd have spent the night on the faux nanny's floor.  Of course, if Kagura _had_ been there then he wouldn't have had to drag the thoroughly drunken Sango into the shower last night after she threw up all over everything including himself.  Inu-Yasha made a mental note to wash – no, make that burn - the clothing they'd been wearing.

If he didn't want to walk back to his room wearing a towel, he'd have to borrow something to wear from his brother.  Inu-Yasha pondered Sesshomaru's current wardrobe and shuddered.  He'd better borrow something from Koga instead.  Pink was _so_ not his color.

*******

"Good morning, Daddy!" Rin bounded into the front room.

Sesshomaru motioned her to whisper, pointing to the lump on the couch next to him.  He shifted the sleeping Kagura from his arm before she cut off the circulation completely.  Although it had been late when they returned to the rooms, neither one of them had paid attention to the time.  Instead, they'd huddled together on the couch and talked most of the night, finally going to sleep in each other's arms.  It still blew his mind that he could find so much to say around her, but Kagura just seemed to draw him out.  She really seemed to care about his hopes and fears and dreams and all of the other stupid day to day stuff.  The thought humbled him and scared him and thrilled him all at the same time.

Rin was lifting the huge blanket that covered Kagura from head to toe and giggling.  "Daddy, she's snoring!"

"No she's not, Littlebit.  She's just…breathing loudly."  He smiled.  Kagura _was_ snoring, but after everything she went through last night, who could blame her?

"How come she's sleeping in your lap?" Rin wanted to know.  She clambered up on the other side of him and pulled part of the blanket over her.

Sesshomaru debated how much to tell the child.  He didn't want to compromise Kagura's cover up any more than his own.  Finally, he decided the straightest path was best.  "We stayed up too late talking and she fell asleep using my shoulder for a pillow."

"How come you didn't carry her to bed?  That's what you do when I fall asleep on the couch," Rin pointed out.

Fortunately, the truth answered that question as well.  "Your Uncle Inu-Yasha borrowed her bed to sleep in because he stayed here too late last night.  It seems he was reading a certain little girl I know a story, and she kept making him read it over and over and over."

Rin clapped her hands over her mouth in delight.  "Daddy, Uncle showed me the picture of the dog on his leg.  Can I have a picture on my leg?  Please?"

"No.  Absolutely not."  He was going to throttle his younger brother.

"Please, Daddy?  I want a picture of a puppy!"

"I said no.  Don't ask again," Sesshomaru ordered his daughter.  Her lower lip trembled as he chastened her, and she hid her head under the blanket.

"I'll tell you what, Littlebit," Sesshomaru relented.  This child had him completely wrapped around her tiny finger.  "How about we get a real puppy when we get back home?  That would be much better than some silly tattoo."

She beamed and planted a sticky kiss on his cheek.  "Can we get a white puppy like in my book, Daddy?"

"Sure, why not?" he agreed.  He briefly wondered what Kagura would think of this impending addition to the family.  She'd probably scoff and tell him not to expect her to care for the whelp.  Then she'd turn around and care for it.

"Go and get dressed, Rin.  Try not to make too much noise, or you'll wake up your Uncle. And no one," Sesshomaru warned her, "is grumpier than he is in the morning."  Rin nodded obediently and tiptoed off to her room.

By this time, Kagura was buried so deep under the heavy blanket that not a single part of her was showing.  Sesshomaru stretched his legs and arranged her more comfortably across his lap and grabbed the television remote.  He was flipping through the channels to find the scores from last night's game when a news item caught his attention.

Panda sightings in Hawaii?  He shook his head in disbelief.  It sounded like the sun-baked tourists had been consuming too many margaritas.

Sesshomaru heard a slight cough and looked away from the set.  Inu-Yasha was standing in the entryway wearing nothing but a towel and a blush.  "That floral pattern doesn't suit you," he informed his brother.

"Don't start with me, you have no idea what I had to put up with last night," Inu-Yasha told him.  "I need to borrow something to wear."

"That disgusting pile of vomit-covered laundry you left on the bathroom floor gave me a pretty good idea what happened," Sesshomaru responded.  "Check that basket in the hall, I think Koga's got some clean clothes in there you can use.  Tell me, does Sango make a habit of drinking until she pukes, or was this a momentary aberration?"

"Beats me, I don't know her that well.  It seemed like a one-time thing, though."  Inu-Yasha's voice was muffled as he spoke from the hallway.  "What the hell was going on last night, anyway?  Did you ever find Kagura?  And who's this Jaken guy you were yelling about?"

Apparently Koga had kept his mouth shut about their operation, showing the first trace of common sense Sesshomaru had witnessed in the rookie since they started this nutty escapade.  He gazed down at his blanket-hidden au pair.  "Yes," he called out to Inu-Yasha.  "I found Kagura.  And Jaken is an old – acquaintance."

Inu-Yasha reappeared in the front room, pulling on a borrowed shirt.  "Jealous ex-boyfriend, you mean, don't you?  I'm leaving; Kagome's probably wondering where the hell I am this morning.  Tell Koga I said thanks for the clothes."  He nodded meaningfully towards the blanket covering Kagura.

Sesshomaru let him keep his erroneous assumption.  If Inu-Yasha thought he and Koga were cuddling on the couch, let him.  It just made their masquerade a little easier.  He smiled wickedly and planted a kiss on Kagura's head through the blanket.  She responded with a loud snore, unwittingly lending credence to his deception.

He heard Inu-Yasha close the door and sighed with relief.  Maybe today would be quiet and calm and he could actually do some useful surveillance, instead of jumping to false conclusions and chasing a runaway nanny.  If everything went well, he might even be able to look forward to a quiet dinner in the rooms with just Rin and Kagura.

_They would laugh and discuss the events of the day.  Rin would be chattering away and wind up wearing half her food.  Kagura would get her ready for bed and they could both read the puppy book to Rin.  His daughter would finally fall asleep and they would tuck her in and retire to the master bedroom.  There, he would take Kagura in his arms and…_

Koga ambled into the front room holding several strands of wire.  "Hey Sesshomaru, don't forget the swimsuit competition is being held this afternoon.  Do you think I should wire the microphone into your bikini top or your hair ribbon?"

"How about around your neck?" Sesshomaru growled.

******

A/N:  If you find the mental images of the swimsuit competition to be disturbing, please forgive me.  If you _don't find these images disturbing, I probably don't want to hear about it. :P  Lavender_

Megumi Sagara1:  Gracias!  Yo estoy contento Usted es leiendo mi cuento.  (Mi gramatica espanola es mal, perdon.  Yo hablo un poco de espanol  - muy poco!)  :)  Lavanda

EEEEK!  I passed 100 reviews!  I had no idea this would happen! @-@  *Brushes CK's confetti out of hair and shakes kakera no yume off of leg.*  Thanks also to Asteria, Elementsofmine and Miko Ariko-901 for reviewing! 


	21. Bleach

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I also don't own Xelloss (Slayers Next), Kurama (YuYuHakasho), or anything remotely resembling the swimwear described in this fic.

*************

Sango sat at the water's edge and sniffled.  The roar of the surf, normally such a soothing sound to her, seemed to be crashing into her head over and over.  Even the ocean seemed to be against her today, she thought in self-pity.  The ocean, Miroku, that stupid cat she'd found, all of them were in a plot to make her miserable.

_Damn Miroku!_  She threw a piece of shell into the waves.  When she'd seen him this morning he'd tried to act like he was so innocent about last night.  Right, she snorted to herself, a naked woman just happened to turn up in his bath.  Happens all the time!  Stupid lecher!  She should have known better than to get involved with him.

A guilty thought reminded her she wasn't exactly on the side of the angels.  Sango blushed at the memory of waking up next to Inu-Yasha.  What on earth had she been thinking last night?  Here she'd gone and ripped Miroku into tiny shreds, and then she'd done something just as bad herself.  In fact, her actions were even worse than Miroku's, because there was still a tiny possibility that Miroku was telling the truth.  Whereas she had no excuses whatsoever; unless you counted innate stupidity.

Sango wished she at least had the cat to cuddle with, but the stupid beast had hissed and scratched her when she tried to take it from Miroku this morning.  Some gratitude!  The feline was permanently attached to Miroku's shirt when Sango left this morning, clawing at anyone who attempted to remove her from Miroku's shoulder.  Then Miroku had insisted the cat couldn't be named 'Kirara' because the name didn't suit her.  He'd started calling her 'Shampoo' because of the cat's liking for the bathtub.

She heard a faint mewling sound and turned.  Lazily walking across the sand was the fattest cat she had ever seen, looking as if it hadn't a care in the world.  The cat rubbed against her and nudged her hand with its little nose.

"What do you want?" Sango asked the feline.  "Are you going to hate me, too?"

The cat mewed again and jumped into her lap.  Sango inspected the overweight ball of fluff, looking at the odd stripes on the tail.  "So you're a girl," she observed.  "How would you like to be called 'Kirara'?  I'll even feed you if you promise not to chase after Miroku."

She'd obviously said the magic words, because Kirara responded by purring loudly and nuzzling further into her lap.  Sango sat on the beach and stroked the soft fur.  "Thanks," she told the cat.  "Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem."  She got to her feet and brushed the sand from her body.  "Let's go, Kirara.  I have to face Inu-Yasha sometime today; I might as well get it over with early.  Geez, this is so embarrassing!  And what am I going to say to Kagome?"

*******

"What the hell is that thing on your shoulder?"

"_She_ is a cat," Miroku patiently told Koga.  "I've named her Shampoo, and she seems to have decided she belongs to me.  Is that seat taken?"

Koga scooted over to make room for the reporter.  "Do you always wear a cat, or is this just a special occasion?"

"I can't remove her without getting scratched.  Feel free to make the attempt if you don't mind missing a few chunks of skin."  Miroku took out his laptop and started to type.  "What's Ms. Fluffy wearing?  The fashion editor wants me to include lots of detail."

"He's wearing a fetching little number made of the newer materials.  It's a turquoise leopard demi push-up top with matching short bottom," Koga described.

"I see.  And what about Xelloss?"

"Black one-piece plunge with medium rear coverage.  I don't think it flatters him, personally.  Kurama has made a better choice.  He's going with the pale lemon bandeau top, matching bottom and micro mini."

Miroku stopped typing and looked over his eyebrows at Koga.  "You sound like you know a bit about swimwear fashion," he observed.  "Is this a particular passion of yours?"

Koga stirred the ice cubes in his drink with a toothpick.  "You could say I have a bit of experience," he admitted.  "I used to work as a marketing representative for Ryu Fashions.  Ryu was the dominant force in the upscale swimwear niche."

"Was?" Miroku questioned Koga's use of the word.  "Aren't they anymore?"

"The company was bought out a couple of years ago by Dainty Footprints, Inc.  A whole bunch of us were laid off when the new management came in."  Koga frowned at the memory.  "What none of could figure out is why the buy-out happened in the first place.  Dainty Footprints specializes in making women's shoes in men's sizes.  That's why they're the main sponsor of this pageant.  What would they do with a swimwear company?"

"Diversifying, maybe?" Miroku guessed.  "All kinds of strange companies get together during these merger crazes."  He grabbed the pageant guide to look up the spelling of a name.  One of the advertisements in the back caught his eye.  "Hey Koga, is this the owner of Dainty Footprints in this picture here?"  He tapped a finger on a picture of a bald man wearing glasses.

"Yeah," answered Koga.  "That's him, Mr. Ailuropoda.  Why?"

"Oh, his name just seems kind of familiar to me," said Miroku.  "Maybe I've read it in connection with another story."  The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a loud cheer.  Ranma and Jakotsu had taken the stage, and they were clearly the crowd favorites.

"That's a black laser cut halter one-piece," Koga pointed at Jakotsu.  "It has diagonal color detail and ties at the neck and full hip and back coverage."

Miroku stared.  "Exposes a lot up front, doesn't it?  How do you keep your cleavage from falling out of a swimsuit that's cut like that?"

"Invisible sticking tape," Koga said.  "Dirty little insider secret.  Only problem is it starts to tear the shit out of your skin after a while."

Ranma Saotome was now center stage, and the audience was going wild.  "That's a powder blue faux suede triangle top with matching bottom.  Note the fine stitching detail," Koga gulped.  "Ranma certainly fills it out well, doesn't he?  This guy is incredible!"  Koga tugged at the collar of his shirt, which suddenly seemed constricting.

"I can't see, the crowd's in the way," complained Miroku.  He stood on the chair to get a better look.  All of a sudden Shampoo gave a snarling hiss and jumped from Miroku's shoulder, causing Miroku to lose his balance and crash to the floor.

"Shampoo!" Miroku called.  "Get back here!  Here, kitty, kitty!  Shampoo!"  The cat ignored him and leapt onstage, landing on Ranma's face with claws outstretched.  Ranma screamed in terror and began to run, knocking over several contestants and spectators in the process.

Koga made a grab for the pair as they raced past his table, but Ranma was in the grips of full-fledged panic.  Still yelling, he headed out the door with Shampoo clinging tightly to his head.  Miroku, who had finally managed to find his feet, raced after them, yelling for Shampoo and threatening to kill Ranma if he hurt the cat.

Meanwhile, the scene inside had reached total pandemonium.  Somehow, Jakotsu had managed to put a rip in Kurama's micro-mini wrap.  The argument had escalated, and the two men were pulling each other's hair and scratching with long fingernails.  Xellos and Tsubasa were trying to separate the fighting pair and getting themselves pounded in the process.

Pushing and shoving, Koga finally managed to reach the stage, where Sesshomaru was standing in the wings.  His partner was calmly watching the ensuing chaos.  Koga looked towards the confusion and then at Sesshomaru.

"Did you happen to bring the camera?" was all Sesshomaru asked him.

"Never leave home without it," Koga answered as he handed it over.

*********

"Inu-Yasha, can we talk?"

Sango was standing before him, looking upset.  Inu-Yasha noticed she was holding the shopping bag with her laundry from last night.  He'd left the bag on her doorstep earlier before leaving for work, after knocking and discovering she wasn't in her rooms.

Inu-Yasha frowned.  He'd tried to wash her clothing with his, but he'd somehow managed to turn everything a bright blue.  Apparently his shirt wasn't as colorfast as he'd thought.  Regardless, Sango now had a bag of ruined clothes to match her hangover.

"Um, I'm sorry Sango," he apologized before she could speak.  "I hope you're not too upset with me."  He mentally cursed his ineptitude at simple domestic tasks.  "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this kind of stuff," he confessed.

She blinked at him a few times then flipped a nearby chair backwards and straddled it.  "I'm not blaming you," Sango said as she hooked her legs around the rungs.  "After all, my actions played a part in this as well."  She stared at the floor.

"I have to tell you, you're certainly being a good sport about this," Inu-Yasha told her.  "Kagome was pretty angry when it happened with Ranma.  I mean, Ranma wasn't upset, why should she be?"

Sango was staring at him.  "Ranma?" she asked unsteadily.  "You mean this happened with Ranma as well?  Don't you worry about what others will think?"

Inu-Yasha flushed.  You wash one red shirt with a load of whites, and suddenly you had a reputation?  "Kagome was the one who wanted me to do it in the first place," he informed Sango.  "She said I needed the experience because I'd always had someone else do it for me.  Of course, then she got mad later because I made such a mess of it."

"Oh," Sango swallowed visibly, "I didn't realize Kagome was so…open…about this sort of thing.  So, um, have you talked to her today?"

"Actually, I hadn't gotten around to it yet," Inu-Yasha replied.  "I was going to tell her later."  He leaned forward conspiratorially.  "If she asks, you won't let her know I screwed things up again, will you?  I don't want her thinking I'm totally useless.  Tell her I handled everything fine with no problems."

"I'm not sure what I'm going to tell Kagome," Sango said.  "I wanted to talk to you first about it."  She took several deep breaths.  "To be completely honest, Inu-Yasha, I've never done anything like this.  I feel really guilty!"

"It's no big deal," he assured her.  "You're not the only one in this situation.  You'll be just fine.  And anyway, Miroku seems like he's the understanding type.  I'm sure he'll help you out the first few times.  In fact, I'll bet he's had years of experience."

"Unfortunately, he does," Sango replied sadly.  "That's what started our fight last night."

"You've got to let go of that perfectionism, Sango," Inu-Yasha advised.  "Just because Miroku does something a lot better than you is no reason to fight.  Where would I be if I took that attitude with Kagome?"

"Yes, but Kagome - " Sango began.

"Look Sango," Inu-Yasha interrupted her.  "You and I have no reason to be embarrassed about something like this.  We just need more practice.  Tell you what, next time I'll call you and you can come over and help me, and that way we'll both improve.  But we'll have to take it slow, okay?  I'm not ready to try bleach or anything like that yet."

"Uh, okay.  No bleach."  Sango stood up to leave, looking dazed.  Inu-Yasha watched her as she left.  She was practically staggering – was she still drunk?  He shrugged and turned his attention to his work.

_Never seen someone act so weird about laundry before,_ was his random thought before focusing on the latest email server mishap.

*******

A/N:  If anyone knows a little Latin or some biology, you might have figured out a connection between Ryu Fashions and Dainty Footprints, Inc. *drops hint*  I promise some of the bad guys will become more evident in the next couple of chapters.

Re: What happened between Sango and IY last chapter – a couple of you have asked me how they got naked.  Reading back over it I realize I didn't make that passage very clear.  That's what I get for posting when I'm tired :D  (FWIW, it was late, they were drunk, she threw up and he was too tired/drunk to deal with it other than putting both of them in the shower and then to bed.)

CassidyJewell:  Great.  Now I'm sick as well.  Since you're the only one I know who is ill right now, I am blaming you.  You will only get off the hook with FD updates :P

Megumi Sagara1:  I would be thrilled if this was translated to Spanish, but can it be done?  Some of the humor depends on the word play, so would it translate and still be the same joke? Lots to think about here…

Thanks again to all of you!  Lavender *covers her mouth and sneezes*


	22. Just Your Average CrossDresser

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own any item that is pale rose-colored silk with lace trim.

*************

"There you are!  Inu-Yasha, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

He caught Kagome by the arm as they pushed away from the crowd and pulled her into a hug.  "Sorry," Inu-Yasha apologized as he led her towards a secluded path.  "I had to go help with crowd control at the swimsuit competition.  They had some kind of a riot going and nobody can find our Director of Security."

"You mean Sango?  She didn't show up for work today?" Kagome asked him worriedly.  "Do you know if she's all right?"

Inu-Yasha tugged on a strand of his hair while trying to come up with a good answer.  Better to just come clean, he decided.  "Kagome, we had a few – problems – and Sango's really upset with me.  I can't say I blame her too much," he added.  "I completely ruined her laundry this morning and she's taking it really hard."

"So hard that she's missing work?  What did you do?" Kagome wanted to know.

"I washed her clothes with my dark blue shirt and it bled all over everything.  But even though she's mad, I don't think that's the real reason she's missing work."

"So what is the real reason?  And why were you doing her laundry, anyway?" Kagome asked him.

"They're kind of connected.  Sango got completely trashed on whiskey last night over at Sesshomaru's.  Not that I was sober, because I was playing that stupid drinking game with her, but at least I wasn't throwing up all over the place.  I was trying to help by washing the vomit off of our clothes, which is why I was doing the laundry," Inu-Yasha explained.

"So you're telling me that Sango's too hungover to work?" asked Kagome.  "That's not like her at all."

"That's good to know," Inu-Yasha said with relief.  "Because she was still acting kind of drunk this morning and I wondered if maybe she had a problem with alcohol."

Kagome thought for a moment.  "No," she said finally, "I haven't witnessed any other symptoms of alcoholic behavior from her.  I think I'd recognize them if I had."  She noticed his concerned glance.  "My best friend has been in and out of rehab several times," she told him softly.  "She doesn't see what she's doing to herself and everyone around her."

Inu-Yasha's face tightened and he stared unseeingly into the distance.  "Addicts are in a living hell, and they take their loved ones to that hell with them," he said at last.  He reached for Kagome's hand, needing to feel her warm touch.

Kagome curled her hand inside of his and leaned into him.  "You've lived through this, then."  It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  She knew, somehow she knew, he realized.

"Yeah," Inu-Yasha said.  He worked his jaw a few times.  "My wife was addicted to drugs.  She used one thing to soothe her soul, and then she would use something else to keep from feeling completely numb.  In the end, she just used them to escape, because I certainly couldn't make her happy."

Kagome was silent as they walked, and he could tell she was searching for words to say.  "You can't _make someone else be happy, Inu-Yasha," she said at last.  "Ultimately, you can't be responsible for how people react to the things that happen in their lives."_

He grimaced.  "I guess so.  I don't know."  He stroked the soft skin of her hand with his thumb.  "I guess I should have told you I was married before.  I just didn't really know how to bring it up."

"We haven't had a lot of time to talk about these kinds of things," Kagome pointed out.  "So how long were the two of you married?" she continued.

"We got married when we were seventeen.  She died two years ago," he answered.  "She drowned while surfing.  The toxicology reports showed she was high as a kite while she was dying, so maybe she didn't suffer."  He gave a bitter laugh.

"Seventeen?  That's awfully young," Kagome said.  "When I was seventeen, the only thing I was concerned about was passing high school exams."

"We were really into the 'let's live our lives together on the beach' kind of thing," Inu-Yasha told her.  "We'd both run away from our homes and I guess we kind of just fell into a relationship with each other."

They continued down the pathway in silence and sat down on a bench overlooking a pond.  "Inu-Yasha, does it make you uncomfortable to talk about her with me?" Kagome finally asked.  "If it's not too painful, I'd really like to discuss these things."  She squeezed his hand.  "We can't just pretend the two of you were never together."

Inu-Yasha placed his arm around her shoulders and rested his head against her soft hair.  Her light perfume teased his nose, and he wanted to drink in the scent of her like water.  "It's okay I guess," he spoke.  "If the subject comes up, we won't avoid it."

Kagome turned her face up to him and kissed him.  "Okay, since I've been making you talk about yourself, you can get even by asking me anything you want," she promised.

"Okay.  Let's see…"  He whispered something in her ear and she blushed.

"Inu-Yasha!  I can't believe you asked me that!" she exclaimed.

"You said I could ask you anything," he grinned wickedly.  "Now answer me."

Kagome's face turned a brighter shade of red.  "They're pale rose-colored silk with lace trim," she told him.  "And no, I'm not answering any more questions!  I thought Miroku was bad!"

He laughed and kissed her.  She was adorable, she was smiling, and she was smiling at him.  He felt a blazing warmth spread through his chest and fill the lonely cold corners of his heart.

Kagome was responding to him, tasting his mouth hungrily.  He felt her hands slide underneath his shirt and caress the tight skin of his stomach and chest.  Inu-Yasha gasped and pulled her closer, wishing like hell there were no barriers such as clothing between them.

A throat cleared and they broke apart quickly.  Ranma Saotome stood before them, dressed in a pair of sweats and an unbuttoned shirt.  His black pigtail was coming loose, as if he had been awakened from sleep.  "Your office called, Inu-Yasha," he told them.  "They said it was an emergency and I needed to hunt you down.  Sorry 'bout this."  He left them quickly.

"Inu-Yasha," Kagome muttered into his chest, "when you get back tonight, you'd better be minus one roommate.  Ranma has got to go."

"Why can't we go to your place?" Inu-Yasha asked, trying to regain his equilibrium.  Kagome's touch made him delirious.

"Because P-chan is there.  I don't want to kiss you in front of a pig!"

********

"Higurashi speaking," Kagome answered her phone.

"This is Sesshomaru.  Don't speak just yet.  Is my brother in the room with you?  If so, just say 'yes'."

"I'm all by myself, Agent 007," Kagome told him sarcastically.  "Inu-Yasha was called downtown to his office.  What is it?"

"When Kagura and I talked about last night, how much of our conversation did you hear?" Sesshomaru asked her.

"Um, all of it," Kagome replied.  "It would be a little hard not to, seeing how you were in my bathroom."

"You haven't repeated any of this to Inu-Yasha, have you?"

"Well, no.  We only saw each other briefly today, and we were caught up talking about other things.  Why?" she asked.

"I don't want him to know anything about this.  Koga kept his fat mouth shut for once and didn't tell him what was going on last night.  It will make my job a lot easier if you would do the same," Sesshomaru requested.

"Sesshomaru, I don't like the idea of keeping secrets from your brother.  We're, um, kind of close these days," Kagome responded.  "He already knows about me and the other two girls working for Naraku, so what would be the harm in telling him the rest?"

"Listen to me carefully, Kagome," Sesshomaru said calmly.  "You have a job to do, and so do I.  As long as we cooperate with each other, we should have no problems whatsoever.  Step in my path, however, and I will squash you flat.  It will hurt so bad, your ancestors will feel it."

"Don't threaten me, you overgrown boa," Kagome said just as calmly.  "I'm on to you, you big softie, and you don't scare me a bit.  Now I agree we have to work together, but don't forget my main job is to protect Lazy Panda."

"You can best protect Lazy Panda by helping me place him in official custody," said Sesshomaru.  "And we can both protect him better if we capture Vicious Dragon.  The hell with this counterfeiter, Kagome, I want VD.  And you know I always get what I want."  He softened his tone slightly before continuing.  "Listen, it's safer for all of us if Inu-Yasha doesn't know what I do for a living.  That way he can't accidentally screw things up.  Get his help with your end of this job if you need it, but keep him away from mine."

"Well, okay.  I won't say anything for now.  But I'm not promising it will stay that way," Kagome agreed.

"Fair enough.  Listen, can you do without Kagura this afternoon?  I need her to do something for me."

"Sure.  What's going on?" Kagome inquired.

"I want Rin out of here.  I didn't mind having her around when we were just doing surveillance, but with an assassin in the picture…" he refrained from speaking the thought aloud.  "Anyway, I'd like Kagura to take her over to a friend's place on Maui.  As her Nanny, it will look less suspicious if she takes Rin instead of me."

"I can understand that," said Kagome.  "But that will leave Kagura without a cover.  How's she going to be an au pair without a child to watch?"

"We'll figure that out later.  Maybe she can tend the bar or something," Sesshomaru replied.  "So you won't tell Inu-Yasha about this, then?"

"I guess not.  Not right now, anyway," Kagome said reluctantly.

"Good," Sesshomaru replied.  "As far as my brother is concerned, I'm just your average cross-dresser."

"Oh no, Sesshomaru.  You are much more than average," Kagome informed him.  "You positively outshine the others.  Except for Ranma, of course."

"Um, thanks.  I think."

********

Vicious Dragon listened to Kagome and Sesshomaru hang up their respective phones.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid, he hummed.  _Why do professionals make such stupid mistakes?  Assuming their phone is secure – hah!__

He'd known the Feds were here.  He'd recognized Sesshomaru the moment he saw him.  There was no mistaking that silver hair, so like his father's.  The girls were a surprise, though.  Naraku had his agents here to protect Lazy Panda?  The idea was laughable.

Lazy Panda must have found out he was next on the disposal list and enlisted Naraku's aid.  No matter.  This wouldn't set his plans back a bit.  He stroked his favorite knife, feeling the thin line of blood spring up from the blade's edge.

He pondered his options.  First item of business would be to get those damn FBI agents off his back.  He needed a distraction, something to completely take away their focus.  Especially Sesshomaru's attention; Koga presented little threat to him by himself.

The sound of a child laughing while playing on the beach nearby drew his attention.  A smile stretched across his face as he thought of the perfect distraction.  It would work, he was sure of it.  His plan would get Sesshomaru off his back and off the island of Oahu for awhile.

_Rin,_ he breathed.

********

A/N:  *squeals with excitement* I see you guys have been updating your fics!  Yay!  I love reading everybody else's stuff…

no one in particular():  You ask for Inu/Kag fluff, I give you Inu/Kag fluff.  See how easy I am to get along with?  Personally, I much prefer to make everyone in the story SUFFER. (Builds character)

Thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone! *throws chocolate*  Lavender


	23. A Late Bloomer

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I also don't own any golf clubs.

*************

"Sango?"  Miroku let himself into her rooms.  He pulled a protesting Shampoo off of his shoulder and locked her in the bathroom before continuing his search.  "Sango!" he called again.

Miroku's heart stopped momentarily when he noticed her still form lying on the floor of the back bedroom.  Rushing to her, he sighed in relief when he realized she was just sleeping.  Miroku gave her a gentle nudge with his foot.

Sango rolled over onto her back and looked up at him.  She had been lying stretched out on the floor in the sunlight, just like the overgrown cat sleeping next to her.  Miroku smiled at the carpet imprint on her cheek.  

"What do you want?" Sango asked him sullenly as she sat up.

Miroku crouched down beside her and gently touched her hair before taking her into his arms.  "I want things to be right between us," he murmured.  "Sango, I swear nothing happened between me and that woman you saw.  I know you don't believe she just happened to show up, but it's the truth!" he pleaded with her as she buried her face in his shoulder.

He felt his shirt getting damp.  Sango was crying?  How unlike this proud, tough girl to shed tears…he drew her closer and began stroking her back lightly.  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sango.  I don't ever want to hurt you," he told her.

Sango pulled back from his embrace.  "Oh Miroku!" she sobbed.  "I've been so stupid!" she wailed.  "I'm the one who should be apologizing!"

Miroku's face wrinkled in confusion.  Not once in his entire life had a woman ever told him that _she_ needed to apologize.  Not once.

********

"Miss Kagura, look!  Isn't the water pretty?  Are we there yet?  Daddy says his friend is really nice and has a daughter who can be my friend.  You can play with us too if you want, Miss Kagura.  Are you going to throw up again, Miss Kagura?  You throw up a lot.  Does your tummy always hurt?"

"Kill me now," moaned Kagura.  "Or get me off this boat.  Or kill me and then throw me overboard."  She leaned over the rail again and heaved, vowing to get Sesshomaru for making her take a privately chartered boat to Maui.  _Not that a plane would have been any better – oh shit, here it goes again!_

The boat jerked suddenly and she found herself slipping over the rail.  Just as she was ready to start swimming, a pair of hands pulled her back.  "I think the fish have had their fill," an amused voice spoke into her ear as he laid her down flat upon the deck.  "They're going to get fat."

Kagura looked into the young man's face.  "Thanks," she mumbled, "but I think I'd rather swim the rest of the way to Maui."  She rolled onto her side and groaned as her stomach began to dance again.

The young man was shaking his head sadly at her.  "Worst case of motion sickness I've seen in ages," he said.  "Have you taken anything for this?"

Kagura shook her head and then immediately regretted it.  "No," she gagged, "the stuff they give you always knocks me out.  I can't be asleep and care for Rin at the same time."  She waved a hand over to Rin, who was throwing potato chips to the seagulls.

"My name's Suikotsu," the young man held out his hand and clasped hers.  "I'm the staff physician for the company that charters these trips between the islands.  Can you sit up?"

Kagura struggled to rise, but was prevented by the blinding wave of nausea that rolled into her.  "No," she whimpered and curled up on the deck.  "Just let me die right here in peace.  I promise my coffin won't take up too much room."

The physician was removing a syringe from a nearby bag and filling it.  "This will take care of your nausea," he said.  "I bring a lot of it along on these lengthy boat trips.  We always get at least one passenger who suffers from motion sickness."

Somehow, the entire situation didn't seem right to Kagura, but she was too queasy to figure it out.  Dr. Suikotsu grasped her bare arm and gently injected the medication.  "This might sting just a little," he told her, "but after a second or two you won't feel a thing.  I'm sorry," he said after a minute.  "Did that hurt too badly?"

"No," Kagura told him.  "You have very gentle hands."

Dr. Suikotsu placed his arms underneath her and lifted her easily.  "I'm going to put you below deck in the captain's cabin," he told her.  "I can't have you dying upstairs; it might upset the captain."  He gave her a wink.

"Rin," Kagura said weakly, motioning the child to follow.

"She'll be all right," Dr. Suikotsu assured her.  "The first mate will keep an eye on her."

"But I really shouldn't leave her - " Kagura tried to protest.  She was getting dizzier by the minute and her arms and legs seemed to have turned into rubber.  She could still hear Dr. Suikotsu speaking to her, but his voice seemed to be coming from far away.

"What the hell did you give me…" she slurred before daylight spun into a bright purple haze and then disappeared.

********

"Inu-Yasha!"

The door to the central planning room slammed shut behind Miroku.  Inu-Yasha and Kagome stared at the red-faced young reporter standing in the center of the room.  Miroku was holding a golf club in one hand and slapping it against the palm of his other hand angrily, looking all the while as if he wanted to break someone's kneecaps.

"Put the stick down first and then we'll talk," Inu-Yasha told him.  "And get that cat off your shoulder if you want me to take you seriously."

"Kagome, I think you should leave," Miroku said.  "You shouldn't have to witness this."

"As long as you're holding that metal rod, I'm staying," Kagome answered as she moved protectively in front of the server bank.  "If you swing that club and hit one of my computers, I'll take that thing and wrap it around your neck twice, I swear I will!"

"Don't worry," Miroku told her.  "I'm only going to crack this bastard's head open with it."  He stepped closer to Inu-Yasha and swung the golf club, narrowly missing Inu-Yasha's head.

Inu-Yasha dodged the second swing.  "Hey!  You're really serious!  What did I ever do to you?"  He scrambled behind a nearby workstation for cover.

"Not near my computers!" Kagome screeched as she wrested the club from Miroku's hands.  Shampoo scratched her arm as she passed, causing Kagome to howl and drop the golf club.

"Now look what your stupid cat did!" Inu-Yasha jumped back out to help Kagome.  "Did that beast draw blood?  Let me see," he said as he reached for Kagome's arm.  "What's your problem, anyway?" he snarled over at Miroku.

"I didn't want to discuss this in the presence of Kagome, but you're forcing me to do it!" Miroku shouted.  "Sango told me everything!"  He grabbed Inu-Yasha away from Kagome and jerked him upwards by the front of his shirt.  "You're going to pay for this!"

"Aw man, she told you?" Inu-Yasha asked in disbelief, wondering just how many people Sango had told about the laundry mishap.  "I thought she was going to keep her mouth shut!"

"Of course she told me!  Why would you think she would keep something like a secret from me?  She's spent most of the day crying because of you!  I can't believe you'd do something like this!" Miroku threatened.

"Miroku, try to calm down!" Kagome intervened.  "It's really not that big a deal; it could happen with anybody!"

Miroku gaped at her.  "You mean you already know about this?"

"Well of course! Inu-Yasha told me all about it.  Don't you think you and Sango are taking this to extremes?" Kagome asked.  "I mean, I was a little upset when it happened with Ranma, but it's not like Inu-Yasha isn't trying!  We're just going to have to be patient with him and he'll get it right eventually."

"This happened with Ranma as well?" Miroku asked in shock.  "And you're okay with this, Kagome?"

"Look, if it will make her feel better, I'll buy her some new clothes!" Inu-Yasha offered as he wrested himself from Miroku's death grip.

"New clothes?  You think buying Sango some new clothes will – will – repair this mess?" Miroku exclaimed.  "What about her feelings?  I can't believe you!"  He staggered backwards a few steps.

"Miroku," Kagome laid a calming hand upon the reporter's arm.  "I'm sure we can work through this somehow.  Can't you find it in your heart to forgive Inu-Yasha?  And I hate to point it out, but Sango certainly bears some responsibility for this.  After all, she was the one who brought the whiskey over and started that drinking game."

"Yeah," said Inu-Yasha.  "And the reason she got so drunk in the first place is because she was upset with _you_," he jabbed a finger into Miroku's chest.  "I'm sorry it turned out so bad, okay?  Trust me, it won't be a repeat mistake, 'cause I'll never do that again for anybody."

"Oh, Inu-Yasha," Kagome tried to comfort him.  "Don't give up!  You just need to do it more often so you know how to handle things properly.  I'll tell you what, let's go and try it again at your place.  I'll watch you closely so you can't mess it up."  Kagome looked over at the dumbstruck Miroku.  "Why don't you have Sango come over and watch?  She told Inu-Yasha she wasn't very good at this, either.  This way both of them could get some practice!"

"Ranma's still at my place," Inu-Yasha told her.  "I don't know how he'll feel about us doing that while he's trying to sleep.  He's been keeping some late hours."

"You're right, it can get pretty noisy," Kagome pondered.  "Well, we could just take it over to Miroku's rooms.  You wouldn't mind, would you?" she asked Miroku, who was making choking noises.

"My rooms?  No way!" Miroku sputtered.  "That's disgusting!"

"It's not disgusting!" Kagome exclaimed.  "How could you call it disgusting?  You do it all the time!"

"Not in other people's rooms!  Don't you think that sort of thing should be done in private?" Miroku gasped.

"Oh, that's just silly," Kagome told him.  "Honestly, I've done it at my friend's house a bunch of times.  In fact, that's where I learned how!  She showed me when I was eight."

"Eight?  You did this when you were eight years old?  That's sick," whispered Miroku hoarsely.  "Here I thought my upbringing was unorthodox," he muttered as he left the room, "at least I waited until I was a teenager!"

Inu-Yasha and Kagome looked at each other and shrugged.  "I guess he's a bit of a late bloomer," Kagome commented.

*********

A/N:  I keep saying I'm not going to update so fast on these fics, but then I come up with an idea and get so afraid I'll lose it forever if I don't write it down…the next thing you know it's 2 am and I'm looking at a pile of tax returns that I'm supposed to be working on instead of writing *deep sigh*…I'll give you three guesses at what I do for money, and the first two don't acCOUNTant. *clears throat*  Lucky I work for myself, or I'd be fired :D

What's sad is that I've been this way about writing all my life.  I have notebooks full of stuff (all of it unreadable, trust me) that I've churned out ever since I could hold a pencil.  It really is a type of addiction.  Thank heavens I'm in with such good company *looks around her* – is there a 12-step program for people who like to write?

A few responses:

CassidyJewell:  I can't give you more angst.  I suck at angst.  I can do mushy fluff and some really dark horror, but no angst.  Sorry :(

Sandalwoods:  Okay, I blame you for the sick germs as well, simply because CJ told me to blame you and bribed me with pocky.

Megumi Sagara1:  Go ahead and translate, I trust you :D

Silver Magiccraft:  A battery-eating cd player?  All I dream about is - wait, I'd have to actually get some sleep in order to dream, right?  Never mind…

Do you guys realize that if I put all the fluff in here that you want me to add, this fic will be 80 chapters?  You're going to have to settle for getting your fluff in small regular doses instead, because I need to fill the chapters with important things such as cross dressing jokes and laundry humor.  Oh yeah, and some of that plot stuff, too!

Wow, I had a lot of reviews for this last chapter!  I couldn't begin to name all of you, but thanks!  :P  Lavender


	24. Obstacle

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I do not own a _katana, either.  _

*************

"The problem has been taken care of, VD."

Vicious Dragon listened with satisfaction to Dr. Suikotsu's report.  "Any trouble along the way?" he asked the physician.

"No trouble except for that woman's seasickness.  I've never seen someone throw up their toenails before," Dr. Suikotsu answered.  "We transferred them over to a boat outside the harbor."

"Good.  Who's watching them?" Vicious Dragon asked.

"Couple of local boys we've used on jobs before.  They can be trusted to take care of things and keep their mouths shut."

"And are they clear on their instructions?  The woman is useless except as a possible bargaining chip with Naraku, but that child is our backup if anything goes wrong with this assignment.  I don't want her harmed in any way whatsoever, is that understood?" Vicious Dragon threatened.  "It will be you, my dear doctor, who will pay for any mishaps."

Vicious Dragon ended the call and leaned back in his chair.  He was a patient man, he mused.  Instead of forcing things like the other fools, he'd simply waited and filled his time quite lucratively with hired murders while quietly planning.  But his real dream, his true goal, was now within reach.

At last, he had found what he had been searching for all of these years.  Who would have thought she would be right under his nose, in the hands of such a worthless individual?  Even now, he could hardly believe it.  If he hadn't seen the proof with his own eyes, and by the merest chance of fate…ah, but was it chance or was it destiny?  He preferred to believe the latter.  She was destined to be his, his and no one else's!

Now it was time to get rid of her master, the one whose death he craved so badly that it left the tang of blood in his mouth.  _How should I do this_? Vicious Dragon pondered as he lovingly stroked the smooth patina of his heavy antique writing desk.  He wanted the master's death to be payment for the years of forced waiting, for the longing he felt every time he thought at her unique beauty and knew what was missing from his life.

The empty scabbard laying in the stand upon the special glass display case called to him.  Vicious Dragon picked it up and held it to the light, caressing the beautiful casing.  "Soon," he murmured as he clasped the sheath to his chest in a loving embrace, "soon you will have your mate, your beautiful _katana_."  He tenderly kissed the scabbard before placing it back in the stand.

******

"Sango?"  Miroku turned the sound down on the television program they were watching.

"Mmmm?"  Sango was draped across his lap, her head lying on his shoulder.

"As much as I hate the thought, you need to let me up so I go back and take care of Shampoo," Miroku said.  "I've had her shut in my rooms for a while now and she's probably getting hungry."

"She's probably shredding your curtains right now," Sango warned.  "All right, I guess you need to feed the kitty from hell.  I'm really sorry I ever found that demon fluff ball."  She stood up and stretched.

Miroku watched her lithe figure as she lifted her arms to the ceiling and yawned.  She had a cute way of wriggling when she stretched, and it sent waves of heat pulsing through him.  He reached out and yanked her back down to the couch, pulling her half underneath him in the process.

"Sango," he whispered in between kissing her hungrily.  "Sango, I need you like air."  She gave a soft sigh and began slowly stroking her hands up and down his back.  Miroku moaned as she kissed his ear and ran a delicate fingertip along the earrings he wore.  The sensation was incredible.  He slid a hand beneath her blouse and stroked the satin skin of her stomach, reveling in the delighted little breaths she took.  Holding her, kissing her, touching her, it made every nerve in his body hum.  He could hear his own heart pounding in his ears as his hand moved upwards to cup her sweet curves.

She abruptly pulled away from him.  "What?" she gasped, pointing.

The pounding wasn't in his ears, it was against the wall.  Suddenly a portion of the wall was knocked away, and through the crumbling plaster stepped the long-haired beauty from the night before.  She was dressed in Chinese clothing and Miroku recognized the weapons she carried as being a set of bonbories.

The woman pointed the heavy ball end of the weapon at Sango.  "You is obstacle!" she shouted at Sango.  "Obstacle is for killing!"

******

"AAAAIIIIIIEEEEE!  Make her stop, Hakkaku!  Make her stop!"

Kagura awakened and bolted upright from the bunk.  Apparently it was the wrong move, because she immediately landed in a heap on the floor, retching.  The door to her cabin burst open and a young man sporting a Mohawk hairdo entered, stepping gingerly to avoid the vomiting Kagura.  "Quit fooling around, Ginta!  We got big problems in here!  The other one's awake!"

The one named Ginta poked his head around the cabin door.  "Blechh," he commented, shaking his skunk-patterned hair.  "You mean she hasn't quit throwing up yet?  I thought that doctor gave her something.  Ow!  Stop that, you little brat!"

Rin was riding Ginta's back and tugging on his hair.  "Gittyup, horsie!" she ordered as she smacked his head.  "You're supposed to go when I tell you to!"

"No more horsie!" Ginta said as he pulled Rin forcibly from his back.  "I've got work to do.  Go help your Nanny or something," he said, gesturing towards Kagura.

"Miss Kagura, you're awake!  You slept a long, long time!  That doctor had to carry you off the boat because you were taking a nap.  Aren't you too old for naps?  I'm a big girl, so I don't need them anymore, but sometimes I take one anyway because Daddy says he needs a nap.  How come grownups are always tired?"  Rin tackled her in a bear hug then drew back wrinkling her pert little nose.  "Miss Kagura, you don't smell very good."

She probably didn't smell good, Kagura agreed, but she couldn't answer.  Her stomach was roiling again and she doubled over in pain.  Every time she moved her head the room would spin around her.  _I can't give in,_ she thought_, not when Rin needs me_.  The nausea hit her with full force and she whimpered in agony.

Hakkaku picked Kagura up and carried her up the small steps to a small shower compartment on the deck.  Yanking the door open, he dumped her unceremoniously inside the enclosure and turned the water on full blast.  "Easiest way to take care of that," Kagura heard him mutter as he walked away.

As the cold water sprayed through her clothes and hair, Kagura realized she could no longer swallow easily.  Her tongue seemed to be made of some thick leathery material.  She licked a few droplets of water running down her face then gave up the effort.  For some reason she wasn't thirsty anymore, and anyway, her head hurt too much to move.  With trembling hands, she reached up and shut off the water.

Ginta was walking past the shower enclosure and speaking into a cell phone.  "Yeah, the broad's awake. Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Yeah.  I know, I know, don't hurt the kid!  We got it already!"  Kagura heard him hang up the phone and curse soundly.  "Yeesh!  Hey, Hakkaku!  Is that mess cleaned up in the cabin yet?"

"I think we need to skip the bleach and just grab some gasoline and matches.  How can one person throw up this much?"  Hakkaku yelled back.  "Why don't you get your sorry ass down here and help me?"

"Can't!  I gotta keep the kid entertained!" Ginta hollered back.

The sound of Rin's footsteps echoed against the deck.  "Hey, mister, come back here!  We're supposed to be playing Noble Lady!"

Ginta groaned.  "I don't want to play that game anymore!" he told Rin.

"You're supposed to call me 'My Lady', Servant!  I, Rin, am a Noble Lady, daughter of the Lord of the Western Lands!  Bow before me, insolent wretch!" Rin commanded.  "I said 'Bow'!  That means you get on your knees!  Don't you know how to play anything?"

"Ouch!  Don't kick me, you little brat!" Ginta howled.  "Hakkaku!  Do something!"

"Wretch, bow before your betters!" Rin ordered.  "This Lady Rin commands you to show respect!"

"Hakkaku!"

"Dammit Ginta, just play whatever game she wants to play!  How hard can that be?" Hakkaku yelled.  "And keep the noise down, I'm trying to listen to the marine report!"

"Listen, brat - "

"You will call me 'My Lady', wretch!"

"My Lady," Ginta ground out through clenched teeth.  "Okay.  Let's play your game.  What do you want, I mean, what does My Lady desire?"

"This Lady Rin wishes to dine!  Servant, bring bologna sandwiches!" Rin said imperiously.  Kagura felt a brief flash of pity for the hapless Ginta.  She'd played this game with Rin on occasion, and Rin could be a demanding Noble Lady indeed.

"Didn't your Nanny feed you before you left?  No, don't kick me again!  Okay, My Lady, we'll do as you command."  Kagura heard him stomping down the stairs to the small galley.  "But we don't have bologna.  How about corned beef?"

"Corned beef?  Lady Rin does not desire such common food!  This Rin wishes for bologna!"

"We don't have it, kid!  Ow!  We don't have bologna, My Lady!" Ginta slammed some cabinet doors.  "Look!  See for yourself!"

Cans were being tossed to the floor as Rin dug through the cabinets.  "Then this Rin shall have a peanut butter sandwich!" Kagura heard her exclaim exultantly.  "Servant, prepare a peanut butter sandwich!"

A few minutes passed with only the occasional order from Rin telling Ginta to move more quickly or suffer her wrath.  Then Kagura heard Rin yell.  "Servant!  This is not the proper way to cut the sandwich!"

Ginta had apparently had enough.  "Listen, you'll eat that sandwich the way it's served or you'll go hungry!"

Rin started to wail.  "Miss Kagura cuts the yucky part of the sandwich off!  And she knows how to play 'Noble Lady' and she lets me help her make the sandwich!  I want Miss Kagura!  You don't know how to play the game right and you aren't nice and Miss Kagura is nice and she calls me Littlebit and she sleeps on my Daddy's lap and I like her way better than you!  I want Miss Kagura!"  She had worked herself into a full blown fit by this time, and Kagura heard her kicking the floor with her feet.

"Stop crying, kid!  Please stop crying!  I'll cut your sandwich the way you want it cut!  Hakkaku, get in here!" Ginta yelled helplessly.

Kagura heard Hakkaku and Ginta pleading with the crying child.  Now, she decided, she needed to act now.  She crawled from the shower enclosure and slid along the deck.  The sun was setting and the wind had picked up, making the boat shift worse than ever.  Through the waning light, she could see that they were anchored outside a harbor and there were other ships in the distance.  The boats were too far to hear her shout, but if she flashed a distress signal or a flare?

The box containing the safety equipment was labeled clearly.  Unfortunately, it was at the forefront of the deck, mounted securely against the railing.  Kagura pulled herself to it, keeping an ear open in case either of the men returned.  From the sounds coming below deck, they had their hands full with Rin.

All she had to do now was to stand upright and open the box.  Grabbing onto the ship's railing, she attempted to pull herself up on shaking legs.  It took a few tries, but Kagura was finally able to stay upright.  She slumped over the railing for a moment, trying to gather enough strength to open the box.

A large wave washed over the deck and retreated, taking Kagura's helpless form with it.  She struggled with the last of her strength to get above the surface of the water and float.  As she bobbed along in the waves she could see the boat receding from her vision.  A current was carrying her out towards the open sea.

She'd never make it, she realized.  She was too weak to keep floating, and no one would be able to hear her cries for help.  The waves tossed her relentlessly, and Kagura began to slowly sink lower into the water.  So this is what it's like to die, she thought as a peaceful lassitude came over her.  Pictures started moving before her eyes, and the quacking sound of the ocean calmed her considerably.

_Quacking?  Of course, the duck is quacking._  The duck looked at her through thick glasses and she reached out to pet it.  _Such a pretty duck, she thought as she slid into the darkness._

*******

A/N:  Can't have Shampoo without some Mousse, now can we?  A few responses:

Elementsofmine:  You _wish this was a get-the-girl-so-then-the-guy-will-melt situation.  My sense of humor is far too twisted to allow them to be rescued by any of the main protagonists :P_

Asteria:  I don't know what Happosai is doing right now, but you won't see him because I'm keeping him *far* away from my characters. *clobbers Happosai with pervert-smashing mallet*

Jihye-chan:  There are no original characters in this fic.  For every person presented, I have found an actual character to fill the role (this includes VD).  Keep guessing, 'cause I'm not telling!

Thanks so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!  *offers slice of leftover pizza*


	25. The Ransom of Rinchan

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  In order to avoid spoiling your plot before dinner, I have placed a further disclaimer at the end of this chapter.

*************

"I am Sheriff Rin-chan!  And Mister Ginta, you are – you are a sneaky, dirt-eating, low-lying sheep-stealing thief!" Rin paused and turned to Hakkaku.  "Do you want to be one of the bad guys, too?" she asked him.

"No, I'll be the judge when you bring him to trial," Hakkaku offered quickly, scooting away from the pair.

"Do I have to be tied up?" Ginta asked wearily as he shifted to accommodate the shoelaces Rin had tied around his ankles and wrists.  "Why can't I be the Sheriff?"

Rin gave an exasperated sigh.  "You don't know how to play anything," she shook her head at him sadly.  "Don't you know you're supposed to take turns?  I get to be Sheriff and capture you, and then you get to be Sheriff."

"So you captured me," Ginta moaned.  "Now it's my turn.  Untie me, dammit!"

"Uh-oh, Mister Ginta, you used a naughty word!  Daddy says you can only use that word when you're watching football or doing car repairs!" Rin crowed.  "I'm going to have to wash your mouth out with soap!"

Hakkaku stood quickly before Rin could locate the soap.  "Okay, time for a game break!  Want a snack?" he asked Rin.  "We have orange soda pop in there," he pointed to the galley.

She clapped her hands in delight.  "Can I really have a soda pop before bedtime?  Daddy never lets me drink soda pop at night.  He says the sugar will rot my teeth out.  Do you have rotten teeth, Mr. Hakkaku?  Smile and let me see."  She stood on tiptoe, trying to peer into his mouth.

"My teeth are just fine," growled Hakkaku.  "Go get your soda before I change my mind.  Your Daddy's right, you don't need the sugar!"

Rin dashed into the galley and could be heard rummaging through the cabinets.  "Ooh, Mr. Hakkaku, you have chocolate!  I didn't know you had chocolate!  Can I have some?"

"Knock yourself out, kid!" Hakkaku hollered.  "You can eat anything you want in there!"

"Hakkaku?" Ginta held out his hands to be untied.

Hakkaku struggled for a moment with the laces.  "She tied these in a knot that sailors would envy," he commented, pulling out his pocketknife.  "Hold still while I cut the laces."

"My last pair of shoelaces," Ginta said glumly.  "And she's probably eating all the chocolate as well."

"Hey, at least she's being quiet while she's stuffing her face.  I've never heard a kid rattle on like that one!  Do you think she ever shuts up, or do you suppose she talks in her sleep as well?"

"Hakkaku?" Ginta said hesitantly.  "You know, I've been thinking.  I've never asked for anything out of our friendship.  I was with you when we robbed that house only to find out it belonged to a pit bull breeder, I put up with you that time we got conned out of all our cash by that sweet looking little old lady, and I was even able to laugh it off that time we hid out in the caves and discovered they were already occupied by a wolf pack.  But a body can only take so much, Hakkaku, and I just can't take anymore.  Now I'm sorry we're not gonna collect the money Suikotsu has promised us, but we have got to let this kid go or I'm gonna wind up in the loony bin."

"To tell you the truth, Ginta," said Hakkaku, "darling Rin-chan has somewhat got on my nerves too.  It's no small wonder her Nanny threw herself overboard; let's head to the harbor and unload this kid onto the nearest dock before I'm tempted to do the same."

******

"What do you mean, Rin and Kagura never showed up?"  Sesshomaru gripped the telephone so tightly his knuckles cracked.  "Never showed up at the dock or never showed up at your house?"

"They didn't even show up at the dock, Sesshomaru.  I checked with the harbor-master and there's no record of that boat you chartered even entering the harbor!" Yura told him.  "I waited a couple of hours because I figured they might have gotten a late start, but when it got dark I decided to check into it.  I've already contacted the Coast Guard; do you want me to notify the local authorities as well?"

"No," Sesshomaru told his friend and former coworker.  "There's no point in raising the alarm just yet, and they'd just accuse us of being on their turf.  Let's find that boat first.  I'll be over as soon as I can get a flight."

"Do you remember Nobunaga, that pilot we used on that kidnapping case a few years ago?" Yura asked.  "The one where that foreign princess was taken?  Anyway, Nobunaga runs a puddle-jumper service through the islands these days.  I figured you'd want to get over here, so I already called him.  Grab a taxi and get to the airstrip, he's waiting for you."

"Thanks, Yura," Sesshomaru said fervently.  "I'd be lost without you, you know that?  When are you coming back to work for us?"

"When are you coming to work for me?" Yura gave a throaty laugh.  "You'd do wonders for my business, Sesshy.  All that lovely hair…"

********

Kagura lay on the shore allowing the waves to crash over her, unable to move.  Her mind kept drifting in and out of dreams, with the sound of the ocean and the feel of the salty spray punctuated only by quacking noises.  Some vague part of her brain recognized that she was still alive, but that part was also the one that saw the duck with glasses, so she couldn't be entirely sure.

She hadn't heard the quacking in a while, and wondered if the duck had abandoned her.  Kagura was about to attempt to move from the water when she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps crunching across sand.  She weakly tried to call towards the sound.

"Shampoo!  Darling Shampoo!"  Strong arms picked her up and carried her from the water.  "Oh, Shampoo!  I've got to get you to the hospital!"

He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his warm skin felt good against her cheek.  Kagura opened her eyes and tried to bring her rescuer's face into focus.  Long, straight black hair flowed loosely around a handsome manly face, and a pair of thick glasses was perched on top of his head.  Droplets of water were running from his hair and clustering on his bare shoulders, as if he had just stepped out of a hot shower.

_Now I'm really hallucinating,_ was Kagura's thought.  _What a hunk…_

He was gazing into her face with a look of utter adoration.  "Shampoo, I'll take care of you," he promised as tears streamed from his eyes.  "We'll never be apart again!"

The glasses were making Kagura curious.  She'd never seen such thick lenses before.  She lifted up a shaking hand and brought the glasses down to his nose.

"Shampoo?  Wait, who are you?  Where's my Shampoo?" he asked the confused Kagura.

_Shampoo?  Great, all he cares about is his hair.  Damn narcissist,_ was Kagura's last thought before falling into an exhausted sleep in his arms.

********

"Hurry up, Ginta.  This place is crawling with Coast Guard patrols," Hakkaku hissed.

"I'm tying off as fast as I can!" Ginta replied.  "Don't worry about the Coast Guard, they're looking for the doctor's boat, remember?  They won't have any reason to talk to us."

"Come on kid," Hakkaku said quietly to Rin.  "It's time for you to leave."  He lifted her over the edge and handed her to Ginta, who was waiting on the dock.

Rin glomped onto Ginta's leg.  "I don't want to leave!" she wailed loudly.  "I want to play Sheriff Rin-chan some more!  You promised you would play the bad guy again, Mister Ginta!"

Ginta tried unsuccessfully to pull Rin off his leg.  "Look, kid!  Don't you want to go find your Daddy?"

"Daddy never lets me stay up this late and drink soda pop!  I want to stay and play!"  Rin's voice rose to a higher pitch, causing Ginta to look around in alarm.  "Can't I stay?  I'll let you be the Noble Lord and I'll be the Servant this time!  Please?  Please?"

"Hakkaku, help me get rid of her!  If someone hears her, we're busted for sure!" Ginta exclaimed.

"Look kid," Hakkaku leaned over the railing and waved a large plastic sack at Rin.  "Here's all the orange soda and chocolate on the boat.  If we let you have it, will you let go of Ginta's leg?"

Rin pondered this for a moment.  "All of the soda and the chocolate?  You mean everything just for me?" she asked.

"Yeah kid, all of it just for you.  You won't even have to share," Ginta promised.

"What about the peanut butter?" Rin asked.  "Can I have that too?"

"I'll even throw in the jelly," Hakkaku answered.  "Do we have a deal?"

"Okay!" Rin said joyfully as she grabbed the bag Hakkaku offered her.  "Deal."

******

Further Disclaimer:  I also do not own _The Ransom of Red Chief_, that marvelous short story written by O. Henry, from which I took the idea for Rin's captivity and release.  This was originally going to be a stand-alone one-shot fic, but it fit so well with Naraku's Angels I decided to put it in here instead.

*******

A/N:  Ugh.  Long, long, day for me.  Too tired for responses, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for Reading and Reviewing!


	26. Bacon

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I have never turned a load of laundry green (I turned it purple instead). 

*************

"Stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!"  Kagome threw the socks she was matching into the basket.  "I can't believe Naraku is being like this!  Oh wait, yes I can!  After all, he's the one who regularly accepts jobs from politicians, con artists and hardened criminals!"

Inu-Yasha watched her from his seat on the couch where he was folding clothes.  "Interesting that you put those three in the same category, Kagome.  What are you so pissed about, anyway?" he asked her.  "One phone call and suddenly Miss Sunshine wants to rip the heart out of her boss."

Kagome hesitated before answering.  She still hadn't told Inu-Yasha the truth about his brother, and she really didn't want to get into that situation at the moment.  "Naraku thinks we're wasting our time looking at anybody but Sesshomaru as a suspect in our search for Vicious Dragon," she finally admitted.

Inu-Yasha's look was one of disbelief.  "Sesshomaru?  You're kidding, right?  I know he can be a bit of a cold bastard, but an assassin?  That's stupid.  Besides, he was with me the night our father was murdered.  I already told you about that."

"Yes, and I tried to tell Naraku that as well.  But he's like that, Inu-Yasha," Kagome said exasperatedly.  "He gets an idea in his head and you can't remove it with a stick of dynamite.  He's convinced Sesshomaru is VD, and won't believe otherwise until we send the real Vicious Dragon to prison."

"You make it sound like this is a regular occurrence," Inu-Yasha commented.  "Why do you guys work for him, anyway?  You think he's an idiot, Sango thinks he's the chintziest bastard on the planet, and Kagura absolutely loathes him.  Not exactly Boss of the Year material, is he?"

"We stay because he practically owns us," Kagome responded bitterly.  "Sango can't get work elsewhere that pays decent because of her criminal record, and Kagura's afraid to lose her job because she's the sole support for her psychotic sister Kanna, who will probably be in a mental institution for the rest of her life."

"And why do you stay?" he asked.

She tossed the next pair of socks into the basket.  "I stay because I can't get work anywhere else.  Inu-Yasha, there's something I haven't told you about."  Kagome stared at her hands, not wanting to see disappointment or suspicion in Inu-Yasha's eyes.

"Hey you, come here."  Inu-Yasha placed the clean clothes in the laundry basket and set it aside, then pulled Kagome into his lap.  "You know there's nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, you could tell me that would change how I felt about you, right?  Unless maybe you were going to tell me you had a crush on my brother or Ranma," he added quickly.

As he expected, Kagome laughed.  "Stop it, Inu-Yasha!  I'm trying to be angry and serious, and you're making me smile."  She kissed the tip of his nose and began to play with his hair.  "Inu-Yasha, what if I told you I almost went to prison because they thought I was a jewel thief?"

"I'd say they'd got the wrong girl," Inu-Yasha replied.  "You're still working for a living, so you obviously didn't steal any valuable jewels."  He kissed her neck and then nipped her lightly above the collarbone.  Her delicate scent was as delicious as ever, and he was having trouble paying attention to what she was saying.

"Well, I was accused of stealing this really valuable necklace from a shrine.  I didn't do it of course, but they only dropped the case because they didn't have any evidence, not because they believed I was innocent.  This has followed me forever!  Every time I've ever applied for work, somehow they find out about that incident and I don't get the job.  Naraku's the only one who would hire me."

"I'd hire you in a heartbeat," Inu-Yasha told her.  "Seriously.  You'd be a great addition to my company, and I'm not just saying that because I want to get in your pants."

"Oh, so you don't want to get in my pants, then?" she arched an eyebrow.

Inu-Yasha felt himself blushing.  She always flustered him like this, and it left him feeling like he was back in high school on his first date and didn't know quite where to put his hands.

Kagome cupped his face and gave him a long, slow kiss.  "You're so cute when you turn beet red," she told him.  She wound her fingers through his silver hair and traced his jaw with her lips.

Inu-Yasha shifted her position on his lap so she was facing him and captured her mouth, tasting her deeply.  _I could die right now and be happy,_ he thought as Kagome began to unbutton his shirt.  He could practically hear his heart knocking against his ribs as she placed her soft hands against his bare chest and nuzzled her face into his neck.

The knocking wasn't against his ribs, it was against the door.  "Hey, Inu-Yasha!  Let me in, I forgot my key!" yelled a masculine voice.

"Ranma," Kagome sighed.  "I thought you were going to get rid of him, Inu-Yasha."

"I tried, but he started crying again.  I have a better idea.  You get rid of the pig at your place," Inu-Yasha suggested.

"And just how am I supposed to do that?" Kagome asked as she climbed off his lap.

"One word.  Bacon." 

********

Vicious Dragon slammed his fist down on the desk in disgust.  Letting the Nanny and the Brat get away, how could they be so stupid!  Trust these idiots to mess everything up.  If you want the job done right, you have to go and do it yourself…

He took a deep breath to calm himself.  None of this mattered.  He would get his lovely, his heart's desire, and he would get her right out from under their noses.  It would be more difficult, but the challenge was worth the prize.

He would hold her, caress her and tell her how sorry he was they had been separated for so long.  How she must have suffered while away from him.  Suffered in the rough, incompetent hands of that untried boy!  She needed a real man to hold her and love her.

She would be his, and the time to act was now.  He opened a secret compartment within his desk and brought out his favorite set of lock picks.  They were old, but solidly built for mischief.  Vicious Dragon saved them for special occasions; times when finesse was more important than speed.

As he drove downtown, a feeling of joy burst through him.  So near, he was so near.  She was his Lady waiting to be freed from the tower, and he was the Brave General who would rescue her.

*******

"You don't think she followed us here, do you?"  Sango wrapped herself in Miroku's jacket and shivered.  They were standing outside Inu-Yasha's door, trying to get either him or Ranma to open it.

Miroku was still breathing hard.  He'd had no idea that crazy Chinese girl could run so fast, but they'd managed to lose her in the end.  He moved closer to Sango protectively.  The last place he wanted to be was here, but they needed help.

Inu-Yasha opened the door and looked at them warily.  "You're not here to break my head open, are you?" he asked.

"We need sanctuary," Sango told him.  "We're being stalked by some lunatic who thinks Miroku's hot."

"Tell me something new," Inu-Yasha retorted.

Kagome peeked over Inu-Yasha's shoulder.  "Hey!" she smiled at them.  "Come on in!  You're too late, though, we're just finishing up."

Sango coughed.  "Um, maybe we should just go somewhere else," she suggested to Miroku.  "We could always come back later."

"Don't be silly, Sango!  What are friends for, anyway?" Kagome chided her.  "Come on in so your stalker or whoever doesn't find you."  She dragged them into the room just as the telephone started to ring.

"Kagome!  It's Ms. Fluffy!" Ranma's voice came from the other room.  "He says it's important!"  Kagome left the room to take the call.

Miroku and Sango sat down gingerly on the couch and looked at Inu-Yasha.  His brow was furrowed in concentration.  He jumped when Miroku cleared his throat.

"Oh.  Sorry.  I just keep thinking I forgot to do something important.  But Kagome would have told me if I skipped a step…" he trailed off as he tried to think.  His eyes suddenly widened.  "Pockets!" he shouted in horror.

"Dammit, Inu-Yasha!" Ranma's shouted as he stormed into the room, holding a green lace camisole and thong.  His face was as red as his hair, and he shook a petite fist in Inu-Yasha's face.  "I can _not_ believe you screwed this up _again_!  How many times are you going to have to do this before you get it right?"

"Hey, at least I'm trying!  If you don't like the results then do it yourself, why don't you!" Inu-Yasha yelled back defensively.  "And anyway, you and Kagome were there with me – why didn't you make sure I wasn't doing something stupid!"

"She and I can't watch you every second!" Ranma said angrily.  "You know, I'm starting to really feel sorry for the person you eventually marry!  Don't ever, ever come near my underwear again, do you hear me?"  He hurled the items at Inu-Yasha and stomped from the room.

"You know, I really think we need to leave," Sango rose as Inu-Yasha slumped into a chair with his head in his hands.  "You, uh, probably don't want to discuss this with us around."

Inu-Yasha was looking glumly at the green lingerie.  "I can't believe I didn't check the pockets," he said.  "How could I have forgotten?"

"Pockets?" Sango asked, curious in spite of herself.  "Since when does a pair of thong underwear have pockets?"

"I left a green permanent marker in the pocket of my white shirt," Inu-Yasha explained.  "The entire load is now this color.  Counting your clothes, this is the third load I've ruined.  Sango, I don't think I'm ever going to get this!" Inu-Yasha looked at the clothing in disgust.

"This is about…laundry?" Sango asked.

"Of course it's about laundry!" said Inu-Yasha.  "What were you thinking it was about?"

"Oh, nothing," Sango said quickly as she looked at Miroku.  He looked as flabbergasted as she was.

"That reminds me," said Inu-Yasha.  "I wanted to talk to you about what happened at my brother's place," he told Sango.  "My brother was kind of concerned about you."

"Concerned?" Sango asked nervously.  "What would he be concerned about?"

"He's concerned about you drinking so much you puked up all over the place and then passed out," Inu-Yasha said bluntly.  "He wanted to know if this was a habit with you.  I told him I didn't know you well enough to answer that question or not."

"Of course it's not a habit!" Sango said hotly.  "That was the first time I've ever done anything like that!  Not that I remember anything I did," she added miserably.

"Besides throw up?  You didn't do anything else, unless you count getting me and Koga involved in this escapade."  Inu-Yasha told her.  "Face it Sango, you're a boring drunk.  You didn't even play strip poker, although Koga was trying his damnedest to convince you.  Now _he's the one you should be hitting with a golf club," Inu-Yasha warned Miroku._

Sango stared at the floor in embarrassment.  "Tell your brother I'm really, really sorry," she replied quietly.  "And, um, I'm also sorry about me and Miroku getting so upset with you."

"Aw, forget it," said Inu-Yasha.  "But trust me, I don't care if you're down to your last bra, you're doing your own laundry from now on.  You hear that, Kagome?" he asked as she entered the room.

He stopped speaking.  Kagome was pale and shaking.  "That was Sesshomaru," she said hoarsely.  "He said Kagura and Rin are missing."

********

A/N:  I know my chapters are long - several of you have mentioned this. Sorry, but with this many characters and events, that's just the way it goes.  Believe it or not, the chapters I post are usually half of what I write, and I put the other half into a new chapter.  So yes, this means I crank out about two chapters every time I sit down.  This all stems from when I worked for a small town weekly newspaper while in high school, where the phrase "We need 2000 words covering the local pet fair and the mayor's dog" would leap from my editor's mouth.

Actually, it's really just an obsession with me.  Must…write…fanfics…

A few responses:

blazingnymph7:  Jaken dying by Fluffy's claws…that does form an attractive mental picture, doesn't it?  I'd rather keep him alive and make him suffer, though.

elementsofmine():  None of them are VD, although one or more may be in on the plot – not saying which one(s) *evil, evil author*

Cassidy Jewell:  Thanks for the tuck in, but I fell asleep on the floor of my office, which thankfully, is in my own home.  You know you're tired when the floor looks inviting…

insert catchy name here (amy the pyro):  Yes, I can email you with updates :)  I feel sorry for anyone having to read through five of my chapters at once!

ChristyKay:  I get the courage to say where I live because Florida is a really big state with a large population.  If we can't even find voters in Florida who know how to use the ballot cards properly, how in the world can anyone find me? *looks over her shoulder for stalkers*

Asteria:  That particular phrase was taken straight from my father's mouth when I was about Rin's age.  And believe me, when he was watching football or doing car repairs, a blue cloud hung in the air above his head…that man has cursing down to an art form.

Sandalwoods:  No update anytime soon? *pouts* Oh well, I'll just have to go back and read some of your other stuff instead.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!! But you know what _really inspires me?  Reading YOUR writing!  Update soon y'all!  :D Lavender_


	27. I'll Demonstrate

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I don't have split ends, either.  

*************

"Thanks, Noby!  We definitely owe you one!"  Sesshomaru heard Yura call out as she hopped out of the small plane onto the tarmac.  He watched her blow a kiss to Nobunaga before lengthening her stride to catch up to him.  Even though he was burdened with Rin's sleeping form, Yura practically had to jog to keep up with his long legs.

Koga intercepted them inside the terminal.  "Is she all right?" he asked with a concerned look at Rin.  He laid a gentle hand on the slumbering girl's head and ruffled the hair of the child he had come to think of as a niece.

Sesshomaru tightened his hold on his daughter.  "The Coast Guard found her sitting on a dock pigging out on chocolate and orange soda pop.  Other than a violent tummy ache, they said she's going to be just fine.  I, on the other hand," he continued tiredly, "have aged about twenty years."  He kissed Rin's sticky cheek and shuddered as he thought of how close he'd come to losing his entire world.

Yura stepped between them and put out her hand.  "I'm Yura," she introduced herself to Koga.  "Sesshy's old partner," she explained, her hand automatically straying towards Koga's long ponytail.  "So pretty!" Yura exclaimed as she began to pet his hair.  "And no split ends – Sesshy must be taking good care of you."

Koga eyed her nervously and backed away, causing Yura to laugh aloud.  "Oh don't worry, sweetie," she purred.  "I don't bite – unless you like that sort of thing," she leered.  Koga moved back another step.

"Any word on Kagura?" Koga asked them.

"The Coast Guard was still searching when we left," Sesshomaru answered.  "Someone called in a report saying they'd spotted a woman going overboard a small boat outside the Maui harbor."  Sesshomaru's mouth twisted in pain.  "Rin said she hasn't seen Kagura since early this evening.  Apparently her captors told her Kagura 'went swimming and hasn't come back yet'."

Yura placed a comforting arm around Sesshomaru's shoulders.  "Hey Sesshy, she'll be all right!  Anyone who's tough enough to put up with _you_ can't be killed that easily!  She's probably sitting in some bar drinking Mai Tai's as we speak."

"Knowing her, it would be Bloody Mary's," Sesshomaru said wryly.  "As soon as we get Rin under guard, I'm headed back to Maui to help with the search.  Nobunaga said he'd stay on call until he heard from us."

"Daddy?  Where's Miss Kagura?  Is she back from swimming yet?"  Rin had awakened and was twisting around in his arms, trying to find her beloved Nanny.  "Daddy, those men didn't know how to play any games the right way," she said sleepily.  "I want Miss Kagura."  Rin rested her head back against Sesshomaru's shoulder.

Sesshomaru swallowed hard and hugged his daughter tightly.  "I want Miss Kagura, too," he whispered as he blinked back the moisture in his eyes.  He couldn't break down here, not in front of Rin, but he was sick with worry.

Koga's cell phone began to ring.  "Koga," he answered.  As he stood listening, Koga's face lit up.  "They found Kagura," he mouthed at Sesshomaru, who leaned close in to hear the conversation.  "How is she doing?  Yeah, I understand.  We'll meet you there."

"Come on," Koga said the Sesshomaru and Yura as he hung up the phone.  "That was Kagome.  The local hospital just called and said some guy brought Kagura into the emergency room.  Except for being dehydrated from throwing up nonstop, she's okay.  They said Kagura was conscious and asking for us."

The trio ran towards the rental car and piled in.  "How the hell did she wind up back here on Oahu?" asked Sesshomaru as Koga shoved the car into gear and peeled from the parking lot.  "She was reported missing overboard near Maui!"

"Damned if I know, Sesshomaru!" Koga responded as he turned into the traffic.  "But nothing surprises me with that woman anymore!  Do you realize that if you keep hanging around Kagura your life is going to be one never-ending series of trouble?  You'd better marry her just so you won't have to testify against her in court someday."

"Daddy, are you and Miss Kagura getting married?" Rin squealed from the back seat where she was buckled next to Yura.  She was clearly awake and back in her usual spirits.  "Can she be my Mommy?  My friend Kokichi has a Mommy and a Daddy and a brother and three sisters!  Can I have brothers and sisters too, Daddy?  When are you getting married Daddy?"

"Yeah," Koga smirked at his partner's obvious discomfort.  "When are you getting married Sesshomaru?  I agree with Rin, she needs lots of brothers and sisters!"

"When, Daddy?"

"Just as soon as I convince her she can't live without me," Sesshomaru said calmly.

"That could take years!" Yura snorted.  She was busy combing Rin's tangled hair and braiding ribbons into it.

"Probably," said Sesshomaru as he looked out the window of the speeding car.  "But I can dangle Rin in front of her as bait."

"Or you could always threaten her with another boat outing if she doesn't agree," offered Koga. 

********

Suikotsu walked casually past the hospital's reception area, giving a familiar nod to a couple of the other doctors and the receptionist.  They knew him well here, even though he'd moved his practice to the other side of town.  Since the move, he'd made a point of stopping in to do consultations on a regular basis.  The reward for his years of ass-kissing was unlimited roaming rights.  He could walk into any room in the hospital and never be questioned.  That came in handy when practicing medicine, but it came in even handier when practicing murder.

He had to hurry before anyone else arrived.  VD had called as soon as their local hospital informant had reported Kagura's registration.  He patted the syringe in his pocket.  It was a shame to kill someone so pretty and young, he thought.  It never bothered him to kill the rich old ones; they left behind such grateful heirs.

Her hospital bed was empty.  He stared, trying to comprehend what was wrong.  Suikotsu picked up the chart on the stand and read the name at the top.  Kagura.  She was supposed to be in here…where was she?  Frowning, he kept reading the chart as he walked to the hallway to question the nurse.

The door opened inwards, hitting him square in the face.  Giving a grunt of surprise, he sank to the floor clutching his nose.  Something warm and sticky was trickling between his fingers.  Blood, he realized.  Blood.  It was all over his hands.

"Oh, Dr. Suikotsu, are you all right?" the sweet voice of Nurse Kasume spoke in his ear.  "I'm so sorry.  Oh my, look at all this blood!"

She was helping him to his feet.  Suikotsu felt his shoulders hunch and began making gurgling sounds in his throat.  "No," he grasped his throat.  "No, stay away!"

"Oh Doctor, you really mustn't claw at your face that way!  You're making it bleed even more, see?"  She held the blood drenched towel so he could see the damage.  "Here, let's clean this up."

"Kill, kill, kill!" the physician burbled.  He grabbed the syringe from his pocket and began stabbing wildly at Kasume.  He must kill her, must make her bleed!

"Now Doctor, you mustn't be trying to use that while you're hurt," said Kasume.  "You can hardly see with all this blood running down your face!"  She held his wrist and took away the needle while he howled and scratched.

"Let's get you to the nurse's station," Kasume patted his hand and ignored his ranting.  "Come along, Doctor!" she said, tugging on his hand and dragging his protesting form towards the door.

The door burst open again, sending him sprawling to the floor once more.  "Oh!  I'm so sorry!  Are you okay?" said the attractive brunette who had run into him.  She grabbed his arm and tried to help him stand.  "Ew!  Look at all this blood!"

"Hey Kagome, what's going on?" the door pushed into them again, sending Suikotsu to the floor with the girl and Kasume on top of him.  In another moment, two more pairs of feet had tripped and were lying on top as well.

Suikotsu was beginning to find it difficult to breathe.

********

"Listen, you dumb bitch!  You'd better release me from this place right now or I'll tear your head off and feed it to the sharks!  Do – you – understand – the – words – that – are – coming – out – of – my - mouth?"

Sesshomaru could hear Kagura yelling all the way from the reception area.  He motioned to the others to stay put and walked back to the source of the commotion.  A security guard was headed in the same direction, and Sesshomaru flashed his badge.  "I'll handle this," he told the guard.  The guard looked incredulously at Sesshomaru's emerald green evening dress and matching heels and then shrugged his shoulders.

Kagura was banging on the registration clerk's plexiglass window with her fist and threatening to jump over the barrier.  She was still screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs.  "I have to go find Rin!  Do you understand me?  She's out there on a boat with two lunatics and she needs my help!  I don't care what orders the doctor gave, I'm leaving this place with or without your permission!  Now hand over my clothes!"

"These hospital gowns really are quite revealing from this angle," Sesshomaru said when she paused for breath.  "Your tattoo's showing," he pointed.

Kagura squeaked and pulled the back of the gown together.  "Sesshomaru!" she cried hysterically.  "They've got Rin!"

"They have no one," Sesshomaru told her as he removed his trench coat and wrapped it around her.  He took her in his arms.  "Rin's out in the reception area, safe and sound.  I'll warn you, though, she's pretty sugared up.  Do you have any idea how many orange sodas that child can drink in one sitting?"  He pulled her tightly against him.  "I see you're as looking as beautiful as ever," he said between kisses.

In truth, she looked like hell.  Spending a lot of time in the ocean wasn't good for anyone's complexion, and she had dark hollow circles around her eyes from dehydration.  It would take Yura a week to restore her hair back to some semblance of normal, and she was covered with numerous scratches and bruises.  He sniffed.  Kagura needed a bath as well, she smelled like a herring with all that salt water covering her.

So how come she was still so damn sexy that he wanted to make love to her right there on the hospital floor?  She aroused such a fierce need in him, the desire to protect her and keep her from somehow shattering combined with a desire to start kissing her ears and not stop until he reached her toes.  Kagura was pressing against him as he kissed her, clinging to him as if she was scared he would evaporate into thin air.

Kagome, Sango, Miroku and Inu-Yasha chose that moment to barge in from the lobby, preventing the clerk from having to call security in to remove the lust-crazed couple.  Koga, Rin and Yura were close on their heels.  Everyone began speaking to Kagura at once, and anything Sesshomaru had to say was drowned out in the noise.

After a few minutes, Sesshomaru noticed Kagura was starting to get a dazed look across her face.  Her eyes were blinking oddly, as if she were trying to focus.  Brushing the others away, he scooped her into his arms and began walking out of the hospital with her.  Behind him, he could hear the clerk shouting something about signing release forms.  He waved at Koga to take care of the matter and continued out the door, ignoring the stares directed their way.  _You'd think they'd never seen a woman carried out of a hospital in the arms of a man wearing a designer dress before, Sesshomaru thought in amusement._

"Miss Kagura, when am I going to get a brother or sister?" Rin's clear voice rose above the others momentarily.  She was hanging on to Sesshomaru's purse strap and staring rapturously up at Kagura.

"Sesshomaru?" Kagura mumbled as her eyes closed.  "What is she talking about?"

"I'll explain it to you when we get back to the resort," Sesshomaru answered.  "Better yet," he whispered wickedly in her ear, "I'll demonstrate." 

********

A/N:  Yay!  I finally found a spot for Kasume in this fic. *readers groan at introduction of yet another cameo role* I just love Kasume; she's so calm and unflappable about everything - even murderous schizoid doctors. :)

By the way, the reason there is so much Kagura/Sess interaction is because my collaborator, Sophie-chan, is such a huge fan of this pairing *begs Sophie-chan to put the gun down*  I'm trying to be nice to her because a bad floppy diskette just caused her to lose an entire chapter she wrote for one of her fics. = (

A couple of answers:

Asteria:  Hojo???!!!! No way, although I do think he's just a little tooooo nice to be trusted.  Try reading Chevalier Mal Fet's _Expect the Unexpected for a good "Hojo as Villian" piece._

trixie-trix:  I write late at night, although anything I write after 2 am is usually not pretty – or were you asking about my typing speed?

Thanks for reading and reviewing!  I'm having so much fun with this fic!


	28. Control Freak

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I forgot to mention that I also don't own the movie _Rush Hour 2_, from which I took one of Kagura's lines in the last chapter.

*************

"Oooh, I need some serious amounts of sleep," Kagome groaned.  "Let me get my purse off your coffee table and get back to my room."

Inu-Yasha wearily opened the door to his rooms.  "Can this night be any longer?" he griped at Kagome.  "Kidnappings, hospitals, that Yura chick attacking me with her comb…" he trailed off as he saw Ranma standing in the bathroom doorway, clutching the frame for support.

"What's wrong?  Are you sick?" asked Inu-Yasha.  Ranma's black hair was pulled back into a loose knot, surrounding a face that closely resembled a pale shade of green.

"It's nothing," Ranma mumbled as he staggered back into the bathroom and doubled over the toilet.  "I'll be all right," he choked.

"Ew," said Kagome as she followed him into the bathroom and grabbed a cool washcloth for the retching boy.  "Ranma, how long have you been like this?  Have you been throwing up all night?  You seemed to be feeling fine when we left."  Her cell phone was ringing inside her purse.  "Inu-Yasha, can you answer that?" she called out.  "It's probably Naraku; he'd be the only one calling at this hour."

Kagome returned her attention to the shaking boy in front of her.  She placed a hand on Ranma's forehead.  "You're not running a fever," she remarked.  "Do you have any food allergies?"

Inu-Yasha reappeared in the doorway.  "Naraku said he'd call you back later," he told Kagome.  He looked at Ranma, who was now lying curled up on the floor.

"Let's get him to his bed," Inu-Yasha suggested as he lifted Ranma's limp form.  Kagome put her arm under Ranma's other shoulder and they carried him into the bedroom.

"Really, I'll be okay," Ranma muttered.  "I just ate something I shouldn't have," he groaned as they laid him down.

"Food poisoning?" Kagome asked.  "What did you eat?"

Ranma pointed towards a plate of food resting on the bedside table.  "Akane's cooking," he groaned.

*********

The program was going to take forever to compile.  Ataru typed in a few more commands, trying to stifle his yawns.  _Inu-Yasha should be here working on this, he thought resentfully.  His boss had been spending too much time over at the resort 'working'.  Judging by the way Inu-Yasha was walking around smirking the last few days, the 'work' was probably all horizontal, he thought with envy._

Meanwhile, stuff was piling up at the office and one of the vendors was howling for the software update they'd promised two weeks ago.  Ataru turned out the overhead lights and rested his head on the desk.  Might as well catch some sleep until he was finished compiling.  _At least these late hours are keeping Lum far away,_ was his last grateful thought as he closed his eyes.

*********

"Myoga."  Naraku knew his employee could hear him as clearly as if he were speaking in the same room.

"Y-yes, Naraku?"

Naraku heard the stammer in Myoga's voice.  Good.  The more this idiot feared him, the better.  Myoga was easy to keep in line, unlike those damn girls.

"Why haven't I been getting regular reports, Myoga?  This behavior from the Angels is - unexpected."

Myoga began blathering something about the girls being busy.  "Myoga," Naraku continued in a chilled, soft voice.  "Remind those bitches just who it is they work for.  Not the government.  Not the police.  They work for me, and they had better straighten up or I will have them off of Oahu so fast even Kagura won't have time to get motion sickness."

A small squeak was heard from Myoga.  "They _are_ working for you, Naraku.  It's just that things here have been a little crazy, and with Kagura being taken hostage…"

"I will deal with _that_ particular matter on my own, Myoga.  You fail to see the real problem, even though it's right under your tiny nose.  It's man trouble, Myoga.  Those stupid women have let themselves get close to the opposite sex and it's creating some complications."  Naraku placed a steel tone in his voice.  "Who is Kagome involved with?  And don't lie to me, Myoga, because a man answered her personal cell phone just half an hour ago.  This is most unusual behavior from my little rocket scientist, and I want to know what's going on."

"His name is Inu-Yasha," Myoga told him.  "I don't know much about him, other than that - "

"That will do," Naraku interrupted him.  "Give the Angels a message for me, Myoga.  It's just three simple words, so even their hormone-laden brains ought to be able to comprehend it.  The message is 'Kanna, Kohaku and Shikon', got that?"  Naraku disconnected the call before the hapless Myoga could respond.

 _Inu-Yasha.  Naraku clenched his fists as jealous rage coursed through him.  Kikyo had chosen that ignorant boy instead of him, the man who could give her everything.  He would have taken care of her and ensured she never left his side.  Naraku's shoulders shook and he closed his eyes, picturing the beautiful Kikyo as she was that day when she told him to go to hell._

Now Inu-Yasha was once again trying to grab what wasn't his.  Naraku's eyes snapped open.  He was going to have to tighten the screws on his wandering Angel.  Kagome belonged to him and him alone, and before the week was out she would be on her knees begging him to take her back.

********

_Click._

The pick slid into the lock and Vicious Dragon laughed softly.  _Faster than an ice cube across an oil slick, he thought to himself smugly.  These computer geeks were all alike.  They installed all kinds of security measures to protect their precious data, and then put a standard lock on the door to their building._

Once inside, Vicious Dragon paused to check for any security devices.  His previous reconnaissance had shown none, but who knows what went through Surfer Boy's head these days.  Inu-Yasha might be picking up some of his elder brother's paranoid habits.  Assuring himself that nothing had changed, he had crossed the room and started to open the door to the inner office when a sound made him jump.

It took but a second for him to become completely motionless.  The parking lot was empty and he'd assumed the building was unoccupied.  He cursed.  Didn't these people ever go home?

Vicious Dragon heard the sound again and relaxed as he recognized it.  Snoring, someone was snoring.  He moved cautiously towards the outer office and peeked around the doorway.  One of the techno-dweebs had been pulling an all-nighter.  A cruel smile crossed his face as he grabbed a heavy paperweight from a nearby table and walked up to the sleeping figure.

"Hey," Vicious Dragon stood behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.  "Wake up, you."

The young man sat up blearily and Vicious Dragon whacked him across the head with the full force of the paperweight.  Giving a malicious laugh, Vicious Dragon stepped aside to avoid the slumping body.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered to the unconscious form as he left the office.  He'd slain the single knight guarding the castle and it was now time to rescue his Princess.  Vicious Dragon felt a thrill run through him at the thought of her waiting for him in the next room.

He crossed the hallway to Inu-Yasha's office, shivering in anticipation as he picked the door lock.  She was in here, hanging in a display rack behind Inu-Yasha's desk, where Vicious Dragon had seen her just a couple of days ago.  After all his searching, she was right out in plain sight.  She wanted him to take her!

The door lock popped and he slowly opened the door.  Just a few more steps and she would be in his arms.  In just another moment, he would be able to caress her cool steel with his hands.  His fingers trembled at the thought.

Vicious Dragon stopped abruptly and stared at the wall behind the desk in disbelief.  She wasn't there.  His precious katana, his lovely, his dearest was…gone.

He whirled around angrily, scanning the room for the sword, but his eyes confirmed what his heart already knew.  Tetsusaiga, his dearest Tetsusaiga, wasn't anywhere in the office.  Where was she?  What had that bastard done with his beloved?

Storming from the office, he crossed the hallway again and grabbed the neck of the man slumped over the desk.  Vicious Dragon shook him roughly, trying to rouse him.  "Wake up, dammit!  What have you done to her?" he shouted.  "Where is she?"

The boy's eyes opened and gazed at him glassily.  "Huh?" he slurred.  "She's right behind you," the boy pointed.  Vicious Dragon hit him across the face a couple of times and threw him to the floor.

As he turned around, he felt an electric jolt run through him.  A green-haired woman with horns and a fur bikini grabbed him by the hair.  "What have you done to Darling?" she screeched in his ear.  Vicious Dragon tore himself from her grasp and jumped out of the way as she sent another zap of electricity towards him.

This was one hell of a security system – he'd never talk bad about the nerds again.

********

"Suikotsu, why did you choose to kidnap one of my girls?  I find that to be an extraordinary action coming from an old _acquaintance_ such as you."

Dr. Suikotsu felt his blood chill at the sound of Naraku's voice.  "Naraku, I was acting under orders to get the kid.  We didn't know the woman was one of yours!"  Sweat trickled down the back of his neck.

"And just whose orders were you acting upon?" Naraku asked him in a silky tone.

"It's not worth my life to tell you that," Suikotsu answered hesitantly.  "But you have to believe me, it was the girl we wanted, not the Nanny!  Anyway, they're both okay now, so can't you overlook this?"

He could hear Naraku's steady breathing over the phone.  "Suikotsu," Naraku finally spoke again.  "I'm fairly certain that I know who it is you are working for, so let me give you a warning for old time's sake.  Stay away from this.  Far away."

"Or you'll do what?" the physician asked.  "Don't forget, Naraku, I know as much about you as you do about me.  If I go down, I'll take you with me."

"My dear doctor," Naraku's laughter came through the line.  "Have you forgotten who _made you?  If it weren't for me, you'd still be practicing at the Colonic Temple of Herbal Enema Therapy.  I can send you back there with a single phone call, Suikotsu.  Now be a good boy and step away from all of this."_

*******

A/N:  You know that little voice inside of your head that tells you not to take on yet another project when you're already really, really busy?

For some reason, I don't ever hear that voice.  Which is why I'm in the middle of a huge remodeling project that's taking away my valuable computer playtime.  I might be forced to start going more than one day without updating until I get things under control.

Just kidding!  I'll probably do without sleep instead.  That's how I usually handle these situations :D

Anyway, thanks so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!  You're the greatest!  Lavender


	29. A Rusted Stick

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I would love to play pirate with Inu-Yasha, though.

*************

"Ahr!  It'll be a hangin' from the mizzenmast for Ranma, it will!  And then I'll be takin' the pretty lass here!"

Kagome burst out laughing.  Inu-Yasha had answered her knock wearing nothing but an old pair of pants and waving what appeared to be a rusted stick.  His hair was caught up in a tie at his neck and crowned with a bandana.

She watched as Inu-Yasha lunged forward at Ranma, who parried his thrust with a golf club.  The two appeared equally matched.  Ranma kicked his leg out and knocked Inu-Yasha's weapon from his hands.  Inu-Yasha grabbed Ranma's leg and yanked it from underneath him, sending Ranma sprawling.

Kagome clapped her hands and cheered.  Inu-Yasha flexed the muscles of his bare chest and grabbed her around the waist as he picked up his sword.  "A prize!" he shouted.  "I've captured a rare find, aye!"

"Where's your eye patch and wooden leg?" Kagome giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he carried her over to the couch.

"The eye patch is in the laundry.  And the wooden leg is…" he whispered in her ear.

"You are such a pervert!"  Kagome slapped his arm playfully before kissing him.  "Don't you know pirates aren't allowed to ravish women until _after_ work?  And put away that tire iron or whatever it is you're swinging around before someone gets an eye poked out."

"Tire iron?" Inu-Yasha asked indignantly.  "I'll have you know, wench, that this is no tire iron!  This," he handed the sword to Kagome, "is a katana.  Mind you, it's a bit past its prime, but what can you expect from a sword made over 400 years ago?"

"Inu-Yasha, you're playing with an antique?" Kagome gasped.  "Are you crazy?  What if you broke it or something?"  She scrambled to take the weapon from his hands.

"Relax," Inu-Yasha said, holding the sword out of her reach.  "It's a rusting hunk of metal.  My father was a collector and he never even bothered to lock this one up, so it can't have any real value.  Besides, if it was worth anything then Sesshomaru would have taken it."  He twirled the blade in his hands absentmindedly.  "I always did like this one, though.  It's almost like it has a personality.  Father called it 'Tetsusaiga'."

"You really do look like a pirate," Kagome said appreciatively as she recalled the way his lithe form moved as he was fighting Ranma.  "Or perhaps you resemble some long-lost samurai from another era.  I can tell you know how to use that sword, anyway."

"As much as it hurts me to admit this, Sesshomaru's fencing skills are way better than mine.  Father taught him everything he knew.  Me, I just play at it."  Inu-Yasha plopped back down on the couch next to Kagome.  "I brought Tetsusaiga over to show to Ranma.  He and I were talking about ancient martial arts styles the other day and somehow wound up on the subject of old swords."

"Why didn't your father teach you how to fence as well?  And what did you mean when you said if this thing was valuable, then Sesshomaru would have gotten it?" Kagome asked out of curiosity.  Inu-Yasha's odd relationship with Sesshomaru intrigued her.  Even though the brothers seemed to be getting along, there was still an undercurrent of hostility between them at times.

"My father died before he finished teaching me," Inu-Yasha said shortly.  "And his entire estate was willed to Sesshomaru.  The only thing I got was this sword, and I didn't even get this until after I'd turned seventeen.  My father's old friend, Toto-sai, dropped it off one day, saying I should have it."

Kagome stretched out across his lap and studied his golden eyes.  "I'm sorry," she said softly as she toyed with a lock of silver hair that had fallen from the tie.  "None of this sounds very fair.  I can't believe your father would disinherit you like that."  She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Inu-Yasha rubbed his head, removing the bandana.  "I don't care about the money, I really don't.  I have my own business and even though I'm not rich, I'm certainly living comfortably.  What made me so mad was the way Sesshomaru sold everything, including the weapons collection, just as soon as he got his hands on it.  To see the house and the land and Mother's jewelry all go to the highest bidder so soon after Father's death – it's like Sesshomaru was trying to erase any memory of them I ever had.  There was this one painting in particular I really would have liked to keep, just because it was my mother's favorite and it always reminded me of her."

"Oh, Inu-Yasha," Kagome stroked his face, tracing the line of his nose.  "I don't know what to say."  She caught his hand and cradled it against her head.

"Feh.  It's in the past.  I've changed and so has Sesshomaru.  No point even thinking about it anymore, I guess."

Kagome curled herself into his warm body and hugged him tightly.  She felt so safe with him, not just physically, but emotionally safe as well.  Somehow it made her happy to know Inu-Yasha could talk to her about something so painful.  It meant he trusted her, and nobody had ever trusted her before.  Inu-Yasha even knew about the Shikon jewel's disappearance and he still believed in her innocence.  He was the only one who believed her, him and Naraku…

She shuddered involuntarily and Inu-Yasha's embrace tightened in response.  She was not going to think about that prick right now, she vowed.  Kagome had received Naraku's message this morning via Myoga, and she took it as the threat it was intended to be.  When this case was finished, she was going to seriously look at a career in ditch-digging.  Anything had to be better than working for Naraku.

********

"That shit-eating, dirt-crawling, sneaking bastard son of a bitch!  He can't get away with this!  I'll take a hot spoon and turn him into a eunuch!"

Sesshomaru winced and crossed his legs at Kagura's last threat.  Yeesh, this woman was scary when she was angry.  She'd been a raging inferno since speaking with Myoga; delivering threats and karate chopping invisible foes.  Koga, the coward, had left their rooms immediately in search of fresh air.

"What's a eunuch?" Rin asked innocently, causing Sesshomaru to choke on a piece of toast.  He coughed and ignored the question, hoping Rin would let it pass.  Yura was laughing at him silently across the room while filing her nails.

"Kagura," Sesshomaru said mildly, hoping to calm the enraged Angel.  "We will find a way to deal with Naraku.  You forget that I have a lot of – connections."  He nodded over at Yura.  She pulled her pistol from her jacket and winked.

"But can you keep Kanna from disappearing?" Kagura asked fearfully.  "Naraku said he'd put her someplace where no one could ever find her!  He can do it; he has legal guardianship of her!"

Sesshomaru stood and brushed a few stray crumbs from his strapless teal blue sundress.  "Kagura," he reminded her as he kissed her, "let's concentrate on one thing at a time, okay?  We get Vicious Dragon and Lazy Panda; then we worry about Naraku.  Meanwhile, you and the other girls need to play along with his little control games."

He grabbed his purse and checked his lipstick in the mirror.  "I have to go, we're having a practice for the opening number of the pageant," Sesshomaru told them.  "Yura, you have your instructions.  Any questions?"

"Just one," Yura said.  "What's a eunuch?"  She smiled wickedly and stuck her tongue out at him.

*******

"Sango?"

Miroku's hands rested on her shoulders.  Damn, she didn't want him to see her crying.  Again.  She'd cried more in the last week then she had in the last ten years.  Sango vainly tried to blink the telltale moisture from her eyes and placed a dazzling fake smile on her face.

Apparently Miroku wasn't fooled.  "What is it?" he asked gently.  "Sango, tell me what's upset you.  Who was that on the phone?"

She gave up.  "It was Myoga," she sniffled.  "He had a message from Naraku."  Sango wanted to say more, but found she couldn't.  Her throat seemed to quit working.

"Let me guess," Miroku said slowly.  "Naraku's threatening you as usual."  He gripped her shoulder comfortingly.  "Sango, we'll figure out a way for you and Kohaku to get out from under his thumb, I promise."

Sango looked at him in surprise.  How could he have known?  She'd never told anyone about Kohaku.  The deal she'd made in order to lessen the charges against her and Kohaku were a matter of public record, but she'd never said a word to anyone about Naraku's involvement behind the scenes.

If Naraku ever disclosed the evidence of what really happened, Kohaku would be back behind bars and possibly tried as an adult under an entirely new set of charges.  Sango couldn't let that happen.  She knew in her heart that Kohaku hadn't been himself that night; he'd been under someone else's control.  Naraku was the only one who believed her and he had done everything in his power to get their sentences lightened.  Unfortunately, Naraku's help always came with a very steep price tag.

********

"Took you long enough to get down here," Inu-Yasha commented as Sesshomaru and Koga walked into the office.  "I still say you should let me call the police," he told Kagome.

"Trust me on this one, Inu-Yasha.  Your brother needs to see this," Kagome answered calmly.  She closed the blinds to block the afternoon sunlight.

"How much was stolen?" Sesshomaru asked Inu-Yasha as they surveyed the mess in the office.  Bookcases and filing cabinets had been upended, and papers were covering the floor.  He knelt and inspected the scorch marks along the carpet.  Odd, it almost looked as if lightning had struck the floor several times.

"According to Ataru, nothing was taken."  Inu-Yasha was scratching his head in confusion.  "That's what we can't figure out.  Why did this guy try to get in here in the first place?"

"He was obviously looking for something," Koga pointed to the overturned furniture.

"Actually, that happened while he was trying to get away from Lum," Inu-Yasha admitted.  "She's a little on the violent side when it comes to protecting her man."

"I called you when I found this by Ataru's desk," Kagome said quietly to Sesshomaru while Koga and Inu-Yasha walked around inspecting the damage.  She opened her palm and handed him a small white object.  "I've seen these in photographs.  Vicious Dragon uses them as a calling card when he's assassinated someone."

Sesshomaru held it up to study it in the light.  It was a triangular piece of carved bone, looking almost like a sharp tooth, with the initials 'VD' on it.  "I've seen one of these before as well," he told Kagome grimly.  "He left one with my father's body."

"No assassination was committed, so he must have dropped it accidentally," Kagome observed.  "Unless maybe Ataru was the target?" she pondered.

"I doubt it," Sesshomaru replied.  "He's still alive, isn't he?"

Sesshomaru continued his explorations.  He entered his Inu-Yasha's office and looked around.  Nothing appeared to be out of place, unless you counted the half-eaten sandwich on the desk and the crumpled up soda cans lying on the floor.  The sandwich appeared to be several days old, he noted with disgust.  If anyone needed a keeper, it was his brother.  He observed the empty display rack hanging from the wall behind the desk.  "Inu-Yasha, what is this used for?" Sesshomaru called his brother into the room and pointed.

"Oh, that's nothing," Inu-Yasha said.  Sesshomaru gave him a questioning look.  "It just holds that old katana."

"There's no katana in there," Sesshomaru said.

"That's because I took it with me to the resort," Inu-Yasha explained.  "That reminds me, I need to bring it back in here.  It's in the trunk of my car."  He ran outside to get it.

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes over at Kagome, who was standing in the doorway.  "Do I want to know what he was doing with some sword in the trunk of his car?" he asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Long story," Kagome answered.  "Let's just say he and Ranma were playing pirate," she said as Inu-Yasha returned with the katana.  Sesshomaru automatically reached for it, then halted his movements.

"That's…that's Tetsusaiga," Sesshomaru gasped.  "What are you doing with it?"  He felt sick as a sudden blind rage surged within him.  "What the hell are you doing with Tetsusaiga?" he shouted, slamming his brother against the wall.  "Damn you, Inu-Yasha, is nothing sacred to you?  I can't believe you desecrated Father's grave!"  Sesshomaru punched him in the face, hearing the crunch of bone beneath his fist.

As Sesshomaru pulled his arm back to strike Inu-Yasha again, a sharp pain exploded through his head.  Stunned, Sesshomaru staggered backwards.  The room flipped sideways and then twirled around him before everything turned black.

*******

A/N:  A few of you have told me you aren't familiar with Ranma ½.  My best recommendation is to check out a website (furinkan.com is a good one) that discusses the various characters and transformations.  Better yet, get the manga and read, you won't regret it.  I personally think Ranma is Takahashi's best character work.

Time to re-emphasize a few things:

1. There are absolutely, unequivocally, no original characters in this fiction.  Everyone who is named is a real character, even for the cameo roles or names thrown out in passing.

2. Vicious Dragon is not an original character (see above).  If you have only been exposed to the Inu-Yasha anime/manga that have been translated into English, you may not recognize the character for who he is.

3. Sesshy and Koga are not gay, that is their cover.  However, due to the insane situations I have placed them in, Sesshy and Koga think IY is gay and Ranma is bisexual, and IY and Ranma think Sesshy is gay and Koga is bisexual.  To further confuse the issue, Shampoo is crushing on Miroku, Ranma has moved in with IY, and P-chan/Ryoga keeps turning up in other people's showers.  For a while, Miroku and Sango thought that she (Sango) and IY had slept together, while IY and Kagome were innocent victims of endless laundry fiascos.  Confused?  Good, so am I…

Cassidy Jewell:  Thanks!  Send him over, but make sure he brings his own power tools.  Pocky is optional.

Thanks so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!  *joins with Sophie-chan in a group hug*


	30. She Looks Just Like Her Mother

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I do own a pillow.

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**Chapter 30**

**She Looks Just Like Her Mother**

"What the hell's going on?" Koga shouted.  He had heard the commotion and ran into the office in time to see Sesshomaru hit the floor.

"Sesshomaru attacked Inu-Yasha!" Kagome yelled back.  "Just look at this, will you?  His nose is completely smashed!"  She grabbed a box of tissues from the desk and shoved them into Inu-Yasha's face in an effort to staunch the flow of blood.

Koga was kneeling next to Sesshomaru, trying to bring him back to consciousness.  "What did you hit him with, anyway?  A brickbat?  Ugh, he's bleeding everywhere!"

"I clobbered him over the head with the hilt of that stupid sword.  I don't know what happened; Sesshomaru saw the katana and just went nuts!  He started hitting Inu-Yasha and calling him a grave robber!"  Kagome turned to Inu-Yasha.  "What was that all about, anyway?"

Inu-Yasha had removed his shirt by this time and packed it against his nose.  "I dod hab a cloo," he said with difficulty.  "He'd crady!"

"Sesshomaru?" Koga slapped his partner's cheeks gently.  "Shit!  He won't wake up, Kagome!"

"I didn't hit him _that_ hard," Kagome said with concern.  She inspected the unconscious agent.  "It looks like he caught his head on the desk when he fell.  His scalp is bleeding, but the cut doesn't look very deep.  He probably just has a concussion."

"We'd better get these two to the emergency room," Koga nodded towards Inu-Yasha, who was holding his face with both hands.  Koga scooped Sesshomaru up in his arms.

"Um, do you think that's wise?" Kagome asked him.  "Explaining why two brothers, one of them wearing a dress, were fighting over an antique sword…"

"You're right," said Koga.  "I had enough trouble explaining the mess with Kagura.  By the way, your boss owes Sesshomaru some serious money for that hospital bill."

"Good luck collecting it from Naraku," Kagome muttered.

"I hab ad idea," Inu-Yasha tried to tell them.  "Dobter Topu."  Seeing their blank looks, he sighed.  "Jud foddow me."

Kagome grabbed Tetsusaiga as they headed out the door.  "Why are you bringing that?" Koga asked her.  "Don't you think that's caused enough trouble?"

"I'm bringing it in case Sesshomaru comes around and starts whaling on my boyfriend again," Kagome answered with a possessive growl.  "Just how is Inu-Yasha supposed to be kissing me if he's got a broken nose?"

*******

Naraku toyed with the small round jewel in his hand then held it up to catch the afternoon light.  It was so pretty and looked so pure.  The only time he could remember it looking lovelier was when it was around Kikyo's neck.

The silly bitch.  She'd stolen the necklace hoping to exchange it for something she could snort up her nose.  Then she'd discovered the necklace was so hot that her fence wouldn't take it.  So Kikyo had come crawling to him, begging him to 'loan' her the money in exchange for the rock.

Naraku's dreams came true that day, or at least he'd thought they had.  Kikyo wanted his help, not someone else's.  He'd shipped her off to Hawaii, far away from the shrine and anyone who would recognize her or the jewel.  As an added bonus, he'd made sure that the local law enforcement kept Kagome in mind as a suspect.

He'd thought his worries about Kikyo were over, in fact, he'd made sure of it.  He had made sure of everything.  He'd placed Kikyo into a life without cares; all she had to do was play in the sun and the sand and the surf.  He'd even put her in rehab, cleansing her of the drugs she was so fond of using.  All Kikyo had to do was belong to him.

Naraku hadn't lost his temper on that terrible day, the day when Kikyo told him she was marrying some kid she'd met on the beach.  He'd hugged her and told her he wished nothing but her happiness.  He'd even given her the Shikon jewel, telling her it was a wedding present.  He'd walked away, leaving a delighted woman behind him.

And only after the wedding had he set about his slow destruction of Kikyo and Inu-Yasha.  The memory made him shiver with ecstasy.  It had been easy, so ridiculously easy.  One lonely night he'd offered her a hit, and Kikyo had fallen back into drug use like she'd never left.  Naraku had toyed with her for a long time, making sure Dr. Suikotsu kept her supplied, then ordering the supply stopped.  Kikyo would halfheartedly attempt to fight it before she'd give in and throw herself at his feet pleading for what he could get her.

Meanwhile, that idiot she'd married had been stuck helplessly watching his wife send everyone around her to hell.   It amused Naraku to see Inu-Yasha go deeply into debt in order to afford repeated trips to the detox center.  At one point, the couple had been reduced to living in Inu-Yasha's car.  The only thing that had surprised Naraku was the boy's stubborn refusal to divorce Kikyo.

Naraku closed his eyes with pleasure.  Kikyo's death had been beautiful.  He could still see her out there in the surf, laughing and whooping as the drugs Suikotsu had given her worked their way through her bloodstream.  She'd paddled her board over to where he was swimming, giving him a loopy grin.  He'd pulled her face down to his and kissed her deeply, tasting her as he removed the Shikon no Tama from her neck.  Kikyo had looked surprised, then peaceful.  That peaceful look had stayed upon her face, even as Naraku pushed her off her board and under the water.  It still amazed him that she hadn't struggled.

*******

Sesshomaru opened his eyes and wished he hadn't.  His head seemed to have become one giant, throbbing, aching mass of pain.  And he had no idea where the hell he was.

He gingerly turned his head to the side and tried to focus.  He was lying on an exam table in some doctor's office, he realized.  At least, he hoped it was a doctor's office.  There was a skeleton lying on another exam table across the room.  _Please don't let that thing over there be the doctor's last patient,_ Sesshomaru prayed.

Outside the door, he could hear Inu-Yasha howling in pain.  Piecing together what he could hear of Kagome and Koga's conversation, his brother had a broken nose and the doctor was trying to set it.  Sesshomaru ground his teeth and hoped his brother was in agony, the thieving little bastard.

_I can't believe he did this.  When I think of everything I've gone through because of that katana, and he had it all along!  Hanging it in plain sight in some office, playing some stupid game with Ranma, hell - he probably used the thing to slice his sandwiches.  Meanwhile, I'm stuck with that worthless piece of shit that won't even cut butter!  When I get my hands on him…_

Sesshomaru angrily pushed himself upright.  The room started twirling around again, and he laid back down to regain his equilibrium.  Strange-looking spots kept appearing in front of his eyes.

The door to the room burst open and a young physician dashed in.  "Put her here!" he cried as he shoved the skeleton off the other table.  Right behind him was a man assisting a very pregnant woman.

The woman doubled over suddenly and groaned loudly.  "Umao!" she whimpered, clutching her swollen belly.

"Hang on Shikako!  I'm right here with you, honey!" the man answered urgently as he helped her onto the exam table.

"How far apart are her contractio-"

Before the doctor could finish the question, Shikako let out a yell and grabbed Umao's hand.  "This hurts!  You bastard, I'll never forgive you for doing this to me!" she shouted at Umao as another contraction cramped her body.

"You did the right thing by stopping here," the doctor was telling Umao.  "You'd have never made it to the hospital in time.  And don't worry about what she's telling you, they all say that."  The physician pushed his glasses up onto his nose.  "Looks like we're going to have a baby today," he said cheerfully to the pregnant woman as he helped her into an exam robe.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Shikako cursed at the doctor.

_Oh no_.  He was _not_ going to be a witness to childbirth.  _No way, not ever.  Sesshomaru desperately tried to pry himself off the table so he could leave the room.  He succeeded in staggering a few steps until the door pushed open and knocked him to the floor._

"Oh, Dr. Tofu!  I dropped by to bring you some dinner, but it looks as if you're a little busy tonight," the sweet clear voice of the young woman said.  "Are you okay?" she asked Sesshomaru as she helped him to his feet.

"Kasumi!" Dr. Tofu perked up and beamed at the young woman.  Sesshomaru noticed the physician's glasses were fogging over.  Dr. Tofu walked over to Sesshomaru and clasped his hand.  "How wonderful to see you, Kasumi!  You certainly look lovely in that dress.  Have you done something new with your hair?" he asked, peering closely at Sesshomaru.

"Doctor," Kasumi giggled.  "I think your patient needs you."  She pointed to the panting Shikako.

"Of course!" Dr. Tofu laughed.  He placed an arm around Sesshomaru's shoulders and pushed him back to the exam table.  "I know walking around helps with the contractions, dear, but I think it's time for you to lie down and have this baby."

"No, no, no!  Gotta get away, gotta leave," Sesshomaru mumbled, struggling to get away.  At the other table, Umao was begging Shikako to loosen her death grip on his hand and reminding her to breathe.

"Like I'm going to forget how to breathe, jackass!  Owwwww!" Shikako cried.  "Give me some drugs, dammit!"

"Perhaps a little something to calm her down?" Umao begged the doctor.

"Are you the grandmother?" Kasumi asked Sesshomaru.  "I just love assisting during the births.  It's so special to see these little ones come into the world.  Is this your first grandchild?"

Sesshomaru felt a sharp pain in thigh and yelped.  "Just a local anesthetic to help take the edge off the contractions," Dr. Tofu said.  He patted Sesshomaru's shoulder.  "We don't want you to hyperventilate or anything.  Now, I want you to hold your husband's hand and breathe evenly for me, okay?"

"Uh, doctor?  Over here?" Umao was trying to get his attention.

"I need to push!" screamed Shikako.

Sesshomaru scrambled off the table and took a step, then crumpled to the floor.  He realized he couldn't feel his legs any longer.  "Koga, get in here and help me!" Sesshomaru yelled as he started pulling himself across the floor with his arms towards the exit.

Koga ran into the room, skidding to a halt when he saw the other couple.  "That woman is…she's…she's…" his jaw fell open and he pointed at Shikako and then fainted.

"Doctor!  The baby's coming!" Umao yelled.  A thin wail broke through the confusion.

"It's a girl!" Kasumi said excitedly as she assisted them.

"Why, so it is!" Dr. Tofu exclaimed as he grabbed the pillow off Sesshomaru's exam table and held it up.  He knelt down on the floor and tenderly placed the pillow in Sesshomaru's arms.  "She looks just like her mother, too."

*******

A/N:  Is there any situation I won't place Sesshomaru in?  Sophie-chan tells me I'm absolutely evil (and she's so right).

By the way, a lot of you are finally figuring out who Vicious Dragon is.  I really didn't intend for him to be so elusive…

Eeek!  I can't believe I've passed 200 reviews!!!!  *faints from shock*  I'm just so happy people are reading this! *glomps onto her readers*

Thanks to all of you!  (And a really big thanks to ChristyKay – if she hadn't encouraged me so much on my first fic, I'd have never written this one!)  :D Lavender


	31. Brothers

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  I also do not own Lina Inverse and Xellos (Slayer's Next).

*************

**Chapter 31**

**Brothers**

"Why are we stopping here?" Koga asked.

Kagome pulled the car onto the side of the road and slammed on the brakes.  She switched off the ignition and dropped the keys down the front of her blouse before stomping to the rear of the car and yanking the arguing Sesshomaru and Inu-Yasha out onto the ground.  "Listen up, you two!  I want to know what the problem is, and I want to know right now!" Kagome shouted.  "This car isn't going any further until I get some cooperation!"

The two brothers stayed sitting on the ground, refusing to look at Kagome or each other.  Finally, Inu-Yasha spoke.  "Ask _him what his problem is.  All I know is that I only got one thing from Father and Sesshomaru can't stand not to have it."  He glared at his elder brother._

"You got that sword by stealing it!" Sesshomaru snapped in response.  "Did you even wait until his body was cold?"

"For the last time, I didn't steal it!  Toto-sai gave it to me, stupid!"

"The last time I laid eyes on that katana, it was resting in Father's coffin!  I didn't even know it was missing until we exhumed his body!" Sesshomaru exclaimed.  "Are you trying to tell me _Toto-sai removed it from his grave?  That old man can barely walk, let alone rob a gravesite!"_

"Wait a minute, what do you mean you didn't know it was missing until you_ exhumed his body_?  Just what were _you doing digging Father up in the first place?" Inu-Yasha demanded.  "It seems to me that you're the tomb raider here!"_

Sesshomaru looked uncomfortable.  "We were looking for something specific that wasn't picked up during the autopsy," he said finally in a pained voice.  "Something related to the murder that I was certain had been overlooked.  And I will be honest, Inu-Yasha," Sesshomaru continued reluctantly.  "I was also planning to retrieve Tetsusaiga at the same time."

"Who is this 'we' you're talking about?" asked Inu-Yasha suspiciously.

"The FBI," Kagome answered for Sesshomaru.  "Your brother is a federal agent, Inu-Yasha.  He and Koga are here in Hawaii working on a case."

Inu-Yasha digested this new information.  "So what's this got to do with Father's death?" he turned and asked Sesshomaru.  "He was murdered by some psycho, but that doesn't mean the government gets involved."

Sesshomaru began tracing a pattern in the dirt with his fingernail.  "His death was a deliberate assassination, Inu-Yasha.  Father was just one of several people killed by Vicious Dragon.  The FBI is involved not only because of the assassinations, but because of VD's ties to money laundering and securities fraud across state lines."

"And that's the case you're working on right now?  Father's death?"

"Well, no, not initially," Sesshomaru replied.  "Koga and I were sent here for an entirely different matter, but it turns out the two cases are connected."  He rested his head against the car door and closed his eyes.  "One thing is certain.  Vicious Dragon is here in Hawaii, and it seems he's after Tetsusaiga on top of everything else."

"And it's just pure dumb luck that he doesn't have it," said Koga.  He opened the trunk and removed the rusty sword.  "It doesn't look very special," Koga continued.  "Look at all these nicks and dents in it.  What makes this thing so valuable?"

"By itself, it isn't," Sesshomaru told him.  "If it were sold on the collector's market as a single blade, it wouldn't garner much.  As you noted, it's in terrible condition.  However, if you pair it with its twin, Tensaiga, then you have an entirely different situation.  Because of their unique history, those two swords, if sold together, would bring in a ridiculous amount of money."

"But you'd have to have Tensaiga in order to make it worth owning Tetsusaiga," Kagome said.  She eyed Sesshomaru.  "You _do have Tensaiga," she accused.  "How long have you had it?"_

"Father bought it a month before his death and gave it to me for my birthday.  Unfortunately, he didn't bother to tell me about the combined value of the swords, otherwise I would never have allowed Tetsusaiga to be buried with him.  I stumbled across the information about a year later when I was pursuing some leads on his murder case."  Sesshomaru looked glum.  "That sword was literally buried treasure."

"That's so…so grisly," Kagome shuddered.

"It's damn mercenary, is what it is," Inu-Yasha growled.  "Well, you can forget about getting Tetsusaiga, Sesshomaru.  I've got it and I ain't giving it up.  And don't think I'm going to overlook _this," he pointed to his bandaged nose as he climbed back into the car._

Sesshomaru threw himself in the backseat next to his brother and scowled.  "You're still just as clueless as ever, little brother," he said to Inu-Yasha as Kagome put the car back into traffic.  "How long do you think it's going to take Vicious Dragon to come to the resort looking for Tetsusaiga?  You and Ranma had better plan on sleeping with both eyes open."

"And VD has the advantage," Kagome observed, "because we still don't know what he looks like!  It's too bad Lum didn't get a better look at him before she started zapping away."

"Finding him should be easy," said Koga.  "Grab the first person you see that's covered with electrical burns."

"With my luck these days, it would turn out to be Jakotsu," Inu-Yasha groaned.

*******

Jakotsu was uncharacteristically nervous.  He'd done this kind of thing before, so he'd thought it would be no problem to do it again.  But then, he hadn't done something like this since leaving prison.  And if he were caught, they'd slap him back behind bars so fast he'd break the sound barrier.  It wouldn't be Vicious Dragon that took the fall.

He didn't want to go back.  Too boring, being locked up like that.  And having to wear those orange jumpsuits…he shuddered.  It was inhumane, that's what it was.

"What are you doing slinking around in the bushes?" asked a loud voice in his ear.  Jakotsu dropped the knife he was holding to the ground and frantically searched for an excuse.

"I'm spying on my boyfriend.  I think he's cheating," Jakotsu said quickly as he checked out the speaker and mentally gagged.  Bright red hair, huge shoulder guards, maroon tights…and a cape?  This was definitely a cry for help.  And the companion wasn't much better with that purple hair.

"Oh honey, your look needs some serious work," an appalled Jakotsu told the redhead.  "You'll never make it as a drag queen in that outfit.  And stuff some socks in that bra or something!  If you're going to pretend you look like a woman, you should at least make an attempt to be convincing."

"Lina, don't do it!" the purple-haired man shouted.

Fifteen minutes later, a battered Jakotsu regained consciousness and picked himself up off the ground.  For someone so short, that guy was incredibly scary, he thought as he spat blood from the cut on his lip.  Honestly, you try to help someone out by giving them a little fashion advice...

He heard Inu-Yasha's door open and moved just in time to see someone's foot enter the room as the door closed again.  It was time, Jakotsu decided as he left the bushes and went to Inu-Yasha's door.  He easily picked the lock and quietly entered the rooms.

The shower was running.  Jakotsu felt a thrill run through him and his heart raced at the thought of catching the man of his dreams in the nude.  He silently crept towards the bathroom, gripping the knife tightly in his hand.  Jakotsu gently turned the knob and opened the bathroom door.

"Ugh!" Jakotsu choked in disgust as the long-haired woman stepped from the shower.

"You!  Strange-looking woman with black stripes!  What you do with Ranma and Miroku?"  She launched herself at Jakotsu, sending his knife flying.  "You hide them!  You is obstacle!"

*******

"Sesshomaru, wait up!" Inu-Yasha said as they exited the car.

Sesshomaru ignored him and kept walking towards his rooms.  He wasn't going to fight with his brother in public, no matter how much he wanted to slug the little brat.  _Just keep ignoring him; he'll go away eventually…_

Inu-Yasha planted himself in front of Sesshomaru and put out his hands to block him.  "I asked you to wait, dammit!  Look, you owe me some answers!"

"Like what?" Sesshomaru asked coldly.

"Like, would you have exhumed Father's body if you _hadn't been looking for new evidence?  Just to get Tetsusaiga, I mean?" Inu-Yasha asked him._

"Yes," Sesshomaru said quietly.  His brother was staring at him with his mouth agape.  "If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question," Sesshomaru snapped.

"Why?" Inu-Yasha asked in confusion.

"For the money, why else?" Sesshomaru responded curtly, hoping his brother would just shut up.  _Don't ask me anything else, Inu-Yasha, _Sesshomaru pleaded silently._  I don't want to tell you about this.  Keep your innocence, because I sure don't have any left._

"Listen, Inu-Yasha," Sesshomaru began.  "I buried Tetsusaiga with Father for purely sentimental reasons.  That was before I discovered that there's not a lot of room for sentiment in this world."  Sesshomaru pushed his younger brother aside and started walking as fast as his high heels allowed.

"Yeah, well that's a real funny statement coming from a man who held on to the puppy book from my childhood," Inu-Yasha responded as he grabbed Sesshomaru's arm and yanked him to a stop.  "Cut the crap, Sesshomaru, and tell me the truth for once."

Sesshomaru stared at his brother's hand on his arm and felt his resolve crack.  "Fine.  Here's the ugly truth, Inu-Yasha.  Everything had to be sold," he said bitterly.  "Everything that had any value, that is.  Father died completely broke, and the estate was leveraged to the hilt – literally," he grimaced.  "If I'd had those swords, I might have been able to save everything else."

Inu-Yasha was frozen with shock.  "How – how did this happen?" he asked Sesshomaru.  "He had a successful practice!  He had an inheritance from his own father!  We grew up in a freakin' _mansion, Sesshomaru!"_

"I don't know what happened," Sesshomaru answered tightly.  "Don't you think I'd like to know?  This entire thing hit me like a sledge-hammer when the lawyer told me about it.  I had no idea things were so bad!"

"Hells," Inu-Yasha was shaking his head.  He studied his brother.  "That painting Mother liked so much…"

"Was a Renoir.  If it had just been a copy, I'd have let you keep it."

"I'm sorry," Inu-Yasha said with genuine regret.  "You should have told me.  I wouldn't have been so angry if you had just said something."

"Right," Sesshomaru said sarcastically.  "You were a _child, Inu-Yasha.  You wouldn't have understood it even if I _had_ told you."  He shook his brother's hand off his arm.  "I don't want to discuss this anymore, because it doesn't make any difference.  The estate is gone, so whether the two swords are paired or not is irrelevant."  He started walking again._

"Hey Sesshomaru, wait up!" Inu-Yasha ran after him.

"Now what do you want?" he asked impatiently.

"Here."  Inu-Yasha smiled as he reached into the bag he was carrying and handed Sesshomaru a familiar looking pillow.  "You left your baby in the car.  You know, we ought to file charges - Ow!  Hey, don't hit me with your kid!  Watch the nose! Ow!"

*******

A/N:  Ah, some more silliness.  You'll have to bear with me through the upcoming serious parts, because I'm desperately trying to work in a plot here.  (And for the last time, Sophie-chan, yes I do have one!)

Stay tuned for the talent competition.  One hint:  Sesshomaru and Swan Lake!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! *hugs Sesshy's baby – er, his pillow*  Lavender 


	32. Shampoo, Mousse and a Lazy Panda

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels, the song _Independent Women_ (Destiny's Child) or Xellos and Lina Inverse (Slayers Next).  Additional disclaimer at the end of the chapter.

*************

**Chapter 32**

**Shampoo, Mousse and a Lazy Panda**

"Shampoo, you look like you've been in a bit of a fight," Miroku commented as the cat jumped into his lap.  He stroked her soft fur and chucked her under the chin.  The cat curled up and began to purr.

"Here," Sango handed him a drink and sat down next to him.  He raised his arm and she scooted into his embrace.  As their lips pressed together, Shampoo hissed and swiped a paw at Sango.

Miroku gently pushed Shampoo off his lap.  "Sorry, but you're going to have to get used to Sango," he informed the animal.  "She has prior claim on my affections."

"I've never seen a cat get so jealous," Sango said as she watched Shampoo slink out of the room.  "The way she acts, you'd think she was human.  I'm glad Kirara doesn't seem to mind if you're around."  Sango sat up suddenly.  "Is that your shower I hear running?" she asked Miroku.

"I guess so," Miroku answered with a puzzled frown.  "I don't remember leaving it on, but as crazy as things are around here lately, maybe I just forgot."  He stood up reluctantly.

They heard a sharp crack and turned in time to see the front door splinter into several pieces.  "Wha-" Miroku started to ask as a handsome man with flowing dark hair entered the room.

"Shampoo!  At last, I've found you!" the man shouted joyfully as he glomped on to Sango.  Sango yelped and tried to pry him off.  "Shampoo, I've come to take care of you!  We can be together forever!"

"Stupid Mousse!  What you do here?" a woman's voice yelled from the hallway.  "I no love you!  You is only friend from childhood!  Is Miroku I love!"

Mousse had released Sango and removed the glasses from the top of his head.  Placing them on his nose, he glared at Miroku.  "You dare to touch my Shampoo?" he grabbed Miroku by the front of his shirt.

Miroku saw only one avenue of escape, and he took it.  He swiped the glasses from Mousse's face and ran from the room, yanking Sango with him.  Behind him, he could hear the woman yelling at Mousse to let go of her.

"Why is he after your cat?" Sango wheezed as they ran.  "This place is so full of weirdos!  I can't take much more of this insanity!  Where are we headed, anyway?"

"Sesshomaru's place," Miroku panted.  "I just want to be around a normal human being for a few minutes!"

"Sesshomaru, normal?" Sango questioned.

"No!" Miroku answered.  "Rin!"

********

"Lina, stop feeding your face for two minutes and help me come up with something for this talent competition!" Xellos begged the short redhead sitting across the table from him.

"Why worry about it?" Lina said while chewing her food.  "It's not like you're trying to win this thing."  She grabbed another six pieces of bread and began to butter them.  "I mean, who cares if you don't do the talent thingy?  All we really want is the Clair Bible."

"We have to at least _pretend_ we're actively participating!" Xellos studied the list of ideas before him.  "Let's see, I didn't bring the right costume for a cabaret number.  I know; what if I threw flaming batons?"

"Remember what happened last time you tried that?"

"Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that judge.  You know, she didn't really need to have _all those skin grafts.  And her hair did grow back eventually…Okay, how about singing?"_

"Overdone," Lina groaned as she stuffed the last piece of bread in her mouth.  "If I hear one more rendition of _Independent Women_, I'm gonna hurl."  She smacked her lips.  "How about a dramatic reading?"

"Hmmm," Xellos pondered this.  "Yes, something along those lines…" he stood up and formed a tragic pose.  "When the dust settled…Filia…breathing hard…was standing on the edge of a fairly large crater, mace in hand!  At the bottom of said crater…was…a vaguely Xellos-colored splotch," he intoned with flair before falling across the table into a fake swoon.

"Well, what do you think?" he asked, opening one eye at Lina.

"If we practice non-stop, you ought to be able to hit the high notes in _Independent Women_," Lina said hurriedly.  "Let's grab the stage right now while no one's using it."

********

"Inu-Yasha, you've got to help me!" Ranma threw himself into Inu-Yasha's arms and started crying.

"Hey, get off me!  And quit crying!" Inu-Yasha pushed the curvy redhead away from him.  "I said stop crying!  I hate that!  I'll help you, okay?  Just stop wailing!"

Ranma only sobbed louder.  "My Pop is in so much trouble!"  He threw himself face down on the couch and buried his face in his arms.  "He's going to get killed over this stuff!"

"Ranma, has this got anything to do with the condition this room is in?"  Inu-Yasha surveyed the broken furniture around him.  "Every time I leave, I come back to find you've been in another fight!  Who's going to pay for the damage to this place?"

"It was like this when I got here," Ranma said, abandoning his tears at Inu-Yasha's offer of assistance.  "I thought maybe you and Kagome had been going at it or something," he said as he sat up.

"We haven't been going at anything because every time our lips touch you interrupt us!" Inu-Yasha said in exasperation.  "If you didn't get in a fight, then who did?" he asked as he pulled a chair away from the wall and sat down.  He winced as he felt something hard beneath his leg.

"What's this?" Inu-Yasha asked as he pulled a hair ribbon from under his leg.  There were several small bells attached to it.  "Does this belong to you, Ranma?"  Inu-Yasha dangled it in front of Ranma's face.  "I know Kagome wouldn't wear anything like this, it's just not her style."

"That's not mine.  It almost looks like – oh no, it can't be!  She'd better not be hanging around here!" Ranma gasped.

"Who?" Inu-Yasha asked curiously.

"One of my fiancées, the Chinese Amazon.  She wears stuff like that in her hair," Ranma gulped.  "Inu-Yasha, I don't know what she's up to, but it can't be any good.  You'd better hope and pray she doesn't take an interest in _you."_

"Keh.  I'll just sic Kagome on her if she tries anything," Inu-Yasha snorted.  "Now get back to what we were talking about – why's your father in trouble, and just how do you expect me to help?"

Ranma hesitated a moment before answering.  "You and Kagome seem to have access to a lot of places and a lot of information," he finally said.  "I'm hoping maybe you could at least give me some advice, 'cause I really don't know what to do here.  I can handle being chased by a duck, a pig, three women and a martial rhythmic gymnast, but I can't handle this."

"Can't handle what?" Inu-Yasha said tiredly.  He rubbed his eyes and grimaced as he hit his tender nose.

"My father's involved in something really strange, and I think someone is trying to kill him.  Don't look at me that way; it's true!" Ranma said quickly as Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes.  "I overheard a telephone conversation and my Pop was telling the person on the other end that someone named Vicious Dragon was going to assassinate him!"

Inu-Yasha bolted wide awake at the mention of Vicious Dragon.  "Who is your father?" he asked, jumping up and grabbing Ranma.  He gripped the petite shoulders in front of him tightly.  "If you want my help at all, you'd better be prepared to tell me everything!" Inu-Yasha warned.

Ranma jerked away, scowling.  "You don't have to manhandle me," he complained, rubbing his shoulders.  "His name is Genma Saotome, but he's been answering to Mr. Ailuropoda ever since he started up Dainty Footprints, Inc.  I don't think he wanted Mom to find out about his involvement with a bunch of cross-dressers."

A long-forgotten memory from a high school biology class bumped its way into the front of Inu-Yasha's brain.  "Ailuropoda," he remembered, "genus ailuropoda – that's a giant panda.  Your father is Lazy Panda?" he exclaimed.

"Well, he _is pretty lazy," Ranma answered with some confusion.  "But how did you find out about the panda part of it?"_

Inu-Yasha ignored him; he was already on the phone sharing the information with Sesshomaru.  "Get over here and bring the Angels with you," he told his brother.

As he hung up the phone, the door was kicked in with a heavy thud.  "Ranma!" a young woman wearing a karate gi yelled as she stormed into the room.  "You can't avoid me forever!  You pervert, where is Shampoo?  I saw her come in here earlier!"  She lunged for Ranma, who yelped and ducked behind Inu-Yasha.

"Don't hide behind me!" Inu-Yasha said as he pulled Ranma in front of him and held him there.  He locked his arms around Ranma's curved waist.  "I'll hold him down, you hit him," he suggested to the girl.  "He deserves it."

"What did I ever do to you?" Ranma asked as he fought to get out of Inu-Yasha's death grip.

"Oh let's see…you wrecked my rooms, you interrupted me and Kagome countless times, you let Kagome's pig escape…do you want me to continue?  How about when I walked in on you and that guy the other night?"  Inu-Yasha tightened his hold.

"Don't listen to him, Akane!" Ranma slammed his foot down on top of Inu-Yasha's and attempted to break free.  "He doesn't know what he's talking about!  I was here with Ryoga, and we were just fighting like we always do!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure it was all completely innocent!" Inu-Yasha grunted as Ranma tried to throw him.  "So how come he wasn't wearing anything but a scarf?  Now be a man for once and take your punishment!" he yelled as Ranma wrestled him to the floor.

The sound of a throat clearing broke through the argument.  The two of them looked up to see that Akane had left the room while they were fighting.  Standing in her place was Sesshomaru and Koga.

"You really need to get a grip on your domestic affairs, Inu-Yasha," Sesshomaru said calmly.  "This kind of relationship can't be healthy."

"Says my brother wearing a dress," Inu-Yasha muttered in response.

********

Additional Disclaimer:  The dramatic reading for Xellos, beginning with "When the dust settled" and ending with "Xellos colored splotch" was written entirely by Asteria.  All I did was change the punctuation to suit the paragraph.  Asteria used to have a thing on her bio page challenging anyone to write a Slayers story using that paragraph…I'll probably never write a Slayers story, so I thought I'd put it in here instead.  Forgive me, Asteria?

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  You all give me such great support!  Lavender


	33. The Panda Unmasked

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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels or the YuYu Hakasho Foursome.

*************

**Chapter 33**

**The Panda Unmasked**

"So now that we've all shared our information, do we all understand what's going on around here?"  Sesshomaru's gaze traveled around the room seeking confirmation.

"Lazy Panda is Ranma's father," Sango confirmed.

"And VD is trying to wipe him out," Koga stated.  "Also, Vicious Dragon seems to be after Tetsusaiga."

"I don't think Tetsusaiga is directly connected to this," Sesshomaru told the group.  "I think that's a separate passion for him.  In fact, I'm relatively certain that my own father's death was more in connection with Tetsusaiga than anything else.  VD has probably been looking for Tetsusaiga for years and decided to jump on the opportunity when he saw it hanging in Inu-Yasha's office."

"That doesn't make sense, though," said Kagome.  "Tetsusaiga isn't valuable without Tensaiga, and Vicious Dragon doesn't have Tensaiga."

Kagura, who had remained silent during the discussion, spoke up.  "Value doesn't mean shit to a weapons enthusiast," she said aloud.  "They fall in love with the weapon itself.  It doesn't matter to them what the market value is, because they don't intend to part with it in the first place.  At least, that was how Bankotsu acted."

Sesshomaru attempted to squash the sudden flare of jealousy that arose inside him and failed miserably.  "Just who is this Bankotsu?" he asked Kagura with a soft snarl.  "How long did you know him?"

"He's no one important," Kagura said soothingly, moving next to him to lay a hand upon his shoulder.  "Just some guy I used to date.  He liked to collect old swords and knives.  I quit dating him after he just got too weird."

"Bankotsu?" Inu-Yasha interrupted them.  "Long black hair, owns a halberd called Banryu, star tattooed in the center of his forehead?" he asked with concern.

"Oh, you know him?" Kagura responded.

"Know him?  I helped send him to prison!  He and that gang of his were convicted of several murders.  One of the people they killed was an employee of mine," Inu-Yasha said.  "I still can't believe Jakotsu is walking around free."

"Jakotsu was charged as an accessory and copped a plea," Koga answered as he thumbed through some notes.  "The rest of them are still behind bars.  Hey, wait a minute," Koga read further.  "Sesshomaru, did you notice this bit about a doctor who was rumored to have connections to the group, but no one could provide any evidence?"

"Yes, why?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Didn't Kagura say a doctor was part of Rin's kidnapping plot?"

"What was the doctor's name?" Sesshomaru turned to Kagura.

"I'm not sure," Kagura said, frowning as she tried to remember.  "I wasn't exactly myself at the time, you know.  Soo…Sue…oh hell, I just can't think of it right now!  Doesn't it mention a name in that report?"

"No," said Koga.  "It just mentions it as a side-note to one of the investigations.  The doctor's name might have been intentionally suppressed, especially if he was influential within the community.  I'd be lying if I told you that kind of thing doesn't happen."

"Does Rin remember?" asked Sango.  "Unlike Kagura, Rin wasn't busy losing her lunch, so she might have caught his name."

Kagura and Sesshomaru exchanged a grim look.  "Rin's not speaking again," Kagura informed them.  "This afternoon she just quit talking to everyone, me and Sesshomaru included."  Kagura shrugged her shoulders painfully.  "We can't seem to get through to her right now.  Sesshomaru thinks it's her way of coping with post-trauma."

Kagome shook her head in confusion.  "There are too many threads here to keep track of," she complained.  "We don't even know if they're all connected or not!  And until we know who Vicious Dragon is, how can we protect Ranma's father?"

"Bring him into custody," Ranma offered.  "Wouldn't that be the best way to keep him safe?  And couldn't Pop tell you who Vicious Dragon is?"

Sesshomaru took a deep breath before explaining.  "We already have him.  Two of our field agents picked him up when Inu-Yasha called us," Sesshomaru told Ranma.  At the distressed look on the boy's face, he softened his tone.  "We figured that was the safest thing for him.  He's cooperating with us, but he can't tell us who Vicious Dragon is."

"Why not?" asked Miroku.  "He was working with him in the counterfeiting operations, wasn't he?  How could he not know him?"

"He never saw him face to face or even talked to him over the phone.  They corresponded strictly via the computer or by letters."  Sesshomaru drummed his long fingernails against the side of his cheek in thought.  "VD has played his hand carefully; he must have intended to take out your father all along," he said to Ranma.

"Just as soon as my father wasn't useful anymore," said Ranma glumly.  "Jeez, how did Pop get involved in something like this in the first place?  I know he's always been sort of – odd – but I never thought he'd get this deep into something illegal!"

Sesshomaru's cell phone hummed and he answered it.  "Jaken?  What the hell do you want?  No, don't stammer at me, you worthless toad.  You've got a lot to answer for, and don't think I'm going to forget about this when I get back.  What?"  Sesshomaru listened carefully.  "Shit!  All right, then."

He disconnected the phone in disgust.  "You're not going to believe this," Sesshomaru told the gathering.  His lip curled.  "We've been chasing another damn useless lead.  Ranma's father isn't a counterfeiter."

"What?" Koga exclaimed in surprise.  "You mean he isn't Lazy Panda?"

"Oh, he's Lazy Panda all right," Sesshomaru spat.  "But he's been working undercover for years as a sleeper agent for the Japanese government.  And incidentally, he says he never contacted Naraku's agency."

"Then who sent us here?" Sango asked.  "You don't think Naraku…"

"I don't know what to think," Sesshomaru sighed.  "It's just as possible that someone else posing as Lazy Panda contacted Naraku.  Meanwhile, I've been running down a bunch of blind alleys in a pair of silk stockings.  Our agents should have known about Lazy Panda being on our side."  He chucked his cell phone at the opposite wall with an angry motion.  "That's the problem with the world today," he spoke to the group at large.  "Nobody talks anymore."

*******

The shrubbery rustled as the two girls crept through it.

"Akane!" hissed one of the girls as she hoisted her okonomiyaki spatula over her shoulder.  "Shampoo went into that room; I saw her!" she pointed.

"Are you ready, Ukyo?" Akane asked as she adjusted her karate gi.  The other girl nodded.  "Let's go get her, then!  Mousse said he'd take her back to China if we get her away from Miroku."

Akane had no trouble kicking in the already battered door.  Once inside, she and Ukyo scanned the darkened room for signs of Shampoo.   Akane whirled around as she heard a soft meow.

"Over there, Ukyo!  Grab her!"

Ukyo scooped up the protesting cat and the girls ran from the room.  "Quit howling, Shampoo!  This is for your own good!" Ukyo scolded the cat as the girls dashed into the night.  "Man, you're getting heavy, Shampoo!  You've really let yourself go, haven't you?"

A girl wearing Chinese clothing watched the other two depart with the screeching cat. She ran a hand through her long flowing tresses, absentmindedly noticing one of her bangles was missing.  "Why they steal Kirara?" she wondered aloud.

********

"Well, that's a stupid ending to this case," Yuseke muttered.

"Quit complaining.  We got paid, didn't we?  And Tsubasa won't be getting anymore threatening letters," Hiei reminded him.  "So what if it turned out to be an ordinary stalker and not some demon?"

"There's still the matter of these animals," said Kurama.  We've seen a pig that changes into a boy and a cat that turns into a girl.  We also spotted a duck wearing thick glasses, he changed into a man.  What's going on with that?  Why would shape-changing demons be hanging around this pageant?"

"Pssst!  Quiet!" Kuwabara motioned.  He pointed into the distance at two girls running with a cat in their arms.  "Weren't those two hanging around the shape-changing duck demon?" he asked his comrades.

"Yeah," answered Yuseke.  "They must have captured the cat demon!  Let's see what they're up to!"  With that, the group took off in pursuit.

********

"Miroku, what's wrong?" Sango asked.

"What do you mean?" Miroku answered.  "Nothing's wrong, other than the general insanity that pervades this place.  Why do you ask?"

"You haven't groped me in while," Sango reminded him, kicking a pebble with her boot as they walked.  "I was just wondering if you still think I'm attractive."

Miroku stared at her in amazement.  "Sango, of course I still think you're attractive!  Everything's just been so crazy and with that woman stalking me…" he trailed off and smiled at her.  "Maybe I just haven't been showing my affection for you properly," he said as backed Sango against a nearby wall.  "I should be showering you with praises to your beauty."  He stroked her soft cheek with a finger.

Sango placed her arms around Miroku's neck and allowed him to take possession of her lips.  She loved being with him, she realized.  Even without the groping, she enjoyed his company.  Miroku had a way of keeping her from taking herself too seriously.  Sango couldn't remember ever smiling as much as she had since the reporter had barged his way into her life.

Miroku was definitely making up for the lack of groping.  His hands had strayed south of the border and the rubbing was making her dizzy.  Sango clung to him and deepened their kiss, wanting to taste every inch of him.

At the sound of a cough, they broke apart reluctantly.  "Yes?" Miroku asked Ranma, who had come upon the trysting couple.

"There's some guy named Shippo looking for you," Ranma told Miroku.  "He's screaming something about a wrecked Land Rover on his property.  Sorry about this," Ranma added as he walked off.

********

"Is your head spinning as much as mine?" Inu-Yasha asked Kagome.

"Just thinking seems to hurt," Kagome answered sympathetically.  She placed her arm around his waist as they walked to her rooms.  "It's like we're seeing a big puzzle come together, but we're still missing so many pieces we don't know what the puzzle will look like when we're finished."

She unlocked her door and Inu-Yasha followed her inside.  "P-chan?  P-chan!" Kagome called.  There was no answering squeal.  "I guess he took off again," Kagome sighed.  "He keeps doing that.  I really need to find his owner, but no one has claimed him."

"How does he get out?" Inu-Yasha asked.

"Beats me," Kagome shrugged.  "He just does.  I keep finding him in the oddest places.  And when I do find him, he's either being chased by Kurama's crew or Ranma's threatening to turn him into a ham sandwich."

"Aw, I don't think Ranma would really hurt him.  Kurama's a weird one, though.  You should have seen the looks he was giving me the other day when I walked in on him practicing for the talent competition."  Inu-Yasha opened the fridge and took out a couple of bottles.  "Speaking of the talent competition, are you going to be watching it tonight?" Inu-Yasha asked as he handed her one of the drinks.

"Yes, but I'll be watching from the operations center."  Kagome took a swig and continued.  "Sesshomaru wants me up there in case anything happens.  Everyone else will be at the live performance."

"Everyone except me," Inu-Yasha responded.  "Sesshomaru wants me patrolling the outside grounds."  He grinned.  "He's too proud to tell me he doesn't want me to witness him prancing around on stage in a ballerina costume."

"And you're going to let him get away with that?" Kagome teased.

"Nope.  Kagura's taking pictures for me."

********

A/N:  Hope this chapter cleared things up a little for those of you confused by the Ranma XO.  If not, here's a brief primer:

Ranma + cold water = red headed girl

Ryoga + cold water = black piglet (p-chan)

Shampoo + cold water = cat

Mousse + cold water = duck

Genma Saotome (Ranma's dad) + cold water = panda

Hot water returns them back to normal.  Well, as normal as this crew gets, anyway.

Thanks so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!  There's too many to thank personally, so here's some No-Doz (I replenished my supply).


	34. Limericks and a Ballerina

*************

Disclaimer:  

It's Rumiko I truly revere,

For her wonders produced every year.

Tho' I think she's divine,

Inu-Yasha's not mine,

Which is why this disclaimer is here.

*************

**Chapter 34**

**Limericks and a Ballerina**

Kagome adjusted her chair to a more comfortable position and leaned back to observe the talent competition.  She checked the bank of viewing monitors and yawned, hoping the competition wouldn't send her to dreamland.  Too little sleep for the past week…so tired…

_Ladies, Gentlemen, Those Who Wish They Were Ladies, and Esteemed Members of the Audience!  Welcome, all of you, to the Greater __Honolulu__ 'Man I Feel Like A Woman' Pageant!  Tonight we will be showing the talent competition, and I'd like to take a moment to introduce our special guest judges!  Gentlemen, would you please stand?  Here, all the way from _New York___, please welcome Kyan, Ted, Carson, Jai and Thom – The Fab Five!_

Her head bonked the table in front of her, waking her momentarily.  Kagome stretched and attempted to keep her eyes open.  Sesshomaru was counting on her to be watching for trouble…she nodded off again, this time sliding out of her chair and thumping to the floor.  Her purse fell open and the contents scattered across the floor.

_Wow!  What a performance!  That was Ranma Saotome, demonstrating his skill at martial synchronized swimming, accompanied by his martial lifeguard performance!  Great save with the girl in the pool, Ranma!  Now, after a short message from our sponsors, we'll be treated to a reading of an original poetry composition by Xellos, followed by Kurama and his Dance of the Rose Petal Whip!_

Okay, so the talent competition was getting more interesting by the minute.  Kagome looked up at the monitor as she crawled along the floor picking up her things.  _How did that girl in the karate gi manage to fall in and nearly drown in a kiddie swimming pool?  She bumped something with her foot and heard it roll underneath a nearby desk.  Cursing, she angled her body along the baseboards and tried to reach the object._

Kagome gasped when she managed to pull the item out.  Lying there in her palm was a necklace holding a small, round jewel.  At first glance, there appeared to be nothing special about the necklace or the jewel.  It was only after holding it for a moment she became entranced.  The jewel was an opaque, pinkish-rose color, and before her eyes it turned into the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on.

_This was in my purse?  How did it get there?  _Unable to resist temptation, she placed the jewel and its chain around her neck.  There was something about it that warmed her to the very core of her soul.  It just felt so – right – to wear this precious object.  Resolving to ask questions later, she tucked the necklace underneath the collar of her shirt and returned to viewing the monitors.

Xellos was now onstage, doing his poetry reading.

_There once was a girl named Inverse,_

_Whose breasts were incredibly cursed._

_I know she was jealous_

_Of beautiful Xellos,_

_And the guys that chase after him first!_

Kagome's jaw dropped.  This was worse than Volgon poetry.  She noticed that someone in the crowd was screeching.  Kagome viewed from another angle, and witnessed security guards attempting to keep a redhead from storming the stage.  One of the Fab Five, Carson, had left his seat to talk to the redhead.

Meanwhile, Xellos was continuing.

_Now I know Xellos has lots of luck_

_With scheming and passing the buck.___

_But he's surrounded by scenes_

_Of lovely drag queens_

_So right now, he just wants to –_

_Thank you, Xellos!  Let's give him a big hand, everyone!_

The producer was desperately signaling a commercial break.  Kagome continued to stare at the monitor in disbelief as the redhead punched Carson in the nose and stomped on his foot, screaming at him.

_I am NOT a MAN, so quit giving me fashion advice!  And Xellos, you're going to pay for this!_

The redhead broke through the security guards and grabbed Xellos by the throat.  She wrestled the purple-haired contestant to the stage and began banging his head against the floor.  Carson jumped into the fray and attempted to rescue Xellos.  The last sight Kagome saw before the stage burst into flames was the producer lying in the fetal position and sucking his thumb, crying for his mother.

********

Inu-Yasha strolled around the resort grounds outside the theatre.  The night was peaceful, and everyone appeared to be on the inside.  _Good, he thought.  He really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, not while he was trying to wrap his brain around the events of the day._

He rested his back against a nearby wall and closed his eyes.  Hell, he was exhausted from everything that had happened this week.  Images of a large green dragon appeared before his eyes.  It had huge teeth and red eyes, breathing fire and slicing him to pieces with razor sharp claws.  Inu-Yasha tried to banish the image by mentally hacking the Vicious Dragon to bits with Tetsusaiga.

Inu-Yasha could practically feel the dragon's hot breath on his neck.  He opened his eyes with a start when he realized he _was_ feeling hot breath on his neck.  Jakotsu was standing before him, almost touching nose to nose.  Inu-Yasha panicked.  How had Jakotsu managed to sneak up on him like this?

"You're in my bubble," Inu-Yasha warned Jakotsu as he tried to shrink further into the wall.  "Get out of my face, freak."

Jakotsu ignored him and placed his arms on either side of Inu-Yasha.  "And here I am missing the talent competition just so I could be with you," he clicked his tongue disapprovingly.  "Come on, you know we'd be good together, Inu-Yasha.  What are you so afraid of?"

Inu-Yasha stiffened and tried to move away.  "Listen," he put an arm out to Jakotsu's chest in a futile attempt to push him back.  "I'm straight, remember?  But even if I wasn't, the answer would still be NO.  You're not my type.  What the - ?" he croaked as a sharp pain ripped through his side.

Jakotsu slowly removed his dagger from where he had stuck it in Inu-Yasha's ribcage.  "I'm so sorry, Inu-Yasha," he whispered as he drew his arms around Inu-Yasha and pressed his cheek to his shoulder.  "Couldn't you just try to love me a little?"  Inu-Yasha slumped into Jakotsu's arms as the world began to go dark.

********

Vicious Dragon cursed soundly.  He'd torn the rooms apart, and his Beloved was nowhere to be found.  What had the boy done with Tetsusaiga?  Jakotsu had said the sword wasn't with Inu-Yasha when he'd found him.  Vicious Dragon smirked.  At least _that_ nuisance was gone.  He'd wanted to kill Inu-Yasha personally, but a true leader knew when to delegate a task.  He couldn't be wasting time with the unimportant details, not if he was going to get off the island successfully.

The sound of running water made him pause.  Everyone had left for the talent competition, so who was in the shower?  Why was a quacking noise coming from the bathroom?

Vicious Dragon opened the bathroom door slowly with his knife at hand and crept toward the enclosed shower.  The water in the shower stopped and a man stepped out, causing Vicious Dragon to freeze in his tracks.

The man peered nearsightedly at Vicious Dragon.  "Ranma!  Shampoo is mine!  How dare you try to take her!" the man shouted.

"What?" Vicious Dragon asked in astonishment.

"Shampoo will never be yours!" the man yelled before launching a bunch of fishhooks at Vicious Dragon, seemingly out of nowhere.  "I, Mousse, the Master of the Hidden Weapon, will defeat you this time, Ranma Saotome!"

********

"I thought we'd never get the chance to be alone," Kagura sighed happily.  A faint blush stained her cheekbones as she took a thorough look at the man she loved.  It was difficult to make out his form in the dim lighting, but what she could see made her want to swallow her tongue.  Just the sight of all his muscles was sending shivers through her body. 

Sesshomaru cradled her in his arms.  "It has been crazy, hasn't it?" he murmured.  "I can't think of a better way to spend my time than with you, though."  He nibbled lightly on her neck, causing her to giggle.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Kagura whispered in Sesshomaru's ear as she snuggled into his warm embrace.

Sesshomaru brought a gentle finger to her face and traced the outline of her soft lips.  "Yes," he whispered back.  "Can I make a confession, though?   I think I'm actually a little nervous.  I…I've never done this before, Kagura."  He hesitantly pressed her closer against him.

She playfully nipped the tip of his finger.  "That's okay.  You'll be great, I know you will," Kagura assured him as she smoothed her hands across his bare shoulders.  She placed her lips in the hollow where his throat met his chest and felt his pulse beneath her touch.

_Welcome back!  Now that the flames have been put out and the stage is cleaned up, our next contestant will be Ms. Fluffy, giving us a performance from the ballet __Swan__ __Lake__!_

Kagura reluctantly tore herself away from Sesshomaru and adjusted the sequined tutu on his costume.  "Break a leg!" she grinned, slapping him on the butt and giving him a push towards the stage.  She readied her camera.  This was too good to miss.

********

Additional Disclaimers:  I do not own Volgon poetry (thank heavens), a product of the imagination of Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, although I own a complete set of Douglas Adams' works.  The man was a comedic genius, and I was sorry to learn of his death.

I do not own the Fab Five or 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy', as shown on the Bravo TV network.

I also do not claim to own any skills whatsoever with writing poetry.  Sophie-chan and I would like to apologize for the limericks we inflicted upon our readers, and we promise not to do it again, unless we deem it absolutely necessary.

********

A/N:  Okay, this is as good a place to take a break as any.  I'll confess I'm having a terrible time trying to write the next scene.  It's not writers block as much as the inability to spell out the picture that's in my mind.  (And yes, it's a silly picture.)

This fic is winding down; I'll probably finish within a few more chapters.  I never intended for it to be this long to begin with, but Sophie-chan and I have been having wayyyyy too much fun to quit.  Spending lunchtime thinking of new ways to torture the hotties has become quite a habit for us, I'm afraid.

Said the authors of this silly fic,

We'll play such a terrible trick!

We'll put bois in dresses

With long, flowing tresses –

Sophie-chan:  Lav!  You promised not to do anymore limericks!

Lavender:  Oops, sorry 'bout that. *blushes*


	35. Swan Song

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels, YuYu Hakusho or Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake.  Heck, I don't even own a pair of ballet slippers.

*************

**Chapter 35**

**Swan Song**

"I thought that jewel would look lovely around your neck."

Even though she was now wide awake, Kagome hadn't heard him enter the control room.  "Naraku?" she asked hesitantly as she faced the man.  "What are you doing here?  I didn't know you were in Hawaii."  She looked at her boss, unable to comprehend the reason for his presence.

Naraku clasped Kagome's hands in his and gently pulled her out of her chair and into his arms.  "I had to see you again."  He cupped her chin softly.  "I was worried about you.  Do you like your necklace?" he continued, fingering the jewel lovingly.

_Okay, this is too weird.  He's hitting on me? _ "It's beautiful, Naraku.  Were you the one who placed it in my purse?"  Kagome swallowed nervously and tried to keep her discomfort from her voice.

"Oh yes," Naraku breathed.  "I didn't want the others to see it.  It's special, just like you.  The Shikon no Tama is yours.  It belongs to you, just as you belong…to me."  Naraku's arm became like steel around her shoulders.  "You weren't thinking of leaving me, were you?"  His eyes held a dangerous gleam.

_Shikon no Tama?_  This was the Shikon jewel?  But it had been stolen, and she'd been accused…horrified, she realized Naraku was connected to the theft.  And the mentally unbalanced man standing before her was probably going to kill her if she so much as looked at him sideways.  _Shit._

"Um, uh, you know, this is really, um, _unexpected_, Naraku," Kagome stammered as she squirmed in his embrace.  "I, uh, didn't realize you had these kinds of feelings for me.  But hey, we don't have to rush everything, do we?" she asked fearfully as her brain tried to comprehend what was happening.  _My boss is a psycho!  My boss is a psycho!_

Naraku brought his hand up to caress her face and then slapped her, hard.  "Kikyo," he hissed, "you really should have learned by now.  You belong to me, Kikyo.  I won't let you go with Inu-Yasha."  Naraku gripped the back of Kagome's neck and yanked her hair around his fist.  "I've given you the jewel, Kikyo.  I've given you everything.  Now promise me we'll stay together."

_Kikyo?__  He thought she was Inu-Yasha's dead wife?_  Kagome tried to keep her involuntary tears from spilling onto her cheeks.  _He's insane, she thought wildly.  _Get away, get away, get away!!_  She went slack in his embrace, hoping he would loosen his grip, but Naraku wasn't fooled.  He tightened his hold even further, squeezing her painfully._

"I guess you've already made your decision," Naraku said.  He sounded both happy and disappointed at the same time.  "I'll just be taking this back, then."  Naraku grabbed the jewel and began forcefully twisting the chain, pulling it tight around her neck and cutting off her breath.  "You _will_ give me back the necklace, Kikyo.  It's the least you can do."

Kagome felt the choking sensation closing around her windpipe and struggled not to panic.  She wanted to punch and kick, but her vision was already turning dark.  It had happened too suddenly, and shock was overcoming any coherent thoughts she might have had.

"He went this way!" a voice shouted from the outer hallway.

A squealing sound rang in Kagome's ears, and Kurama and the rest of his crew ran into the room, chasing P-chan.  Naraku's hand went slack in surprise, and Kagome broke away from him.  She ran from the room, scooping the little black piglet up and carrying him with her.

Her throat was killing her, and her breath came raw and short.  Kagome shuddered as she realized how close she'd come to being garroted with a necklace.  P-chan was squealing loudly and making oinking noises as he nuzzled her neck.  Kagome tucked him closer and ran towards the theatre.  _If I can just find the others…___

"Give me back the Shikon no Tama, slut!" she could hear Naraku yelling behind her.  "I'll see you in Hell, Kikyo!  You and that jewel belong to me!  Inu-Yasha will never have you!"

He was closing the distance between them.  Kagome yanked open the side door of the theatre and raced backstage, searching for someone, anyone, who could help her.  No one seemed to be around except the producer, who was still lying on the floor sobbing.

_Distract him with the necklace_…Kagome quickly yanked the jewel from around her neck and hooked it onto P-chan's scarf.  "Run, P-chan!" she yelled at the pig, turning him loose.  "Get the jewel to safety!"

********

Sesshomaru tried to mentally place himself away from the crowded theatre as his feet traced the dance steps_.  Just pretend you're fencing, one two and one and two, try not to think about the fact that you're dancing in a ballerina outfit, one two, thank heavens Father isn't alive to witness any of this, and one, twirl, smile, I'll kill Inu-Yasha if he breathes a word to anyone, step one and two -  what the hell?_

His eyes widened as another costumed individual danced onto the stage.  _Jakotsu?__  This isn't part of my number, Sesshomaru thought as he observed the young man.  He looked at Jakotsu uncertainly as the man daintily stepped his way over to where Sesshomaru was dancing._

"Guess who?" Jakotsu murmured in his ear as he grasped him from behind.  Sesshomaru could feel a sharp blade pressing against the back of his neck.  "You know what you're problem is, Sesshomaru?  You're almost as cute as your brother."

"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru whispered angrily.  Jakotsu was dancing with him, keeping one arm wrapped around Sesshomaru's waist.  The hand holding the knife to Sesshomaru's neck was firm.

"I'm going down, Sesshomaru.  At least it's for a good cause," Jakotsu said softly.  "I'll have the pleasure of knowing I got rid of your adorable brother.  He looked so sweet as he lay dying in my arms.  I wonder if you'll look half as good."

Sesshomaru felt rage and shock coursing through him at Jakotsu's words.  "You – you bastard!" he said, missing a step.  Jakotsu's knife pricked his skin, causing a droplet of blood to form on his neck.  Sesshomaru tried to wrench himself from the other man's grasp, but Jakotsu proved to be too strong.

"I'm going to kill you right here in front of everybody, Sesshomaru.  Won't that be wonderful?  They'll all get to witness your swan song," Jakotsu whispered as he spun around with Sesshomaru held tightly in front of him.  "Of course, they'll just think your death is part of the scene."

"Don't you think the blood on the stage might cause a little concern?" Sesshomaru asked him.  _This guy is completely whacked…I'm about to be killed right here in front of everybody…oh shit, Inu-Yasha, you'd better still be alive!_  "Why aren't you trying to get away?  Why come after me so publicly?"

"I can't get away," Jakotsu explained calmly.  "Vicious Dragon will kill me just as soon as I leave this building.  I knew that when I accepted the assignment, Sesshomaru."  The pitch of his voice went oddly higher.  "I can't run.  Nobody gets away from VD, Sesshomaru.  Nobody," he repeated.

"Then why?" Sesshomaru asked quietly as he struggled within Jakotsu's embrace.  The knife dug deeper into his neck, just a hair's breadth away from Sesshomaru's jugular vein.  "Why did you kill my brother?" he asked in a pained voice.

Jakotsu danced them towards the center of the stage.  "If I can't have Inu-Yasha, then no one gets him," he told Sesshomaru.  "Now that he's gone, he can't hurt me anymore.  He'll love _me, not someone else who doesn't deserve him!"_

"You're sick," Sesshomaru gasped hoarsely.  He felt numb.  _This can't be real.  I'm not dancing on stage with a knife pressed to my neck.  I'm going to wake up any moment now._  The knife cut further.  _Hell!  That hurts, you son of a bitch!  Okay, got to get away without getting sliced…_

"Heads up," Jakotsu giggled in his ear.  "It's time for your grand finale!"

Sesshomaru felt something slam into his legs.  Looking down, he saw a small black pig wearing a jewel.  Astonished, he tripped, bringing Jakotsu down on top of him.  Sesshomaru slammed his head back against Jakotsu's face, feeling intense pain as the knife blade raked across his throat.  Catching the other man's hand, Sesshomaru was able to knock the knife away.  It clattered to the floor and spun towards the corner of the stage.

Jakotsu and Sesshomaru scrambled for the knife, Jakotsu reaching it first.  Sesshomaru kicked it away from him and tackled the struggling man, resisting the desire to strangle him on the spot.  He had to take Jakotsu alive, or they'd probably never locate Vicious Dragon.  He could hear the audience muttering, watching to see what happened next.

The music was still playing, and now someone else was dancing on stage.  Kagura had kicked off her shoes and was performing some fake ballet steps as she moved towards the wrestling pair.  She was waving what appeared to be an ancient fan in front of her face.  Dancing up behind Jakotsu, she snapped her fan closed and began to whack him across the head with it.

Another figure was sliding onstage, one Sesshomaru didn't immediately recognize.  The strange man's long, thick, wavy hair was partially hiding his features.  As the stranger attempted to catch the squealing pig, his hair moved away from his face, leaving Sesshomaru feeling like he'd been sucker-punched.  How many times had he sat at his desk and stared at the picture of the man who had left the scene of his father's murder?  And now this man was here on stage with him.  Leaving Jakotsu to Kagura's not-so-tender mercies, he launched himself toward the man formerly known as Onigumo.

Onigumo/Naraku had managed to catch hold of the pig and was trying to remove the jewel from the pig's neck.  The pig was kicking him with sharp little hooves and grunting loudly.  As Naraku tore the jewel away, the pig bit his hand, clamping down hard on the bone.

Naraku yelled and flung the pig away, losing his grip on the necklace in the process.  The round jewel rolled towards Sesshomaru, who reached down and picked it up.  As Sesshomaru straightened, he saw Kagome dance onto the stage and join them.  Sesshomaru tossed her the necklace into her outstretched hands and turned to attack Naraku.

With a graceful leap, Sesshomaru closed the distance between him and Naraku.  Before he could react, Naraku had twirled on his toes and kicked Sesshomaru's feet out from under him.  As Sesshomaru fell to the floor, Naraku vaulted over his head towards Kagome.  

Naraku never reached the girl.  Koga had pranced his way into the scene and caught him mid-stride, sending Naraku sprawling into Jakotsu.  Kagura stopped beating the now-unconscious Jakotsu long enough to poke Naraku in the eye with her fan handle, causing the man to release a blood curdling howl.

The music came to a finale, and the curtain fell.  Sesshomaru heard the crowd erupt in wild applause.  The whistles and cheers continued until the curtain rose again.  Limping, Sesshomaru managed to stand upright and bow along with Koga and Kagome.  Kagura remained where she was, pinning Naraku to the stage with her knee pressed into the back of his neck.

*********

Kasumi leaned over to Dr. Tofu.  "That certainly is an interesting interpretation of Swan Lake, don't you think?  It's so different from the original work."  She smiled at her date.  "I wonder how long it took them to set the choreography."

As the dancers answered the curtain call, Dr. Tofu clapped and nodded his head at Kasumi.  "And to think she's out there performing so soon after giving birth!" he responded in admiration, pointing to Sesshomaru. 

**********

"Koga!  Take care of Naraku!  I have to find my brother!" Sesshomaru yelled at his partner as he ran from the stage.

Naraku was moaning something about police brutality and a lawsuit.  Koga knelt down next to the handcuffed man lying on the stage and grabbed his hair, yanking his head up so Naraku could see him.

"Don't worry, Naraku," Koga grinned wickedly.  "I'm not going to lay a finger on you."

"Really?" Naraku looked up hopefully.

"Really."  Koga gestured with his thumb towards the three women standing behind him.  Kagome, Sango and Kagura were glaring at Naraku and cracking their knuckles in anticipation.  "I'm going to let _them take care of you."_

**********

A/N:  Naraku and Jakotsu have been captured, but what about Vicious Dragon?  And poor Inu-Yasha?  And who will be crowned the winner of the Greater Honolulu 'Man I Feel Like A Woman' Pageant?

*Lavender is biting her nails with worry…oh wait, she already knows what's going to happen…never mind…*


	36. Night Shift at the ER

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels or Rurouni Kenshen.

*************

**Chapter 36**

**Night Shift at the ER**

"I hate working the night shift," Nazuna complained bitterly into the phone.  "All the freaky people come into the emergency room after dark."  She twirled her pencil absentmindedly through her hair.

"You wouldn't believe the people we get through here, Master.  I mean, it's really slow right now.  We've only had a couple of burns and a cut requiring some sutures.  But sure as horses make road apples, this place is going to be overrun any minute now with weirdos.  They'll all be yelling at me to register them at once – and they won't give a damn that I'm just one person with one computer.  And half our staff is out with this flu that's been going around.  They had to drag Dr. Suikotsu over from across town and beg him to work one of the shifts tonight."

Her Master laughed and tried to console her, but it wasn't working tonight.  Nazuna was on a roll.  "Master, can't I get a different job?" she begged, "a job that lets me work during the daytime?  Or at the very least, one that doesn't require me to speak six different languages in order to tell the drunken tourist he's not going to die from a scratch on his face?  The drunks are the worst, Master.  They bleed like stuck pigs."

Nazuna listened to her Master's response for a few moments; then began tuning him out as he rehashed the same old arguments.  She was too young to work at the shrine, he was just trying to help her out in this world since she was an orphan, yada yada yada blah blah blah…Nazuna shifted the phone to her other ear and pretended to listen to the old fossil.

From the corner of her eye, she could see something with eight legs crawling along the wall.  She leaned closer to inspect it.  "Master, what do you call these spiders with the really skinny legs again?  The legs look like their attached to a body made out of a bead.  They're called Daddy-Longlegs?  Who came up with a stupid name like that?  They're harmless, right?  Look, I gotta go.  I'll call you when I get off shift, okay?  Bye."

Nazuna hung up the phone and grabbed the copy of yesterday's newspaper.  She carefully scooped the small creature onto a particularly revolting advertisement for fake butter and walked outside the door of the emergency room.  Finding a suitable spot, she released the spider and watched it scurry into the center of the sidewalk.  Once out in the open, Nazuna promptly stomped the arachnid into oblivion.  The only harmless spider was a dead spider. 

*******

_He's got to be around here somewhere…Jakotsu said he had just left him…what's that by the corner of the building?  Oh no, no,  please no…_"Inu-Yasha?" Sesshomaru choked the name out, hoping his brother would magically sit up and laugh at the great practical joke he'd played.  Inu-Yasha remained silent, however, the blood pooling around his chest where he lay crumpled on the ground.  Sesshomaru placed a hand against Inu-Yasha's cold neck and searched for a pulse.

The beat of his brother's heart was so faint he missed it on the first try.  It was only after Sesshomaru felt his stomach churn with horror that he noticed the slight rise and fall of Inu-Yasha's chest.  There was still life within the fallen form, but it was hanging by the slimmest of threads.

Footsteps pounded the surface behind him as the Angels spotted him and approached.  Kagome gave a muffled cry at the sight of Inu-Yasha injuries and dropped to her knees beside Sesshomaru.  Kagura immediately opened her cell phone to call the ambulance.

All his life, Sesshomaru had been able to deal with problems efficiently.  His ability to think quickly on his feet, assess a problem and order those who worked for him into action had taken him far within the ranks of the FBI.  He'd been shot at, threatened, stalked and attacked.  Throughout it all, he'd never once frozen in the face of peril.

And all of this experience didn't mean shit right now.  Right now, his brother's life was pouring out on some damn slab of concrete in Hawaii, and Sesshomaru found he couldn't move.  He could hardly even breathe.  In fact, he couldn't seem to do anything but clasp his brother's chilled hand and wonder why the ambulance was taking such an eternity to arrive.

********

Nazuna's fingers flew across the computer keyboard as she completed the registration paperwork for the next patient.  True to her prediction, the waiting area for the emergency room was now crammed full.  Dr. Suikotsu had his hands full with the results of an automobile accident (_driving under the influence, what a surprise,_ Nazuna noted sarcastically) and they had even paged Dr. Megumi to come in and help out.  Anybody arriving with just a simple fracture or needing to be stitched up was in for a long wait tonight.

One of the drunks was getting out of hand and demanding to be seen.  Nazuna completed the information she was entering and looked around for the security guard.  Missing in action again, she figured.  The rent-a-cops never lasted very long on the night shift.  "Excuse me," she said exasperatedly to the person in front of her.  "I'll be right back."  She stood up and walked over to the inebriated idiot shouting at no one in particular.

"Listen," Nazuna grabbed the man and pushed him against the wall.  "You'll be seen when we can fit you in.  Right now, all you need is some patching from that fight.  If you keep this up, however, I'm going to see that you need a full body cast.  Is that understood?" she glared, daring the man to continue.  Apparently, this was one of the smarter drunks.  He sat down and shut up, allowing Nazuna to go back to her place behind the registration desk.  She finished obtaining the information from the young woman related to the automobile accident victims.

The doors pushed open quickly as the paramedics wheeled in a stretcher bearing a young man.  Nazuna noticed a tall, silver haired woman wearing a ballet costume stumble into the emergency room right behind the ambulance crew, supported by an attractive brunette with no shoes on her feet.  "What have we got?" Nazuna heard Sakura, the triage nurse, ask the paramedic as she rushed forward to meet them.

"We've got a corpse if we don't get him to surgery,**" **yelled Hachiemon as he and the other paramedic moved the stretcher through the doors leading to the operating rooms.  Nurse Sakura was close on his heels.  "He started crashing on the way over here," Nazuna heard Hachiemon add as the door swung closed behind them.

Nazuna winced at Hachiemon's words.  She'd known the paramedic for years and although he was one of the best in his field, his blunt manner of speaking had a way of upsetting the families of the victims.  True to form, the silver haired woman was doubling over.  Nazuna jumped up from her chair to help the woman's companion.  Together, they grabbed the woman by the arms and pushed her into the chair across from Nazuna's desk.

"I need to get some information while they're stabilizing him," Nazuna said gently as she began to create the new record.  "First and foremost, did the paramedics ask you if he has any allergies or prior medical conditions that we need to know in order to treat him?"

"Yes," the silver-haired figure rasped.  Nazuna looked up in surprise as she realized she was talking to a man and not a woman.  She stared in wonder for a moment, taking in the long, flowing hair intertwined with flowers, the beautifully manicured nails, the light layer of cosmetics, the faint hint of perfume and finally, the blood spattered tutu that gracefully flowed down to the ankles.  _You meet all kinds of people working here,_ she thought to herself as recovered her composure.

"No allergies, no medical conditions," the man continued as he began to shiver.  Wearing a ballet costume into the frigid temperature of the emergency room was enough to make anyone shake, but Nazuna suspected the man across from her was starting to suffer from shock.  She grabbed her sweater from its resting place on the back of her chair and draped it around the man's shoulders.  No sense in having an extra patient added to her workload.

The man looked at her gratefully.  "Thanks," he whispered.  His female companion was standing behind him, squeezing his shoulder in comfort.

"No problem," she replied kindly.  "Can you answer some questions for me now?  First I'll need the patient's name…" Nazuna continued to type as she asked the questions, pausing every now and then to allow the man to compose himself.  She felt a great deal of sympathy for the people sitting in front of her.  After all, she'd once been the one sitting there trying to force her brain to work when all she had really wanted to do was scream in pain and frustration.  Maybe her Master _did know what was best by having her work here._

********

Dr. Megumi slumped tiredly into her office chair, staring at the reports she needed to complete.  The emergency room was once again quiet, and the early morning shift was starting to arrive.  It had been a terrible night.  This last round of flu had decimated the hospital staffing, or she would never have agreed to come in on her only day off.

The young man, Inu-Yasha, had been the worst case.  Dr. Megumi had recognized him, or rather, had recognized the silver hair, from a previous surfing accident.  He'd come in that day a few years ago with his foot sliced to ribbons by a sharp piece of coral, needing several stitches.  And he'd complained loudly throughout the entire procedure.  Not a fan of medical care, that one.

It had been eerie to see the vibrant, shouting, arguing individual she'd met previously now reduced to a still, pale and quiet form.  _We came so close to losing him, Dr. Megumi thought as she ran a weary hand through her tangled hair.  In all her years of practice, she couldn't remember ever seeing such vicious knife wounds; whoever had carved into Inu-Yasha had done a thorough job of it._

Well, no point in dwelling on it further.  The guy would make it, in spite of having to be dragged back from death several times.  He was a tough one, this kid.  Dr. Megumi smiled as she recalled the utter relief and joy on the faces of the young man's family and friends.  Inu-Yasha was obviously well loved.

Of course, that one woman had been extremely upset when Dr. Megumi had asked which one of them was Kikyo.  She shrugged her shoulders as she thought of her honest mistake.  Was it her fault that Inu-Yasha had been saying that name repeatedly as he was being taken in to surgery?  And Dr. Suikotsu - what was up with him?  Dr. Megumi's fellow physician had turned white as a sheet when he heard Inu-Yasha whispering, calling for Kikyo.

*******

The room was silent except for the sounds of the monitors hooked to his brother's body.  Sesshomaru closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall, tilting his chair backwards.  He was exhausted, but he was afraid to fall asleep.  _Dr. Tofu said he'd be all right, so trust him!  He flinched as he felt Kagura's soft hand brush his hair back from his forehead._

"Sesshomaru?" Kagura whispered.  "Can I get you anything?"  Sesshomaru just pulled her into his lap in response, and she stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.  She amazed him, this woman.  So tough one minute, so tender the next.  Never in his life had he felt so damn lucky to be with someone.

"Have the others gone back to the resort?" Sesshomaru eventually asked her.  They'd been at the hospital for hours, and the morning light was creeping through the window shades.  He could see dark circles forming underneath Kagura's eyes, and he was sure he looked the same.

"Everyone except Kagome," Kagura tilted her head towards the girl sleeping in the chair next to the bed.  Kagome's folded arms were resting on the bed, serving as a pillow of sorts for the tired woman.  Sesshomaru noticed Inu-Yasha's hand clutching a lock of Kagome's hair, as if his younger brother needed some kind of anchor to keep him in the world of the living.

"You should go back to the resort as well," Sesshomaru said, raising a finger to Kagura's lips to cut off her protest.  "I'm sure Rin is wondering what's happened to us, not to mention the others need your assistance.  And we can't forget, Vicious Dragon is still out there."

"Rin needs her father," Kagura reminded him with a smile, "but I guess she'll take me as a distant second.  I just hope she isn't giving Yura a hard time.  Of course," she added thoughtfully, "in order to give Yura a hard time, she'd have to be speaking, so maybe I should be hoping she _is_ raising hell."

"I don't think you're a 'distant second' as far as our daughter is concerned," Sesshomaru told her.  He lightly kissed the tip of Kagura's nose.  She raised her eyebrow at his use of the plural pronoun.

"Did you just say 'our' daughter?" Kagura asked him.  "Excuse me, but I believe she's 'my' daughter, at least while she's behaving herself she is.  She becomes 'your' daughter when she gets into mischief.  And if by saying 'our' daughter, you mean to ask me to marry you, then that's the lousiest proposal I've ever heard."

Sesshomaru felt his face break into the first genuine smile since, well, forever.  "I'm sure it is," he agreed.  "I don't have a lot of experience at asking a counterfeit Nanny for her hand in marriage.  Would you like me to do it differently, perhaps like Kuno?"

"Oh heavens, no," giggled Kagura as she tried to stifle her laughter in an attempt to not awaken Kagome and Inu-Yasha.  "But seriously, Sesshomaru, do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?  You'll never have a moment's peace around me!"

"I sincerely hope that's true," Sesshomaru responded with a gleam in his eye.  "Although I doubt things could get any crazier than they have this week.  At least, I hope they don't," he added fervently.

Kagura reluctantly stood up to leave.  "Let's get one thing straight, though," she told Sesshomaru as she gave him a hungry kiss goodbye.  "At the wedding, _I get to wear the dress and the lipstick, got it?"_

********

A/N:  Okay, you fangirls can stop howling for my blood now; I let Inu-Yasha and Jakotsu live!  I even threw in some Sesshy fluff – okay, I threw in a LOT of Sesshy fluff this chapter.

Sophie-chan: He he! Thanxs for the fluff! I'm a die-hard Kagura/Sesshy fan! And I didn't even have to point a gun at your head! *fingers gun* They WILL get married, won't they? *coolly* It would be very TRAGIC if they didn't…

Lav: Um, maybe…*sweatdrop*

A few responses:

CassidyJewell:  No.  I'm sorry, but no.  I cannot continue writing this fic forever.  Sophie-chan and I are already considering new ways to torture, er, amuse ourselves, in other fics.  She wants to do a Rurouni Kenshin crossover fic, but I don't know enough about that anime yet to do it justice.  We'll have to see…Oro?

BrokenRoses: *Lav clutches painful head from getting whacked with CD player* happy now?  See?  I didn't let him die!

Asteria:  I went and looked up "Girl Days" by Kenko, and I totally disagree.  His writing is much funnier than mine! *Still laughing* geez, my sides hurt…

Inu-babe666:  Happy birthday!  *passes cake and candles*

elementsofmine():  How do I update so fast?  It's easy – outside of work and family, I have NO LIFE.

Chiisana-Tori-chan:  Kick has been performed as requested.  Man, you guys are mean…


	37. Rin and the Dragon

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels.  If I owned them, Kagome would have gone for Kikyo's throat a long time ago.

*************

**Chapter 37**

**Rin and the Dragon**

_Kikyo...Kikyo!_

_Inu-Yasha, please come and find me...I'm so lonely here without you...I'm all by myself...join me, Inu-Yasha!_

_Kikyo, I've missed you so much...but I don't want to join you...that would mean leaving her...leaving Kagome._

_Inu-Yasha, does that woman mean more to you than I do?_

_No, Kikyo...she doesn't mean more...but she means as much...the two of you are so different...but I love her, Kikyo._

_You loved me!_

_Yes...I still do...Kikyo, can't you understand?  Just because I love Kagome...doesn't mean I'm throwing you out of my heart...don't you want me to be happy in this life?_

_Why should you be happy, when I never was?_

_Kikyo, didn't I ever make you happy?  I tried so hard...Kikyo, let it go...don't be so bitter and angry...find peace in death, because you never could in life...I promise I won't forget you...ever!_

_Ever?__  You'll still remember me, even though you have her?_

_Yes...I promise...my heart's big enough to hold both of you...I won't forget you, Kikyo._

_Then be happy in this life, Inu-Yasha.  Be happy like I never could be._

_Kikyo!  Kikyo, don't go!_

_Live, Inu-Yasha!_

********

"Kikyo!  Kikyo, don't go!"

Inu-Yasha's rasping voice could barely be heard over the sound of the monitors, but it was enough to rouse Kagome from her restless sleep.  Kagome slowly straightened up from the edge of the bed as she came fully awake, blinking at her surroundings.  The sunshine was glaring into the hospital room, showing a brilliant new morning.  As Kagome's eyes adjusted, she noticed Sesshomaru had fallen asleep in the other chair.  Idly, she wondered if she looked as bedraggled as the FBI agent.

Inu-Yasha was muttering softly and beginning to thrash about.  Kagome placed a hand on his face, stroking his cheek gently.  "Hush, Inu-Yasha, hush, it's all right," Kagome soothed him.  His eyelids fluttered and opened weakly for a moment before closing again.

"Kikyo," he whispered.

Kagome fought to hold back the onslaught of tears rushing to her eyes and failed.  It hurt her so much to hear him call for his dead wife, and she was so afraid he wanted to follow Kikyo to the grave.  Did he miss his wife so much that he'd give up on life to be with her?

"Inu-Yasha, please live," Kagome pleaded hoarsely as she clasped his hand and kissed his mouth tenderly.  "Please live, if not for me then for your brother," she sobbed quietly.  Her tears spilled onto the pillow next to his face.  "Don't go with her, don't go with Kikyo!"

Kagome felt pressure on her hand, and she looked down to see Inu-Yasha squeezing her fingers tightly.  She looked into his face and saw his eyes were open again.  "Ka...go...me," he said slowly, forcing the words out of his mouth.

"Shut up, you big idiot!" Kagome ordered him fiercely, as she tried to stop crying.  "Save your strength for getting better instead of talking!  You need to heal so I can kick your ass for doing this to me!" she began sobbing again.

Inu-Yasha's eyes widened and he tried to tug her towards him.  "Kag..." he muttered quietly, "no tears...'kay?  So stupid..." his voiced trailed off.  With an effort, he brought Kagome's hand to his mouth and brushed the back of it against his lips.  "Love you," he wheezed, and then moaned softly.  "I'll...stay here..."

"Promise?" Kagome breathed hopefully into his ear.  "You'll stay here in this life?  I don't want to lose you right now, Inu-Yasha.  I want to be with you, I want us to grow old together.  Can we do that, Inu-Yasha?"

"Promise," he whispered as he fell back into sleep.

*********

"Rin?  Rin, honey, where are you?  Yura?"  Kagura called as she entered the rooms.  She heard the bathwater running and knocked on the door.

"Is that you, Kagura?" Yura's voice sounded from the other side of the door.  She sounded relieved.  "Come on in, I'm just cleaning Rin up.  We had a bit of an accident."

Kagura pushed the door open and burst out laughing.  Yura was covered from head to toe in ramen broth, and her hair was full of noodles.  Rin hadn't fared any better, she noticed as she tried to regain her composure.  The small girl was sitting in the bathtub and scowling darkly at Yura as the other woman tried to pick the noodles from her thick brown hair.

"Do I really want to hear this story?" Kagura gave her best impression of Sesshomaru, complete with icy look and raised eyebrow.  Yura wasn't amused.  She glared and threw the sodden washrag at Kagura, who caught it neatly in midair.

"No, you don't want to hear it," snarled Yura.  "Tell Sesshomaru he owes me big for this one.  And since you're here, you can do this while I take a shower in the other bathroom."  She stomped out, slamming the door behind her.

Kagura winked at Rin.  "You know Rin, if you didn't want ramen for lunch you just had to say so," she smiled.  Rin tucked her chin into her chest and refused to look up, but Kagura saw a grin creep across her face.

The girl remained silent while Kagura cleaned her up, still refusing to look anywhere but down.  Kagura rinsed her hair, shielding Rin's eyes with her hand so the child wouldn't get soap in her eyes.  She pulled Rin from the tub and dressed her in clean clothing, then wrapped the child's wet hair in a towel and scooped the girl up in her arms.

A freshly showered Yura was cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.  "I've got her for a while, Yura," Kagura told the woman.  "Take a break.  Where's Koga?"

"He's with Sango and Miroku trying to dig up information," Yura answered, wringing out the mop.  "Naraku's been talking non-stop, but none of what he says is making sense.  He keeps going on about some woman named Kikyo and a jewel.  His lawyer has already ordered a psychological evaluation.  At the opposite end of the cage, Jakotsu isn't saying anything to anyone.  No small wonder, seeing how he's going up on charges of attempted murder," Yura added.  "Speaking of which, how's Inu-Yasha doing?"

"He was still out cold when I left the hospital, but the doctor said he's out of danger," Kagura answered.  She sat down in a kitchen chair with Rin on her lap and began rubbing the girl's hair with the towel.  Rin buried her face against Kagura and gave a small whimper.

"Mommy?" Rin spoke into Kagura's shirt after Yura left the room.

Kagura stilled.  _She's talking again.  Hey, wait a minute, what did she just call me?  _"What, Littlebit?" Kagura answered, trying to keep her voice at a natural level.  Her heart was doing funny things inside her chest.  _She called me Mommy!_

"I'm sorry Uncle got hurt," Rin said.  "Are you and Daddy going to get hurt too?"

"I certainly hope not," Kagura hugged the child.  "Those bad men are locked up where they can't hurt anybody ever again, Rin."  She smoothed the girl's hair and began to run a comb through the tangled locks.

"What about the other man, Mommy?  I want him to go away, too.  He scares me."

"What other man?" Kagura asked, confused.  She stopped combing Rin's hair, trying to figure out whom Rin had in mind.  "You mean the doctor from the boat ride?"

"No, Mommy, I mean the man with the swimsuits!  He's scary."  Rin's voice dropped to such a low whisper Kagura had to strain to hear it.  "He and my other mommy did mean things to me a long time ago."

Kagura hated to upset the child, but she needed to press further.  "Rin, sweetie," Kagura cleared her throat a little.  "You know that Miss Yura and Uncle Koga and Daddy and I are going to keep you safe, right?  We won't let that bad man hurt you."  Rin clutched her tightly and nodded.  "I need your help with something very important, Rin.  Do you think you can help me like a big girl?"

She caught one of Rin's high-powered sunshine smiles for her efforts.  Apparently, Rin liked being thought of as a big girl.  She'd have to remember to use this strategy in the future.  "Rin, I want you to try as hard as you can to remember what this scary man looks like.  I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to see if you can answer them for me," Kagura said as she brushed Rin's bangs out of her eyes.  "And if you get scared while you're thinking about the answers, I want you to tell me you're scared and I'll give you a great big hug, okay?"

Rin cuddled closer to her.  "Okay," she agreed.

"This man with the swimsuits, did you see him here in Hawaii?" Kagura began.

"Yes, Mommy."

"And you also saw him a long time ago with your other mommy?" Kagura prompted.  At Rin's nod, she continued.  "When did you see him here, was it yesterday?"  Again, Rin nodded in agreement.  _Early yesterday afternoon, that's when she stopped talking,_ Kagura realized.  "Was that the first time you saw him here in Hawaii?"

At this question, Rin frowned and then shook her head.  "I saw him before, when we were playing that game," she told Kagura.  "But I didn't remember, 'cause he didn't have the swimsuits."

"You mean you didn't recognize him until later?" Kagura clarified.  Rin was starting to look uneasy again, and Kagura kissed her forehead.  "What game were we playing when you saw him, Rin?"

"The Watching Game," Rin answered simply, before placing her thumb in her mouth.  She leaned into Kagura and closed her eyes.  "I don't like him, Mommy.  Can I stop helping you now?" she asked sleepily.

Kagura patted Rin's hair and carried the napping child into her room.  The Watching Game, she furrowed her brow in thought.  _We were watching Mr. Ailuropoda, but he's Lazy Panda...maybe he's double-crossing the Japanese government?  I'm so damn exhausted, I just can't think straight anymore..._

Kagura climbed under the covers with Rin and cradled the girl in her arms.  _My daughter,_ she smiled as thoughts chased through her tired brain.  _I left my shoes backstage last night...I still need to buy Rin a pair of shoes to match that dress we bought that day we were playing The Watching Game...that guy with Mr. Ailuropoda, never did figure out why Mr. Ryukossei was hanging around with Lazy Panda...Rin said it was the man with the swimsuits...Koga used to work as a swimsuit salesman for Ryu Fashions, maybe he knows something about all this...wait, Ryu?_

She jumped from the bed and grabbed the cell phone, punching in the number quickly.  "Koga," she gasped as the agent answered.  "Who is the owner of Ryu Fashions?"

"What?" Koga asked.  "No one owns it.  Dainty Footprints bought them out, remember?  The company doesn't exist anymore."

"No, stupid, what I mean is who _used_ to own it?" Kagura asked.

"A guy by the name of Ryukossei," Koga answered.  "Why do you think it was called 'Ryu' Fashions?  He retired after the buy-out.  What's up?"

"Koga," said Kagura as she gathered the last remnants of her waning patience, "doesn't 'Ryu' mean '_Dragon_'?"

*******

He'd torn the place apart, and his Beloved was nowhere to be found.  Damn Jakotsu and his incompetence!  He wanted his Dearest, needed to feel her in his arms.

Someone was approaching his hiding place within the bushes.  Vicious Dragon slid back further, trying to hide himself completely.  An attractive redhead walked past him, humming a silly tune about a pirate king.  He relaxed as she passed by without notice.

His heart was pounding in his throat at the near miss.  He was getting careless, and it was all Inu-Yasha's fault.  If the boy would have just given him his Precious Katana, he wouldn't be so distracted.  The ignorant youth had no clue how to treat such a lovely object, for that alone he deserved to die.  Inu-Yasha was no better than that stupid girl who had walked by a moment ago, swinging her katana in a random fashion.

Swinging her katana?  He leaped from the bushes, hoping to catch sight of the redhead.  Running, he followed the path she had taken, trying to spot her amongst the crowds of people.  He arrived at a parking lot just in time to see the redhead climb into a car with The Beautiful Katana and race away from the resort.

The girl was undoubtedly returning Tetsusaiga to Inu-Yasha.  Vicious Dragon hailed a taxi and departed for the hospital.  It was time to finish the job properly.  He'd retrieve his precious Tetsusaiga and get rid of Inu-Yasha and that interfering Sesshomaru all at once.

*******

A/N:  Several of you have asked how long this story is going to be.  Well, it's looking like I have 3-4 chapters left, unless the final fight scene drags out longer than I think it will.  It's hard to estimate something you haven't written yet.  Also, there will be a single Epilogue chapter after the final chapter, just so you're not left hanging.

Thanks so much to all of you for reading and reviewing!  You have no idea how much fun I've had writing this  :P  Lavender

PS - 

elementsofmine():  In answer to your question, Nazuna is the girl (early in the series) who is saved from the Spider-Head Demons by Inu-Yasha, Kagome and Shippo.  Sophie-chan claims she's modeled after me...*Lav doesn't like spiders*

ChristyKay():  You're back! *glomps Christy's leg* I missed you so much!  Now get back to work! (just kidding - sort of - *really wants to read an update*)__


	38. The Point Where All Lines Converge

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels, YuYu Hakusho, Slayers Next, *stops to think* Did I leave anyone out?

*************

**Chapter 38**

**The Point Where All Lines Converge**

"Kagome?"

Sesshomaru's weary voice brought Kagome back from her distracted state.  She had been watching Inu-Yasha drift in and out of consciousness.  He was too weak to speak any further, but Kagome could see the relief in Inu-Yasha's eyes when he'd open them and see her sitting there.

Sesshomaru was sitting up in the chair, watching her.  She wondered how long he had been awake.  Had he overheard her earlier conversation with his brother?  "Why don't you go and get something to eat from the cafeteria downstairs?" Sesshomaru suggested.  "I'll stay here until you get back," he nodded toward the hospital bed as Kagome hesitated.  "If Inu-Yasha wakes up, I'll tell him where you've gone."

Kagome smiled gratefully.  Now that she knew Inu-Yasha was going to be all right, her normal body functions had kicked into overdrive.  At the moment, her stomach was loudly reminding her that she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon.

"Thanks," she said simply.  "Can I get you anything?"

"Just my sanity," he replied.  "I seem to have lost it somewhere on this island."

She chuckled in response.  "Losing your mind implies you had one to begin with.  I'll be back in a few minutes," she told Sesshomaru as she left the room.

Kagome hadn't gone far down the hall when a white-coated figure rushed around the corner and slammed into her.  Gasping for breath, she doubled over and tried to keep from yelling at the unfortunate man.  A gentle pair of hands straightened her up.

"I'm so sorry, Miss.  I wasn't looking where I was going and - Kikyo?"

"It's okay, I'm not hurt.  Hey!" Kagome stopped short.  "What did you just call me?" Kagome asked as she peered into the doctor's handsome face.  The physician's badge showed his name was Dr. Suikotsu.

"The Shikon no Tama," the physician reached out to fondle the jewel around Kagome's neck.  "Kikyo, have you come back to me?  Have you really returned to me?" he gasped.

_That does it!_  Kagome's already thinly-stretched self control snapped entirely.  "Kikyo?  Kikyo!  I am SO SICK OF BEING CALLED KIKYO!" Kagome shouted, not caring who heard.  "My name is KAGOME, got it?  KA - GO - ME!" she raged.  "Kikyo is DEAD!  Can we leave her DEAD for just a few minutes instead of pretending some DEAD CHICK has come back to LIFE?"

Dr. Suikotsu was staring at her strangely.  The look on his face was eerily familiar, just like Naraku's face when he went off the deep end.  _Shit.  This is so not my day!_ Kagome thought in panic as she turned and ran back towards Inu-Yasha's room.  She prayed like hell that Sesshomaru felt good enough for a fight, because it certainly looked like another one was headed their way.

********

"Mousse!  We have Shampoo!" Akane said excitedly.

"We captured her last night," Ukyo added.  "Now live up to your end of the deal and take her back to China!"

"Shampoo!" Mousse glomped onto Ukyo tightly.  "We'll never be apart again!  How could you leave me?"

Ukyo clobbered him with her okonomiyaki spatula.  "Put your glasses on, stupid!  Do I look like Shampoo?"  She held a box up to Mousse's nearsighted eyes.  "Shampoo is in here!"  An angry cat howl was coming from inside the box.  A paw reached out through the air holes and gave a random swipe, coming into contact with the corner of Mousse's eyeball, causing Mousse to scream and clutch his face.

"C'mon, Mousse, it couldn't have hurt you that bad!" Akane pulled his hand away from his eye.  "Ew!  I take that back!  She clawed your eyeball!"

"Oh, gross!" exclaimed Ukyo.  "You should have worn your glasses, Mousse!  Now you're bleeding everywhere!  Come on, Akane, we're going to have to take him to the hospital."  She grabbed the box holding the cat prisoner.  "You're coming as well, Shampoo!  They're going to want to know if you have any diseases!"

*******

"It's that cat-demon!" Yuseke shouted, pointing at the lovely woman wearing Chinese clothing.  "Get her!  We're going to get to the bottom of this!"

The woman saw the four young men running toward her and readied her bon bori.  "Foolish boys, you want to fight Shampoo?  I give you fight!" she yelled as she tore into them.  "Tell me, stupid man with red hair, why you dress like girl?  You copy Ranma?  And you, boy with Greaser hairstyle!  Why you chase Ryoga all time?  He is pig you cannot eat!"

When the dust settled, four young men lay groaning on the sidewalk.  Kuwabara tried to sit up, but collapsed back onto the ground in pain.  "Yuseke, that cat-demon broke my leg!" he moaned as the others tried to help him up.

The young woman shook her bangles at them.  "You worthless in fight against Shampoo," she said sorrowfully.  "No one give Shampoo good fight but Ranma, no even Miroku."

She approached Kuwabara and crouched beside him.  "I take you to hospital," Shampoo reassured Kuwabara as he flinched.  "You can no sit here with broken leg.  Is bad for business," she pointed to the small ramen stand she had set up.  "Grandmother, you take care of food!" she called out.  "Shampoo be back soon as she take stupid boy to get leg fixed!"

*******

"Doesn't this piece of rented shit go any faster?" Yura complained.  "We'll never make it in time!  They're probably being attacked as we speak!"

"Calm down!" Koga ordered as he yanked the steering wheel of the car, causing it to skid sharply around the corner.  "I'm sure they're all right!  You don't really think Vicious Dragon is going to murder them in the middle of a busy hospital, do 'ya?"

"Then how come they aren't answering the phone?" Sango pointed out.

"Inu-Yasha is probably asleep, and Kagome and Sesshomaru might be getting something to eat," Miroku pointed out.  "And they had to turn off their cell phones in the hospital, so they wouldn't answer those numbers, either.  Koga's right; I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

"If Koga isn't worried, then why is he driving like a bat out of hell?" Yura screamed at no one in particular.  She grabbed hold of the armrest as Koga dodged between three cars and a large delivery truck.  "Where the hell did you learn how to drive, anyway?"

"Uncle Koga, are we there yet?  I have to go potty!" called Rin from the backseat.  "And Mommy's throwing up again," she added, wrinkling her pert little nose at the heaving Kagura.

*******

"Why are you still here, Nazuna?  I thought you worked the night shift," Dr. Tofu smiled at the young registration clerk.

Nazuna felt her heart skip a beat, a typical reaction when the good-looking doctor appeared before her.  _If Kasumi weren't such a sweetheart, I'd be soooo jealous._  "Most of the staff is out with the flu," she told the doctor.  "I agreed to work a double shift.  Are you here to see Kasumi?"

"I'm supposed to give her a ride home," Dr. Tofu said, taking the empty seat in front of her desk.  "Her bicycle was crushed when a panda sat on it."  He failed to notice Nazuna's startled look.  "Dr. Megumi told me you had quite a wild time here last night."

"Typical for this place," Nazuna snorted.  "When did you talk to Dr. Megumi?  I thought she went home already."

"That young man who was stabbed, I believe his name is Inu-Yasha?"  At her nod, he continued.  "Dr. Megumi called me early this morning with a question about his continued treatment.  She also had me talk to that woman that came in here last night with Inu-Yasha.  For some reason, Dr. Megumi seemed to think I could calm her down."

"Which woman?"

"The lovely silver-haired maiden.  You should have seen her on stage last night; her performance was amazing!  I'll never look at Swan Lake with the same eyes again," Dr. Tofu said in amazement.

Nazuna inhaled the swallow of hot chocolate she had taken and choked.  "You mean Sesshomaru?" she hooted.  "Um, Dr. Tofu, haven't you noticed anything - different - about that woman?  Perhaps when you looked at her closely?"

"Now that you mention it, I have!" Dr. Tofu said.  "She's so graceful, much more so than a lot of women.  Do you suppose she's a classically trained ballerina?"

Nazuna was spared the necessity of replying by the arrival of a young man carrying a backpack and an umbrella.  He approached Nazuna's desk, looking confused.  "Now where am I?" he asked out loud.  "This is Tokyo, isn't it?"

A curved redhead carrying a katana bounded in behind him.  "Hey, Ryoga!  What are you doing here?  Are you lost again?"

"Ranma, what are you doing back in Tokyo?" Ryoga asked.  "I thought you were still in that pageant.  Who won the talent competition?"

Nazuna pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to ward off the oncoming headache.  _And here I thought the weirdos only showed up for the night shift.  I'm going to need something stronger to drink than hot chocolate by the time this day is over..._

********

"Oh, quit your whining, Xellos.  You're going to live!" Lina said crossly to her companion as the taxi sped towards the hospital.

"Oh, my poor eye!  Lina, what if I'm blinded by this?  How will I survive?" Xellos cried pitifully.

"Don't worry, Xellos, I'll take care of you!" spoke Martina from the front seat, where she was driving the taxi.  "I can take a third part-time job!"

Xellos shuddered.  "Lina, this is all your fault!  If you hadn't suddenly screamed like that, I would never have jabbed my eye with the mascara wand!  You'd better hope that man you were punching doesn't file assault charges," he sniffed.

"There isn't a jury in the land who would convict me," growled Lina.  "Not after what he said!  Death would be too good for him!"

"What did he say?" asked Martina as she pulled up to the hospital entrance.

Xellos gave a tinkling laugh.  "He told our Lina that she needed to demand a refund for her breast enhancement surgery, because it was obvious by their size that the silicone had leaked out.  Ouch!  Lina, that hurts!  Stop it, Lina!"

*******

"Lum, you can't follow me in here!  You'll mess up the medical equipment and electrocute my boss!" Ataru exclaimed.  "Stay outside!"

"But Darling, I want to visit Inu-Yasha!" Lum complained.  "I won't touch anything, I promise!"

"No!  Now promise me you won't walk through those doors!" Ataru ordered.

"Okay," Lum sulked.  "I promise."

Ataru ignored her pouting and entered the hospital.  Lum watched his retreating figure, then smiled.  "I promised Darling not to go through those doors, but I didn't promise not to fly through the window!"  She used her extra-terrestrial abilities to locate Inu-Yasha's room and took off.  "Won't Darling's boss be so surprised!" 

*******

A/N:  Oh my, everyone and their neighbors are headed towards the hospital.  I don't think the other patients are going to survive the oncoming assault.

aZn-DiViN3-bLeU:  Just for clarification, there are a couple of redheads mentioned here.  One is Female Ranma, the other is Kurama.  I usually try to designate Female Ranma by mentioning her curvy figure.  Takahashi drew Female Ranma with a lot of, um, assets.

Thanks for undying support, everyone!  Lavender


	39. Havoc in the Hospital

*************

Disclaimer:  I own nothing but my imagination.  I would like to take the opportunity to sincerely apologize to Rumiko Takahashi and the creators of YuYu Hakusho, Slayers Next, Charlie's Angels and dedicated healthcare professionals everywhere.

*************

**Chapter 39**

**Havoc in the Hospital**

"You're all going to just have to wait your turn!" Nazuna yelled.  Several groups had just arrived at the Emergency entrance and were arguing loudly with one another.  At her shout, they quieted and turned to her.  "You'll be treated in order of priority!  Now slap your cheeks to the seat and shut up!"

"C'mon Ryoga, we don't need to be here," Ranma shook his red pigtail in disgust.  He began to drag the other boy out of the room by his neckerchief.  "Inu-Yasha's up on the second floor.  Let's go see him."  He twirled the katana.

"Hey, you can't take that weapon up there!" Nazuna shouted after the busty redhead, who ignored her and slung the katana over a slender shoulder.

"Aw, don't worry.  This thing's not a weapon, it's a piece of rust," Ranma replied as he and Ryoga left the Emergency Waiting Room.  "Besides, Inu-Yasha would rather get this back than have me bring some stupid flowers."

Nazuna turned her attention back to the others.  "Now, who was next?" she muttered.  A girl dressed in Chinese clothing stepped forward.  She hefted her bon bori at Nazuna and scowled.

"Stupid boy here break leg," she announced, pointing to a groaning young man.

"Hey, we were next!" a young woman in a karate gi stepped forward with another girl carrying an okonomiyaki spatula.  "Mousse got his eye scratched by Shampoo..." her voice trailed off as she looked at the girl in Chinese clothing.  "Shampoo?  But if you're out here, who's in the box?"  She plopped the box on Nazuna's desk and opened it.

A fat cat leaped from the box and landed on Nazuna's lap, causing Nazuna to scream and knock her cup of hot chocolate onto the keyboard.  "Now look what you made me do!" Nazuna yelled at the two girls before her.  She turned the keyboard upside down and watched the sticky brown liquid pour out of it.  "Get out of my face, now!"

"Come on, Akane, let's let Mousse handle this by himself," said the girl with the spatula.  They turned to leave, but were stopped by the glaring Chinese girl.  "Oh, Shampoo!  Gee, what a surprise to see you!" she laughed nervously, giving the Chinese girl a fake smile.

"What do Akane and Ukyo plot?" Shampoo demanded.  "You try to kidnap Shampoo?  Why is cat in box?  What happen to Mousse?"

"Catch that cat!" Nazuna yelled, interrupting the girls as the cat jumped off her lap and ran through the swinging doors into the main section of the hospital.  Akane and Ukyo took off in pursuit of the cat, with Shampoo chasing behind them.

"Yuseke, that cat-demon is up to something!" the young man with the broken leg shouted.  "You need to follow her and find out what's going on!"  His companion with the slicked-back hairstyle nodded in agreement.

"Hiei, you come with me," Yuseke ordered his spiky-haired companion.  "Kurama, stay with Kuwabara in case he needs help."  The redhead smoothed the front of her dress and sat down daintily next to Kuwabara as Yuseke and Hiei left the room to follow the girls.

"What about us?" a brassy voice huffed.

Nazuna gazed at the short woman standing next to a purple-haired woman clutching her eye.  _Wait, that's another man.  Geez, I've never seen so many cross-dressers at one time before. _ "What about you?" Nazuna sighed.

"Xellos here has an eye injury," the short woman explained, pointing to her companion.

Wiping the sticky hot chocolate off her hand, Nazuna gestured to the chairs.  "Sit and take your turn," she ordered.  "I'm going to get something to clean this mess up," Nazuna added to Dr. Tofu, who had been watching the entire scene with amusement.  "Can you hang around until I get back?"

He nodded.  "I don't think Kasumi's going to get off her shift anytime soon," Dr. Tofu said.  "I'll handle things for a few minutes.  Don't worry, everything will be under control."

"Right," Nazuna said.  _I'd better hurry before all hell breaks loose in here…_

********

A peaceful quiet had descended upon Inu-Yasha's hospital room after Kagome's departure.  Sesshomaru stood up and stretched, grimacing at the ballet tutu he was still wearing.  He really hadn't been aware of it until now.  _The things I do for you, brat_.  Sesshomaru smiled as he thought of the many times he'd said those exact words to his little brother over the years.  He walked over to the bed and looked at Inu-Yasha's sleeping form.  The pillow beside his head was still damp from Kagome's tears.  _She's too good for you, little brother.  You'd better straighten up._

As he listened to Inu-Yasha's quiet breathing, Sesshomaru felt himself finally relax.  Everything was going to be all right.  As soon as Kagome returned from the cafeteria, he was going to go back to the resort and get cleaned up.  If he was lucky, he might be able to convince Kagura to help him conserve natural resources by sharing a shower - all in the name of saving the planet, of course.

A tapping at the window startled Sesshomaru out of his lustful thoughts.  He frowned.  The hospital room was on the second floor, wasn't it?  The tapping sounded again, and he opened the glass pane and looked down.  No one was on the ground below.

A sound trilled above him.  Looking up, he saw a young woman wearing a tiger-striped fur bikini, floating in the air.  "I want to see Darling's boss!" the girl said, wavering before him.  "Is he okay?  Darling said he was badly injured!"

"Uh," Sesshomaru was at a loss for words.  _She's floating and she has horns on her head.  Maybe I'm still asleep and dreaming._  "Who are you?" he finally spit out.

She giggled.  "I'm Lum," she said.  "I belong to Darling!  He works for Inu-Yasha," she added at Sesshomaru's confused look.  "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Sesshomaru said faintly.  He stepped back from the window and allowed Lum to float in.  "He's asleep right now, though."

Lum burst into tears as she viewed Inu-Yasha.  "Darling's Boss looks terrible!  How could someone do this to him?" she sobbed.  "This is my fault!  I should have killed that horrible man the other night when he hurt Darling!"

"Er, don't cry, he'll be all right!" Sesshomaru stammered.  "And you couldn't have known who you were dealing with," he said awkwardly as he put his arm around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her.  Her sobs were causing the overhead lights to flicker on and off.  Lum buried her face in his shoulder and continued to wail.

*******

"Kagura, wait up!  Don't rush in there like that!" Koga panted as he tried to keep up with Kagura's speeding form racing up the stairs.  Yura, Rin, Sango and Miroku were trailing behind.  "If Vicious Dragon's in there, we need to have the advantage of surprise!"

Kagura stopped as she reached the entryway to the second floor.  "His room is down this hall," she whispered to Koga.  They drew their weapons and crept towards the door.  She signed Koga to enter at the count of three and held up her fingers.  One…two…three…

They kicked the door open as a team, charging into the room with weapons held high.  Kagura skidded to a halt at the scene before her.  Kagome was nowhere to be seen, Inu-Yasha was lying in the bed asleep, and some woman in a fur bikini had draped herself across Sesshomaru.  Screeching, Kagura charged the couple.

"Get off my fiancé!" Kagura shouted as she threw herself against the woman.  The girl screamed and the lights in the room began to pop and crackle.  "Hi-yah!" Kagura struck her with the side of her hand.  "Take that!"

"Hey, leave her alone!"  A young man rushed into the room behind them and pulled Kagura off of the bikini-wearing girl.  "Are you crazy?" the man yelled at Kagura.  "Don't you know how dangerous Lum is?  She could really hurt you!"

"Darling!" Lum launched herself at the new arrival.  "Make her stay away from me, Darling!  I just wanted to visit Inu-Yasha and she's attacking me!"

The young man tried to shake her off.  "Lum, I thought I told you to stay outside!  You're so stupid sometimes!  Now leave before you break something!"

Lum growled and clenched her fists.  "So I'm stupid, am I?  Darling, sometimes," she sent a punishing bolt of electricity towards the hapless boy, "you really make me angry!"  She sent another zap.  "I just wanted to visit and now you've ruined everything!"  Lum picked up a vacant chair and threw it towards the young man.  He ducked the chair and ran out of the room screaming with Lum in hot pursuit, almost running over Yura and the others standing in the doorway.

Before everyone could gather their wits, the lights overhead flickered out again and alarms began blaring down the corridor.  "Is that…rain?" Kagura asked as she felt water hit her face.  "What's going on?"

"It looks like Lum set off the overhead sprinkler system," Sesshomaru answered as water dripped from his hair.  He walked over to Inu-Yasha's bedside and checked the equipment hooked into his brother.  "At least this stuff is still working," he said with relief.  "I wonder how many times Inu-Yasha's had to replace the equipment at his office with her around?"

*******

_Gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta get away..._Kagome raced through the corridors, heart pounding.  She could no longer hear Dr. Suikotsu's footsteps, but she had no doubt he was steadily making his way towards her.  She had to alert Sesshomaru.

Halfway down the corridor, the lights flickered and alarms began to sound.  Kagome felt water trickling down her neck and realized the overhead sprinkler system had flared.  Skidding around the corner, she slipped in a puddle of water and slid into a soft body.

"Ranma?" Kagome gasped as she looked at the redhead lying beneath her.  Ranma was clutching Tetsusaiga and trying to catch his breath.  An idea popped in Kagome's head and she yanked Ranma upright.  "Ranma, get to Inu-Yasha's room and warn Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is after the Shikon jewel!  He must be the physician that was on the boat with Kagura and Rin!  I'm going to distract him!"

"Sure!" Ranma said, dazed from the fall.  "You want me to tell the Shikon jewel that Sesshomaru's after him."

"No, you idiot!" Kagome scolded him.  "Tell Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is after the jewel!  Sesshomaru is in the room with Inu-Yasha!"

Ranma was still glassy-eyed.  Kagome sighed and slapped his face lightly.  "Snap out of it, Ranma, I need your help!  Go to Inu-Yasha's room and tell Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is chasing me!  Got it?"

"Uh, yeah," Ranma mumbled and walked off, staggering slightly.

Kagome watched Ranma long enough to be sure that he was heading in the right direction.  A grunting sound brought her attention to the floor.  Lying there in a pool of water was P-chan, looking as if someone had fallen on him.  "You poor thing, has Ranma been picking on you?" Kagome scooped the pig in her arms and squeezed him against her chest.  "Come on, P-chan, we have to get out of here!"

*******

"Sesshomaru!" Ranma's face appeared in the doorway.  "Kagome said the jewel is after Dr. Suikotsu!  You have to help him!"

"What?" Sesshomaru asked, confused.  "Who is Dr. Suikotsu?  And how can a jewel be after him?"

Ranma slid against the door frame, leaning on a katana.  Sesshomaru did a double take as he realized Ranma was holding Tetsusaiga.  "Where did you get that?" Sesshomaru gasped as Ranma struggled to stay upright.

"Inu-Yasha told me to keep a hold of it," the boy replied, pushing himself straight.  He limped over to the bed and placed it beneath Inu-Yasha's still hand.  "Kept it safe for 'ya, buddy," Ranma told the unconscious patient.

Sesshomaru grabbed Ranma by the shoulders and spun him around.  "Where the hell is Kagome?" he asked.  "And who is Dr. Suikotsu?"

Kagura gasped.  "That's the name of the doctor on board that ship!" she said, horrified.  "He's the one working for VD!  Ranma, where did Kagome go?"

"She ran off that way," Ranma pointed down the hall.  "She said something to Ryoga and me about a jewel."  He looked around him.  "Say, where's Ryoga?  He was with me a minute ago.  I just aaaauuuuugggghhhhh!" he suddenly screamed as a cat ran into the room.

"Kirara!" Sango exclaimed in delight.  "How did you get here?  Poor baby, you're scared to death!" she stroked the cat, trying to calm her.

"Yura, Koga, see if you can locate Kagome," Sesshomaru ordered.  The pair ran from the room in the direction Ranma had pointed.  "Miroku and Kagura guard that door!  Sango, take up a position by the window."

"Daddy, what do I get to do?" a small voice piped up.

Sesshomaru felt a small hand clutch his and looked down at Rin.  He'd honestly forgotten she was in the room with them.  She was gazing up at him, fear crossing her face.  "I have a special job for you, Littlebit," Sesshomaru said softly, crouching to hug her.  "I want you to guard the bathroom.  Go in there, close the door and lay down in the bathtub.  Don't turn the water on, do you understand?  I just want you to lay in there until one of us comes to get you."

Rin nodded, and Sesshomaru thanked whatever gods were looking out for him that the child was so obedient.  She didn't question his orders, just grabbed the cat from Sango and a blanket from the chair.  Sango helped her into the bathroom and closed the door behind Rin and Kirara.

"That should keep them safe," Sango said.  She walked over Ranma and began tapping him on the cheeks.  "Ranma, it's okay.  The cat's gone.  Ranma?"

Ranma blinked and shivered.  "Are you sure?" he croaked, looking around the room.  He dropped to his knees and peered under Inu-Yasha's bed.

Sango laughed.  "There's no cat around here, Ranma!  I put Kirara in the bathroom.  You know, you really should get some professional help for that phobia," she added.

"Yeah, I guess so."  Ranma stood up and brushed off his pants.  "It's all my Pop's fault I'm like this.  If he hadn't fallen for that stupid training joke..."

Miroku and Kagura had allowed Akane and Ukyo to enter the room.  "Did a really fat cat run in here?" Akane asked, shaking the water from her gi.  "We have to catch her!"

"You leave Kirara alone!" Sango ordered them.  "Why are you torturing a poor, defenseless little animal?  I ought to turn you in for this!"

"Little?" Ukyo snorted.  "That cat weighs more than I do!  And if you think she's defenseless, you should see Mousse's eye right now."

"Shampoo!" Miroku exclaimed from the hallway.  "Where did you come from?  And you're soaking wet!"  A cat sneeze sounded from the hall.

Ranma's face had turned a ghostly pale.  "Sh-Sh-Shampoo?" he stuttered.  "And she's wet?  Oh no!" he brushed past Sesshomaru, intending to leave the room.

At the sight of Ranma, Shampoo leapt from Miroku's arms to enter the room.  She landed on Ranma's head, causing Ranma to jump into Sango's arms.  "Save me!" Ranma yelled as Miroku chased the cat around the Inu-Yasha's bed.

"No one's going to save you or anyone else," a voice came from the doorway.  Everyone turned to see Kagura standing there with her arm twisted behind her and a knife pressed against her neck.  Holding her was a large man whose muscular bulk filled the frame of the entrance.

"Ryukossei!" Kagura struggled in his grasp.  "Vicious Dragon, you'd better let me go, you bastard!"

*******

A/N:  Eeep, Vicious Dragon!  Where has HE been hiding all this time?  But wait, there's hope!  Kagome is still out there - with a pig.  Yeah, that should scare 'em...

Someone asked who Lum and Ataru are.  These two are characters from Takahashi's very first work, The Return of Lum *  Urusei Yatsura.  Lum is an alien princess who has fallen for the lust-crazed Earth teenager Ataru.  Unfortunately, Ataru constantly chases every other girl besides Lum.  He actually cares for Lum, but doesn't like to admit it (a common theme with Takahashi's leading male characters).  Lum routinely zaps Ataru with electrical shocks when he misbehaves.  Try typing in this link 'furinkan. com/ tomobiki/ uy' without the spaces (ff.net doesn't allow links) if you want to check out a sight with some info.

Thanks so much to all of you for reading this!  I'd hug you, but I don't want you to catch my cold.


	40. Is ANYONE in Here Paying Attention?

*************

Disclaimer:  I own nothing but immense gratitude to Rumiko Takahashi and the creators of Charlie's Angels, YuYu Hakusho and Slayers Next.  May you someday forgive me for what I did to your creations.

*************

**Chapter 40**

**Is ANYONE in Here Paying Attention?**

"I think we lost them, Yusuke.  I don't see them anymore," Hiei pointed out to his companion as they stepped out of the elevator onto the second floor.  "Now what do we do?"

"They might have changed form again," Yusuke responded.  "We need to look for a cat, not a girl.  What shape do you suppose those other two girls take?"

"Panda," said Hiei.

"Panda?  That's stupid.  There's no such thing as a panda-demon, Hiei!"

"No," Hiei corrected him, a look of horror on his face.  "I mean…Panda!" he pointed to the large animal lumbering down the hall.

"Okay," breathed Yusuke, "let's just stay calm.  Don't excite the beast, and maybe it'll just pass by without noticing us."  The panda was coming nearer as he spoke.  "Stay calm, stay calm…nice panda…aaaauuugggghhhhh!"

With a swipe of a furry paw, the panda rolled the pair of spirit detectives down the hallway and into a nearby janitorial closet.  After a few minutes of quiet, Hiei dared to open the door of the closet and peek out.  "Yusuke," he said uncertainly, "I thought you said there was no such thing as a panda-demon.  Are you sure about that?"

"Why?" Yusuke asked.

"Because that Panda just picked up the cell phone you dropped and is using it make a call," Hiei said.  "You'd better hope it isn't to his relatives back home in China.  The roaming charges alone will cost you a fortune."

*******

"Dr. Tofu!  Are you all right?" Nazuna gasped as she saw Dr. Tofu crumple to the floor.  She dropped the paper towels she was carrying.  "What happened?" she asked the waiting emergency room patients.  "I was gone for less than two minutes!"

No one would answer at first.  Finally the purple haired cross-dresser spoke up.  "Um, Lina here had a bit of an accident."  He gestured to the short woman who was scowling at the unconscious Dr. Tofu.

"Accident?" Nazuna questioned sharply.  "What kind of accident?  What did you do to him?"  The other woman mumbled a reply.  "Speak up!" Nazuna ordered her.

"I said, he asked me if I was Xellos' BOYFRIEND!" Lina repeated.  "Do I look like a MAN to you?"

"Don't answer that," Xellos advised Nazuna.  He then smirked.  "You wish you could get a man this gorgeous, Lina.  Ow!" he yelped as Lina clobbered him.  "Somebody save me!"  Xellos leaped behind Nazuna's desk and cowered underneath it.

"ENOUGH!" Nazuna yelled at them.  She broke open a bottle of Ammonium Carbonate and waved it under Dr. Tofu's nose.  The physician sat up with a groan.

"Duck," Dr. Tofu spluttered.

"Easy, doc," Nazuna said.  "Did you hit your head when you fell?"  She checked him for bumps and blood.

"No, there's a duck," Dr. Tofu told her.

Nazuna turned her attention to where Dr. Tofu was pointing.  "Okay, that's it!" she yelled in exasperation.  "Why is there a duck sitting on my computer?"  The soaking wet duck, startled by her shouting, flapped awkwardly to the swinging doors leading to the main section of the hospital.  A puddle formed on the top of Nazuna's computer where the duck had been sitting.

"The duck-demon!" the red-head sitting next to the guy with the broken leg shouted.  Nazuna, who was still kneeling on the floor next to Dr. Tofu, dodged as the slender red-head jumped over their heads and chased after the duck.  Quacking and scuffling noises filtered back from the elevator to the emergency waiting room.

Nazuna had inadvertently gotten a clear look up red-head's dress during the leap.  "_Another_ cross-dresser?" she asked incredulously.  "Isn't _anyone_ in here a woman?  Aaauuuuggghhhh!" Nazuna screamed as Lina launched herself towards her.

*******

"Put the knife down, Ryukossei," Sesshomaru warned him.  "You can't hope to get away with this.  There's too many of us."

Vicious Dragon pressed the knife more tightly to Kagura's throat.  "What's the matter, don't want to see your pretty little bitch get hurt?" he asked Sesshomaru.  "Give me My Darling," he ordered, pointing to the Tetsusaiga lying in Inu-Yasha's still hand.

"I am so tired of this," Kagura ground out against the knife pressing into the skin of her neck.  "I have been kidnapped, held at gunpoint and fallen overboard.  I have been forced to fly on an airplane, forced to go to sea, and forced to look for new employment because my boss is going to jail, all in the same time period.  When I get my hands on you, Vicious Dragon, I'm gonna - !"

"You're gonna do _what_?" Ryukossei taunted her.  "Puke on me until I surrender?"  He tightened his hold on Kagura's neck, causing her to choke.  "The Tetsusaiga," he spoke again to Sesshomaru, "hand it over."

Sesshomaru reached down to take the sword from his brother's hand.  As he moved it, Inu-Yasha tightened his grip.  "Let go, Inu-Yasha," Sesshomaru growled at him, trying to yank the sword from his grasp.  In response, Inu-Yasha tightened his hold upon the hilt.

*******

"Oh there you are, Dr. Suikotsu!" Kasumi's cheerful voice hailed him from the nurse's station at the end of the corridor.  "Someone was just here looking for you.  Do you know a Mr. Ryukossei?"

Dr. Suikotsu stared at her.  "R-R-Ryukossei is here?" he stammered, putting all thoughts of the seemingly resurrected Kikyo and her Shikon jewel out of his mind.  "Did you see which way he went?"

Kasumi pointed in the direction of the hallway to her right.  "Just follow that panda," she smiled.  "You can't miss it."

*******

"Kagome!  Are you all right?" Koga asked, pulling her to his chest in a tight hug.  "Ranma said you needed help!  Don't worry Kagome; I won't let anyone hurt you, ever!"

"Uh, okay," Kagome said.  She attempted to push herself and the grunting P-chan away from Koga's embrace.  "Um, I can't breathe here..."

Koga released her reluctantly.  Piercing her with his blue eyes, he cupped her cheek with a hand.  "Did that bastard hurt you?  I'll kill him if he did!  Ouch!" Koga gripped his hand, rubbing the spot where P-chan had just bitten him.

"Koga, do you think you could hit on Inu-Yasha's girlfriend on your own time?" Yura interrupted.  "Where is this Dr. Sui-whatever, Kagome?  Ranma wasn't exactly clear on that point.  In fact, he wasn't clear on _any_ point."

_Put the knife down, Ryukossei.  You can't hope to get away with this.  There's too many of us._

"What was that?" Kagome gasped at the sound emanating from Koga.  "That sounded like Sesshomaru!"

"Oh, that's Sesshomaru's bra microphone," Koga said.  "I forgot he was wearing it with his ballet costume.  He must have accidentally switched it back on."  Koga tapped the front of his own shirt pocket.  "He only has the transmitter, though.  I have the receiver right here."

"Koga?" Kagome asked hesitantly.  "Who is Ryukossei?"

"That's right, you haven't heard this yet.  Ryukossei is Vicious Dragon!" Koga told Kagome proudly.  "And to think I used to work for this guy!"

Kagome pointed to Koga's receiver, which was crackling.  Sesshomaru's voice came through the tiny microphone once more.

_Let go, Inu-Yasha!_

Yura's eyes widened.  "Koga, you idiot!  Sesshy's in trouble back there!  Didn't you just hear him say 'Ryukossei' a second ago?  Come on!"  She headed down the corridor back towards Inu-Yasha's room, with Koga, Kagome and a squealing P-chan close behind.

********

"Aaaauuuggghhhh!" the doctor screamed as the intense voltage seared through him.

"Lum, I told you to be careful!  The water on the floor conducts electricity!" Ataru yelled.  "Now look at what you did!"

Lum ceased her zapping.  "Darling, is the man all right?" she asked, peering over Ataru's shoulder.  "He looks a little frazzled."

"No, he looks a little _electrocuted_," Ataru corrected her as he helped the shaking physician to his feet.  "Sorry about that, Dr., uh…" he checked out the nametag, "Dr. Suikotsu.  My friend here gets a little excited sometimes."

"Garrgggllllleeee," Dr. Suikotsu tried to speak.  He pointed in the direction Ataru and Lum had just left.

"Darling, he must be Inu-Yasha's doctor!" Lum exclaimed.  "Let's help him to the room."

Ataru put a supporting arm around the staggering doctor.  "This way, doc," he told Suikotsu as he helped him walk down the hallway.  "And don't worry about the shaking and stuff.  Those side effects clear up after a while.  I should know; Lum's zapped me more times than I can remember."

"Frabllleendo," Dr. Suikotsu replied.  "Magahwowroo!" he continued as something hard hit Ataru and the doctor in the back.  He and Ataru fell to their knees on the tiled floor.

"Sorry, coming through!" a young man with a black ponytail yelled as he raced past them, stepping on Dr. Suikotsu's hand in the process.  Ataru barely had time to dodge as the young man was followed by a woman carrying a small black pig and another woman wearing an incredibly short skirt.

"Hrreeemm!" Dr. Suikotsu howled, clutching his hand.

"Oh, yeah!" Ataru said gleefully as he tried to grab the woman in the short skirt.

"Darling, come back here!" Lum yelled, sending a bolt of electricity after Ataru, who was still trying to grab the woman.  He dodged, and the bolt hit a puddle of water on the floor and bounced up to zap the physician once more.  "Oh, sorry!" Lum cried as Dr. Suikotsu shrieked.  "This is all Darling's fault, you know!  Here, let me help you!"

"Offjagman!" Dr. Suikotsu gurgled, running after the others as he tried to get away from the floating alien princess.

*******

The elevator doors clanged open and Kurama raced out, searching for the duck.  "He had to get out on this floor," Kurama said to himself.  "That demon didn't go past here, I'm sure of it!"

A door suddenly swung open, whacking Kurama in the face.  "Ow!" he howled as his nose began to bleed.  "What - "

"Kurama!  What are you doing here?" Yusuke said as he stepped from behind the door of the janitorial closet.  "You're supposed to be down there with Kuwabara!  And what happened to your nose?"

Kurama gave him a withering look.  "I'b chasing dat duck-debon," he tried to say.

"Look!" said Hiei, who had joined them in the hallway.  "There's that duck-demon!  Let's get him!"

********

"Dammit, Inu-Yasha, let go of the stupid sword!" Sesshomaru yelled at his heavily sedated brother.  "It's not worth our lives!" he grunted as he tried to pull Tetsusaiga from Inu-Yasha's death grip.

"That's right," Ryukossei said.  "Give me my Beautiful Katana, and I'll let this woman live."

"No P-chan!  Don't run in there!" a woman's voice shouted from the hallway.  A second later, a small black pig scooted into the room, oinking and snorting.

"P-chan!" Akane squealed.  "Where have you been?  I've been so worried about you!"  She glomped onto the pig and pressed him tightly to her chest, kissing him the entire time.  The pig immediately fainted and his nose started to bleed.

"Oh no, P-chan!" Kagome ran into the room, followed by Koga and Yura.  "What did you do to my pig?" Kagome yelled at Akane as she grabbed the unconscious P-chan.  "If you hurt him, I'll - "

"_Your_ P-chan?  I'll have you know, P-chan belongs to me!"  Akane yanked the pig away from Kagome.  "Get your hands off of him!"

"Uh, Akane…Kagome…could we discuss this some other time?" Ranma asked as he tried to separate the fighting women.  "There's other things going on right now and aaaagggghhhhh!"

Shampoo was once again sitting on Ranma's head.  Ranma continued to scream and run around the room, trying to shake the cat off.  Miroku and Sango tried to catch them and grab Shampoo, but Ranma was moving too quickly.

"Sesshy, what's going on?" Yura and Koga ran into the room and stopped short as they noticed Ryukossei holding a knife to Kagura's throat.  Sesshomaru didn't hear them, as he was now standing on the bed trying to wrest the sword away from Inu-Yasha.  "Sesshy, I asked what's going on," Yura repeated.  "Why is – eeeeeek!" Yura screamed as she was tackled to the floor from behind.

"Hi, I'm Ataru!" the young man who had tackled Yura introduced himself to her.

"Get…off…of…me!" Yura grunted.  She slapped Ataru as he groped her breasts.  "Pervert!"

Miroku flinched; then realized that for once in his life, the 'pervert' accusation wasn't being leveled at _him_.  Distracted, he tripped and fell into Ranma, sending the busty redhead sprawling to the floor.  Sango tripped over both of them and landed on Ranma with a thud, barely missing Shampoo, who was still firmly attached to Ranma's face.

"Get that duck demon!"  Yusuke, Hiei and Kurama piled into the room, knocking Koga to the side as they chased a nearsighted duck.

"Mousse?" Ukyo cried as she recognized the duck.  "What are you doing here?  Oh, who cares, help us get Shampoo!" Ukyo pointed to the cat on Ranma's head.  Mousse began quacking and pecking at Shampoo and Ranma.

"Here they are, Dr. Suikotsu!" Lum chirped as she followed the physician into the room.  "Darling!" she screeched as she noticed Ataru lying on top of Yura.  "Darling, get off of her right now!" Lum ordered as she began zapping the boy.

Koga righted himself from his earlier fall and then slipped on a puddle of water.  He fell into Lum, knocking her down as she zapped Ataru.  Her electrical bolts shot wide of their target, hitting Dr. Suikotsu once more.

"Gleeble?" was the only thing the physician said as convulsions ran through him.  He looked around the room at the chaos.  "Mirconstordfer," he continued as Nazuna and Dr. Tofu ran into the room, followed by Xellos and a limping Kuwabara.  "Koozbat," Dr. Suikotsu added as a panda ambled into the room, pushed him to the floor and sat on his legs.

"She's crazy!" screamed Nazuna, waving her arms in the air.  "Save us!" Nazuna begged as a furious Lina stormed through the door.  Xellos, Kuwabara, Dr. Tofu and Nazuna all dived under Inu-Yasha's bed.

"Anyone else want to crack a joke about me being a man?" Lina raged.  "Who else wants a piece of this?"

"Is ANYONE in here paying attention?" a voice shouted through the din.

Akane and Kagome stopped trading punches and pulling hair.  P-chan staggered to his feet and oinked.  Ukyo, Sango, Miroku and Mousse ceased trying to remove Shampoo from Ranma's face.  Yusuke, Hiei and Kurama ceased trying to remove Mousse from Shampoo.  Lum and Koga slowly sat up from where they had fallen, as did Ataru and Yura.  Dr. Tofu, Xellos, Nazuna and Kuwabara peeked out from under the bed.  Lina stopped trying to kill everyone.  Dr. Suikotsu remained on the floor, as the panda was still sitting on his legs.

Sesshomaru jumped off the bed and faced the speaker.  "Inu-Yasha will never give up Tetsusaiga," he informed Ryukossei.  "You're on your own, Vicious Dragon."

"Nonsense!" Ryukossei stalked over to Inu-Yasha's bedside, dragging Kagura with him.  "I'll just take My Lovely, and then you can watch me slice your girlfriends throat!" he gloated as he turned away from the hospital bed and faced Sesshomaru.  "Good thing you're so close to medical aid, hey?  It'll save time when they have to do a transfusion on her – grrrk!"

Ryukossei pitched forward to the floor, releasing Kagura as he fell.  Blood began gurgling from his back and spreading out on the floor around him.  "How…what?  He's been stabbed?" Kagura asked.  The others looked as confused as she was.

"Bastard."

At the sound of Inu-Yasha's voice, they turned in unison and looked at the bed.  Inu-Yasha was lying halfway over the edge, holding the Tetsusaiga upwards.  Blood dripped from the rusted blade.  His arm was shaking with the effort of keeping the sword raised.

"Trouble with…hospitals," Inu-Yasha said weakly.  "You never get…any damn…rest."  His arm dropped and the Tetsusaiga clattered to the floor.

*********

A/N:  That's all folks!  All except for the epilogue, that is.  Stay tuned and find out the answers to the really important questions, such as:

Does Vicious Dragon/Ryukossei survive?

What happens to the girls, now that they're unemployed?

And perhaps, the most important question:

Who wins the Greater Honolulu 'Man I Feel Like a Woman' pageant, along with its coveted prize, The Golden Wonderbra?

(Additional Disclaimer:  I don't own the Wonderbra trademark.)


	41. Epilogue: Three Weeks Later

*************

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Not even the rights to the Shania Twain song at the end of this chapter.

*************

**Epilogue**

**Three Weeks Later**

"I was wondering when I'd ever get the chance to kiss you again," Kagura whispered as she wrapped her arms around Sesshomaru's neck.  "I've just been so busy helping clean this mess up!"

"Same here," Sesshomaru answered as he captured her lips.  She softly moaned at his passionate onslaught, and he pulled her tightly to him.  "I love you," he murmured against her cheek.

"Are they going to be doing that all the time?" Rin's voice piped up.

"Probably," snorted Koga.

"Get a room," added Inu-Yasha.

"By virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the State of Hawaii, I now pronounce you husband and wife," Jinenji intoned.  "The bride and groom may now kiss."

"Too late," Miroku pointed out to Jinenji.  "They got a little bit ahead of you in the ceremony."

"Do we kill them now or later?" Kagura raised an eyebrow at her new husband.

"Later.  Right now we need them to babysit Rin," Sesshomaru growled.

"Okay, everyone line up so we can get a picture of the wedding party," ordered the photographer, Hikaru Gusunkugi.  "Let's have the ladies on the right, and the gentlemen on the left."  He raised his camera; then lowered it again.  "Um, Ranma, I said the gentlemen need to be on the left?"

"What?" snapped Ranma.

"Okay," Gusunkugi repeated, "how about this?  All those wearing a dress stand on the right, all the rest of you stand on the left."  Everyone shifted positions accordingly.

"You really do look sweet in that dress, Ranma," Kagome told him as the flash went off.  "It was nice of you to stand in as one of the Bridesmaids since Kagura doesn't have many girlfriends.  Aren't those shoes hurting your feet, though?"

"Nah," said Ranma.  "A true martial artist can withstand all kinds of torture."  He smiled as Gusunkugi rearranged the group and shot another picture.  "Besides, I have to get used to it.  Pop wants me to be the new cover model for Dainty Footprints."

"Toss the bouquet, Kagura!" Nazuna called out.  Kagura complied, slinging the flowers over the crowd.  A mad scramble to catch it ensued.

"I caught it!  I caught it!" Xellos cried as he clutched the bouquet joyously to his chest.

"No fair!" Tsubasa complained.  "First he wins the beauty pageant and gets the Golden Wunderbra, and now he gets the bouquet as well?  I smell a set-up!"

"Don't be a poor sport," Kurama told him.  "Besides, you know they awarded Xellos first prize because he threatened to read more limericks if they didn't."  Kurama gave a shudder.  "Talk about a weapon of mass destruction."

"So where's the Golden Wunderbra, Xellos?" Tsubasa asked cattily.  "You don't appear to be using it right now!"

Xellos gave an evil grin.  "I loaned it to a friend in dire need," he announced.  He pointed towards Lina.

"Time to leave!" Sesshomaru announced.  As a group, they quickly departed before Lina could start laying waste to the wedding party.  As they ran away, they could hear Xellos' screams in the background.

********

"Have a safe trip back to Japan!" Kagome waved goodbye to Ranma and his fiancées.  They and the rest of the crew from Nerima were boarding the plane to depart the islands.  "And I'll come and visit P-chan sometime, okay Akane?"

"Stupid pig," muttered Inu-Yasha.  Kagome stamped on his foot and he yelped.

"I can't believe you're so jealous of that pig!" Kagome hissed.  "Hey, isn't that Yusuke and his crew?  What are they doing boarding the plane?"

"They said something about an extended study of the demons plaguing the Nerima ward," Inu-Yasha replied.  He tucked Kagome's arm in his and they walked to the airport entrance.

"You're limping," Kagome noticed.  "Are your wounds bothering you?  You've probably been up on your feet too much this week."

"Probably," agreed Inu-Yasha.  "It's not every week your brother gets married, though.  It was worth a little pain.  And speaking of little pains, where's Rin?"

Kagome smacked his arm gently.  "You adore her and you know it," she said softly.  "Rin is with Koga and Yura.  I thought maybe we could go get her and take her to the park or something later."

"Fine with me," Inu-Yasha said.  They continued walking.  "Hey, Kagome," Inu-Yasha broke the silence.  "I was just wondering something."

"What?"

"I was wondering…if you think you could be happy with someone like me.  I mean, you're free now.  You're cleared of the jewel theft and you're not working for Naraku, so you don't have to stick around."  Inu-Yasha swallowed nervously.  "I don't have a lot to offer…"

"That's for certain," Kagome said.  "You're grumpy, hot-tempered, you cut out of work all the time so you can hit the surf, you don't own a pair of shoes – in fact, I can only think of one thing that keeps me here."

"What's that?" Inu-Yasha asked her.

"I think grouchy beach bums are totally hot," Kagome grinned as she hugged him.

********

"What are you trying to do, Miroku?" Sango asked, looking over his shoulder.

"I'm trying to type up some copy for Kaede."  Miroku ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.  "How can I write any of this?  She'll never believe it!  In fact, she'll probably tell me to enter a substance abuse recovery program."

"I know what you mean," Sango said sympathetically.  "If I hadn't been here to witness it myself, _I_ wouldn't believe it."  She reached down and scratched the ears of the sleeping Kirara, who had draped herself across Miroku's feet.

Miroku closed his laptop and turned in his chair, dislodging Kirara in the process.  He gave Sango a searching look.  "I have to fly back home tomorrow," he told her.  "Am I going to see you again?"

Sango chewed her lower lip nervously.  "Do you want to see me again?" she asked him.  "You don't seem the type to stay in one place very long."

"I've never had a good reason to stay before," Miroku told her.

"Well…since my cat seems to have taken a strange liking to your feet, I guess I'll have to see you again," Sango answered, looking at her boots.  She felt a warm pair of arms circle her waist.

"Is it so hard to admit to someone that you care?" Miroku asked her gently.  Sango nodded.  "Let me make it a little easier, then.  Sango," he drew her into his lap, "we're going to take this as it comes.  You don't have to tell me you love me.  You don't even have to tell me you like me.  All I want is for you to be happy, Sango.  And all I can promise is that I'll do my best to bring you happiness while we're together.  Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, cradling her head on his shoulder.  "Miroku?" she asked a moment later.  "You stopped groping me.  What's wrong?"

"Mm?  Oh, sorry," Miroku moved his hands.  "Is that better?"

"Oh yes," Sango sighed.  "That's much better."

********

"The fire's going out," Kagura said drowsily.  "Better add something to it."  When she received no answering response, she nudged her sleeping husband.  "Sesshomaru.  Get up and feed the fire."

"How can you even _think_ about moving right now, woman?" Sesshomaru groaned, snuggling closer to her warm body.  "Let the damn thing burn out.  It's the middle of summer, for hell's sake."

"Oh, is somebody tired?" Kagura teased as she wriggled her back against him.  "What's the matter, can't keep up with me?  You're not turning into an old man already, are you?  Eeep!" she squealed as Sesshomaru flipped her onto her back.

"Who's tired?" he asked her as he kissed the base of her throat.

Kagura pushed his hands away playfully.  "Fire!" she giggled, pointing to the dying embers.  "If you're that awake, you can get out of bed and take care of it!"

Sighing, Sesshomaru threw back the covers and left the bed.  "Okay, let's put something on here that will take forever to burn…maybe this?" he held up a frilly nightgown.  "The label says it's flame-retardant."

"What about your bras?" Kagura asked.

"They were the first things I burned.  No, wait; the pantyhose were the first items.  The bras followed right after that."  Sesshomaru sorted through the pile of clothing and pulled out a pink dress.  "Oh, gotta save this one.  I already promised Rin she could have it."

"Where's the swimsuits?" Kagura asked lazily.

"I can't burn them, there's too much spandex and lycra in the damn things.  I cut them into pieces instead."  Sesshomaru added a few more items to the flames and then climbed back into bed.  "Now my feet are cold," he complained.

Kagura shrieked.  "Don't put them on me!  Augh!  They're like ice!  Sesshomaru!"

"What is that you're humming?" Kagura asked a moment later.

Sesshomaru paused.  "I didn't realize I was doing it," he smiled.  Propping himself up on his elbows, he opened his mouth and sang.  "The best part about being a wo-man…"

"Is the prerogative to have a little fun!" Kagura continued.  "Oh-oh-oh, totally cra-zy,"

"Forget I'm a la-dy…"

"Sesshomaru?"

"Mmm?"

"Do _you_ feel like a woman?"

"Nope," Sesshomaru breathed as he ran his hands over her soft body.  "But you certainly do, Kagura.  You certainly do…"

****************************

**Naraku** was convicted of murder in the death of Kikyo and sentenced to life imprisonment.  Shortly after his trial, his personality split.  He now spends his days alone in a cell talking to his friend 'Onigumo' in the mirror.

**Jakotsu** plead guilty to charges of assault with a deadly weapon and was sent back to prison.  Once there, he decided to dedicate himself to the lifelong pursuit of designing prison clothing that was both functional _and_ fashionable.  He has yet to succeed.

**Kagura** took over operation of the Hellsent Detective Agency.  Realizing that there is no such thing as bad publicity; she retained the name and continues to refer to her detectives as 'Naraku's Angels'.  The agency is now based in Honolulu, as Kagura refuses to set foot on another boat or airplane.  Ever.

After losing his arm in a tragic manicuring accident, **Sesshomaru** left the FBI and is now a stay-at-home dad.  This has quickly become a full-time job, as he and Kagura keep producing children year after year.

**Kagome** went to work for Inu-Yasha's company, rapidly gaining fame as the software developer for "Make It Fit", a computer program that helps design comfortable women's clothing – for men.  In her spare time, she still conducts experiments trying to discover the elusive material that will make women's pantyhose indestructible.

**Inu-Yasha** eventually made a complete recovery from his wounds and returned to his company.  He and Kagome regularly take time away from work so they can hit the beach, usually with one or more of Sesshomaru and Kagura's children in tow.  Inu-Yasha still refuses to do the laundry by himself, however.

**Sango** returned home and obtained work as a bouncer for a trendy nightclub.  She has found happiness as this job has great hours, pays good wages and tips, and allows her to vent her frustrations on the unsuspecting populace.  The only lasting side effect of her trip to Hawaii is a tendency to turn pale when someone says "Hi Bob!" or mentions "bleach".

**Miroku** turned in his story covering the pageant and was promptly enrolled in a 12-step substance abuse program by his editor, Kaede.  When not on assignment, he hangs out at the nightclub where Sango works and perfects his groping methods.

Realizing he totally sucked at being an FBI Agent, **Koga** left the service to become a forest ranger with the National Park System.  He is currently supervising the reintroduction of wolves to the Rocky Mountains, giving him the chance to be detested by cattle ranchers and environmentalists alike.  In spite of the daily (hourly) death threats, he enjoys his work.

**And the authors:**

**Lavender Valentine** went on to write more fanfiction with the hope that it will keep her so busy she won't have time to do any _real_ work.

**Sophie-chan** left the room in order to watch the "Gilligan's Island" marathon on the Hallmark Channel, thereby rendering her unable to make some witty comment at the end of this fic.


	42. Post Epilogue and a Preview

**Authors' Notes:**  Okay, I will confess that I was heavily under the influence of Nyquil (the trademark of which I also don't own, unless you count purchasing the bottle) when I posted the epilogue.  (Stupid flu) After posting, I staggered off with that nagging feeling you get when you know you've forgotten something…if you could only remember what it was…

I can't believe I forgot to tell you what happened to Ryukossei!  *smacks head*  After wondering if anyone would even notice (duh, all of you noticed), I decided I couldn't just let it slide.  And since ff.net doesn't want author notes posted as chapters, I decided to take care of this matter by offering you a preview of the sequel.  *sigh* Yes, there is a sequel.  Sophie-chan talked me into it; so all the credit (blame) can go to her.

**Ryukossei** actually survived being stabbed by Inu-Yasha, but he remained in the hospital for several weeks following complications from being given the wrong blood type during a transfusion.  Sadly, he made a full recovery - only to be killed during a routine examination by Dr. Tofu.  Apparently Nurse Kasumi walked in and Dr. Tofu's glasses fogged over…

And now the intro to Naraku's Angels II:  Fools Throttled  - Coming soon to a fanfic near you!

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the characters named in this story, they are the property of Rumiko Takahashi (Inu-Yusha) and Nobuhiro Watsuki (Rurouni Kenshin).  I merely abuse them for purposes of entertainment.

**Chapter One**

**Three Girls?******

_Once upon a time there were three different little girls.....who grew up to be three very different women....with three things in common...they're bright...they're beautiful....and they work for me...my name is Naraku._

**Bwahaha****!  He _wishes_ he still ran this agency.  Let's get something straight.  I run the place now, not that jackass.  Naraku is currently involved with…shall we say, _other_ projects.  And he'll be busy for a long, long time…like the rest of his miserable life.  The Angels work for me…my name is Kagura.**

**Of course, operating a detective agency isn't all fun and games.  It's hard to find good help.  Ever since Kagome went to work for Inu-Yasha and Sango decided she didn't want to stay in ****Hawaii****, I've had an ongoing struggle trying to hire some decent detectives.  Damn, am I that difficult to please?  All I ask is that the person applying for the job be brilliant, sexy, and able to use some type of lethal weapon.  Oh, and the applicant must be female.  I mean, whoever heard of one of the Angels being a man?**

...

"Sir Ken, are you still looking for employment?"

"That I am, Miss Megumi.  Do you know of one who would hire this wandering fellow?" Himura Kenshin asked his friend.

Dr. Megumi hesitated.  "Well, I happen to know someone who's hiring right now, and you'd be perfect for this kind of work.  I can get you an interview if you like."

"That would be a good thing indeed, Miss Megumi.  This humble servant would appreciate it most greatly," Kenshin told her.  "To be lacking gainful employment for such a long period of time is disappointing."

"There's something we need to discuss first," Dr. Megumi continued.  "Tell me, Sir Ken, are you…comfortable…with your sexuality?  I mean," she added as Kenshin's eyes widened, "would it cause you too much distress if you had to dress a little differently in order to get the job?"

"And how would one dress in order to obtain this position, Miss Megumi?" Kenshin asked with concern.

"Um, you'd have to show up at the interview wearing this."  Dr. Megumi held up a dark blue mini-skirt.

"_Oro?"_


End file.
